Exposing my darkest secret

[josie54]

How could that be a joke? What part would be funny? Def sure this wasn't a joke and certain that it was genuine.

 

I don't feel comfortable talking about this to anyone. This THREAD is the first time I've ever spoke of it and I REALLY had to make myself start this subject. It's very awkward for me to discuss this because I know how funny it prob sounds to you'll.

 

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that the joke was funny. I meant to say that when teenage boys interact with each other, they focus on exactly the most prominent features of their friends and they make fun of it--in the guise of a joke--loudly and with feeling. They deliberately go for what they know will hurt. I meant to say that what you interpreted as an honest, heartfelt remark by your friend was actually the casual, thoughtless remark of a teenage boy making fun of his classmates with the intent to cause a sting.

 

After you, he very well may have moved on to make fun of the next guy because he was short or the guy after that because he talked funny, etc., etc. It's what most teenage boys do. (And teenage girls, for that matter, although teenage girls tend to do that behind their friends' backs. Teenage boys go straight to the source.)

 

I'm very glad that you found an outlet here to discuss this and get your feelings out in the open. That's a great first step, and I really hope you're finding it at least a little helpful. As to how funny it sounds to us, that's not what I think at all. It makes me very sad that you can't accept how you look, but it's something you'll have to work through over time. Most of us do. At your age (and I have about 15 years on you at this point), I guess I felt pretty much the same way about how I looked. Hated my hair, my weight, my nose (oddly enough, didn't hate the freckles!) Thought I was fat and ugly. Now that I'm in my late 30s, I have a different perspective on it all. Realized that all the negative self-talk was just wasted energy and didn't really do anything to make my life better. I stopped fighting how I looked and started working with it.

 

I guess, all I can say is that, while it doesn't seem as if it's possible now, it does get better and easier. Fifteen years from now, you might very well appreciate how you look (particularly because, as one poster mentioned, your freckles may make you look a good 10 years younger than you are!) As you get older, you realize that it all just doesn't really matter that much. Once you realize that, your attitude and outlook lightens, and people actually see you as more attractive for that very reason.

 

For now, however, I do feel for you. I hope you find a way to work through this, get beyond this, and enjoy life a little more. A dark mood and negative self-perception can often be self-fulfilling. Luckily, the same is true for a more positive outlook and self-perception.

[selena_cat]

hello confused,

now you can cal me embarrassed, on my other favorite websites you can pm other members,i tried to do pm you in private telling you mystory but i see that i have to respond to your post, i thought i was the only person feeling that way.

I know thatperpetual feeling of deep dissatisfaction,about hating your looks, and no matter what anyone tells you its you voice you listen to,that critical voice that tells you otherwise

i had to go to therapy b/c i hated my dark skincolor,and that was being black, no i didnt want to be like micheal Jackson-but i do understand his motive for bleaching his skin.

I remember In HS its always the blond girls or light skinned black girls who gotal the dates and attention- i attributed to my not having boyfriends for my dark skin even though everyone told me i was very pretty, or gorgeous even towards my 30's

I had to go to therapy b/c that voice thats inside of you wnt go away, and i'm not sure if its because your single that you feel that way,i took it out on my looks why i'm not always getting dates, but it comes down to developing self esteem and image. Now i am more comfortable in my skin b/c of dark skin models.singers and actresses that are prominent in the media, but before it was the Halle Berry types-and thats what i believed men wanted,if i was only bi-racial like her then everything wil be okay. Its as if she set the standard of beauty for black women,and Alicia Keys, Vanessa Williams also.

I dont feel too much like that cus i'm still in therapy,mainly to recover from an emotianally abusive situation i got away from,. Note of caution,you can attract people who wil treat you like youre nothing if you feel as if you are,and guess what this guy was hung up on looks and you can put two an two together,and i did blame myself for not being attractive for him thats why he went out wioth the nest pretty thing he seen- but w/therapy i realized what a jerk he was and my self loathing attracted someone like him.

Sometimes its not enough for everyone to tell you youre good looking,or that freckles are very attractive,its what you tell yourself and you may need to seek a caring professional that can help you through this,you may not believe in that but even if its with a trusted clergy member,or anyone who helps counsel people-I know that wil help you through this and of course even if youre not religious, faith in GOd since he said that he created all of us in HIS image,that to me is powerful.

There is revealed my dark secret to you, i never ever wrote somethimg like this but i hope it helped you in some ways. You can also pm me if you wish,i'm always looking for supportive people that i can give and recieve support-God bless and hope you take care of you!

 

Selena

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

KinAZ - thanks for that info. I'll see if I can find anymore info on that.

 

Endlesstrains - thanks for your sensible reply. I have a lot of freckles - forehead, eyelids, few on my lips, etc that I cannot come to terms with. I highly dislike them and feel that most in general will also. Maybe this is true, maybe it isn't. How do I know for sure?

 

Zicke - thanks for your support. I just don't understand when people say, "It's their issue, not yours." That just seems like total bs. Why would they say it in the first place. Ya, they may be cruel, but the point is that they really thought that. And there is a reason they thought that, right?

 

Josie - I'm sorry if my thread has hurt YOU in anyway. That of course wasn't my attention. I am also covered in freckles. And I do need to expand my view, thanks for bringing that to my attention, I just don't know how.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

I think freckles are cute

 

Let's take two people, and two people's opinions.

 

The first guy is the guy who told you you had the ugliest face he had ever seen.

 

The second guy (well let's make it a girl) says that you have one of the best looking faces she has ever seen.

 

Why do you give SO MUCH power to the first guy, and none to the second? You said you've had compliments before about being hot, etc. Why are you not giving those compliments any power?

 

Think about this.

[confused2007]

hello confused,

now you can cal me embarrassed, on my other favorite websites you can pm other members,i tried to do pm you in private telling you mystory but i see that i have to respond to your post, i thought i was the only person feeling that way.

I know thatperpetual feeling of deep dissatisfaction,about hating your looks, and no matter what anyone tells you its you voice you listen to,that critical voice that tells you otherwise

i had to go to therapy b/c i hated my dark skincolor,and that was being black, no i didnt want to be like micheal Jackson-but i do understand his motive for bleaching his skin.

I remember In HS its always the blond girls or light skinned black girls who gotal the dates and attention- i attributed to my not having boyfriends for my dark skin even though everyone told me i was very pretty, or gorgeous even towards my 30's

I had to go to therapy b/c that voice thats inside of you wnt go away, and i'm not sure if its because your single that you feel that way,i took it out on my looks why i'm not always getting dates, but it comes down to developing self esteem and image. Now i am more comfortable in my skin b/c of dark skin models.singers and actresses that are prominent in the media, but before it was the Halle Berry types-and thats what i believed men wanted,if i was only bi-racial like her then everything wil be okay. Its as if she set the standard of beauty for black women,and Alicia Keys, Vanessa Williams also.

I dont feel too much like that cus i'm still in therapy,mainly to recover from an emotianally abusive situation i got away from,. Note of caution,you can attract people who wil treat you like youre nothing if you feel as if you are,and guess what this guy was hung up on looks and you can put two an two together,and i did blame myself for not being attractive for him thats why he went out wioth the nest pretty thing he seen- but w/therapy i realized what a jerk he was and my self loathing attracted someone like him.

Sometimes its not enough for everyone to tell you youre good looking,or that freckles are very attractive,its what you tell yourself and you may need to seek a caring professional that can help you through this,you may not believe in that but even if its with a trusted clergy member,or anyone who helps counsel people-I know that wil help you through this and of course even if youre not religious, faith in GOd since he said that he created all of us in HIS image,that to me is powerful.

There is revealed my dark secret to you, i never ever wrote somethimg like this but i hope it helped you in some ways. You can also pm me if you wish,i'm always looking for supportive people that i can give and recieve support-God bless and hope you take care of you!

 

Selena

 

Selena,

 

Thank you for your post. It means a lot to me that a total stranger can reveal their secret to help me understand that I'm not alone. Even though it feels good to know that you can relate, I'm sorry to hear that you feel this way.

 

I'm also glad to hear that you're becoming more comfortable in your skin, and I'm sure I also will with time and learning a new perspective that all LS'ers have given me.

 

best wishes,

 

confused

[confused2007]

I think freckles are cute

 

Let's take two people, and two people's opinions.

 

The first guy is the guy who told you you had the ugliest face he had ever seen.

 

The second guy (well let's make it a girl) says that you have one of the best looking faces she has ever seen.

 

Why do you give SO MUCH power to the first guy, and none to the second? You said you've had compliments before about being hot, etc. Why are you not giving those compliments any power?

 

Think about this.

 

Hi Cherry,

 

Thanks for bringing this to my attention. To answer your question, I don't know.

 

The remark I was given, was probably felt in the same way that...say...if your mother looked you in the eyes with disgust and told you, "I HATE you." It was felt so deep when that kid told me that and it still remains with me 10 years later.

 

You'll are all wonderful and your new perspectives are really helping me to understand things differently. All this time, maybe I just needed a little love from loveshack

[whichwayisup]

I was in football tryouts; just got done running with full gear in the heat of the day, and a 'friend' looked at me and said "You have the ugliest face I've ever seen," with the most disgusting look on his face. This was 9 years ago.

 

I am so sorry that you had to go through that. People can be really flippin' mean sometimes, and not realize how hurtful words can stay with someone forever and do damage.

 

I think each of us has a story like yours, slightly different, but it still has long lasting effects that we carry with us, insecurities that are there and eventually either get buried or come back up and bite us in the ass in the future..

 

On a different and opposite note, strangely enough, I have dated some beautiful women. I've been told I'm "Hot, cute, sexy, handsome, attractive" (I believe all at night time)

 

So, you've been told you're cute, handsome, sexy and attractive. So what if it was at night..People don't change their looks from daylight to nightlight. Build upon that and try to ignore the past pain and haunted words of that a-hole who shouldn't have said a word to you. I mean when you think about it, who cares what he thinks! 1)He's a guy and you're not gay so it shouldn't matter what he thought of your looks, and 2)He isn't in your life at all anymore (though it would be nice if he apologized to you for his rudeness and hurtful words).

 

Focus on the women who find you sexy and handsome! MANY women love fair skinned men with freckles. I am a redhead, fair skinned, but I do get nice tans, I have freckles too. My husband is fairier than me, brownish hair and he has lots of freckles too. Doesn't bother me at all!

 

You need to build up your self confidence and LS is the right place to come for help, for us to get you half way there. Counselling will also help you gain self confidence (google cognitive behaviour therapy - This type of counselling will help you change your thinking patterns, your behaviours and lessen your anxiety) and teach you how accept YOU for you.

 

Hang in there and stay strong.