sad case very abusive brother dismissive vain mother, insulting nephew...what do u th

[gepda]

Our family is grade A prime choice disfunctional. My brither emotionally and physically abused me always, and he even did it sexually, though not by raping me or molesting me, but by watching me do it with cousins and then blackmaulung me so he wouldnt tell. i was so petrified of my mother (Iwas 7) that i became his slave. he used to hold up his fist and i´d cower and back down, he controlled me just like tht, if i sid or did things whcih displeased him, he´d show ,e the fist and wham i cowared. But he also hit, he hot me with a strip of rug in the face when I was really young, 4 or 5 and that HURT, HE PUMMELLED ME, MY KNEES,i WAS SITTING ONT HE FLOOR) WITH A HEAVY TELEPHONE, IT HURT FOR DAYS, FOR DAYS IT WAS BLACK AND BLUE, HE PUT HIS FIST THRU A WINDOW ONCE IN A RAGE TO GET ME, I WAS INSIDE THE ROOM WHOSE DOOR HAD A WINDOW. I LIVED SCARED, COWERED, OVERHHELMED friightened, resentful...once at the end of high scholl I was out celebrating with my firends we ran into them and he threatened to shoot one of them, shaming me to death. My mother always said, well what do u want me to do? Kill yourselves, see if I care. Vain, neurotic obsessive controllin, cold as she is, she just wanted to be left alone. She also terrified me no end. I was also called fat, ugly and stupid everyday by my brother andeveryday hepd say over anything, that´s why youre alone, you african nose (I am white but have wide nose) you pig, and you will always be alone, becuase nobody wants you you are weird and sick and ugly and you will be alone forever, HAHAHA...we turns out he was right, I am 40 an unmarried and have ditched all my friends in the last couple of months. I work in the family business, have a yorkie and volunteer for animal causes. He lives in Japan, and I must say I quite hate him, I cannot be in the same rtroom with him without having tht hatred growth and my mother is even worse a bitch when we are around him, trying to tell me what to do and control me to obey my brother in order to save her from grief, she is alsays saying things like, why dont you sleep in the couch , when we are all together when he visits, she isnists on that, so that youre borther can use this bes and youre nephew the other bed and we let them be comfortable. EXCUSE ME? My nephew is 17 he should sleep on the couch. My mother has never once apolized for her blatant preferal of him, to this day insists it isn´t true...there are many more stories like this, and even worse of how badly my abusive brother treats everyone, parents included, he is sigusting to be around, but the proverbial straw that broke the camels back was that, obviously getting his cues frm his daddy, my usually sweet nephew alsothought it okay to yell at me in the mddle of the street, using the exact same word his dear sweet dad used to use to abuse me: You are a hsyterical woman. Thats why nobody, you get it, nobody loves you , why you are alone and always will be, I know how you use my Dad (HUUUUH???? I NEVER SEE themm!!!) You are a poor crazy old hag...and my mother was right there. It all came about because I told him I was mad that he had let my yorkie out, and we couldn´t catch him and were afrid he´d be run over , so sfter considerable trials and tribulations we get him to start trotting back to the house and this kid tries to kick him, so obviously I lost it and told him to never talk to me agian, but in a quiet tone, and this kid just exploded and started yelling this and other expelletives in the middle of the strret with such rage. My mother his grandmother, did nothing, jsut stood ther, and acted as she always had, prefering theboys to the troublesome girl and even stated kissing him and holding him a few minutes later, while i was left the lonely wicked witch of the west to fume by myself. When i confortned my mother she siad o go away and leave me in peace i did nothing to you, nor did anything to ur stupid dog. Well I have never been so hurt and so angry. of course I know those words my brother has taught his son, he has heard them at home, and of course I shlud have expected that the frivolous vain mess of amother i have would have done nothing which in itself is doing something, so I just lay ther in stunned, heartbroken silence, feeling that of course, they weere right, it was true, nobody loves me and nobody ever would. great lessons Bro, I learned them to a t, I am, in fact, alone and unamrried without a fmaily, a boyfriend or even close friends...and I hate you so much and am so resentful of you that to add insult to injury, because you make me so sick, I am always the witch when u are around...I resent both my parents for not having done enoguht to protect me, to keep me safe, for not having once, just once apologized for anything I have told them they did to hurt or affect me becuse they didn´t defend me form my own brother who tortured my childhood and teenage years, who yelled that I was a chepa whore everytime I went out, who slapped me and hit me and pushed me, and who now cant understand why i am so aggressive to him, the poor thing...and my stupid mother being oblivious, but wanting us to be together for birthdays and holidays and xmas...and that is just not going to happen my mephew stopped being family officially on the day he insulted me and did not apologze, how sad but true..how can this ahole of a brother I have expect me to love him and to stnd by like the poor spinster auntie who finds herself happy thru sharing her families happiness when her own emotional ans psychological spheres were so damaged that she could never establish a relationship with a man who wasn´t the exact same type of abuser, no, poor spinster auntie is alone cause she is ugly and insufferable, daddy says so, daddy must know, she was like that always, even if daddy does huliiate us all in his family just as awfully and my lis siter is tremendously overweight yet my incredibly egotistical ******* of a brother calls her pig and laughs at her, what a mensch, ha? What do I do? I never want to see any of them agian, but then theres is the business and only if I explode right this instant will he ever see a dime of that money, over my dead body... I am at my wits end, I have acne, I cry all the time, i feel more alone than ever, to me the word brother signifies dread and fear, please help, can one get over sibling abuse...please dont tell me to forgive him...I cant...and much to my chagrin I can´t forgive my nephew either, because he did it withsuch fierceness, such loathing, such contempt...

[Ronni_W]

I am sorry to hear of your experiences. You certainly did not deserve such treatment.

 

On the plus side, you obviously have an incredibly strong "survivor instinct" that helped you maintain your loving and compassionate nature -- in my mind, it takes a very special 'heart' to be able to volunteer with animals.

 

If you have not considered individual therapy, I would strongly encourage it. It helped me come to terms with a lot of my own childhood trauma, to the point where I found inner peace to replace all my strong negative feelings.

 

Sending you hugs and wishes for everything good in Life, from this day forward.

Ronni