Perspective essay of little things mean alot vs. love is already squared away

[PracticalShade]

Before my girlfriend and I (both Christians, she's 21 and I'm 27) officially got together, we had known each other online for over a year and had been interested in one another but never spoke up. Then it was revealed two months ago, we started talking romantically, and after recently visiting her for two weeks we're officially in a committed relationship. Though we grew up in the same area, we both live in different places officially making it an LDR. (She helps with a church, and I currently am in a different part of the states because I'm military)

 

Via texting and phone calls, we do fairly well as far as communication goes-- which "nurtures" the whole long distance relationship thing. There is one snag that we keep running into though. Majority of our differences compiment the other but there's this one snag.

A little more background: She is an active leader for a church youth group and she also grew up in an area where life was rather fast-paced and highly social involved. Basically she is highly a people person; definitely moreso than myself. (Not that I don't like people, but she is more social of the two of us)

 

I'm the kind of person who, no matter what the situation, tends to keep my significant high in my thoughts and always keep the lifeline open. If I'm with my friends then I always have my cell phone and if I'm not going to be able to talk for any reason I try to do my best to let her know ahead of time. She on the other hand, will be texting me one minute and then have friends calling her or coming over and sometimes I don't hear from her for like 3 to 4 hours. When I do finally hear from her again I'll say "you couldn't have told me you had company or couldn't talk?" In my opinion, unless it is some sort of friend/family emergency, I should be important enough to know what's goin on. She says things to the effect of "if I stop talking for a little while, don't worry! Nothing's wrong I just had something come up."

 

From my perspective, I feel that little things like letting your significant other know "hey I've got this goin and I won't be able to talk until later" are things that mean a lot and can really help strengthen a relationship. (ESPECIALLY one that is currently long distance.) I like that she is a people person but I occasionally struggle with feeling like she sometimes thinks like "I love him, he loves me, so I'm not worried about it."

 

 

Overall I feel like I'm saying: "Taking me into consideration means a lot, and I wish you'd do more of the little things like that"

 

And I feel like she's saying: "Just know that I love you, but I'm a people person and sometimes I won't be available."

 

 

Like right now she's currently back in our hometown area visiting her family and her best friend came down to stay with her. I might hear from her a couple times a day for maybe 20 minutes total, which is quite the opposite of other times. Even as I'm writing this I know she's been up for at least 4 or 5 hours and she hasn't even done as much as text me to tell me hello but I don't want to give in and text her because I'll feel like I'm bugging her!

 

any input?

[sally4sara]

It sounds to me like you have made her the only source by which you validate your worth. You are not doing this simply because it is how you show your SO how important they are. You are doing this because you are not as social. Doing this doesn't mean you are better at showing love; it is just your style and circumstance. But her style and circumstances has contributed to why you like her; why do you wish her to be different? This will begin to come off as very needy and make contacting you a chore rather than a happy and natural action. You will end up suffocating any chance at success this relationship might have.

And yes, I've been in a LDR.