Did i overreact to an im comment?

[Alpha Female]

Hi. Thanks for reading and providing advice.

 

I am 42 and single. I recently met a man online and we struck up communicating. We had a date set for saturday night.

 

He is 30.

 

We were on im last night and the topic of cleaning the house came up. I said I do not clean my own house. He asked if I had maids. I said yes.

 

Then he wrote finally! my dream come true! A rich woman!

 

Then he added I'll take my viper in black please.

 

I was horrified.

 

I said to him oh is that what this was all about? Find some older woman to buy you things? Im glad we got this out of the way.

 

He started to tell me that I misunderstood (not sure how else you could take it!). I was so hurt and enraged I just blocked him and deleted him and logged off.

 

He sent an email to where we had met. It said:

 

Thanks for being quick to pass judgement. Sorry I wasted your precious time. I thought we were just playing around talking about money. I make my own money, and although it may not be as much as others, I don't go after older women to see if they have money. I could careless. And here I am defending something that wasn't supposed to be taken seriously. You are the jaded one. You wrote me off pretty quick. I'm sure you'll do well. Goodbye.

 

Which bothered me so I wrote him back that there are things you joke about and others you dont. That I dont know him and I can only take his words at face value.

 

He sent me this text this morning:

 

Happy 4th. I am not looking for a sugar momma. I read ur response to my last email and won't bother you again. I don't target older women for their monetary resources. But I realize the damage is done. I'm sorry. Take care.

 

Was I wrong in this? Did I overreact? Was I right to think he meant what he said and only backed off once he realized I wasn't a sugar momma?

 

Should I write him back? If so, what do I say? And if I do, would you always wonder if he meant what he said?

[missdeathwish]

I think you did overreact. That being said, it's a bad idea to use sarcasm online, where it's hard to detect. (His mistake, not yours.)

 

It's up to you. Do you want to try him again, or not? If so, see if he still wants to meet you. If not, thank him politely for his apology and wish him luck finding someone great.

[Alpha Female]

I think you did overreact. That being said, it's a bad idea to use sarcasm online, where it's hard to detect. (His mistake, not yours.)

 

It's up to you. Do you want to try him again, or not? If so, see if he still wants to meet you. If not, thank him politely for his apology and wish him luck finding someone great.

 

Thank you.

 

Yes I am sure I overreacted but as you said, when you dont know someone and havent met in person or even talked on the phone its hard to guage someones interest. Because I am so much older I am very sensitive to thinking a younger man would have genuine interest. Thats my problem for sure.

 

I would still like to meet him, yes.

 

But Im also feeling afraid to come right out and ask him for fear of being rejected. How can I hint at it without coming right out?

[Lizzie60]

I think you overreacted too... but like he said 'the damage is done'.. next time, I would suggest you meet them face to face first... before passing any judgement.. I honestly think he was joking..

 

and next time, I would suggest you don't talk about your 'maids'...

[Alpha Female]

I think you overreacted too... but like he said 'the damage is done'.. next time, I would suggest you meet them face to face first... before passing any judgement.. I honestly think he was joking..

 

and next time, I would suggest you don't talk about your 'maids'...

 

So you think he feels it is over and done Lizzie? Or could I still try and meet him?

[Lizzie60]

So you think he feels it is over and done Lizzie? Or could I still try and meet him?

 

Yes you could try and meet him again... who knows.. my bet is that there will be no chemistry (in person)... but that's just me.

 

Maybe you should apologize for being so quick to judge him...

[Shygirl15]

You overreacted big time. I have a maid too, taking care of my son full time and I have guys comment the same way all the time in a jokingly way and I never take it personal. I'm sure he was just teasing. But maybe you were already tense about him anyway.

[Alpha Female]

Yes you could try and meet him again... who knows.. my bet is that there will be no chemistry (in person)... but that's just me.

 

Thats interesting. Why do you think that? Ive felt that way about his pictures. Hes got an incredible body and used to model, so hes very handsome. Just not my type. Funny you think that though.

[Lizzie60]

Thats interesting. Why do you think that? Ive felt that way about his pictures. Hes got an incredible body and used to model, so hes very handsome. Just not my type. Funny you think that though.

 

 

experience talks.. alpha.. experience.. I'm older than you.. btdt (still am )

[Alpha Female]

You overreacted big time. I have a maid too, taking care of my son full time and I have guys comment the same way all the time in a jokingly way and I never take it personal. I'm sure he was just teasing. But maybe you were already tense about him anyway.

 

I was feeling rather iffy about him. Just didn't feel any kind of connection online. Which doesnt mean much, I know.

 

I am very sensitive to worrying about younger men wanting me for my money. Its never happened but aging has been easy on my face and body but no so on my psyche. Even though I dont look my age I very much feel it. And definitely question the intentions of younger men more than I used to.

[Shygirl15]

I was feeling rather iffy about him. Just didn't feel any kind of connection online. Which doesnt mean much, I know.

 

I am very sensitive to worrying about younger men wanting me for my money. Its never happened but aging has been easy on my face and body but no so on my psyche. Even though I dont look my age I very much feel it. And definitely question the intentions of younger men more than I used to.

 

I get you. I also do online dating, I mean this is my only way of meeting guys since I'm kinda shy. But, you need to let go of your worries and give these guys a chance. Several times I also feel the same way; like I have no connection with them when we talk online, but when I meet them in person it's like something magical happens. You need to let go of your sensitivity and insecurity and give them a chance. Who knows what will happen. Younger guys may be attracted to you for plenty of other reasons too; perhaps becaused you're probably settled and emotionally stable, know what you want in life, sexy and sexually knowledgeable etc.

[Alpha Female]

I get you. I also do online dating, I mean this is my only way of meeting guys since I'm kinda shy. But, you need to let go of your worries and give these guys a chance. Several times I also feel the same way; like I have no connection with them when we talk online, but when I meet them in person it's like something magical happens. You need to let go of your sensitivity and insecurity and give them a chance. Who knows what will happen. Younger guys may be attracted to you for plenty of other reasons too; perhaps becaused you're probably settled and emotionally stable, know what you want in life, sexy and sexually knowledgeable etc.

 

 

Yes that's very good advice thanks.

 

Lately I have just been feeling not myself. Perimenopause sucks and has killed all of my confidence.

 

But youre right - I need to give them a chance

 

I did write him back:

 

Happy 4th to you too. Thanks for the apology and Im sorry as well.

 

So I will sit back and see if he bites.

[sfsassy]

Hi. Thanks for reading and providing advice.

 

I am 42 and single. I recently met a man online and we struck up communicating. We had a date set for saturday night.

 

He is 30.

 

We were on im last night and the topic of cleaning the house came up. I said I do not clean my own house. He asked if I had maids. I said yes.

 

Then he wrote finally! my dream come true! A rich woman!

 

Then he added I'll take my viper in black please.

 

I was horrified.

 

I said to him oh is that what this was all about? Find some older woman to buy you things? Im glad we got this out of the way.

 

He started to tell me that I misunderstood (not sure how else you could take it!). I was so hurt and enraged I just blocked him and deleted him and logged off.

 

He sent an email to where we had met. It said:

 

Thanks for being quick to pass judgement. Sorry I wasted your precious time. I thought we were just playing around talking about money. I make my own money, and although it may not be as much as others, I don't go after older women to see if they have money. I could careless. And here I am defending something that wasn't supposed to be taken seriously. You are the jaded one. You wrote me off pretty quick. I'm sure you'll do well. Goodbye.

 

Which bothered me so I wrote him back that there are things you joke about and others you dont. That I dont know him and I can only take his words at face value.

 

He sent me this text this morning:

 

Happy 4th. I am not looking for a sugar momma. I read ur response to my last email and won't bother you again. I don't target older women for their monetary resources. But I realize the damage is done. I'm sorry. Take care.

 

Was I wrong in this? Did I overreact? Was I right to think he meant what he said and only backed off once he realized I wasn't a sugar momma?

 

Should I write him back? If so, what do I say? And if I do, would you always wonder if he meant what he said?

I don't think most people who are golddiggers would just out and out say they were online. Heck, even on the dating a millionaire shows, most of the gitls make a point to say somethig about dating the guy even if he didn't have a penny to his name. (yeah, right). Especially since it wasn't like you were on datearichwoman.com. I agree with the poster that using sarcasm online may be a mistake, but I think it is an honest mistake. I can be sarcastic at times too, but never when first meeting someone, and never before I knew your feelings about your wealth and money matters. (Especially considering you are well off.) I went out on a date once with a pretty wealthy man, (or rather a man who seemed to be able to not worry at all what he spent on our date. his comment "Why get a glass {of wine} when you can get a bottle.) and I steered clear of money talk, because I wanted to see how we connected in general.

[Ariadne]

Was I wrong in this? Did I overreact? Was I right to think he meant what he said and only backed off once he realized I wasn't a sugar momma?

 

Well, maybe a little. But it didn't sound good.

 

There is a saying in Spanish: Entre broma y broma la verdad asoma.

 

That means, between joke and joke the truth shows up.

 

What does a 30 year old want with a 42 year old woman anyway, when he can have any 20 year old?

 

You may look good too, but you can't compare to a cute 20 year old, and guys like beauty over all things.

 

Especially when he said: finally! my dream come true! A rich woman!

 

He probably got embarrassed and tried and fix it, but there was probably some truth to that.

[Trialbyfire]

Why would you mention your maid, when you're worried about men wanting you for your money? There must have been ways to avoid whatever his question or comment was, that led to it.

 

For example:

 

Him: Don't you have any cleaning to do?

You: Not really.

 

or

 

Him: You can clean my house.

You: Dream on! Haha...

[lemony fresh]

A lot of younger men are into older women and 42 year old women can look pretty darned good. I don't think a cute 20 year old necessarily looks better than a cute 42 year old, that makes no sense.

 

 

 

Well, maybe a little. But it didn't sound good.

 

There is a saying in Spanish: Entre broma y broma la verdad asoma.

 

That means, between joke and joke the truth shows up.

 

What does a 30 year old want with a 42 year old woman anyway, when he can have any 20 year old?

 

You may look good too, but you can't compare to a cute 20 year old, and guys like beauty over all things.

 

Especially when he said: finally! my dream come true! A rich woman!

 

He probably got embarrassed and tried and fix it, but there was probably some truth to that.

[Alpha Female]

He probably got embarrassed and tried and fix it, but there was probably some truth to that.

 

I agree, Ariadne. Thanks. When I was younger, I would spend hours rationalizing and twisting what men said. Now? I totally take them as face value.

 

Even if it was a joke, it still shows that this is the way his mind works. When he wrote me, I wasn't thinking oh, I wonder what I can get off of him or use him for. Just not how I think.

 

Thats why I slammed the door on him. I just felt like even if we did date, I would always remember that comment and always have it in the back of my mind and wonder if he was really with me, or if he was waiting to see what I would buy him.

 

Like many of you ladies said, you dont pull sarcasm online with someone you havent met.

 

And I think a lot of younger men are fed up with the younger girls' games and are now going for older, more established women.

[Lizzie60]

Well, maybe a little. But it didn't sound good.

 

There is a saying in Spanish: Entre broma y broma la verdad asoma.

 

That means, between joke and joke the truth shows up.

 

What does a 30 year old want with a 42 year old woman anyway, when he can have any 20 year old?

 

You may look good too, but you can't compare to a cute 20 year old, and guys like beauty over all things.

 

Especially when he said: finally! my dream come true! A rich woman!

 

He probably got embarrassed and tried and fix it, but there was probably some truth to that.

 

 

I sooo disagree with you on this (bold)... Of course they can have any 20 yr old girls.. but they don't want them.. they prefer the older women... for a lot of reason.

 

I look good.. and I can compare myself to any cute 20 yr old anytime.. and I'm sorry but guys DON'T like beauty over all things... they like INTELLIGENCE over all things.. IMO... beauty is a 'bonus'.

 

You can be cute, pretty, amazingly beautiful... but if you're a 'tart'... you know what I mean...

 

I am presently dating a 36 yr old.. he's 20 yr younger... and trust me he can have any 20 yr old he wants.. he's sooo good looking.. but he wants an older woman.. he's been around me for over 6 years now... on and off...

 

I do not feel threatened by 20 yr old at all... I know these guys prefer older women, and it's not for the money, most of the time...

 

I would not date a guy who cannot pull his share... and I won't 'pay' for them either...

[Ariadne]

I sooo disagree with you on this (bold)... Of course they can have any 20 yr old girls.. but they don't want them.. they prefer the older women... for a lot of reason.

 

I look good.. and I can compare myself to any cute 20 yr old anytime.. and I'm sorry but guys DON'T like beauty over all things... they like INTELLIGENCE over all things.. IMO... beauty is a 'bonus'.

 

You can be cute, pretty, amazingly beautiful... but if you're a 'tart'... you know what I mean...

 

I am presently dating a 36 yr old.. he's 20 yr younger... and trust me he can have any 20 yr old he wants.. he's sooo good looking.. but he wants an older woman.. he's been around me for over 6 years now... on and off...

 

I do not feel threatened by 20 yr old at all... I know these guys prefer older women, and it's not for the money, most of the time...

 

I would not date a guy who cannot pull his share... and I won't 'pay' for them either...

 

Of course 20 year olds are prettier than 42 year olds or 50 year olds.

 

They are youthful and have beautiful skin and tight bodies and beautiful eyes (pic). No comparison, can't argue with nature.

 

Intelligence has nothing to do with age either.

 

But in most cases, 20 year olds want a relationship and love and won't settle for a fwb deal like older women do.

[lemony fresh]

Nah, see, Cate Blanchett is 40 and she is as hot or hotter looking than any cute 20 year old at their hottest. And I hate to say it, I'm hotter looking than that chick in the pic (I'm 39). She is not all that. Sorry.

[lemony fresh]

OK so you are denying that lots of men are dating women older than them? LOL

 

 

Of course 20 year olds are prettier than 42 year olds or 50 year olds.

 

They are youthful and have beautiful skin and tight bodies and beautiful eyes (pic). No comparison, can't argue with nature.

 

Intelligence has nothing to do with age either.

 

But in most cases, 20 year olds want a relationship and love and won't settle for a fwb deal like older women do.

[Ariadne]

Nah, see, Cate Blanchett is 40 and she is as hot or hotter looking than any cute 20 year old at their hottest. And I hate to say it, I'm hotter looking than that chick in the pic (I'm 39). She is not all that. Sorry.

 

Well, Cate Blanchett probably looked much better when she was 20.

 

I'm 40 years old now, and I know I looked better in my early 20s.

 

Just a fact.

[bones1]

LOL

 

This is where men and women differ.

 

Younger men view older women as easier, and would most likely just want sex, not a relationship OR your money.

 

Ariadane exactly.. Younger women wont settle for a FWB. Older women will. No matter what they try to say, I know lol.

[Blue Eyed Brain]

You over-reacted. Maybe you think he's too young for you or you are questioning why he wants to be with you? Either way, you totally over-reacted.

[Blue Eyed Brain]

LOL

 

This is where men and women differ.

 

Younger men view older women as easier, and would most likely just want sex, not a relationship OR your money.

 

Ariadane exactly.. Younger women wont settle for a FWB. Older women will. No matter what they try to say, I know lol.

 

I, respectfully, disagree. Younger women are easier than older women. Younger women tend to be less cautious, more needy and possess less self confidence and independence. Younger men love older women because they get experience from an older woman.

 

Why older women like younger is a mystery to me... I think younger men are either too needy or too sexual. Not my preference.