I lied and cheated...he moved on, now i'm hurtin

[gummybear]

This an update on this thread below:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=155648&page=3

 

Basically, I lied and cheated and he dumped me exactly one month ago. We had limited contact for 1.5 weeks where I told him that I basically accept the fact that he doesn't want to be with me cuz of what I did and that I can't expect him to forgive me.

 

We then had NC for 3 weeks after that until yesterday I called him to wish him happy bday and told him to call me back (he didnt pick up so I left a voicemail). His bday was actually on Thursday but I called him 4 days after his bday cuz I was on vacation and had no cell phone reception. He didn't call me back which made me impatient cuz he's NEVER gone more than a few hours without a call-back. Anyways, I called him again today and he picked up and he said he was sleeping when i called and that he forget to call me back (ouch!) and we just chatted about what he did for his bday and about my vacation. I didn't ask him to meet up and I ended the phone call and he said stuff like 'thanks for calling, talk to you later.'

 

Basically, things played out exactly the way I thought it would. It further confirmed how over he is with me. But for some reason right after the call I just broke down crying. I know what I did was wrong and I'm sure no one here has any sympathy for me, but I'm hurting. I know I deserve it, but still, it hurts.

[Nevermind]

I don't get pleasure from seeing somebody hurt. So, hopefully you'll get out of this. Learn this lesson, and avoid doing things that will end hurting you. Be glad, that you didn't completely destroy him and that you actually are able to have some contact. He didn't kick you to the curb. One day, he will have forgiven you.

[gummybear]

I don't get pleasure from seeing somebody hurt. So, hopefully you'll get out of this. Learn this lesson, and avoid doing things that will end hurting you. Be glad, that you didn't completely destroy him and that you actually are able to have some contact. He didn't kick you to the curb. One day, he will have forgiven you.

 

I hope he still misses me, it hurts more that he talks to me like I'm just a regular friend. Perhaps indiffernce hurts more than if he hated my guts. But he's never been the type to hate me for long. Even during times when I dumped him or cheated on him, he'd hate me for a bit at first but then he'd get over it and he'd be friendly with me again and talk the way he talked to me today. He's hard to read. I know it's selfish, but I don't want him to stop missing me so soon. I know he deserves to move on but I don't want him to. But I sense that he's over me and it hurts. It does. By the way, my own bday is coming up in 3 weeks and now I'm stressing as if he'd have the decency to remember to wish me a happy bday. When we talked today, I also talked about how my friends are planning for my bday. If he forgets to call me, I'd be sad. But even if he remembers, I'd still be sad. When we were apart during those 2 months, I asked if he'd forget my bday and he said that he won't. He said that he's got a mnemonic for it even.

 

NM - I really did learn my lesson. I still love him and it hurts. And because I don't want this to happen again, I swear to not do it again.

[PandaStillLovesBunny]

"...the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference."

 

I don't mean to sound like I'm picking on you, but one of the surest ways to get someone mad at you is to forget their birthday, and despite your situation (no cell phone), this is what it looks like you did to him. If there was even the slightest chance that he still felt something for you, it's probably gone now. If you do hear from him on your birthday, consider yourself the luckiest girl in the world.

[gummybear]

"...the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference."

 

I don't mean to sound like I'm picking on you, but one of the surest ways to get someone mad at you is to forget their birthday, and despite your situation (no cell phone), this is what it looks like you did to him. If there was even the slightest chance that he still felt something for you, it's probably gone now. If you do hear from him on your birthday, consider yourself the luckiest girl in the world.

 

But he was the one who dumped me. I don't understand. Plus, he knows I love him and there was even a hint of sadness in my voice as I talked to him. He knows I didn't forgot, he knows I was trying my best to hold back and not call him (I didn't tell him this but he knows how I feel about him). I did in fact tried my best to not call him but I gave in (stupid me).

 

When he dumped me a month ago, I gave him his early bday present (a shirt) and I asked if he wore it and he said he wore it on Friday (day after his bday) to his own party I think. If he was mad at me, he wouldn't have wore it since he wore it after his bday. He's just indifferent and yes like your quote said that hurts. He probably didnt wear the shirt cuz I gave it to him, just cuz the shirt is a REALLY nice shirt, best shirt he's got he said when I gave it to him.

[gummybear]

Ok, in light of what PSLB just said, did I really screw up again by calling him 4 days after his bday and just destroyed all chances of reconciliation (not that there was much if any to begin with)? I feel so sad.

 

I mean if you were in his shoes and given our history and fact that he dumped me, how would you feel if I didn't call? Just indiffernce probably huh? I mean HE dumped me. I thought I wasn't supposed to come off as desparate to try to win him back. Someone please help me. I'm so clueless.

[Chrome Barracuda]

I hope he still misses me, it hurts more that he talks to me like I'm just a regular friend. Perhaps indiffernce hurts more than if he hated my guts. But he's never been the type to hate me for long. Even during times when I dumped him or cheated on him, he'd hate me for a bit at first but then he'd get over it and he'd be friendly with me again and talk the way he talked to me today. He's hard to read. I know it's selfish, but I don't want him to stop missing me so soon. I know he deserves to move on but I don't want him to. But I sense that he's over me and it hurts. It does. By the way, my own bday is coming up in 3 weeks and now I'm stressing as if he'd have the decency to remember to wish me a happy bday. When we talked today, I also talked about how my friends are planning for my bday. If he forgets to call me, I'd be sad. But even if he remembers, I'd still be sad. When we were apart during those 2 months, I asked if he'd forget my bday and he said that he won't. He said that he's got a mnemonic for it even.

 

NM - I really did learn my lesson. I still love him and it hurts. And because I don't want this to happen again, I swear to not do it again.

 

So you dumped him, hurt him,humiliated him, emasculated him and cheated on him before. You know he deserves more but you dont want more but it's selfish to ask that of him after you have done many bad things.

 

Leave him alone, and let him heal. I wouldnt want to go back to a woman who did all that dirt to me.

[gummybear]

So you dumped him, hurt him,humiliated him, emasculated him and cheated on him before. You know he deserves more but you dont want more but it's selfish to ask that of him after you have done many bad things.

 

Leave him alone, and let him heal. I wouldnt want to go back to a woman who did all that dirt to me.

 

Honestly, at the time I did those things I was have some emotional issues and I hated that I did those things to him. Each time I'd always tell him that something is wrong with me and I'd tell him that when I dump him it's out of my control and that is why he'd take me back. I'd dump him but then cry to him afterward because I said that my emotions took over again and made me do it. I went to therapy to fix my problem. He was able to forgive me for dumpin him a few times but he said the fact that I lied and cheated was too much to forgive and it makes him insecure being with me (afraid that I'm lieing to him again). That is probably why he can't exactly hate me. It's becuase he knows that I truly love him but that something was wrong with me and that made me do reckless things. He probably feels sorry for me. Each time I dumped him and after I cheated, he always immediately saw how much I hated doing that to him and I'd always tell him that 'I'm sorry, something is wrong with me, i hate that i keep hurting you, it's out of my control, i need to get help'.

 

He knew this from the very beginning of our relationship and at the time I told him that he has to get rid of me because I'm bad for him but he said he wanted me and he'd be patient and help me with my issues. But still, the cheating and lieing he never expected to happen. Eventhough therapy fixed my problem now, that was too much for him. I guess this is one side of the story I never told you all. That is why I'm hurting. I went through therapy and alot for him and when we got back together 2 months ago I felt so confident that we'd work out and I told him that I finally feel at peace again and that I don't have those crazy issues anymore (therapy and time fixed me) but that was when he let me go...after all that.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Honestly, at the time I did those things I was have some emotional issues and I hated that I did those things to him. Each time I'd always tell him that something is wrong with me and I'd tell him that when I dump him it's out of my control and that is why he'd take me back. I'd dump him but then cry to him afterward because I said that my emotions took over again and made me do it. I went to therapy to fix my problem. He was able to forgive me for dumpin him a few times but he said the fact that I lied and cheated was too much to forgive and it makes him insecure being with me (afraid that I'm lieing to him again). That is probably why he can't exactly hate me. It's becuase he knows that I truly love him but that something was wrong with me and that made me do reckless things. He probably feels sorry for me. Each time I dumped him and after I cheated, he always immediately saw how much I hated doing that to him and I'd always tell him that 'I'm sorry, something is wrong with me, i hate that i keep hurting you, it's out of my control, i need to get help'.

 

He knew this from the very beginning of our relationship and at the time I told him that he has to get rid of me because I'm bad for him but he said he wanted me and he'd be patient and help me with my issues. But still, the cheating and lieing he never expected to happen. Eventhough therapy fixed my problem now, that was too much for him. I guess this is one side of the story I never told you all. That is why I'm hurting. I went through therapy and alot for him and when we got back together 2 months ago I felt so confident that we'd work out and I told him that I finally feel at peace again and that I don't have those crazy issues anymore (therapy and time fixed me) but that was when he let me go...after all that.

 

The thing is maybe he just finally got fed up and tired of the emotional rollercoaster the cheating, the lies, the dmping, the issues.

 

You caused a lot of problems. And maybe it's time for him to just let you go. I've been where he's been and after one woman breaks my heart I dont go back.

 

Leave him alone, and let him heal.

[gummybear]

The thing is maybe he just finally got fed up and tired of the emotional rollercoaster the cheating, the lies, the dmping, the issues.

 

You caused a lot of problems. And maybe it's time for him to just let you go. I've been where he's been and after one woman breaks my heart I dont go back.

 

 

He dumped me only AFTER all the emotional rollercoaster was over. When we back together for that one month I didn't hurt him in any way. But he just figured that he still can't accept i lied and cheated....and he said that even if I did change and wont do that stuff again...he can't accept it.

 

You've been where he's been? Do you mind telling your story?

 

Leave him alone, and let him heal.

 

You don't have to worry about that. He's already over me it seems judging from our phone convo today.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Yeah, my story is long. and trust me it's the same as only on the opposite side. I'llgo into it later in depth, but right now the best thing you could do is let him heal.

 

I know you got issues but he didnt deserve to be on the end of it you know.

[Woggle]

I don't mean to sound rude but you did bring this on yourself. If you truly do love him you should have shown him while he still loved you and wanted something to do with you. Now he has had it and he just wants to move on with his life and I would do the same thing. I hope you have learned from this and you treat the next guy better.

[gummybear]

Yeah, my story is long. and trust me it's the same as only on the opposite side. I'llgo into it later in depth, but right now the best thing you could do is let him heal.

 

I know you got issues but he didnt deserve to be on the end of it you know.

 

You are right. He didn't deserve it and that is why I can't be bitter at him either. Anyone in his shoes would have done the same thing. I look forward to hearing your story, and perhaps in doing so I can try to understand how he feels. Maybe it will help me to move on more easily. Thanks Chrome.

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

I am just a little unclear. When you say you cheated on him. Do you mean because you were dating another guy behind his back like you mentioned in your previous posts or did you actually have sex with another guy behind his back a couple of times?

[Chrome Barracuda]

To the OP,

 

There was a girl I dated. When we got together I was real skeptical of even opening my heart to a woman for fear she'd try to break it like all women at some point do. Well I decided to give her a chance.

 

I asked her if she was over her ex, any emotional attachments to him or anything. Are you done with him? She said yes.

 

So we got together and things were going good. I'm thinking well she might be the one. I start opening my heart to her, I'm thinking this could evolve into something long term. and guess what happened within the 4 months. She stabbed me in the freaking heart!!!!! lol.

 

She was sleeping with her ex in the last month we was together. (I knew.) I didnt have proof but when she brought him up there was a sense of shame, couldnt look me in the eye. I can read body language pretty well. most people can. The same guy she talked so bad about, cheating on her, got multiple kids by different women. SHE GOES BACK WITH THE SAME NUTJOB!!!!

 

Unbelievable! I was hurt and I wondered why she lied, that's what I was mad about, not the cheating, but why she lied to me when I specifically asked her for the truth from the begining.

 

Suffice to say I let her go. After that, guess what happened.

 

He cheated on her again and she found out while his phone was on and she heard him F-ing some new chick in the background. (it must have been on speakerphone or something. lol.)

 

I just looked at her like a freaking idiot...

 

Dont be that woman. Dont be an idiot. The man I am today dont trust a woman for what she worth. I dont trust her word and I analyze everything. I will never put my heart back out there for any woman to break. Word is born.

 

and that's what happened.

[gummybear]

Hello,

 

I am just a little unclear. When you say you cheated on him. Do you mean because you were dating another guy behind his back like you mentioned in your previous posts or did you actually have sex with another guy behind his back a couple of times?

 

No sex, not even kissing. I only went out with the other guy because my bf at the time told me he doesnt see the relationship going anywhere because of all the emotional issues I had and he was getting tired of it but I convinced him to try for at least a few more weeks. I became weak and thus lied and went out with the other guy (only twice) for the attention my bf was not giving to me at the time but then I felt really bad and stopped seeing the other guy. Eventhough my bf was on the brink of breaking up with me, it still was wrong what I did.

[gummybear]

To the OP,

 

There was a girl I dated. When we got together I was real skeptical of even opening my heart to a woman for fear she'd try to break it like all women at some point do. Well I decided to give her a chance.

 

I asked her if she was over her ex, any emotional attachments to him or anything. Are you done with him? She said yes.

 

So we got together and things were going good. I'm thinking well she might be the one. I start opening my heart to her, I'm thinking this could evolve into something long term. and guess what happened within the 4 months. She stabbed me in the freaking heart!!!!! lol.

 

She was sleeping with her ex in the last month we was together. (I knew.) I didnt have proof but when she brought him up there was a sense of shame, couldnt look me in the eye. I can read body language pretty well. most people can. The same guy she talked so bad about, cheating on her, got multiple kids by different women. SHE GOES BACK WITH THE SAME NUTJOB!!!!

 

Unbelievable! I was hurt and I wondered why she lied, that's what I was mad about, not the cheating, but why she lied to me when I specifically asked her for the truth from the begining.

 

Suffice to say I let her go. After that, guess what happened.

 

He cheated on her again and she found out while his phone was on and she heard him F-ing some new chick in the background. (it must have been on speakerphone or something. lol.)

 

I just looked at her like a freaking idiot...

 

Dont be that woman. Dont be an idiot. The man I am today dont trust a woman for what she worth. I dont trust her word and I analyze everything. I will never put my heart back out there for any woman to break. Word is born.

 

and that's what happened.

 

Sorry to hear what she did. That was wrong. Very wrong. But I never ever had feelings for that other guy I went out with. I did it cuz my heart was breaking because my bf at the time didn't think it was going to work. I was weak. The story is a bit different here I think. But still, what I did was wrong.

[gummybear]

Bryan - After I cheated, my bf was pissed. He wanted to ignore me. But after 1.5 months of me calling him every week just to see how he was doing and so that I can also do my therapy, we finally met. We got back together and he told me he missed me, hated losing me, and that he feels complete again with me. I was naive and thought that he had forgiven me, but I was wrong.

[imbewildered]

But he was the one who dumped me. I don't understand. Plus, he knows I love him and there was even a hint of sadness in my voice as I talked to him.

 

Your whole thread here is about YOu and your feelings - who cares about how you feel.

You say you "love" him. LOVE is about how you conduct yourself towards your SO, and you have demonstrated that your NEED to have your ego inflated by having another man is your priority ahead of your relationship with your B/f.

His willingness to even talk to you is remarkable - I would have dumped your azz in the 'relationship dumpster' and slammed the lid forever.

 

You man is the smart one here - he is placing self respect ahead of you, sex and the pleasure of your body.

YOu, however. are merely playing lip service to your guilt.

Lying and cheating are unforgivable . YOu have lost this guy by your selfishness - own it and learn from it so that you do not inflict your lack of morals and ethics on some other trusting man in the future.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Your whole thread here is about YOu and your feelings - who cares about how you feel.

You say you "love" him. LOVE is about how you conduct yourself towards your SO, and you have demonstrated that your NEED to have your ego inflated by having another man is your priority ahead of your relationship with your B/f.

His willingness to even talk to you is remarkable - I would have dumped your azz in the 'relationship dumpster' and slammed the lid forever.

 

You man is the smart one here - he is placing self respect ahead of you, sex and the pleasure of your body.

YOu, however. are merely playing lip service to your guilt.

Lying and cheating are unforgivable . YOu have lost this guy by your selfishness - own it and learn from it so that you do not inflict your lack of morals and ethics on some other trusting man in the future.

 

 

LOL

 

I think she gets that im bewildered.

 

Like i said she needs to let him heal.

[gummybear]

Your whole thread here is about YOu and your feelings - who cares about how you feel.

You say you "love" him. LOVE is about how you conduct yourself towards your SO, and you have demonstrated that your NEED to have your ego inflated by having another man is your priority ahead of your relationship with your B/f.

His willingness to even talk to you is remarkable - I would have dumped your azz in the 'relationship dumpster' and slammed the lid forever.

 

You man is the smart one here - he is placing self respect ahead of you, sex and the pleasure of your body.

YOu, however. are merely playing lip service to your guilt.

Lying and cheating are unforgivable . YOu have lost this guy by your selfishness - own it and learn from it so that you do not inflict your lack of morals and ethics on some other trusting man in the future.

 

Before my therapy, I was f*cked up and both me and him knew it. I WAS selfish and while I had strong feelings for him then my emotional issues got in the way. At that time, I didn't have the ability to love because of my issues. I did those things at the time when I wasn't able to love him wholeheartedly.

 

Only after the therapy and time apart, when I got thoughts straight, did I really love him. I can never bear to hurt him again. Too late ofcourse. That is life.

[Chris1479]

"Honestly, at the time I did those things I was have some emotional issues and I hated that I did those things to him. Each time I'd always tell him that something is wrong with me and I'd tell him that when I dump him it's out of my control and that is why he'd take me back. I'd dump him but then cry to him afterward because I said that my emotions took over again and made me do it."

 

How funny, I'm beginning to see a pattern here..... Total abdication of any responsibility for anything whatsoever.

 

E.g. "I didn't do it, my emotions did it"

"I only went out with those guys because my bf MADE me"

 

Well at least you ain't on your lonesome here, all cheaters rationalise it that way. How else could you live with yourself?

[bish]

This an update on this thread below:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=155648&page=3

 

Basically, I lied and cheated and he dumped me exactly one month ago. We had limited contact for 1.5 weeks where I told him that I basically accept the fact that he doesn't want to be with me cuz of what I did and that I can't expect him to forgive me.

 

We then had NC for 3 weeks after that until yesterday I called him to wish him happy bday and told him to call me back (he didnt pick up so I left a voicemail).

 

Oh no you didn't. You have done enough to him, he is moving on, trying to forget you, but you just HAD to call him to keep you fresh in his mind didn't you?

 

 

His bday was actually on Thursday but I called him 4 days after his bday cuz I was on vacation and had no cell phone reception. He didn't call me back which made me impatient cuz he's NEVER gone more than a few hours without a call-back. Anyways, I called him again today and he picked up and he said he was sleeping when i called and that he forget to call me back (ouch!) and we just chatted about what he did for his bday and about my vacation. I didn't ask him to meet up and I ended the phone call and he said stuff like 'thanks for calling, talk to you later.'

 

Basically, things played out exactly the way I thought it would. It further confirmed how over he is with me. But for some reason right after the call I just broke down crying. I know what I did was wrong and I'm sure no one here has any sympathy for me, but I'm hurting. I know I deserve it, but still, it hurts.

 

Chalk it up to a lesson learned. Move on and try not to screw it up with the next guy you claim to love. Leave this poor guy alone, as I said before, you have done enough to him. Let him forget you.

[bish]

I don't get pleasure from seeing somebody hurt. So, hopefully you'll get out of this. Learn this lesson, and avoid doing things that will end hurting you. Be glad, that you didn't completely destroy him and that you actually are able to have some contact.

 

He dumped her because she cheated. He doesn't need her contact. In fact he needs just the opposite so he can move on.

 

 

He didn't kick you to the curb.

 

Uh, yes...he did. She said he dumped her. If you are referring to him not telling her to $%$# off when she called him, he is probably too nice of a guy to do that, so he put up with some idle chit chat. It was clear he wasn't going to call her back.

[bish]

I know he deserves to move on but I don't want him to.

 

thats horrible...absolutely horrible. As if cheating wasn't bad enough, you want to be so selfish as to keep him hurting? Thats why you contacted him...you don't want him to move on and you won't let him.

 

 

But I sense that he's over me and it hurts. It does. By the way, my own bday is coming up in 3 weeks and now I'm stressing as if he'd have the decency to remember to wish me a happy bday.

 

After cheating on him, I don't think you have the right to expect "decency" from him. And if he doesn't call you, it has nothing to do with decency, it has everything to do with him moving on.

 

 

When we talked today, I also talked about how my friends are planning for my bday. If he forgets to call me, I'd be sad. But even if he remembers, I'd still be sad. When we were apart during those 2 months, I asked if he'd forget my bday and he said that he won't. He said that he's got a mnemonic for it even.

 

 

Boy, you really are busting your butt to make sure you have future contact with him aren't you? As said before, you have done enough to this guy. leave him alone.