it worked!!!!

[Sw3etdev1L]

hehe.. I went out with this guy for a month, then he said he was not in my path (because he said i was too nice).. then I sed we should be bed buddies. I just said it, I didn't mean it hehe.

Well, he said he was happy to know about that...and that he thought it was great. Then I said hi on him on msn and he ignored me. So, I waited his phone call. For a week and a half I thought he was not going to call, so I decided to let him go....A week and a half later, I got into messenger, he was in..he started talking to me, and said he agreed with what I said about the bed buddy thing but that he had been very busy last week and that is why he didn't call, that he was anxious to know about me and stuff. Anyways, he said he was going to europe for about ten days..soo, I told him, that I wished him luck and didn't at aaall mentioned anything about getting together before or whatev, instead I said soemthing like "well, if I don't hear from you before you go to europe, have the best time ever". and he was like " sure, I'll talk to you before I leave" hehe.

I don't care about the bed buddies thing, I just don't care about the label (boyfriend-girlfriend/fidelity, and committment) you know why?..because even if you are going out "seriously", what "seriously"means doesn't always end up being serious, I mean.. labels, if he falls in love with me and I fall in love with him, it doesn't matter if he is my boyfriend or not, he is going to want to be with me, not with another girl..aaaand

another thing...I said we should be bed buddies, such as guys say "I want to marry you"...hehe. of course I am not giving myself entirely to him, I prefer to know him a little and have fun, kiss whatev, but not run the risk of getting pregnant of getting an stds.. maybe tease him a little. No wrong in that. They say boys's limit is were the woman draws the line, and I support that quote, 100%.

Lets see if this works, if it doesn't...hey!!, we are bornt alone!!!.. there is always someone else right?

[CarrieT]

Out of curiosity, do you really talk the way you write?

[Crestfallen_KH]

What worked exactly?

 

I'm sorry, I don't understand what you're trying to accomplish (or think you have accomplished). Can you be a little clearer?

[Sw3etdev1L]

I write this way because I am mexican moron, I am not ignorant.

Do you know how to speak two languages? Three? did it ever ocurr to you, people you are not from the states, try to speak english the best they can? but since we don't live there, we don't practice as much as you do?? duuuh

[Sw3etdev1L]

I am just trying to have fun and go out with the guy I like.

Read my other posts. j.a.

Oh and another thing, if you couldn't read my post, why don't you rewrite it?.. it would be easier to your fellow citizens to read it that way huh?

[justine4]

I don't understand how you're so happy because he's having you as a 'bedbuddy'.

 

For him to be happy about this, I can understand. No strings attached, no pressure, sex on demand - another way to get this would be by going to a prostitute - but why pay when you'll give it to him for free?

 

I don't mean to be harsh here, but seriously, if you want to be with him, being 'bed buddies' won't put you up in his estimations, you'll lose any chance of having a proper relationship with him as he won't have any respect for you, and then, your plan is going to fall to pieces when he meets someone that he does have respect for and wouldn't do what you're willing to.

 

I can understand why you'd go to any lengths to keep contact with him in the hope it dawns on him that he wants to be with you, as your boyfriend.

 

Think about the long run and not the short sprint. Doing what you're intending to do now will give you a bit of comfort and bring you closer (physically, not emotionally) but its not going to be a longterm arrangement.

[Crestfallen_KH]

I am just trying to have fun and go out with the guy I like.

Read my other posts. j.a.

Oh and another thing, if you couldn't read my post, why don't you rewrite it?.. it would be easier to your fellow citizens to read it that way huh?

 

Oh, ok. If that's all you are trying to accomplish, it does sound like it worked then - congratulations.

 

I just didn't understand what sort of advice (if any) you were looking for; that's all I meant by asking you to be a little clearer. There's certainly no need to respond with hostility and name calling. How about giving someone the benefit of the doubt, hmm?

 

I'll happily step out of your post. Good luck to you.

[Sw3etdev1L]

amargadations nacos, no se ni por q me meti aqui.. tetos.

[MexicanBillBacker]

I write this way because I am mexican moron, I am not ignorant.

Do you know how to speak two languages? Three? did it ever ocurr to you, people you are not from the states, try to speak english the best they can? but since we don't live there, we don't practice as much as you do?? duuuh

 

 

How the **** did you expect people to know that you aren't from the states

[Mary3]

I don't understand how you're so happy because he's having you as a 'bedbuddy'.

 

For him to be happy about this, I can understand. No strings attached, no pressure, sex on demand - another way to get this would be by going to a prostitute - but why pay when you'll give it to him for free?

 

I don't mean to be harsh here, but seriously, if you want to be with him, being 'bed buddies' won't put you up in his estimations, you'll lose any chance of having a proper relationship with him as he won't have any respect for you, and then, your plan is going to fall to pieces when he meets someone that he does have respect for and wouldn't do what you're willing to.

 

I can understand why you'd go to any lengths to keep contact with him in the hope it dawns on him that he wants to be with you, as your boyfriend.

 

Think about the long run and not the short sprint. Doing what you're intending to do now will give you a bit of comfort and bring you closer (physically, not emotionally) but its not going to be a longterm arrangement.

 

Beautifully spoken. Reader please check out FWB on here for awhile until you truly understand the idea of being a h**** for someone and not getting paid....

[Sw3etdev1L]

U guys are rude.. If you'd know me, you wouldn't say what you are saying. First of all, I have never been with a boy.. Just once and he had premature ejaculation. Do you think, I want to get into a relationship in which I don't know the guy is healthy??? has that ever happened to you?? I mean, you cannot just judge a person by the way h/she writes, or by what he/she decides. Why?? because you don't know the reason why that person decided to act that way. I have my reasons. I ain't a whore. And g.d does things in a certain way for each and every one of us in a way, for us to get somewhere.. You guys aren't here to judge me, but to help me. If you are not going to help me, and you are just going to insult me and judge me. Then thank you for reading my article but I was searching for good hearted advice, not critical rude judgment. I wanted some help...not some strangers trying to hurt someone they don't actually even know. I think, personally the forums are not to judge, but to try to help in a well mannered way. so....feel free to have your judgements..Finally, the only one who can judge me is g.d. First, you should judge yourselves. in order to judge others. Nobody is perfect and will never be. Finally, I was searching for nice help. But since I didn't get it here.. thanks but no thanks.

[Crestfallen_KH]

I was trying to help you. I wanted to understand, first and foremost, what advice you were looking for since that wasn't clear in your original post. I couldn't make out a question that wasn't rhetorical, so I had no idea what you wanted from us. You chose to believe that my intentions were negative and, instead of clarifying, jumped down MY throat.

 

Maybe consider not reacting with such hostility. There are those of us who want to help, but if you push us away, the only people who are going to respond are those who would rather judge and criticize.

[justine4]

U guys are rude.. If you'd know me, you wouldn't say what you are saying. First of all, I have never been with a boy.. Just once and he had premature ejaculation. Do you think, I want to get into a relationship in which I don't know the guy is healthy??? has that ever happened to you?? I mean, you cannot just judge a person by the way h/she writes, or by what he/she decides. Why?? because you don't know the reason why that person decided to act that way. I have my reasons. I ain't a whore. And g.d does things in a certain way for each and every one of us in a way, for us to get somewhere.. You guys aren't here to judge me, but to help me. If you are not going to help me, and you are just going to insult me and judge me. Then thank you for reading my article but I was searching for good hearted advice, not critical rude judgment. I wanted some help...not some strangers trying to hurt someone they don't actually even know. I think, personally the forums are not to judge, but to try to help in a well mannered way. so....feel free to have your judgements..Finally, the only one who can judge me is g.d. First, you should judge yourselves. in order to judge others. Nobody is perfect and will never be. Finally, I was searching for nice help. But since I didn't get it here.. thanks but no thanks.

 

It isn't to insult you that I posted a reply to you. Its so that you keep your self respect. You are worth more than offering to be with someone just to stay close to him. What would you get from it though? The feelings are there on your side, which means you'll only get hurt in the long run, and in the meantime, keeping yourself attached to this guy will hold you back from getting into a relationship with someone else that will be more balanced.

 

I've known a few people who've done the whole FWB and can say for sure, not one of them has worked out. If we where robots, devoid of feelings, then sure FWB could work, why not? But we're not. Going from the experiences of others I know who have gone down the FWB route, theres always one party who has deeper feelings and in time gets hurt.

 

This isn't some pie in the sky theory, I'm talking about people I know and what happens when FWB goes wrong.

 

If you thought I was judging the type of person you are I wasn't.

 

The only thing I can say to you is look at what you've offered this guy from someone elses perspective. Think, instead of you being in this situation, that its a friend of yours. What advice would you offer her if she'd suggested doing what you've arranged to do? Would you tell her to go for it?

[jellyfarm]

Hi Sw,

 

Actually personally, I tend to agree with some of the others here as to what you are so joyful about.

 

The agreement you made with this guy, even in jest, is something he may have thought over in his head and could eventually leave you seriously in ruins at the end of the day.

 

Look, we women are built to form emotional connections the minute we have sex with a guy. To deny that biological built-in quality in us means

a) you're a mexican enchilada robot

b) you're actually a guy in disguise

 

 

So even though you're all hunky dory about yourself revelling in your freedoms that you are not attached right now, that's because you haven't slept with him yet amiga!

 

Wait till your endorphins kick in, the moment you orgasm and find yourself wanting to cuddle next to him in the sack. Then observe your post-coital needs then.

 

It'll be a different story.

 

What I'm more curious about is why he ignored you the first time on msn and then conveniently decides to engage you in a conversation a WEEK LATER telling you he was busy.

 

To me, that's just a signal that he really wasn't interested in you AS A PERSON. Why? Because from the first two lines of your OP (original post) you mentioned that you both didn't tango very well personality-wise so why should this be different a week later?

 

Second, if her really did like you, no matter how busy he says he was, he would've taken time out to e-mail, call or msn you for a couple of times or minutes.

 

So yeah, I'd definitely take this as an early warning to stay away from someone who probably suddenly felt kinky and horny and needed to talk to someone who would readily put out the tacos for him when he wanted it.

 

Girlfriend, move on and enjoy your life in some other way.

 

Best of luck!

[Sw3etdev1L]

well, you are so right guys... I understand what you are saying...

The thing is, culturally...the term/boyfriend girlfriend can change.

I mean... I know, in the states....when you are 18 or older you are already very independent and stuff. You can live alone or with a friend and what you do is your responsability..You guys have the freedom to choose a boyfriend/girlfriend taking in account you guys are just committed to each other and the possiblity of getting married can be there, and if it doesn't work..you just break up and that is it.

The different thing here in Mexico is, people are very conservative. Where I live, lots of people 18-26 even men still live with their parents. People are not very independent...when you date someone, the parents are very aware of the situation, I mean they take it pretty seriously and it is as if you are allready searching for someone to get married. That is the problem...the meaning boyfriend/girlfriend changes..it becomes a responsability, the family wants to be involved and for me...it stresses me out. I don't feel free, you know?....

I just want a relationship in which I can feel free, in which my family doesn't get involved and doesn't talk about who I am going out with, to their friends and just...let me be. The thing is...when I was dating this boy, my family got notice of that and they started telling me " when are you going to bring him to shabat"...yes, I am jewish..Jewish from Mexico.

So, for me, it is too much pressure. I cannot stand the pressure of not being able to go out with someone freely, being able to decide independently if you like that person or not because your family is already trying to get involved in your life...So, you guys thank you for your opinions really.

My idea is, just date him..give me self respect but not label things because...I need peace of mind, independence and the control of my situation, without having the pressure of my parents and my family. Who I know they want the best for me but I need to see things for myself. My idea is not give myself entirely in an intimate way, but...when there is a spark, and your heart feels it...you know, just know it is ok to have sex. If not, if you don't feel it because it is going to leave you some kind of a void. Then I won't do it.

Thank you guys for your comments.

[Mary3]

Your quote : " My idea is, just date him..give me self respect but not label things because...I need peace of mind, independence and the control of my situation, without having the pressure of my parents and my family. Who I know they want the best for me but I need to see things for myself. My idea is not give myself entirely in an intimate way, but...when there is a spark, and your heart feels it...you know, just know it is ok to have sex. If not, if you don't feel it because it is going to leave you some kind of a void. Then I won't do it.

Thank you guys for your comments.

 

The only way to ensure respect ( in this case ) is to NOT have sex with him at all...

 

Go to the movies , dinner , shows , ect. But don't sleep with him.

 

We told you this because you are going to likely develop deep feelings and get hurt when he puts his hands up and says :" Hey I said no committment " and then he finds someone he WILL commit to....

 

He is basically saying :" I want to have sex with you but you are not worthy of being my girl "

 

Doesn't that feel awful to you ?

[Sw3etdev1L]

Yeap I know I said that.. I just don't know what "bed buddy" really means..

His idea is go out places, movies, dinner bah blahl blah etc...and if something more physical happens, fine.

so..in a sense, he is dating me.

it's weird.

maybe I just don't know your term of bed buddies...I mean, more of a free sort of, "without the label", relationship...see where the wind takes you in this case your heart and ur brain. Maybe I just didnt mean bed buddies. Because he never talks to me about just having sex but more of...going out and have fun.

[Mary3]

Yeap I know I said that.. I just don't know what "bed buddy" really means..

His idea is go out places, movies, dinner bah blahl blah etc...and if something more physical happens, fine.

so..in a sense, he is dating me.

it's weird.

maybe I just don't know your term of bed buddies...I mean, more of a free sort of, "without the label", relationship...see where the wind takes you in this case your heart and ur brain. Maybe I just didnt mean bed buddies. Because he never talks to me about just having sex but more of...going out and have fun.

 

But it * all * leads back to the bedroom right ? Not in a sense is he * dating * you. He is USING you for his sexual conveinance. If you feel thats okay to have someone go after your private parts for recreation then you need to read more letters about FWBS

 

It is the lowest form of respect for yourself. He senses this and its a Green Light when it comes to what his NEEDS are but apparently NOT yours.

 

Unless your brain shuts down during sex , you are experiencing a bonding process out of your control. Posting here 3 months from now wondering why it did not WORK and he is still using you because you let him , its going to be harder for us to think you will finally * wake up * and see what he is doing to you.