j_hunt_12 Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 ehh... I'd say you can't really love someone you never met, but who knows. Love is not just about some magical line you hit and that's it. Love grows from shared experiences, building trust, talking with each other, seeing each other, making love, touching, blah blah blah... You can only get half of those online. The problem is that magical blah blah crap doesn't exist and someone can much more easily lie to you if you only meet them online. And people very often do. I've had many friends who I met first online and spoke with a lot before actually meeting them. When I actually did meet them they were different people than I thought they would be.... not bad, just different, and this is the reason I feel the way I do. However, I think along with meeting in person or if you meet in person first then have to split, the internet and phone (and video cams!! Just got it with my LDR GF and it is an amazing help) can be a great way to build up the love with you SO or even to meet new people... as long as you plan to meet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 It is easier to lie online, yes. But it is easier to be misled by first impressions IRL, or to unwittingly place undue emphasis on them. There are many people who do not speak much until they really come to know you, and thus you would just pass over them IRL, especially in group settings (as is usually the case, since IRL things don't usually become 1 on 1 til you know someone well, catch 22 situation). Online, however, it's ALWAYS 1 on 1, and it's easier to open up. This is usually the case for introverts, especially. So arguably online would be the BEST place for certain people to start falling in love. I've had crushes on three people online so far. I even got to know my current bf online, although we met IRL rather quickly. I met two of these people IRL a long time (many months) after we'd gotten close online. The feelings didn't abate after that and the connection was just as good as ever... I suppose I choose/communicate well online, not sure if that's a bad or good thing, though. If anything, I only found them more desirable. Things just didn't work out for other reasons. You'll never know the whole person online, yes. You may never know if there's physical chemistry also, yes. You will get hurt if you place too much expectations and commit too quickly to a relationship with someone you've never met IRL, yes. So I wouldn't completely disregard feelings for a person that you've only known online, but don't 'drop everything' for him, either. Then again, you shouldn't even be dropping everything for a new RL relationship either. Link to post Share on other sites
engravefeelthevoid Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Link to post Share on other sites
whateverwillbe Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 Take the above post seriously, although funny. I think you can fall in love, but beware. Unless they are totally honest with you they may not tell you things that are going on in their life. And these things may be things you would not tolerate if you knew. It is so easy to trick you when you are not there. Link to post Share on other sites
engravefeelthevoid Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 nicely said...LIES are abundant and natural in such situation....u fall in love with the idea of someone...not the person himself.... Link to post Share on other sites
disgracian Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 Lies or the lack thereof are part of the individual's character, and they will deceive regardless of whether they're talking to you over the phone, in person, or via email. It doesn't really matter. Caution and common sense should be applied no matter what the circumstances are. Being burned by a liar over the internet is no worse than being burned by some predator in a nightclub with a vial of rohypnol. I don't think there is anything inherently more dangerous or less trustworthy about the internet than anything else. Attitudes to the contrary belong back in the late 1990s or on tabloid journalism shows. Cheers, D. Link to post Share on other sites
engravefeelthevoid Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 Let's not call them lies...it is correct that people in a night club could lie....infact let's forget ALL about lies......falling in love with someone in my opinion does not depend on looks mainly or what information thta person lies or doesnt lie about....I believe that falling in love depends on the energy that the person infront of you emits when he's interacting with you....that is when he talks..walks...listens to you...looks at you etc....i seen pictures of the one i love before i met her(she was my cousin's friend)...but ddnt feel anything....however when I really met her and we talked....I fell in love with the person infront of me....she gave off an energy that i liked and we said i love you by day 9........I am against internet based romance and love because u like and love the idea of someone.....it's not as real as real life love and romance.....Many of my friends were disappointed...loved someone over the internet but when they met them things were NOT the same......so this vital ingredient of real love in my opinion is unavailable in internet dating..... Link to post Share on other sites
engravefeelthevoid Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 ehh... I'd say you can't really love someone you never met, but who knows. Love is not just about some magical line you hit and that's it. Love grows from shared experiences, building trust, talking with each other, seeing each other, making love, touching, blah blah blah... You can only get half of those online. The problem is that magical blah blah crap doesn't exist and someone can much more easily lie to you if you only meet them online. And people very often do. I've had many friends who I met first online and spoke with a lot before actually meeting them. When I actually did meet them they were different people than I thought they would be.... not bad, just different, and this is the reason I feel the way I do. I agree with J hunt... now for my share of the response...Let's not call them lies...it is correct that people in a night club could lie....infact let's forget ALL about lies......falling in love with someone in my opinion does not depend on looks mainly or what information thta person lies or doesnt lie about....I believe that falling in love depends on the energy that the person infront of you emits when he's interacting with you....that is when he talks..walks...listens to you...looks at you etc....i seen pictures of the one i love before i met her(she was my cousin's friend)...but ddnt feel anything and trust me she was really attractive....however when I really met her and we talked....I fell in love with the person infront of me....she gave off an energy that i liked and we said i love you by day 9...now our love is growing everyday.....I am against internet based romance and love because u like and love the idea of someone.....it's not as real as real life love and romance.....Many of my friends were disappointed...loved someone over the internet but when they met them things were NOT the same......so this vital ingredient of real love in my opinion is unavailable in internet based romance..... Link to post Share on other sites
disgracian Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 And I suppose it's impossible for anyone else to have an experience contrary to yours that is still valid. Cheers, D. Link to post Share on other sites
Dark-N-Romantic Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 Lies or the lack thereof are part of the individual's character, and they will deceive regardless of whether they're talking to you over the phone, in person, or via email. It doesn't really matter. Caution and common sense should be applied no matter what the circumstances are. Being burned by a liar over the internet is no worse than being burned by some predator in a nightclub with a vial of rohypnol. I don't think there is anything inherently more dangerous or less trustworthy about the internet than anything else. Attitudes to the contrary belong back in the late 1990s or on tabloid journalism shows. Cheers, D. I totally agree with you. A jerk is going to be a jerk, no matter where you meet them. I man, how many people who have are or have been married or in a long-term relationship have ended a relationship because of a jerk? And if the numbers of are right, more people run into such jerks from offline based relationships verse online ones. But, it is not the numbers that should concern us... But the knowledge there are some good ones and some bad ones, no matter where or who you meet them. DNR Link to post Share on other sites
celinedion1 Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 Wow, this is amazing. What you have here is a jerk. You should really consider if that is a guy you want to be with for a long time. Why would he string her along like that? What is the purpose? Why let her waste her life thinking they may be together all the while pretending. He is a user of people's feelings and I would watch my step with him. Why does he need his ego stroked so badly to use this woman? And why would you tolerate such? Just think about it. ETA: I do realize that he is your ex, and maybe that is why, but from what it sounds he is trying to get you back, or maybe you are working on it, so that is why I worry about you. A little update for ya: We were trying to work things out however, he told me that he's planning on going ot meet up with this online girl in 2 weeks. He's planning on spending 2 weeks with her, and hes never met her before. He told me that he wants to see if things develop, however he also told me that he wants to marry me and if i were to marry someone else then it would break his heart. He doesnt want to be in a committed relationship right now with anyone, yet if he finds a steady source of income while back there, then he's planning on staying back there. Link to post Share on other sites
gd26 Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 A little update for ya: We were trying to work things out however, he told me that he's planning on going ot meet up with this online girl in 2 weeks. He's planning on spending 2 weeks with her, and hes never met her before. He told me that he wants to see if things develop, however he also told me that he wants to marry me and if i were to marry someone else then it would break his heart. He doesnt want to be in a committed relationship right now with anyone, yet if he finds a steady source of income while back there, then he's planning on staying back there. Great so you get to be the string along... or plan 'B' if things don't work out with her... cool. NOT! Link to post Share on other sites
whateverwillbe Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 As I said before, this is a jerk. You are his second choice. Marry someone else, and don't worry about him, he thinks with his you-know-what. Link to post Share on other sites
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