They Want You to Call

[vivrantflo]

Kizik, you are my hero man. Great post. I always look forward to reading posts from you.

[kyta]

We call them sluts, slags, bitches, but they are human as we are, im not defending anyone, but while we hold on to this bitterness for them, we hold on to them, we may not call,we may not do anything to contact them and nor they us, but any emotion we feel towards them weather its anger, resentment, bitterness, pain, missing them, or what ever,it is holding on to them still, they do have feelings, maybe not what we want to see or feel, but they do feel something, most ppl use anger to breakup with some one, its easier to be angry, and while they are angry they find it easy to do and say the things that hurt us, in time there anger will fade, and they will see us difrently again, not that it will do us anygood, but there time will come, its life changes, everyone will have to face these changes as we all grow, i cant be bothered with all the bitterness of it all, i dont want to tohld on to something that doesnt want to be with me, who want to lie ther way through life, i try not to feel anything for them, letting go is hard, as we all know, but letting go is the only way to heal, the longer we hold resentment, bitterness, and pain, the longer we will take to heal, they are just another person who has shared in our lives, and now it time for them or us to move on, waiting for that email, tx message, im, phone call what ever is not a good thing, let it go, move forward, or we will sit here like this for a long time hurting.

 

here is something i read a long time ago.

 

If one only wished to be happy,

this could be easily accomplished;

but we wish to be happier than

other people, and this is always

difficult, for we believe others to

be happier than they are.

[FauxVowel]

Now she wants me to call and be like, "Hey, did you call?". lol **** that!

[northstar1]

We call them sluts, slags, bitches, but they are human as we are, im not defending anyone, but while we hold on to this bitterness for them, we hold on to them, we may not call,we may not do anything to contact them and nor they us, but any emotion we feel towards them weather its anger, resentment, bitterness, pain, missing them, or what ever,it is holding on to them still, they do have feelings, maybe not what we want to see or feel, but they do feel something, most ppl use anger to breakup with some one, its easier to be angry, and while they are angry they find it easy to do and say the things that hurt us, in time there anger will fade, and they will see us difrently again, not that it will do us anygood, but there time will come, its life changes, everyone will have to face these changes as we all grow, i cant be bothered with all the bitterness of it all, i dont want to tohld on to something that doesnt want to be with me, who want to lie ther way through life, i try not to feel anything for them, letting go is hard, as we all know, but letting go is the only way to heal, the longer we hold resentment, bitterness, and pain, the longer we will take to heal, they are just another person who has shared in our lives, and now it time for them or us to move on, waiting for that email, tx message, im, phone call what ever is not a good thing, let it go, move forward, or we will sit here like this for a long time hurting.

.

 

 

100% right.

[foolednm]

You ask for female advice. Not a chick, sorry, but here's what's been helping me.

 

Really realize how they mistreated you. Would you want to be with that person again? No goddamn way. So if you don't want to be with them, why do you care about them?

 

You don't care about them. She can go f*ck and f*ck over whoever she wants and it won't affect you. YOUR prob, fooled, is that you KNOW what she's up to. She's sleeping with some dude; why have you allowed yourself to know this?

 

Keep yourself in the dark, recall those humiliating times in which she made you feel like the biggest loser scum in the world, and ask, "Do I want to be with with, talk to, or know about such a horrible bitch?" No way. She is someone else's problem now man, and a lot of chicks can really be more harm than good.

 

PS. your counselor sounds like an idiot

 

 

I think my counselor is an idiot. I'm going to stop seeing her. After a whole year, I would think I would be further along than I am now.

Okay, so I want to send her an email telling her that I hope she is proud of herself for sleeping with the 3rd or 4th guy since we broke up two years ago. She was/is allegedly, a Christian woman, was married once, then had me, only two guys her first 47 years of life, now she has had at least 3 maybe 4 guys in the past year. I hope she rots in hell the lying, conniving, whore! I can't believe that she meant so much to me and I gave and gave and devoted over 8 years to her and she just starts sleeping around. She's going to be 50 already!! My god, why am I still so angry and disappointed in her and in what I gave to her? I feel like such a sucker and a loser. She sure had me fooled.

[CaliGuy]

I think my counselor is an idiot. I'm going to stop seeing her. After a whole year, I would think I would be further along than I am now.

Okay, so I want to send her an email telling her that I hope she is proud of herself for sleeping with the 3rd or 4th guy since we broke up two years ago. She was/is allegedly, a Christian woman, was married once, then had me, only two guys her first 47 years of life, now she has had at least 3 maybe 4 guys in the past year. I hope she rots in hell the lying, conniving, whore! I can't believe that she meant so much to me and I gave and gave and devoted over 8 years to her and she just starts sleeping around. She's going to be 50 already!! My god, why am I still so angry and disappointed in her and in what I gave to her? I feel like such a sucker and a loser. She sure had me fooled.

 

Dude, forget about her man. She's got deeply rooted issues that YOU should be thanking God for that you do not have to deal with them anymore.

 

Cheers.

[foolednm]

Thanks Caliguy, I appreciate your encouraging words. I am trying to let her go, I stopped driving by her place, I have had no contact for almost 4 weeks now, after she told me she was "very, very happy" with this new guy. I hate her and I despise what she has done and what she has become, but yet I think about her so much and I still want her (the old her, not the new her) but I know I don't want to live the roller coaster ride that was our relationship anymore. I guess, I'm just having trouble letting go, even though she has moved on, and is supposedly happy and is now quite the leg spreading whore, I know she USED to be quite a nice person, but still a narcissist.

 

I guess I am just trying to let go, but my heart is still thinking about all the good that we had together. What a bitch.

[CaliGuy]

Yeah, stopping the "stalking" would be a good start. Who cares what she is up to now? She's old news. You can't meet that NEW lady in your life if you're pining over the old one.

[foolednm]

Yeah, I would go by once a week or whenever I was on her side of town, but it was just a waste of time. Now if only I could get her out of my head and out of my heart, that would be very helpful.

 

I don't know why I still think about her so much. I know she has moved on and I don't want some used up Ho that I once used to love and be devoted to. She's gotten more action in the past year than I have....sad to say...

[kizik]

She's gotten more action in the past year than I have....sad to say...

 

Hmm, well she's a woman. Might explain it.

 

Anyway, they want you to call. Don't forget that sh*t.

[fancofu]

I wish I could cut off contact. We have 2 daughters!

[foolednm]

Hmm, well she's a woman. Might explain it.

 

Anyway, they want you to call. Don't forget that sh*t.

 

Whenever we had a fight or broke up for months at a time it was always ME that called her to make up or try to resolve things. SHE NEVER called me first. So, if she wants me to call now, she's going to have a long wait. Besides, she's got some new meat she's doing now, why the hell would she want to hear from me? She's moved on. Did I mention she turned into a whore? Oh, I guess I did.

 

Now, what have you guys found, that actually works, to help you get your mind off of those crazy ex gf's? I've done the gym thing, but we used to go there together, so that doesn't help. I've done the bar thing but that just makes you more depressed. What actually works?

[FauxVowel]

For those struggling with NC-

 

They may even hate you. They may say they never want to hear your voice again. Or if your situation is like mine, you're both trying to move on without the other and it's not an active hatred that is between you - it's a lesser resentment while realizations about the unhealthiness of the R become clearer every day.

 

But whether they still love you, hate you or are indifferent, I can guarantee you that they want you to call. You calling says, "I'm thinking about you and you're still in my thoughts. I want to remind you that I'm here because maybe you'll say you made a mistake."

 

They want you to call because it is a huge ego boost, as it gives that person power and a sense of superiority. We are now fighting a battle, people, not just with our exes but with ourselves. And the best thing is to do is to ensure there are no winners and losers.

 

Each person after an R wants to feel like they have the upper hand. If your ex told you, "I just don't think we work well together anymore," they have the upper hand because THEY are rejecting YOU. Don't let em do that.

 

You have already given them so much of what they wanted, and they have taken advantage of your goodness. In many cases they have abused you, whether emotionally, mentally or physically.

 

I want her to call so I can reject her. She wants me to call so she can show me how well she's doing. All of you out there who says their ex doesn't play games - you better believe they do, b/c every detail about how people act after a breakup is part of one big, face-saving game. And the best way to play the post-breakup game is to refuse to participate at all.

 

So realize that you lose a piece of yourself each time you play the game. I am devastated about what happened, but I'm a motherf*cking poster child for keeping your dignity after a breakup. And I'm proud of myself.

 

She wants me to call, she wants me to call, she wants me to call...

 

I'm not callin'. **** that. She needs to come over if she wants to talk. She's not comin' though. I can't take it anymore. WHY WON'T SHE LEAVE ME A-LONE??????????????????????????????/!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111

[kizik]

Fooled -

 

there is no answer, buddy. I think many people are on LS to find the answer to how to get over a girl or guy. Nope. No answer. We can share our pain and ask for advice about specific situations. But ultimately it is time, and getting involved in exciting projects and people, that heals us.

 

What actually works? Letting go of your bitterness, violently shoving thoughts and memories of her out of your head when they invade, keeping up the self-confidence, being optimistic, not taking the breakup as a reflection of you, being a lot of fun to be around, reconnecting with friends, realizing the truth about the ex and the R.

[foolednm]

Hey K,

Thanks for your wise words. I do need to work on my self confidence but I am starting get out more and try to have fun. I am getting better, but, yeah, you're right, the bitterness is still there and the hurt and anger are quite strong as well. I hope it gets better soon. Normally, I can't hate anyone, I can hate situations but usually not people, but right now, I really hate her and I wish her lots of pain and unhappiness.

But I'm not bitter.......

[FauxVowel]

I am NOT CALLIN'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I'LL NEVER BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I'LL NEVER GIVE-IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I'LL NEVER CAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

YOU ARE GONNA HAVE TO SHOW YOUR FACE OVER HERE IN PERSON IF YOU EVER WANNA SPEAK TO ME AGAIN, AND YOU ARE GONNA HAVE TO SAY THAT YOU WANT ME RIGHT AWAY TO EVEN CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

NOW HURRY UP AND GET OVER HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[CaliGuy]

Now, what have you guys found, that actually works, to help you get your mind off of those crazy ex gf's? I've done the gym thing, but we used to go there together, so that doesn't help. I've done the bar thing but that just makes you more depressed. What actually works?

 

What works? Well it starts by getting a life. By that I mean, make new friends, start working out a lot, pick up some new hobbies and just enjoy life. So you don't have this woman in your life anymore? BIG DEAL! There are plenty others out there, so there's no need to pine over a woman who wasn't a good fit to begin with. And let's face it, more people are NOT going to be a good fit than are. The trick is to keep dating. Heck, date multiple women at a time (just don't be bedding them, mmmk?!). That way you have several pans on the fryer and you won't be banking on just one woman. Trust me, this makes you more relaxed when you date and you don't have to worry about impressing them. Just be you and the right one will make herself clear to you.

 

My other suggestion is for you stop any and all stalking. Not just driving by her house, but looking her up online or talking to her about friends trying to fish for information. Trust me, whatever she is doing you really don't want/need to know. It's not going to help you move forward but it WILL keep you locked up in the past. How can you possibly move forward with your life if you are stuck on the bitterness of the past? Answer? YOU CAN'T. Forgive her for being human and imperfect. We all are.

 

But also thank God that you didn't get married to her and now you're free to be with the one who truly loves and appreciates you. That is what keeps me going -- even at 39. I'm going to find the right one some day and when I did, the waiting will have been WELL WORTH IT.

 

Cheers.

[kizik]

So you don't have this woman in your life anymore? BIG DEAL! ...Just be you and the right one will make herself clear to you...I'm going to find the right one some day and when I did, the waiting will have been WELL WORTH IT.

 

CG, thanks for the somewhat "tough love" and the reality check. The fact is that yes, we loved someone, but they are far from perfect and we're not with them b/c of several insufficiencies on their part (even if we were the ones who got dumped). As time goes on, the world becomes bigger while our emotions for the ex diminish and the reality of the R becomes clearer.

 

Memories still intrude for me, but the pain attached is lesser each day. For now I'm trying to find the good in each day.

 

Rock on!

[kizik]

Bump for a good thread (if I do say so myself)

[kyta]

Well i dont know what she wants now, i havent heard from her in i cant remeber 5 6 7 wks now (i dont keep count) but she has started calling 2 of my best friends to let them know her daughter is in hospital (she got ran over) she did this b4 when we split up and i called straight away, not this time, i didnt tx her or call, i took a card and chocs to hospital for the little one (didnt go see her) just dropped them off, but then again last nite she txing my best friend to talk about the cat, lmao, she hasnt seen my friend for over 7 months and she hasnt tx'ed or phoned for over a yr, she told my friend she could tell me the daughter was in hospital if she wanted, she new she would tell me anyway, she my best friend for over 20yrs, i dont understand it, she has her new guy her new life, i havent contacted her in anyway shape or form, and she saw me with some other girl last wk, very slim and sexy and younger than her, this is the longest time we havent had contact in 7 yrs, it hasnt bothered me much but has made me think what shes playing at, dont know if she expected me to call or not, or if shes trying to fish fro info on me, or maybe she just trying to get some friends back, but my friends havnt liked her for yrs, says shes brash loud common and not that nice a person, my friends say she is trying to let me know things, and maybe shes trying to get me to contact her like b4, i just dont know, i wont be contacting her at all, if she want to contact me then she has to make the move, not that it will do her anygod now, as i really dont want her in my life after all she has done, but dont know if she is trying to play some head games.

[tealeafbud]

Bump for a good thread (if I do say so myself)

 

Kizik thanks for the bump. I totally missed this thread due to taking a break from LS. Just when you think you've heard every angle on a breakup, bam! there's another one, like yours.

[PhoenixFromTheFlames]

the best way to play the post-breakup game is to refuse to participate at all.

 

Another great thread Kizik. The above is the hardest part. You second guess them, you second guess yourself, you ponder what the silence means, you wonder what their contact means, you wonder if they still think of you at all, and you drive yourself crazy wondering. But all of that just messes you up, it achieves nothing.

 

All you can do is take care of you. Sometimes we need to give ourselves a large dose of tough love.

[foolednm]

Another great thread Kizik. The above is the hardest part. You second guess them, you second guess yourself, you ponder what the silence means, you wonder what their contact means, you wonder if they still think of you at all, and you drive yourself crazy wondering. But all of that just messes you up, it achieves nothing.

 

All you can do is take care of you. Sometimes we need to give ourselves a large dose of tough love.

 

 

I am trying to do the tough love thing on myself but I'm not doing too well. I keep thinking of her when things were great. But now she's moved on, is sleeping with some other guy and staying at his place every weekend. I hate that she may be happy and is laughing and screwing this guy. Why is it so easy for her to just forget about me and move on after 9 years? I am still in no contact with her, but I think it is much harder on me that it is on her, hell, she isn't even thinking about me, much less notice that there is NC. She has messed me up, and of course she knows it, but she just laughs it off, I'm sure.

I have driven myself crazy these last few months thinking about her, wondering what she is thinking, but I'll never know. She's just a whore to me and I need to realize that I will never go back to her and I don't want that kind of woman in my life. And yet, another part of me still wants and desires her. I know it could never, ever be what it once was, it would be much worse and there would absolutely be NO trust. So, I keep trying to tell myself to just let her go and try not to look back, but that is so hard to do. She's a whore now and I don't want that or need that crap in my life. I've already gone through enough hell with her.

[Wonderlandless]

Oh I'll call him alright...and tell him I hope he ends up with a psycho, controlling, manipulative bitch who makes his life hell and ends up cheating on him anyway.

 

...And then he can die in a fire.

[foolednm]

Oh I'll call him alright...and tell him I hope he ends up with a psycho, controlling, manipulative bitch who makes his life hell and ends up cheating on him anyway.

 

...And then he can die in a fire.

 

Hi W,

I think I know that psycho, controlling and manipulative bitch that cheated on me! That's my ex!! So, how are you dealing with your situation? How long have you been going through all this crap? Mine started cheating around April or May, but she finally acknowledged it after I asked her about it in June. I called her cell phone and a guy answered. That is the way I found out about it. I was with her almost 9 years and I never once answered her phone. She is exactly as you described!!