tabzoid Posted July 29, 2003 Share Posted July 29, 2003 I have got this huge problem. I think its normal, but no one I know can give me any advice, so hopefully somebody can help me. OK...My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 months. Lately, I've felt like the relationship is kinda dead. I don't want to break up with him because I love him and he loves me. If I end this, I know I will regret it. I don't want to keep feeling like this because it is really wearing on us. We have been arguing more recently about stupid stuff. I think I'm just past the "infatuation point." Where do I go from here? How can I renew our relationship and make it better? I've tried some stuff, but nothing has worked yet. Please help me...I don't want to lose him. Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted July 29, 2003 Share Posted July 29, 2003 Um, no offense, but 3 1/2 months is a little too soon to be feeling like the relationship is dead. If after 3 1/2 months you feel you love your boyfriend so much that you don't want to be without him, you might want to take another look at your relationship. Love takes time to grow and settle into itself. The fact that you're having problems now is *not* a good sign and does not indicate long term happiness. Relationships all go through stages and your "honeymoon" period is obviously over and the time following is the REAL test. That's what the real relationship consists of. If this is how you want to feel then so be it, but my advice to you would be to throw in the towel. If you've tried to work on it, to no avail, then the chemistry just isn't there anymore. Love is not enough to make things work. That's my opinion though... Maybe you'll get other replies that will be more helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
tottuker Posted July 29, 2003 Share Posted July 29, 2003 You may love him but are you really IN love with him? There are two completely different things. Ya, if you love him of course you don't want to lose him, but are you more afraid of losing him as a friend or a boyfriend? I have been in you situation before. The guy I was with I loved so much but after awhile the honeymoon wore of and we both realized we were just better friends then BF and GF. I still love him very much and we are like the best of friends now and I wouldn't change that for the world. If you guys are fighting after only 3 1/2 months thats not a good sing. The only advice I can give you is to look at you relationship and see where it is going. You don't want to continue to fight and break up on bad terms and hate each other. So, maybe try and take a break from each other and both of you figure out what you want and what kind of relationship you want to have. Hope that helps a little!! Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted July 29, 2003 Share Posted July 29, 2003 I agree with Leikela. If you're feeling this way when you've been together for such a small amount of time, I would guess that you're not so much in love as you are keen on the idea of being in love, of having love in your life. Which is an easy mistake to make, I certainly have in the past. If you're arguing a lot, and not feeling good about the relationship, it's probably because you're not in the right relationship. Which would be like keeping a dress that you bought, even though you discovered when you got it home that it doesn't actually fit you well or flatter you. Would you keep the dress, just for the sake of having it? Or would you take it back and look for one better suited to you? Link to post Share on other sites
sunnie23 Posted July 29, 2003 Share Posted July 29, 2003 how can you tell when the honeymoon period is over? what if the couple in question doesn't fight? is there any way of telling whether or not to stay? it sounds to me like the end of the honeymoon is the beginning of boredom and fighting.....though i've never made it past that stage with anyone. i wish i had advice to give but this is something i truly don't understand....the stages. Link to post Share on other sites
my_mother's_daughter Posted July 29, 2003 Share Posted July 29, 2003 Ask yourself 3 questions. That's all: 1) If you love him so much how can the relationship feel dead to you after such a short time? 2) If the arguments are causing the unhapinnes, could you and do you want to diffuse them? 3) Are you staying with him because you believe that it's better than being alone? Be honest with yourself and you may arrive at a conclusion. xx Link to post Share on other sites
my_mother's_daughter Posted July 29, 2003 Share Posted July 29, 2003 *unhappiness*. sorry it's early evning here and I drank wine with dinner ...... Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted July 29, 2003 Share Posted July 29, 2003 Sunnie23, The end of the honeymoon period is not the beginning of boredom and fighting. Specifically, the honeymoon period is when you are awestruck by the other person and the way they make you feel. You are so enthralled by the relationship that you cannot possibly envision anything ever going wrong. These elated feelings only last so long and vary by couple. On average, the honeymoon period lasts 3-4 months. Once you come down off that high, you are left with what the relationship is REALLY like. This is what makes and breaks a relationship. If you cannot get past the honeymoon part, then the person wasn't meant to be. Basically, real love develops after the honeymoon period. That's when you start to see the person's faults and basically you learn to love them or you move on. Link to post Share on other sites
vixen Posted July 29, 2003 Share Posted July 29, 2003 This is just my opinion take it with a grain of salt. it is my experiance, that after 3 months in just about any to all love relationships, is when the "newness" wheres off. No more wooing, no more drewling, it's simply trying to slide into the everday part of your life. Perhaps for him, the newness has worn off to. How often do you see each other. To much can be damageing, as wall as to little. If you two have been emersing in each other, then of coarse your going to get on each others nerves. Maybe there are some friends you two have been absently neglecting. Take some time off, don't stop talking just use a phone. See other friends, hang out with the family. And most importantly talk to him. Tell him that your wondering what's up. that you care about how his feelings are. Do it with tact. Be like, why is it we don't seem to be chilling these days. Remember this is recent, it happens in all relationships, and little spats and arguements help you feel your ground, help a relationship grow and become strong. Leather can't become leather strait off the cow. it has to be cured and stretched. give yoursleves room, and talk about it. See where this is going. be fair to yourself and him becouse his heart and yours are both involved. Relationships need to have trust in them. If your haveing spats that's normal if you think the spats are caused by something more, then talk it out. Trial and error, but don't give in without a fight. Again, just my advice, an opinion nothing more. Ja ne Link to post Share on other sites
Author tabzoid Posted July 30, 2003 Author Share Posted July 30, 2003 Thanks a lot. I did a lot of thinking yesterday and I have realized that the reason I didn't want to lose him is because I don't want to be alone. I don't want to lose all the things that give me that comfort and security in our relationship. I don't want to lose the friendship that we have either. We were best friends before we starting dating, I just hope it doesn't kill it. (Normally this type of thing does, but...) I can't go on feeling like I have felt for the past week or so. I can't keep crying every night after I talk to him. I have to get some long overdue sleep. I know that it's over, and I'm going to end it...I have to. Tab Link to post Share on other sites
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