Why MM Stay

[Lyssa]

I'll bet DELAYED is the one thing he's not..

 

He's not but his time is.

 

Btw, OWoman - thanks again for this thread!

[overandout]

And more often they're not. Why else would we have human rights legislation against racial, gender-based and sexual preference prejudice? Or are you one of those who belive that black people are inferior and gay people should be stoned, and women enslaved in their own homes?

 

 

 

On the contrary, I think GEL is getting plenty now she's full-time with her SO. I think it's the bitter brigade not getting it - or not getting near enough, or not getting any worth having, at any rate.

 

 

 

You really ought to get out more and stop believing the fairytales you were read as a kid. My father has been happily, faithfully and joyously married to his FOW for decades now. I know countless similar couples. There are many others among public figures too - Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn, Nelson Mandela and Graca Machel, Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall... But I guess they're all incorrigible liars too, delayed at the office and having it off with the tea girl...

 

 

AND you really ought to have realised that my post was aimed at GEL--but then again why am I not surprised that you didn't.

 

GEL's mm lied to her for a whole year and claimed to be single. So before you wade in with your Size 15 boots, read the post carefully and maybe you would have picked up on the fact that she always baits me.

Thank you:rolleyes:

 

By the way I don't think that gays, unmarried mothers etc should be stoned. However annoying individuals that reply when they haven't a clue....

I am not interested enough to bother with your history.

[Lookingforward]

Entitled to my opinion I think.

The people who don't like what I have said are often the OW whose mm is staying put and who continue to kid themselves that he is in love with them and not the wife. LOL

 

 

we are all entitled to our opinions - ON the topic

[GreenEyedLady]

Yawn, Sometimes cliches are true.

 

I agree that I was duped by my xmm but I saw the light and then he wanted to resume with me. You don't get it.

Just remember that you are now shacked up with a liar even though he had the balls to leave his marriage. Or did you put a gun to his head?

 

Once a liar always a liar so you just remember that when he is delayed at the office.

 

*rolling eyes*

 

Light, what light? You're still in the dark honey.

 

I do get it. You're playing the bitter, seen the light XOW. Who really has no idea what it's like to be an OW. Honey, this whole forum has seen the light about you.

 

Once a liar always a liar, what does that say about YOU?

 

Don't worry about us. I LOVE MY MAN AND I LOVE BEING SHACKED UP WITH HIM! And you know what, HE LOVES ME TOO! And you know what the best thing about being shacked up is...:love:

 

It's no surprise the reason why you're alone is because you're really not a nice person, you're no fun at all and you don't have an original thought in your head.

 

You're just jealous and outraged that someone like me can find happiness and true love when it eludes someone who is so morally upright(?).

 

**SHEESH!**

 

Stop worrying about me and my man and start working on all your shortcomings. Then you might actually find someone you can work all your negative excess energy out with. (Or at least get laid, cuz from all your posts, you seem to really need it.)

[GreenEyedLady]

AND you really ought to have realised that my post was aimed at GEL--but then again why am I not surprised that you didn't.

 

GEL's mm lied to her for a whole year and claimed to be single. So before you wade in with your Size 15 boots, read the post carefully and maybe you would have picked up on the fact that she always baits me.

Thank you:rolleyes:

 

By the way I don't think that gays, unmarried mothers etc should be stoned. However annoying individuals that reply when they haven't a clue....

I am not interested enough to bother with your history.

 

OW knew who the post was aimed at. But unlike YOU, she is a friend and backed me up.

 

Why are you so up in mine and my honey's business? MYOB! For someone who "supposedly" was with a MM who was a complete a** to her for 11 years?!

 

I don't bait you. It's not all about "you." It's actually you, who baits, if you read through your posts. You have an obsessive, stalker-like internet personality. Maybe you're obsessed with me now?

 

Have a nice day!

 

GEL

[Lookingforward]

OW knew who the post was aimed at. But unlike YOU, she is a friend and backed me up.

 

Why are you so up in mine and my honey's business? MYOB! For someone who "supposedly" was with a MM who was a complete a** to her for 11 years?!

 

I don't bait you. It's not all about "you." It's actually you, who baits, if you read through your posts. You have an obsessive, stalker-like internet personality. Maybe you're obsessed with me now?

 

Have a nice day!

 

GEL

 

11 YEARS without a move in the right direction? wow

 

<shakes head>

[Cliche]

That makes me sad, too.

 

What is it about M that kills the passion that people have for each other? I can't believe that people would rather do laundry, run errands, work, than be with their partners.

 

For some reason, in many of the unhappy marriages I personally witness, the former partnership becomes less about being partners and more about who gets or does more. It becomes a game of one upmanship. My ex was very much like that. He made a point to always say he did X so I'd better do Y or I wasn't doing my part. My BF tells me his STBexW had similar expectations. This is one of the areas where we are trying very hard not to reenact past marriage habits.

 

I don't think people intend for this to happen, but I think that we all have a tendency to busy our lives with stuff that maybe doesn't matter as much as the relationships we have. We hear all the time that relationships need to be nurtured, but still, about half the time, this isn't happening.

[silktricks]

My "moral" stance is merely that a cake eater who still stays married is not that into/in love with his OW. A man in love will make it happen so that he can be with his OW if he wants to be.

Or do you still not get it?!

 

Since that's exactly what GEL's MM did, then I don't get where you folks's disagreement comes from .

 

BTW, that "once a liar always a liar" line - is just that. Everyone - even the most honest people lie sometimes. No one really grows out of the fear of telling the truth in some situations - telling the truth and then facing the consequences that is . If what you are really saying is once a cheater always a cheater - that is also not true. There are no universalities in this life.

 

Some people will tend to always lie, some will tend to always cheat. But it cannot be said of everyone that because they have cheated or lied in their lives that ipso facto they always will .

[overandout]

Since that's exactly what GEL's MM did, then I don't get where you folks's disagreement comes from .

 

BTW, that "once a liar always a liar" line - is just that. Everyone - even the most honest people lie sometimes. No one really grows out of the fear of telling the truth in some situations - telling the truth and then facing the consequences that is . If what you are really saying is once a cheater always a cheater - that is also not true. There are no universalities in this life.

 

Some people will tend to always lie, some will tend to always cheat. But it cannot be said of everyone that because they have cheated or lied in their lives that ipso facto they always will .

 

 

I know and that is what I said, that I was glad her mm is with her.

I can't say more because it means naming a former OW and that isn't really allowed although she still posts here from time to time. I thought that this OW's mm was stringing her along, using her for some free accommodation, and eventually that proved to be the case as he stayed with his family. I should know, having been there done that etc. I can recognise the signs.

 

I get your point about once a liar not always being a liar but it depends on the lie. I think lying about not being married for a year is a bit of a whoppa. Not quite in the same league as not putting money in the honesty box in the library while buying a magazine.

 

If you look at my original post here, GEL is the one whipping up the bad feeling. As I said she cannot bear anyone who doesn't see her point of view and she rants and raves.

I feel quite sorry for her "honey" if he ever crosses her:laugh: .

[pelicanpreacher]

I wholeheartedly agree with you, Bent. Your H was a narcissist who never gave you credit for anything. It was never going to work with him.

 

Herenow was blessed in that aspect. Her H realized his shortcomings and did what it took to convince her to let him back and she only did so because he proved himself to her. My compliment to her was mostly due to her graceful way of dealing with OWs and former OWs.

 

You know I'm crazy about you too;)

 

Throughout all of my time at LS you, Bent, have been the one I could imagine my exMM's W's voice to be. He isn't as bad a H as yours so she wouldn't have the need to call him a narcissist, etc, but she would be angry and hurt and threaten to cut his jewels off. I really feel for her, now more than ever, and hope to never hurt her. She never knew about me, but I am sure she was suspicious from time to time and I hate that I took part in that and will be forever sorry.

 

WF, you are truly a breath of fresh air in the stagnating millieu of rotting attitudes expressed by certain OW vets gleefully espousing a putrid condecension of the moral question, "Am I my brother's keeper?"!

[NoIDidn't]

Because the OW and the wife are two different people. And they have different relationships with the guy. Sometimes it just comes down to a bad combination between two people, not necessarily because of some "character flaw" in one or both.

 

But when a person chooses to stay with someone who has proven beyond a shadow of a doubt their cruelty and indifference toward that person, they're crazy to stay with them. JMO.

 

Double-standard, much?

 

I know that this thread isn't about talk in the work place, but I do have something to ad to that topic.

 

"I'm married, what do you think the chances are of that happening?" Both guys laughed and moved on. I can only assume this is the kind of talk that OB is referring to.

 

They weren't talking to me, but I was close enough to hear it and I have to say, it made me sad.

 

 

It doesn't make me sad. What makes me sad is men that think that marriage is a license to free and easy sex. It isn't. The men that think that way would do well to get that expectation out of their minds (let's not talk about women's unreasonable expectations, I know they exist too, LOL).

 

But since it was paraphrased, I think it was more about the marriage being impacted by family obligations over the long weekend. I would love to spend that kind of alone time with my H, but I know that with four kids, cookouts, needing to cook for some and many other things that all collide on this weekend, I won't be able to.

 

In fact, my H is away at his other *job* now (more like hobby). But you know what I mean, I hope.

I must be of a different opinion, it doesn't make me sad at all. Its life. If a guy got married just to get a free piece, then he doesn't deserve it. A woman doesn't marry to be some guys free and easy lay.

 

But since you are paraphrasing, I bet it had more to do with family commitments and other events getting in the way (life) than an issue of the W turning him down cold.

[OpenBook]

Double-standard' date=' much?[/quote']

 

No, it's just 2 sides of the same coin. The combination of the two people in the relationship decides, more than anything else, whether the relationship is successful or not. The Warren Beatty/Annette Bening combination comes to mind as a good example.

 

It doesn't make me sad. What makes me sad is men that think that marriage is a license to free and easy sex. It isn't. The men that think that way would do well to get that expectation out of their minds (let's not talk about women's unreasonable expectations' date=' I know they exist too, LOL).[/quote']

 

I wonder what your H would say about that.

 

But since it was paraphrased' date=' I think it was more about the marriage being impacted by family obligations over the long weekend. [b']I would love to spend that kind of alone time with my H,[/b] but I know that with four kids, cookouts, needing to cook for some and many other things that all collide on this weekend, I won't be able to.

 

In fact, my H is away at his other *job* now (more like hobby). But you know what I mean, I hope.

 

Why isn't your H by your side right now, helping you with all those tasks so that you two COULD have some alone time together?

[OpenBook]

I know and that is what I said, that I was glad her mm is with her.

 

Really? That wasn't my take on it...

 

Just remember that you are now shacked up with a liar even though he had the balls to leave his marriage. Or did you put a gun to his head?

 

Once a liar always a liar so you just remember that when he is delayed at the office.

 

And I think you are way underestimating GEL. She is another example of my point - that the two people in the relationship (and how they interact with each other) decide its success, more than any other factors. GEL didn't put up with him waffling; she said goodbye at one point and moved on. He decided that he couldn't live without her. Now they are happily together.

 

I honestly think GEL's MM would still be with his W if she had just meekly accepted the way things were and didn't put her foot down.

[NoIDidn't]

No, it's just 2 sides of the same coin. The combination of the two people in the relationship decides, more than anything else, whether the relationship is successful or not. The Warren Beatty/Annette Bening combination comes to mind as a good example.

 

Could you explain this please? The thought that the OW is different from the W in the cheating equation is confusing. Both have a cheating man, but the W is banned from keeping her own H? It doesn't make sense to me. That's why I think it is a double-standard.

 

And I know nothing about Warren Beatty, sorry.

 

As far as the legal sex thing. My H has a MUCH LOWER sex drive than ME. So its a moot point. He didn't marry me for the free sex. I was brought up a strict Christian where fornication was wrong. Once we got married, I wore him out. Sorry for the graphic. LOL.

 

 

 

Why isn't your H by your side right now, helping you with all those tasks so that you two COULD have some alone time together?

 

Because we are living our life as WE see fit, not as it fits into someone else's mindset. All work and no play makes for very grumpy Hs. LOL.

[White Flower]

WF, you are truly a breath of fresh air in the stagnating millieu of rotting attitudes expressed by certain OW vets gleefully espousing a putrid condecension of the moral question, "Am I my brother's keeper?"!

Thank you pelicanpreacher.

 

I always did feel that way. I guess I got caught up in the thinking that if we were truly soul mates and right for each other and they were wrong for each other then it was OK; that she would eventually find someone right for her. After all, she looks fantastic for her age and has a body to die for! Still, hoping for the best for her doesn't comfort me in my part in fooling her.

[White Flower]

Cliche and Silktricks,

 

You both have great understandings of the once a liar always a liar syndrome. It's great to see that there is so much understanding around this forum for a change. You both should post here more often;)

[bentnotbroken]

I wholeheartedly agree with you, Bent. Your H was a narcissist who never gave you credit for anything. It was never going to work with him.

 

Herenow was blessed in that aspect. Her H realized his shortcomings and did what it took to convince her to let him back and she only did so because he proved himself to her. My compliment to her was mostly due to her graceful way of dealing with OWs and former OWs.

 

You know I'm crazy about you too;)

 

Throughout all of my time at LS you, Bent, have been the one I could imagine my exMM's W's voice to be. He isn't as bad a H as yours so she wouldn't have the need to call him a narcissist, etc, but she would be angry and hurt and threaten to cut his jewels off. I really feel for her, now more than ever, and hope to never hurt her. She never knew about me, but I am sure she was suspicious from time to time and I hate that I took part in that and will be forever sorry.

 

 

 

Girl, I have wanted to cut not just his jewels off. I have wanted to peel that banana with a dull knife. Then I remember what God has done for me and I have to move beyond what he has done to me, but with my kids I have am still more than slightly pissed. I will continue to pray for guidance and forgiveness. But he had better not hurt them, before that happens or his happy @ssets will be only a memory.

 

 

I wish I was graceful and diginified in my reponses, I guess that just isn't my style:cool:, so I have to use the tools I possess and hope I use them wisely and as justly as I possibly can. I am glad you are out of that relationship, and I am glad you continue to heal emotionally and physically. Removing yourself from your H will be as healing for you as it was for me. There are so many blessings waiting for you to claim, and I know you will do well in passing some on to others.

[silktricks]

I get your point about once a liar not always being a liar but it depends on the lie. I think lying about not being married for a year is a bit of a whoppa. Not quite in the same league as not putting money in the honesty box in the library while buying a magazine.

Yeah, I'd say that lying about not being married for a year IS abit of a whopper. However, I'd say that lying about not seeing someone else for a year is also a bit of a whopper. Either instance there must be forgiveness extended to get past the.. well.. the past.

 

It's no more impossible to forgive a person for lying to you about one thing than lying about another. As a former BS I can tell you that forgiveness is not impossible. And the fact that lies were told in the past does not mean they will also be told in the future.

[White Flower]

Girl, I have wanted to cut not just his jewels off. I have wanted to peel that banana with a dull knife. Then I remember what God has done for me and I have to move beyond what he has done to me, but with my kids I have am still more than slightly pissed. I will continue to pray for guidance and forgiveness. But he had better not hurt them, before that happens or his happy @ssets will be only a memory.

 

 

I wish I was graceful and diginified in my reponses, I guess that just isn't my style:cool:, so I have to use the tools I possess and hope I use them wisely and as justly as I possibly can. I am glad you are out of that relationship, and I am glad you continue to heal emotionally and physically. Removing yourself from your H will be as healing for you as it was for me. There are so many blessings waiting for you to claim, and I know you will do well in passing some on to others.

I actually came do adore your way of expressing yourself. It would be boring if we were all alike! I was offended at first, but after getting to know you I could see the pizzazz and personality in your anger. Now I just love your posts!

 

Thank you for encouraging me. It has been and still is a hard road. I will get through, I know, somehow. I always do.

[bentnotbroken]

I actually came do adore your way of expressing yourself. It would be boring if we were all alike! I was offended at first, but after getting to know you I could see the pizzazz and personality in your anger. Now I just love your posts!

 

Thank you for encouraging me. It has been and still is a hard road. I will get through, I know, somehow. I always do.

 

 

That's because God don't make no junk! You will get through everything with even more strength. I definately have a tendency to irritate and offend. :oJust some of my natural gifts. My anger not only comes from a place of being betrayed, but from a place of not being able to see it coming and prepare my kids. I know what one of my roles as a parent is to protect my kids, and I couldn't do that. So I must admit I was angry at myself about it. I have worked through that and the anger at the ow was less about the act of sleeping with him and more about her lack of concern for my family and continued harassement. He is getting what he sowed, he is to be pitied.

 

I am glad someone else can enjoy my caustic sense of humor. My kids call it vinger humor:p

[White Flower]

I am glad someone else can enjoy my caustic sense of humor. My kids call it vinger humor

You'll have to define that one for me, honey. Never heard of it.

[bentnotbroken]

It adds flavor,but has a bitter taste and takes some getting used to.

[GreenEyedLady]

BTW, that "once a liar always a liar" line - is just that. Everyone - even the most honest people lie sometimes. No one really grows out of the fear of telling the truth in some situations - telling the truth and then facing the consequences that is . If what you are really saying is once a cheater always a cheater - that is also not true. There are no universalities in this life.

 

Thanks ST!

 

It was a whopper. And I have forgiven him. He shouldn't have lied, but we moved on. Just like people in all R's do when they love each other and believe that the R can move forward and be stronger and better. Once you forgive, you have to move on. We have done that. I'm glad that you understand. And you stated my position so eloquently. I really appreciate it.

 

The past is the past. We now live in the present and look forward to the future.

 

GEL

[pelicanpreacher]

Really? That wasn't my take on it...

 

 

 

And I think you are way underestimating GEL. She is another example of my point - that the two people in the relationship (and how they interact with each other) decide its success, more than any other factors. GEL didn't put up with him waffling; she said goodbye at one point and moved on. He decided that he couldn't live without her. Now they are happily together.

 

I honestly think GEL's MM would still be with his W if she had just meekly accepted the way things were and didn't put her foot down.

 

Or perhaps the strain exerted on MM's marriage, brought on by the intrusion of an aggressive affair, caused such tension in the household that MM found it easier to be a wimp and leave rather than face his consequences and live up to the commitments he made when he exchanged vows and said "I do"! Maybe his daddy's sperm got weak when he planted his seed for the proof is in the pudding when it comes to how this "Chicken Little" reacted when the pressure was on!

[GreenEyedLady]

Or perhaps the strain exerted on MM's marriage, brought on by the intrusion of an aggressive affair, caused such tension in the household that MM found it easier to be a wimp and leave rather than face his consequences and live up to the commitments he made when he exchanged vows and said "I do"! Maybe his daddy's sperm got weak when he planted his seed for the proof is in the pudding when it comes to how this "Chicken Little" reacted when the pressure was on!

 

Wow.

 

Just wow.

 

I don't think I've ever seen this argument as to why a MM leaves.

 

You've just totally discounted the feelings and experiences of anyone who ends a M and divorces.

 

I take this as a personal attack on me. This new "theory" of yours was concocted to describe my personal R. It is not one that you have ever argued under any other circumstance.

 

I do not understand why certain people are so threatened by me. I fell in love with an unavailable man. He ended his M and we are together. Is it that scary a reality that it could actually happen that causes you to lash out at me?

 

If people are offended by what I post, put me on ignore. You don't have to read what I say.

 

But I stand by my man and I know what he did was hard. I can honestly say he changed before my eyes. He made changes that needed to be made from within. And we love each other mutually and exclusively. And we have both fought hard for our love and cherish it and each other.

 

Is happiness in another so envy and jealousy provoking? Everyone can be happy. It's not as rare as lots of people would like to believe. Happiness comes from within. And until you resolve what's inside, happiness will elude you.

 

GEL