pelicanpreacher Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 Grogster, I have to apologize for taking the presumptive "knee jerk" response to your assertion that your marriage was dead. After reading through your posts I finally came across the one that explained your marital circumstances and now agree wholeheartedly that you should have never married that woman and that divorce was inevitable. I'm also inclined to believe that your ex-wife may have had dalliances of her own, unbeknownst to you, so in a way, your affair and the reasons behind it, are somewhat mitigated. I, however, still do not agree on your choice of affair partners but, what's done is done. Thankfully you have seen the light and avoid bi-sexual and/or married women and you've finally got the peace you deserve. Don't write off marriage in the future completely because you bit a couple of bad apples for I believe that once you find the right woman you'll achieve the fulfillment a healthy marriage truly promises. Mods, please don't post any thread that I may have submitted expressing any negative connotations regarding Grogster for it was made without properly researching the facts. Thank you, Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 Grogster, I have to apologize for taking the presumptive "knee jerk" response to your assertion that your marriage was dead. After reading through your posts I finally came across the one that explained your marital circumstances and now agree wholeheartedly that you should have never married that woman and that divorce was inevitable. I'm also inclined to believe that your ex-wife may have had dalliances of her own, unbeknownst to you, so in a way, your affair and the reasons behind it, are somewhat mitigated. I, however, still do not agree on your choice of affair partners but, what's done is done. Thankfully you have seen the light and avoid bi-sexual and/or married women and you've finally got the peace you deserve. Don't write off marriage in the future completely because you bit a couple of bad apples for I believe that once you find the right woman you'll achieve the fulfillment a healthy marriage truly promises. Mods, please don't post any thread that I may have submitted expressing any negative connotations regarding Grogster for it was made without properly researching the facts. Thank you, Wow, Preacher, that was mighty big of you. And grogster is pretty cool, too. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 Grogster, I have to apologize for taking the presumptive "knee jerk" response to your assertion that your marriage was dead. After reading through your posts I finally came across the one that explained your marital circumstances and now agree wholeheartedly that you should have never married that woman and that divorce was inevitable. I'm also inclined to believe that your ex-wife may have had dalliances of her own, unbeknownst to you, so in a way, your affair and the reasons behind it, are somewhat mitigated. I, however, still do not agree on your choice of affair partners but, what's done is done. Thankfully you have seen the light and avoid bi-sexual and/or married women and you've finally got the peace you deserve. Don't write off marriage in the future completely because you bit a couple of bad apples for I believe that once you find the right woman you'll achieve the fulfillment a healthy marriage truly promises. Mods, please don't post any thread that I may have submitted expressing any negative connotations regarding Grogster for it was made without properly researching the facts. Thank you, Wow, Preacher, that was mighty big of you. And grogster is pretty cool, too. Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 Peli your argument defies logic! Wimps tend to follow the line of least resistance and go with inertia rather than face the massive upheaval of bringing about significant change. If the MM was truly a wimp he'd have stayed put on that fence and when he was knocked off, he'd have lain there in the mud. Leaving a M - particularly where a MM is invested in his kids and hasn't checked out entirely - is a very traumatic experience, and certainly not one for wimps. Staying, on the other hand, requires no balls at all. Staying and making a go of the M, leaving the A and really working on the M is something else, but the mere act of staying requires nothing more than inertia. It's simply more of the same. It really is the line of least resistance because it just happens, without any action needing to be taken one way or another. (Unless, of course, the BW kicks the MM out after DDay, or sets some boundaries that he has to abide by, in which case there's a real choice to be made one way or another. But that wasn't the situation you were referring to, if I'm reading your post correctly.) It's an assault on logic and rationality, for a start. Like insisting that 1+1=45. The universe wants to implode. I wouldn't want the universe to implode but, I believe certain quantum theories of physics can empirically prove and measure energy output of a fission reaction to be disproportionally larger than the energy input required to split said fissionable material such that ratio of input to output can be calculated to approximate relationships of 1 + 1>=45, 100, or even 10,000 depending on the atomic elemental factors governing the radioactive potential of the reactants involved. As to my original premise, I've read a number of posts where relationships ended in the precise manner I described. One was from a woman who posted that she left her marriage after D-Day because she knew her husband was apt to get even with her so leaving was the better option than staying. Another poster's wife left him to join a "cokehead" Baptist wannabe marriage counselor she started an online affair with without any explanation while posting her new life on MySpace and joining her new beau in making all manner of vile and disparaging comments about him. A more recent poster, heavily invested in her relationship with expected nuptuals in October, got brutally dumped by her ex when he returned from working across country only to inform her the relationship was over while farting his venom on the way out the door by calling her every despicable name in the book and leaving her with a mountain of debt accumulated on his behalf during the course of the relationship. She later found out that he got another woman pregnant when seeing his post on MySpace about his marriage plans for the OW in June. Of course, she wasn't married to him yet, and you might feel this to be an unfair example to include in my analogy, but the implied commitment still accurately supports the fact that a WS will leave a reasonably healthy marriage or relationship once D-Day occurs just to avoid the shame and consequences of their actions. Since infidelity is still the #1 reason for divorce it is not difficult to conclude that a significant percentage of WS's leave their marriages and committed relationships when confronted by a "fight or flight" frame of mind its simply easier and more convenient to flee rather than face the firestorm of emotions from their SO or shattered lives left in their wake as a consequence of their betrayal. When a WS uses lies, mistruths, and misrepresentations to manipulate their spouse with self-justifications for their own unhappiness and moral deficiencies to abandon the marriage when engaging in an affair without showing the common decency to apologize for their actions, reveal the entire and actual truth of their feelings to the betrayed spouse, and make an earnest effort to right their wrongs that makes their exit wimpy and cowardly in my book. Under these circumstances, if you poll 100 people you'll likely find that 99% of them agree with me. For anyone to make a blanket assertion that this never happens well...never say never for only a fool believes in absolutes when one considers the potential depths people can sink to as attested by the historical record of man's inhumanity to man! If a WS returns to their marriage in an unhappy state of mind then it is more than likely self inflicted by their own self-justifications. They may remain for a period of time out of a sense of guilt, duty, or a fear of the loss of their children or assets but that can only last so long before the marriage breaks down irreparably if one or both parties intend to sit around without addressing they're own growing unhappiness and unease. As a matter of fact, it is likely that either one will finally get fed up with not having their needs met while placating the other's "pity me for I am a martyr" attitude and file for divorce on their own or cheat again if forced to endure this state too long so it is meritless for the WS to return to a marriage if neither have intention of trying to rebuild it. Marriages and relationships can only survive and flourish through mutual and constant growth moving forward for if it is dead, dying, or stagnating, without concerted resuscitation efforts, the force of gravity will eventually cause it to "circle the bowl" and inevitably end in divorce and termination of the relationship anyways. There is, therefore, no such thing as a state of sustained inertia where the dynamics of a marriage continues to function on autopilot relieving either party of their responsibility to achieve the closeness and communication necessary to foster a fulfilling intimacy and hope for the future after D-Day. The pressures of unresolved unhappiness and unease left unchecked at this juncture present an urgency for change or the combined effect of these negative forces will inexorably drag the marriage down causing the relationship to quickly deteriorate and sink towards oblivion so, I think we can all agree that the "inertia theory" has been soundly debunked and put to rest forever! If need be, OWoman, wear a helmet or wrap your head in an ace bandage to keep your head from exploding for I remind you that there is no escaping my logic! Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 Families are resilient: Much more so than our strongly held message board beliefs allow. I think your family was/is resilient because you worked to make it such. It's resilience is a direct result of yourself and your attitude toward life. Not all families - possibly not even most work out as well as yours. Link to post Share on other sites
grogster Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 Grogster, I have to apologize for taking the presumptive "knee jerk" response to your assertion that your marriage was dead. After reading through your posts I finally came across the one that explained your marital circumstances and now agree wholeheartedly that you should have never married that woman and that divorce was inevitable. I'm also inclined to believe that your ex-wife may have had dalliances of her own, unbeknownst to you, so in a way, your affair and the reasons behind it, are somewhat mitigated. I, however, still do not agree on your choice of affair partners but, what's done is done. Thankfully you have seen the light and avoid bi-sexual and/or married women and you've finally got the peace you deserve. Don't write off marriage in the future completely because you bit a couple of bad apples for I believe that once you find the right woman you'll achieve the fulfillment a healthy marriage truly promises. Mods, please don't post any thread that I may have submitted expressing any negative connotations regarding Grogster for it was made without properly researching the facts. Thank you, You're welcome, my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 Wow, Preacher, that was mighty big of you. And grogster is pretty cool, too. and it bore repeating ROFL (sorry, couldn't resist) Link to post Share on other sites
Author OWoman Posted July 8, 2008 Author Share Posted July 8, 2008 Wow, Preacher, that was mighty big of you. Size matters... Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 Size matters... but if you don't mind, it doesn't matter ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author OWoman Posted July 8, 2008 Author Share Posted July 8, 2008 but if you don't mind, it doesn't matter ? What's the matter with minding? Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 Size matters... Size is in the eyes (or hands) of the beholder. Link to post Share on other sites
grogster Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 Proof positive of the First Law of LoveShack: All threads in decline eventually discuss the size of sexual organs. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 Proof positive of the First Law of LoveShack: All threads in decline eventually discuss the size of sexual organs. or porn.......... Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 Size is in the eyes (or hands) of the beholder. ...or throat. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 and it bore repeating ROFL (sorry, couldn't resist) LMAO! Like a broken record they keep telling me... Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Size is in the eyes (or hands) of the beholder. or........... Link to post Share on other sites
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