imagine Posted August 15, 2008 Share Posted August 15, 2008 I enjoyed reading a post in the breaking up section. The guy says that he wished her well and thanked her for the insights that she had given him. He told her that breaking up was a probably a good idea as that she undoubtedly deserved better. He also said that thanks to what he had learned, he was convinced that he would be able to make any future woman in his life a great deal happier than he did with her. When she expressed uncertainty about leaving - he said that it was up to her. Amazingly, it worked. He attributed the success to a book that advocated reverse psychology. Do you think this will work for you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrustInYourself Posted August 15, 2008 Author Share Posted August 15, 2008 It has nothing to do with reverse psychology. I don't want her and she's getting scared now because the option she was entertaining is no longer going to be an option. That's why it just reinforces to me why she is just a complete leech on my life. I'm pissy over her trying to get me to talk to her and then playing games. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 "So oftentimes it happens, we live our life in chains, Only to realize we hold the keys" ~ Already Gone ~ Eagle Oftentimes many people going through S&D (Seperation & Divorce) are like people dragging around a dead horse. Everyone else can see it except the one dragging around a dead horse. "Hey, did you know your dragging around a dead horse everywhere you go? Why are you dragging around a dead horse? They go around like this for days, weeks, months, even years? Until one day they come to the realization that they've been dragging around a dead horse everywhere they go ~ and they finally decide to quit,...................... Dragging around a dead horse. Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 Oftentimes many people going through S&D (Seperation & Divorce) are like people dragging around a dead horse. Everyone else can see it except the one dragging around a dead horse. "Hey, did you know your dragging around a dead horse everywhere you go? Why are you dragging around a dead horse? They go around like this for days, weeks, months, even years? Until one day they come to the realization that they've been dragging around a dead horse everywhere they go ~ and they finally decide to quit,...................... Dragging around a dead horse. Gunny this is exactly what my friend is trying to tell me, he said sometimes it is easier for someone from the outside looking in to be able to see what is really going on in the inside. So why do we want to keep dragging around that horse? Is it because it is what we are used to? Is it because we are afraid of change, the unknown? Link to post Share on other sites
imagine Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 It has nothing to do with reverse psychology. I don't want her and she's getting scared now because the option she was entertaining is no longer going to be an option. That's why it just reinforces to me why she is just a complete leech on my life. I'm pissy over her trying to get me to talk to her and then playing games. If this is indeed your final decision, why talk? You are just prolonging the agony. For both of you... Did you want retribution? Well then, go plan FU. Leave in the the best possible terms, lest you have to eat sh*t later. But figure this out for yourself. Write it down if necessary. We at this board can only respond to what we hear. Our advise is not Divine. I suggest that indecision is a killer. If you have got all the facts, make your decision ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
SingleDad Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 One thing I've noticed, TIY, is that SingleDad is pushing you to reconcile AT ALL COSTS, even if your spouse doesn't necessarily deserve it (shown by her actions). Sorry if I come off as a dick SingleDad, but it seems like you're desperately seeking inspiration to apply to your own life. "If he can do it, I can too!" I think each case needs to be taken separately. Remember, SHE LEFT YOU, and has been pulling your chain for 5 months. I think you've made more than your fair share of efforts to reconcile, and I think everyone here but SingleDad acknowledges that. Hit the ejector button on this chick, she's outta time. Like CTA said, take the reins away from her! I think that is an overstatement. I would not expect someone to reconcile at ALL COSTS. And I know TIY has done a significant amount to reconcile and he is doing a better job of it than I am. I am saying that often spouses wander because they are not getting enough of what they want from their spouse. One way to counter this is to give them more of what they want - make it more appealing to be home with their spouse than off with someone else... "plan A". I would hope that If I wandered from my spouse - she would not simply throw me away with the trash. I also think it is important to know you have done your best to win back your spouse, especially when there is a young child involved... That way you will not look back on this years from now and regret that you simply let your spouse walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrustInYourself Posted August 16, 2008 Author Share Posted August 16, 2008 Shes coming home. I am scared now that I got exactly what I wanted. I have so many thoughts, and they are not happily ever after thoughts. I am trying to just maintain my cool and do this for my kid. I think with time maybe for myself. Maybe for us. Who knows. I just keep thinking that I am going to get owned again. Lets hope that is not the case. Link to post Share on other sites
SingleDad Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 TIY - That is fantastic news - congrats !!! Do not think too much on it... just continue to take things one day at a time Link to post Share on other sites
HeatherAngel Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 TIY - You are in my thoughts. I can't quite believe you got where you are, my friend. I think this is amazing - and scary - and wonderful news. :-D Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrustInYourself Posted August 16, 2008 Author Share Posted August 16, 2008 Thank you. I appreciate the kind words. TBH, I've grown quite comfortable being on my own! LOL. The major problem is I'm just not sure where we begin. I feel very much confused and angry. It's hard to be the best person you are when all this doubt is running through your mind. Is she coming back to me because she's willing to rebuild our love or is she just scared? Is this because I took away the option of reconciliation? Why is she willing to do this now without hesitation? I'm considering asking her for a week alone to gather my thoughts and prepare to work on it. I need to read my books on marriage and relationships again. I really need to refresh my heart and soul and prepare for the work that lays ahead. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 Thank you. I appreciate the kind words. TBH, I've grown quite comfortable being on my own! LOL. The major problem is I'm just not sure where we begin. I feel very much confused and angry. It's hard to be the best person you are when all this doubt is running through your mind. Is she coming back to me because she's willing to rebuild our love or is she just scared? Is this because I took away the option of reconciliation? Why is she willing to do this now without hesitation? I'm considering asking her for a week alone to gather my thoughts and prepare to work on it. I need to read my books on marriage and relationships again. I really need to refresh my heart and soul and prepare for the work that lays ahead. Why does she get to make the exclusive decision of when she gets to leave and when she gets to come back? If the marriage is "off" or "on" again. Who put her in the driver's seat of this marriage? You've have come here and you've read/are reading books about Marriage Relationships Communication You've identified your weakness and have sought / are seeking self improvement. What has she done? What has she changed? If your getting back together just for the sake of your daughter ~ then your doing it for all the reason. You may successfully pull it off for a time ~ even years. But eventually will be right back where you were when you came to LS. For any couple to "make it" they must first and foremost recognize that both members are im-perfect ~ and therefore their relationship will be im-perfect, although they can consistently strive for "perfection" and perpetual self improvement and perfection. I think that she's coming back too soon, before the necessary work, re-education, change in mind-set has been completed. I see where your doing the necessary work ~ but I don't see where she has. I beleive you see that as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Sum1'sGot2RepThe530 Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 I think that is an overstatement. I would not expect someone to reconcile at ALL COSTS. And I know TIY has done a significant amount to reconcile and he is doing a better job of it than I am. I am saying that often spouses wander because they are not getting enough of what they want from their spouse. One way to counter this is to give them more of what they want - make it more appealing to be home with their spouse than off with someone else... "plan A". I would hope that If I wandered from my spouse - she would not simply throw me away with the trash. I also think it is important to know you have done your best to win back your spouse, especially when there is a young child involved... That way you will not look back on this years from now and regret that you simply let your spouse walk away. Fair enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Sum1'sGot2RepThe530 Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 Why does she get to make the exclusive decision of when she gets to leave and when she gets to come back? If the marriage is "off" or "on" again. Who put her in the driver's seat of this marriage? You've have come here and you've read/are reading books about Marriage Relationships Communication You've identified your weakness and have sought / are seeking self improvement. What has she done? What has she changed? If your getting back together just for the sake of your daughter ~ then your doing it for all the reason. You may successfully pull it off for a time ~ even years. But eventually will be right back where you were when you came to LS. For any couple to "make it" they must first and foremost recognize that both members are im-perfect ~ and therefore their relationship will be im-perfect, although they can consistently strive for "perfection" and perpetual self improvement and perfection. I think that she's coming back too soon, before the necessary work, re-education, change in mind-set has been completed. I see where your doing the necessary work ~ but I don't see where she has. I beleive you see that as well. Spot on! Couldn't have said it better myself. Link to post Share on other sites
imagine Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 Now is the ideal time to get boundaries established. This may just be a stop over until she can find a better exit plan. Take EP's (extraordinary precautions) to ensure her faithfulness to the program. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrustInYourself Posted August 17, 2008 Author Share Posted August 17, 2008 She is imperfect. I am imperfect. I think there has been some acceptance on both our parts. She has acknowledged her part in the situation. I do not think she has made quite the effort I have made, but I think she will. We have counseling sessions scheduled in the next week. I was asked to provide a journal of the way I feel and be ready to share it. If I feel like it. I am not sure about that. Also I got some blanket advice of being very, very kind. Ok...lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts