sunnie23 Posted July 28, 2003 Share Posted July 28, 2003 last night i told my wonderful boyfriend of six months that i love him. his response was a very affectionate, "i really like you, and care about you. we'll have to see where that takes us." he was very sweet about it but now i'm nervous. there's a five year age gap between us, and i feel intimidated by him sometimes. i'm much farther in school and work than he is, but he is so perfect to me that i often get insecure and nervous. i'm very scared, and i don't know what to think or do. i'm afraid to keep talking to him about it, i don't want to annoy him. please, HELP! sunnie Link to post Share on other sites
Stone Posted July 28, 2003 Share Posted July 28, 2003 I was just in this situation a couple of months ago. He never told me he loved me back still to this day and Our relationship is great! Men (sometimes) have a hard time with the "L" Word. He told you how he feels about you and the Word will come soon Don't rush it, I wouldn't recommend saying I love you all the time though cause you probably won't hear it back until he's ready, this is something you want to hear I know...But you don't wan't to presure him into saying it. Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah12385 Posted July 28, 2003 Share Posted July 28, 2003 heh how ironic...you seem like me. well, minus the 'i love you' thing. my boyfriend and i also have a 5 year age gap. i'm 18 and he's 23. and yes, i feel sometimes intimidated also. i feel like i annoy him also, and that i'm in the way at times... i'm sorry i don't exactly know how you feel, just because i've only been w/my boyfriend a little over a month and "i love you" hasn't played a role, but i can imagine how strange and nervous you must feel. i wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he doesn't *love* you, just because he didn't say it doesn't mean he doesn't *feel* it. you say you feel insecure sometimes, but perhaps *he* feels insecure on the love subject you know? maybe he just wants to make sure that *he's* sure he loves you...and doesn't wanna make a mistake out of anything. there could be many reasons why he didn't say it back. he probably just needs some time to get his head straight. you spoke your mind to him, so now he knows. i'd give it a while...then once it starts to really eat at you, if it comes to that, bring it up. let him know you didn't wanna be on his back about it but you just can't stop thinkin about it. i'm sure everything will be just fine just calm down Link to post Share on other sites
niko1999 Posted July 28, 2003 Share Posted July 28, 2003 Ouch, well, give it time, guys do seem to have a harder time saying the L word than girls. Luckily, my boyfreind had no trouble saying it to me before I honestly said it to him. But he will probably say it when you least expect it, Like when youre sitting on the toilet or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted July 28, 2003 Moderators Share Posted July 28, 2003 This I like... But he will probably say it when you least expect it, Like when youre sitting on the toilet or something. Yup...we dudes isn't good wit da timin' to say stuff...but ya know we loves ya. Curt Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 28, 2003 Share Posted July 28, 2003 I think you're a whole lot better of than if he gave you a big line of BS that he didn't mean just to make you happy. When you start dating somebody, there's never any assurance they will fall in love with you. And, if they do, there is no way of telling just how long it might take...or even if they will tell you if they do. It has so much to do with their emotional openness and how their families of origin expressed love in their home. You have no guarantees that this guy will fall in love with you in the future...or that he is even capable of falling in love with anybody. It's up to you as to how much more time you want to give him...just don't get trapped into waiting forever. But don't you dare give him a deadline either or it may never happen. This love stuff ain't easy, there are no guarantees, and it's certainly not for the weak of heart. Love will come in its own time and with the right person. Trust me! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunnie23 Posted July 28, 2003 Author Share Posted July 28, 2003 thank you guys for your insight. it makes things a lot easier. right now i'm terrified that all i am is just another silly girl he's spending time with....just another chick that's gone ahead and fallen for him. i don't know how to make it stop....and i'm scared i might have to break it off. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted July 28, 2003 Share Posted July 28, 2003 right now i'm terrified that all i am is just another silly girl he's spending time with....just another chick that's gone ahead and fallen for him. Does he show you he loves you through his actions? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunnie23 Posted July 29, 2003 Author Share Posted July 29, 2003 well, we spend every weekend together because we both work two jobs. usually the time is spent watching movies on the couch, going for dinner and things of that nature. he's very affectionate, and phones me every night to say goodnight. i'm not sure how else to describe his actions-i look for every sign that he's slipping away from me, so i overlook a lot of the good stuff. he is an amazing person and is really, really good to me. it seems that no matter how hard i try to analyze him or find a fault in him, he turns around, says the perfect thing and makes it all better. i realize that this all points in one direction, but isn't it possible that he's just a nice guy? p.s. i just joined this site today, and i have to say you folks out there are incredible....so kind, helpful, and understanding. if i could, i'd take ya all out for drinks!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted July 29, 2003 Share Posted July 29, 2003 i realize that this all points in one direction, but isn't it possible that he's just a nice guy? Of course it is! Anything is possible. But he sounds to me like a great boyfriend so far. You'll know soon enough whether or not you are "good for now." All you can do is go by how he treats you. So far, it seems like he's treating you just fine. I'm curious--did you feel insecure like this prior to telling him you loved him? Did you tell him you loved him in the hope that he would say it back so you would feel less insecure? If he's doing all these nice things for you (which it sounds like he is), then why exactly do you feel so insecure and intimidated by him? it seems that no matter how hard i try to analyze him or find a fault in him Why are you trying to find fault with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunnie23 Posted July 29, 2003 Author Share Posted July 29, 2003 honestly, i don't know and i hate it. he deserves a lot better. yes, i was insecure before, and still am. i definately need validation of the way he feels! he's a bit older than me, and i think thats where the intimidation comes from. i assume he's been with a lot more girls than i've been with guys, and has ad much more experience with me. the last time i was serious about someone, i got burned very badly. my ex told me he loved me one minute and the next he told me i was annoying and that he couldn't stand to be near me. i guess i'm looking for ways to get out so it doesn't happen again. sheesh, i feel like such a head case. Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted July 29, 2003 Moderators Share Posted July 29, 2003 I should imagine that he was interested in you for you. Don't try to be any more or any less. Just give him time. He appears to be the "thinker" type, at least that's my impression from what you've told us...let him process things. Curt Link to post Share on other sites
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