Is it ok to still work with the ex om/ow..how would you feel?

[OWoman]

Wow the fact that I stated woman should follow the man really seems to offend some. That's not my opinion. It's actual fact, according to the bible and Christianity.

 

Myth is not fact. You can believe whichever sky pixie you choose, but if you want to call something "fact", there are hard scientific criteria it needs to conform to and this doesn't.

[Owl]

No. He chose to forgive the infidelity. His choice to forgive it means he has to face the consequence of that choice. Two different issues.

 

Wrong. He chose to forgive that infidelity...under the assumption that she was willing to work with him to rebuild the marriage. Her choice to remain employed in proximity to OM negates the ability for the marriage to recover. He surely didn't agree to forgive the infidelity with the idea and intent of allowing her to remain able to pursue and resume the affair.

 

What he's asking for is NORMAL, its REASONABLE...its what ANY BS expects of the (f?)WS.

 

I love how he's now a useless freeloader.

 

Would his wife equally be such a useless freeloader if he'd agreed to work while she was in school? Heck, this happens ALL THE TIME in families all over the world. But he becomes a useless freeloader when he asks her to quit the job where she conducted her affair at?!?!?! Again...there's an undercurrent of bias here that's really rather vile.

 

How is it FREELOADING to go to school, and act as the SAH(mom or dad)?

 

I think you're conveniently forgetting...SHE AGREED TO THIS ARRANGEMENT TOO.

 

Seriously...it looks like there's a concerted effort to make him out to look like scum for setting a REASONABLE EXPECTATION that's a very definite REQUIREMENT for his marriage to have ANY chance of recovering.

 

Wow...seriously. Maybe its the culture gap between OM/OW and BS...maybe you're right, there are things that I simply "can't get" because I've never been an OM. I'm starting to buy it, because its becoming rather apparent that there are things here that are very, very obvious to the BS's that seem to be totally outside the scope of understanding of the OW that are posting to this thread.

 

In order to recover a marriage from infidelity, there are several things that HAVE to happen.

 

One of which is a concerted effort by the WS to change and modify behaviors that allowed the affair to happen to begin with. Another is the need for PREVENTION of contact between the OP and the WS. There has to be ACTIVE steps taken to ensure that there isn't ample opportunity for the affair to resume. NC is CRITICAL to this. And...the WS has to be able to DEMONSTRATE that NC is in place, in order to rebuild trust with her betrayed husband.

 

That's not happening here. In truth, as vehemently as she's fought against this, I seriously would be suspecting that there is STILL ongoing contact of some kind between her and her OM.

[bish]

No. He chose to forgive the infidelity. His choice to forgive it means he has to face the consequence of that choice. Two different issues.

 

 

And part of forgiving means the cheater needs to make amends and correct the situation. She is not willing to do that.

 

 

He was, and remains, free to do so. He chose not to, now must live with the consequences of his own choice.

 

 

Again, part of forgiving means the one that is receiving the benefit of the forgiveness needs to prove themselves worthy of it.

 

Again, she is not willing to do that.

 

 

Then he'd HAVE to get up off his rear and pay his own way

 

He is trying to do that, by watching the kids so she can provide while he goes to school to better the whole family's situation in the future.

 

Ya, he is a right bastard for forgiving her past and doing what he can to help the future isn't he OWoman?

 

 

and support his kids and pay alimony too, since Smooth has already indicated she'd have difficulty in securing another job.

 

 

Then apparantly you have difficulty reading. Nobody is saying she won't have difficulty finding another job. But she needs to keep her current job while LOOKING for another one while fully disclosing her past to potential employers.

 

If she cannot find a job, then we are saying that it isn't feasible that she quits. but she needs to make the effort.

 

Problem is, she doesn't want to make the effort.

 

 

It's hardly free. She's paying his way. It would be a lot cheaper for her to pay professionals than to feed, house and pamper a freeloader - and she's probably paying his way in school, too.

 

Well gee, you just slammed all stay at home mom's. Kudos OWoman!!!

 

 

That, too, was his choice. And FYI there's a huge difference between manslaughter and murder, and "killing someone" by accident is hardly the heinous misdeed you're implying - but I guess you've never had too much to drink, never made a mistake and god forbid never had an accident.

 

No, I haven't. I rarely drink, and when I do, I'm not driving or I walk.

Let not let personally responsibility get in the way or anything like that here.

 

Either way, he forgave her for that and this incident. How many times must a man forgive before you stop trashing him?

 

 

She's done her time. That's in the past. She's borne the consequences of her coices.

 

Yet she doesn't respect her H enough for giving her a chance and looking past her past to keep her legs crossed to another man.

 

doesn't look like she has learned a thing.

 

 

Now it's time for her husband to bear his.

 

This is why I say a cheater is not to be forgiven. Because if you do, people like OWoman here say that he has forgiven her and simply needs to shut up and take it.

 

I say he doesn't have to take it. I say he needs to divorce her worthless ass. A man gave her a chance and she pissed on that chance. She isn't worthy.

[jon01]

Myth is not fact. You can believe whichever sky pixie you choose, but if you want to call something "fact", there are hard scientific criteria it needs to conform to and this doesn't.

 

Myth is you choice of words. It is fact according to the book.

[Darth Vader]

Myth is not fact. You can believe whichever sky pixie you choose, but if you want to call something "fact", there are hard scientific criteria it needs to conform to and this doesn't.

 

 

Oh, it's no myth. The fact is, it's History! There is actual documented historical proof. And don't ask me where............ I know that's your next question.

[GreenEyedLady]

Wrong. He chose to forgive that infidelity...under the assumption that she was willing to work with him to rebuild the marriage. Her choice to remain employed in proximity to OM negates the ability for the marriage to recover. He surely didn't agree to forgive the infidelity with the idea and intent of allowing her to remain able to pursue and resume the affair.

 

What he's asking for is NORMAL, its REASONABLE...its what ANY BS expects of the (f?)WS.

 

I love how he's now a useless freeloader.

 

Would his wife equally be such a useless freeloader if he'd agreed to work while she was in school? Heck, this happens ALL THE TIME in families all over the world. But he becomes a useless freeloader when he asks her to quit the job where she conducted her affair at?!?!?! Again...there's an undercurrent of bias here that's really rather vile.

 

How is it FREELOADING to go to school, and act as the SAH(mom or dad)?

 

I think you're conveniently forgetting...SHE AGREED TO THIS ARRANGEMENT TOO.

 

Seriously...it looks like there's a concerted effort to make him out to look like scum for setting a REASONABLE EXPECTATION that's a very definite REQUIREMENT for his marriage to have ANY chance of recovering.

 

Wow...seriously. Maybe its the culture gap between OM/OW and BS...maybe you're right, there are things that I simply "can't get" because I've never been an OM. I'm starting to buy it, because its becoming rather apparent that there are things here that are very, very obvious to the BS's that seem to be totally outside the scope of understanding of the OW that are posting to this thread.

 

In order to recover a marriage from infidelity, there are several things that HAVE to happen.

 

One of which is a concerted effort by the WS to change and modify behaviors that allowed the affair to happen to begin with. Another is the need for PREVENTION of contact between the OP and the WS. There has to be ACTIVE steps taken to ensure that there isn't ample opportunity for the affair to resume. NC is CRITICAL to this. And...the WS has to be able to DEMONSTRATE that NC is in place, in order to rebuild trust with her betrayed husband.

 

That's not happening here. In truth, as vehemently as she's fought against this, I seriously would be suspecting that there is STILL ongoing contact of some kind between her and her OM.

 

Owl, I agree with you 100%.

 

I would be too embarrassed to want to go back to work with the OM. How uncomfortable.

[beautifullove]

I would put yourself in the same situation. Would you really like it if your husband worked with a woman he once had an affair with? That would drive me crazy!!!

[Darth Vader]

Myth is you choice of words. It is fact according to the book.

 

 

Ok, now this I will agree with you on.

[Order & Chaos]

Wow the fact that I stated woman should follow the man really seems to offend some. That's not my opinion. It's actual fact, according to the bible and Christianity. Don't want to be a preacher, but before you rush off to tell me about fact and opinion, maybe try to do a bit of research.

 

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing." (Ephesians 5:22-24)

 

Never said I was offended. But Christianity is no more fact than any other religion. Sorry, many of us believe it to be opinion, nothing more nothing less.

 

So, please if it floats your boat, preach away but many many people in the world believe the spouting of Christianity to be rheotorical philosophy based on opinion.

[Angel1111]

Never said I was offended. But Christianity is no more fact than any other religion. Sorry, many of us believe it to be opinion, nothing more nothing less.

 

So, please if it floats your boat, preach away but many many people in the world believe the spouting of Christianity to be rheotorical philosophy based on opinion.

 

The bible = a book that has been translated, re-translated, interpreted and re-interpreted about 10 billion different ways.

 

Christianity = a group of people where certain members empitomize the 'holier-than-thou' attitude and think it's their right to judge everyone else. Although, if I recall correctly, their bible says this is God's job. But, I guess if you're as superior as they are, that's close enough.

[bish]

The bible = a book that has been translated, re-translated, interpreted and re-interpreted about 10 billion different ways.

 

Christianity = a group of people where certain members empitomize the 'holier-than-thou' attitude and think it's their right to judge everyone else.[ Although, if I recall correctly, their bible says this is God's job. But, I guess if you're as superior as they are, that's close enough.

 

Nice generalization. I'm not a Christian or religious, but I don't think this way of people of "faith". I think they are misguided, but good as a whole as far as people go.

 

Sure you are going to have your snobs, but most of them are good people.

 

As far as the whole "judging" thing, cry me a river. Everyone does it....even you just did.

[Angel1111]

Nice generalization. I'm not a Christian or religious, but I don't think this way of people of "faith". I think they are misguided, but good as a whole as far as people go.

 

Sure you are going to have your snobs, but most of them are good people.

 

As far as the whole "judging" thing, cry me a river. Everyone does it....even you just did.

 

Good points.

[BettyBoop]

Wow the fact that I stated woman should follow the man really seems to offend some. That's not my opinion. It's actual fact, according to the bible and Christianity.

 

yes, it is a "fact" according to the BIBLE. The bible is nothing but fables and stories designed to hopefully make people do good deeds and prevent them from cheating and lying and hurting their fellow men and women.

 

The bible doesn't offend me, What does offend me is every single guy who just loves to quote every single thing in the bible that basically translates into "women are worthless and men are perfect".

 

Thank the lord I am a christian who doesn't read the bible.

[soda]

yes, it is a "fact" according to the BIBLE. The bible is nothing but fables and stories designed to hopefully make people do good deeds and prevent them from cheating and lying and hurting their fellow men and women.

 

The bible doesn't offend me, What does offend me is every single guy who just loves to quote every single thing in the bible that basically translates into "women are worthless and men are perfect".

 

Thank the lord I am a christian who doesn't read the bible.

 

Objectively, the bible hardly presents men or women as perfect. I also think that you're using too wide of a brush when you state "every single guy."

 

I'm a Christian, too, but I've never done this. It sounds like you've had some bad experiences. It's great that you're providing insight for others, but please understand that you're not entirely right.

[2sunny]

what happened to the separate thread that smooth's husband posted here over the weekend?

 

did it disappear? grrrr

[Angel1111]

what happened to the separate thread that smooth's husband posted here over the weekend?

 

did it disappear? grrrr

 

No, it didn't disappear - I just read it myself. But I don't remember where it was. Click under 'New Postings' and you'll find it there. He's using the name of 'floating', if that helps.

[Angel1111]

No, it didn't disappear - I just read it myself. But I don't remember where it was. Click under 'New Postings' and you'll find it there. He's using the name of 'floating', if that helps.

 

.....sorry, that's 'New Posts' and he's using 'Float On'.

[bentnotbroken]

yes, it is a "fact" according to the BIBLE. The bible is nothing but fables and stories designed to hopefully make people do good deeds and prevent them from cheating and lying and hurting their fellow men and women.

 

The bible doesn't offend me, What does offend me is every single guy who just loves to quote every single thing in the bible that basically translates into "women are worthless and men are perfect".

 

Thank the lord I am a christian who doesn't read the bible.

 

It may be a fable to you, but not to me. I also am a Christian and I don't ever remember reading anywhere in the Bible that says women are worthless and men are perfect, quite the opposite. Actually most of the people who where harshly rebuked in the Bible are men. And it tells men to treat women as they would themselves, since most people wouldn't mistreat themselves. Have you actually read the Bible or you listening to what others tell you it says?

[bish]

Well, now that we know that smooth still wants to be in contact with the OM and looks as if she is still having inappropriate contact with him, where is she now with all of her, "I can work with him without ever having an affair again" load of bull?

[crystal_lostheart]

Hi Smooth,

 

I couldn't bare the thought of staying where my MM is working. If it ended - then it's over. Any type of contact - finished.

 

After having an A, where you have stated that you thought about leaving your H for him and although you say it is completely over- I think it's best you don't work there anymore. With your H knowing about this A - it would hurt him deeply that you are still in the same building as this man. You can tell your H til you are blue in the face that nothing's happening - it's not about that - it's the fact that he knows that you are able to have contact with him, by choice or by accident.... it doesn't matter because the opportunity is there - even a glance in each others eyes if nothing is said - would no doubt be thoughts playing on your H mind. He will see it differently to you because he is hurting and has every right to feel this way. You need to jump on the same page as you H with this and see it from his point of view.

 

Your H sounds patient and considerate - and if the M comes first - you will do absolutely anything to save it. Work is work - and if you have had success with this job - which it sounds like you have - you will most certainly find a good job somewhere else - you will have another chance with another job - but will you have another chance to save your M?? In the end if the M comes first, I think you will find the decision is easy....

[bentnotbroken]

Go over to the infidelity forum. She didn't stay away from the MM and her H is leaving with the kids. She wants the MM more than her children. That's pathetic and sickening. Her stbx is Float