critter909 Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Hi everyone. I have been posting on the coping and breaking up forums about the ending of my relationship for a while. However, it just occured to me that the break up and a lot of the mess after is caused by my ex bf's alcoholism and I could use a little advice on that. Just brief background, we were together almost 10 years. He had been drinking increasingly more over the course of the last 3 years. About a year and a half ago he crashed his car and got a DUI, lost his job. He just lost his next job about two months ago because he was too drunk to go to work. Since losing the job all he did was drink. He wouldn't come home until 4 or 5 in the morning, drunk, and drove drunk almost every night. A month ago he left on Friday and came home Sunday night. I couldn't take it and told him he had to start cleaning himself up or leave. He packed and left while I was at work. We have had sporatic contact since he left. At first he said he was leaving because I wasn't fun and was anti-social, I make him drink more and he drinks so much because of our bad relationship etc. Since then I have gotten a message saying he knows it's not me it's his problem and he needs time to deal with it. Anyway, I'm not writing all that to get relationship advice but to give you an idea of what has been going on. I have been seeing a psychologist, who has said all these things are common for alcoholics etc. In the course of making me feel better about my guilt she has told me on several occasions that his problem is severe. I know and knew even before he left that he was in trouble. He won't talk to me or get any help from me. I saw him on Saturday night and got a really bad feeling. He told me he was doing "fair," didn't pretend to be happy or anything, wouldn't look me in the eyes, was shifty. Combined with what the psychologist was telling me I was very concerned. Yesterday I went and talked to his uncle. I have never told his family about any of this. His parents know about the DUI, know he left me and know he is unemployed. They don't seem concerned, they have not contacted me. I told the uncle everything. I told him I was worried, I was scared for him. I feel like if I didn't say anythign and something happened to him I would be responsible. Is this the right thing to do? I am scared for him, I love him and want him to get help. But today I feel guilty for betraying his trust too. I know I can't take back what I have done and I don't even know that I want to, but now I am feeling really insecure. Does anyone have experience with this? What happened after you told someone? Was this the right thing to do? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 i am wondering why ask the question after the fact that you already took action on this... generally, it is best to stay out of it! it is not your concern. YOU CAN'T do anything to make it better or different for him. HE will be the one to take action if and when he is ready. step aside and stay out of it. best to not see him at all - he has a long road ahead of him... Link to post Share on other sites
Author critter909 Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 I am generally of the opinion also that people need to mind their own business. I think that's why I'm struggling with this so much. I am worried for his safety. Deep down I think I made the right decision but the last month I have completely lost my confidence. I guess I was hoping someone on LS had a similar experience and something to share. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 did you not read my post? i was HIM... yep, the alcoholic. YOU cannot do anything to help him - he has to decide when that may be... it may be never. in the meantime - step aside... he will do what he wants to do. don't take what he does or doesn't do personally! Link to post Share on other sites
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