Relationship with co-worker is getting complicated. I need some advice please!!

[CB]

I work very closely with a man in my office. We work on several projects together, we pretty much have the same job title, and we are always working right by each other's side, communicating often about business and such. Well, lately, things have really been getting complicated between us. We are very, very attracted to one another. We will often take our lunch breaks together and spend the whole break having sex wherever we can find a place to do it. Sometimes we will stay at work late to "work on a project" and end up having wild sex right there on one of our desks. The sexual tension between us is so strong that I can hardly look at him without getting a wild sensation in my nether regions. I mean, it's getting difficult to keep my mind on work. Every time I look at him I just want to go over and rip his clothes off. And I am pretty sure it's the same way with him. And what makes it worse is that in meetings and stuff, he will sit across from me and give me seductive looks and massage my crotch with his foot or something. It makes it really hard to focus. All I can think about is having sex with him. We make any excuse to go on a "business run" so we can go get in a quickie. I think people are starting to suspect it, because they are always giving us suspecting looks or making little comments.

I am just afraid that it will effect our work to the point where we get in trouble. And I don't want to have another work partner, because I am having so much fun at work and I actually look foward to going to work every day because of him. And our relationship is perfectly ok, because neither of us are in committed relationships or have children so we are free to do whatever, but our company has a policy about employee relatioships that basically says "don't have one". So if our boss found out, I am sure we would both get the can. I would think about switching departments or jobs if I knew this man wanted a relationship that was more than sex, but he's never said anything about it. He's never asked me out or anything, we just have sex and flirt all the time. He's never expressed interest in anything besides a sexual relationship. We don't even talk on the phone. It's really wierd. I have never had a relatioship like this. I would like it to be more, but I don't want to sacrifice this great job to end up with no job and no man.

 

What should I do?

[clia]

You are walking a thin line.

 

First, I can pretty much guarantee that your coworkers are highly suspicious. It's been my experience that the office setting creates some sort of weird urge to gossip about anything and anyone. And chances are, they are all talking about you. It's only a matter of time until that gossip reaches the wrong person. You are so wrapped up in the sex that you cannot be objective and cannot see how this looks to an outsider. Lunch every day? "Business" runs? Staying late? Always together? Being flirty across a table at a meeting? People aren't stupid.

 

I don't want to sacrifice this great job to end up with no job and no man.

 

Second, let's be clear. You don't have a man, you have a ****buddy. There's absolutely nothing wrong with those types of relationships if you are happy with them. However, you (1) seem to want more, and (2) are doing it with a coworker. This is a recipe for disaster.

 

I don't really know what to tell you except that I think you need to put a stop to this before you lose your job. In this economy, if you have a great job set up, it's not worth it to lose it over something like this. (And trust me, there are people lined up who would be happy to take your job off your hands.)

 

Have you considered what will happen when this ends? Because it will. Since he's not seeing or talking to you outside work, he's probably dating other women. Eventually he'll meet someone and then you will be SOL. What's it going to be like to work with him then?

[jalexy]

i think you need to be professional and handle these things outside of work. dont have sex on the clock, thats pathetic. imagine you the boss and you were paying two workers to have sex on your time. its no good.

[midori]

OK, the two of you have crossed the "no romance between coworkers" line, so why aren't you openly discussing what's between you?

 

Is it because one or the other of you doesn't want it to go outside the office, into the real world?

 

If so, why risk your job for sex? The sex might be hot but the economy's not, so which would you rather sacrifice?

 

If you are afraid to raise the subject of your relationship with this guy, I think you have your answer: you know he's not interested in you beyond the sex-at-work thing. Thus, he's not worth it.

 

I'd talk to him about this right away. You've got nothing to lose. Except your job, which you could lose if you allow things to continue as they are. If it's for real, the relationship needs to leave the supply closet and go out into the sunlight and the after-hours world in which it belongs.