Back after more than 3 years

[rsm]

Its been 3 years since my last post for those that are interested here's the original post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56351/.

 

Well my fears were correct. Things have been so much better since I last posted up until about 4 weeks ago. We both had a run of extreme work pressure (she is still under a lot of pressure) and we had a disconnect, no fighting just life getting in the way.

 

That disconnect turned into tension. She wasn't trying to connect and neither was I, the sort of thing that happens when two people are both working with kids. We were both to stubborn to make the first move to reconnect. Then thing boiled over it went back to the same thing as we ran into 3 years ago. She is angry at me for my actions in the past and my not getting along with her friends and family.

 

Her stance was she doesn't even want to try. Divorce was brushed on but we didn't dwell on it. We have only really discussed the problem a couple times in the 2 weeks since the blowup. She hates conflict, discussions have to be on her terms or it all goes poorly.

 

I wrote her a note expressing some feelings I have trouble telling her. Basically I was telling her how physically attractive she is to me. I just had to tell her, don't ask me why. Since then that seemed to break the ice (we ended the night getting very physical, in a good way) and we have been doing OK, definetly not normal but good. We met for lunch yesterday, I avoided discussing us but things organically moved into the subject. She even mentioned going to therapy for herself and eventually MC. There was no argument just a level headed discussion, all and all a good experience.

 

Things are still at that stage. We are moving along pretty well, but of course I am still tormented. All I want to know is if she is ready to put real work into this of I there is no chance. I would love to make things work, but need to think about what I have to do if it doesn't.

 

It seems like if I even think of the preparations of seperating I can't focus on the positive things that are happening and I slip into depression, not major depression but showing signs.

 

I guess my question, is how do I handle this? Just keep positive and work on keeping things open? Do I push for therapy? Do give an ultimatum to commit to working on it or make the call to end things? I feel like i'm going nuts, anxious, depressed, the works. I just need to know where I stand and what happens next.

 

Any insight is appreciated and I am probably leaving out some details so feel free to ask questions.

 

Thanks