Is this considered excessively violent/angry for parents?

[Myob12345]

I guess seeing if anyone has had a similar experience or if its just my family, or what to do outside of moving out of the house which won't be an option for another few months. My mom, I feel, has a problem with anger management. I probably do as well but not to the degree that she rages. You should also know that I'm over 18 (not over 25) and currently living with them to cut costs on the ridiculous rent prices in California while I'm waiting to hear back from graduate schools. They also hate my boyfriend with a passion and often use my relationship with him against me, which is a very sensitive area for me ("no wonder your boyfriend doesn't respect you" "no wonder you keep getting dumped"). An example:

 

Today, we got into a fight about my cell phone ring being too loud. I said something snarky to my dad because he wanted me to turn it off at night. I think I said something along the lines of 1) no one ever calls me at night and 2) "well why can't you just go back to sleep if it does wake you up?" I guess my dad had a bad day or something because in response to that he raised his hand as if to hit me and then yelled something very rude to me about "how i just sit around and let my boyfriend **** me"... he used the F word, which I found to be very irrelevant and offensive in the context of things. I immediately turned and raising my voice (i was angry :\ ) asked him what his problem was and why would he say something like that. To which my mom heard the arguing and came over to see what was going on. Meanwhile my 13 year old sister is telling us to chill out.

 

Instead of asking or breaking up the argument she immediately turns on me and starts screaming at me about how I don't respect my dad. This argument has absolutely nothing to do with her. In fact without her interfering, most likely I would have just gotten up and walked away or just argued it out with my dad until he and i apologized to each other. Of course her yelling at me when I haven't calmed down from my dad's comment causes me to tell her that she doesn't even know what my dad said or know what went on so to stay out of it, to which she continues screaming and throws a cup of tea in my face, then continues to throw various other objects like magazines and a metal pan of nuts. My sister attempts to break it up by telling her not to throw things, to which my mom takes as "defending me" and turns her attentions to my sister, nearly hitting her with an alarm clock before my dad physically intervenes.

 

What bothers me is that she constantly ties everything she has issues with back to my relationship with my boyfriend. Tonight she claimed that "all I do at home is read books and talk to him all day" which is extremely preposterous considering I talk to him maybe 30 minutes total a day. She also gets extremely childish when in her rages. Today she told me "Why don't you shut up. Why don't you shut up. Why don't you shut up." over and over as I was trying to talk and then when I said "I'm sorry I was rude to Dad about my cell phone, I shouldn't have, but he should not have said those things to me" to which she cut me off and said "I don't even want to hear you talk all you're going to say is how you did nothing wrong." She also attempted to pull my hair and hit me as I walked to the kitchen to get my cell phone (because she would try to destroy it otherwise and she's done in the past with things like my guitar or laptop). It was impossible to say anything productive over her raging so i finally just locked myself in my room to get away from it.

 

I know I should probably be too old to feel this way, but the things that my mom and sometimes my dad say still hurt me a lot and my mom's violent behavior disturbs my younger sister and me (although I grew up with it. When I was younger, she would take her rages out on my dad instead of me.)

 

I guess I just want to know if this is like normal angry behavior for a parent or if, as my mom says, she has a right to do these kinds of things because "its her house and she's the parent." I don't understand why parents feel that just because they own the house they're allowed to say and do anything they wish and their children just have to take it. Also to get this out of my system.

[saraispiel19]

What a troubled little family- and its normal. It's not normal that they are cursing at you and treating you this way but it is normal to have troubles.

 

Your little sister is doing what she sees: she's is of a young age where monkey see monkey do. She's a brat and the better thing to do is talk to her in private and tell her that she is hurting your feelings when she acts this way. If she keeps acting the way she does the best thing to do is ignore the grimlin- I know I was a big brat to my older sisters and well that worked for me.

 

As for you father: he may be upset at the fact that you and your boyfriend are sexually active-- afterall what father wouldn't?? or parent. You need to have a conversation with him as painfull as it may be and get everyting straightened out.

 

As for your mom: the best thing to do is talk to her alone and tell her how you feel afterall she is your mother. My mom is stubborn and a big bible thumper it's taken me YEARS on end for her to listen to me so don't stop because I know I sure haven't.

 

 

Continue with your studies and keep creating a healthy relationship with your boyfriend ( my parents do not like my husband.. they did not like him from the start.. but in the end he is a good man and a great provider and he makes me happy and thats all that matters and my parents have FINALLY learned to accept that fact).

 

If anything suggest family counciling-- I'm pretty sure there are community centers out there. Family is important and an angry one is much of a help when you are a student and trying to make your own life.

 

 

Goodluck to ya and keep us posted!

[Myob12345]

Thanks for the response.

 

I'm honestly at the point where I'm just so bitter and angry at everything that I feel like certain types of people should just not be allowed to have kids ever.

[saraispiel19]

Thanks for the response.

 

I'm honestly at the point where I'm just so bitter and angry at everything that I feel like certain types of people should just not be allowed to have kids ever.

 

 

ah well many people would agree with that concept.

 

have you talked to parents already- what have you done about the delimma?

[Enema]

Here's how you could have solved the problem in 3 easy steps:

 

1) Dad says: "Turn your phone off at night, it's too loud"

2) You say: "OK sure, no problem dad... I rarely get calls at night anyway so that's cool"

3) Profit.

[TheSilentType]

I dislike people who think they have some kind of entitlement to everything. Get a job and move out if you don't like it. Or better yet ask your super awesome boyfriend to pay for your expenses while your waiting to hear from graduate schools - I can bet 99% he will flat out say no.

 

Face it, you are at your parents house for the moment. You live by their rules. What sane parent in their right mind (outside of American parents) is going to be happy that their self-absorbed kid is hanging and screwing some loser while they're busting their asses putting a roof over her head.

 

What exactly is this bf like? Maybe their assessment of him is correct