Did i overreact to an im comment?

[Alpha Female]

Also, just wondering, have you met this guy in person before?

 

No, we had our first date for tomorrow night. We had chatted online for a few days.

 

I told him numerous times that I wasn't interested in someone so young. Yes I have more significantly younger men hitting on me than men my own age. But thats mainly because men my age are married. Plus, it is a huge novelty now for younger guys to date older women. I think they are attracted for a variety of reasons, but my experience has been that once the novelty wears off, he will find someone his own age.

 

I challenged this guy on just that. He went over and over with me that he has no desire whatsoever for kids, so the age of his partner doesnt matter. I kept trying to dissuade him time and time again against the thought of he and I, as I am no longer interested in dating men that much younger. He was so persistent, I finally conceded to a date.

 

But I think maybe I used the comment as a excuse to drop him.

 

I just didnt want another guy hanging around who finds me sexy and hot and fabulous, and then in 2 years decides he wants kids.

 

I don't think an age difference is robbing the cradle, no.

 

And to the poster Bones. I have to imagine you are very young, as you seem to think that physical appeal is the only reason a man stays with a woman. In your 20s, that is very much true. Which is also why most marriages in your 20's last a few years. When men mature, as you will one day, you will realize theres more to love that a tight ass and a pretty face. But you have some growing up to do first.

[lemony fresh]

I also agree that with joking there may be some kind of subtext to it. That was really tacky to suggest about buying him things, even as a joke. Not that I don't have a sense of humor.

 

I really think that women are keeping in better shape and looking younger and men aren't really thinking of the age thing as much. I think it would be easy to tell if a guy was just in it for the sex, but then there are lots of guys who are in it just for the sex with younger ones, too.

 

Did you see the latest couple? A-Rod and Madonna. His wife has just filed for divorce.

[Alpha Female]

I also agree that with joking there may be some kind of subtext to it. That was really tacky to suggest about buying you things, even as a joke. Not that I don't have a sense of humor.

 

I really think that women are keeping in better shape and looking younger and men aren't really thinking of the age thing as much. I think it would be easy to tell if a guy was just in it for the sex, but then there are lots of guys who are in it just for the sex with younger ones, too.

 

Yes. I agree. I was highly offended when he said it. Even if it was a "joke" as I wrote before, it showed me that his mind would even go there. I wasn't thinking about dating him and how all of my friends in their 50s would react to my hot young stud. I dont think in terms of what I can use someone for. Even as a joke.

 

I think whenever someone says, oh, you took it the wrong way, or, I was only joking - theres a lot of honesty in the statement.

 

And if he was 100% joking, to say something like that just showed the ignorance of his youth. It was a callous and insensitive remark.

 

Like you, I happen to have a great sense of humor. I just didn't find any part of it funny. If he said something like, oh, you have a maid? Must be nice! Well, I guess youve earned it. That would have been fine. I didnt expect him to put in a car order.

[bones1]

Lol, yes there is much to a relationship.

 

Such as building a life together, meeting each others families, hanging out with each others friends,traveling together, going out together, starting a family, envisioning a future together, etc.

 

The above is rare in older female younger male hook ups. I didn't say without exception, I said rare.

 

Ok keep thinking younger men just seek out older women on the internet for their "knowledge" and "wisdom". Younger men sit there and email about 30 older women an hour, then talk to one they think they will get lucky with, and say whatever they think the woman wants to hear. Its not brain surgery.

 

How can you have a "true" relationship when you know very well that the man cannot be with you, and wont want to be with you when he ages and you age?

 

How often is sex the first thing that comes up? See if he will want to go on 5 dates in public without sex, then get back to me.

 

And yes, men just love being told what to say and how to say it alpha. It was a joke, Jesus...

[imbewildered]

 

And if he was 100% joking, to say something like that just showed the ignorance of his youth. It was a callous and insensitive remark.

 

.

 

You need to refine your SOH urgently if you are planning on dating MEN who are not afraid to tease you and make a joke out of your careless statements. What he said was said in HARMLESS fun - you are getting all hissy and up your own a** for NO reason.

 

Good luck anyways.

[bones1]

The ignorance of his youth? lol All that comment illustrated by your reaction to it was your extreme insecurity. Insecure people can be offended by anything you say. You told him you had a maid, so he made a joke. Big deal.

[lemony fresh]

Yeah but you aren't basing this on any facts, just on your own preferences. You're generalizing for all guys, you have no clue.

 

 

Lol, yes there is much to a relationship.

 

Such as building a life together, meeting each others families, hanging out with each others friends,traveling together, going out together, starting a family, envisioning a future together, etc.

 

The above is rare in older female younger male hook ups. I didn't say without exception, I said rare.

 

Ok keep thinking younger men just seek out older women on the internet for their "knowledge" and "wisdom". Younger men sit there and email about 30 older women an hour, then talk to one they think they will get lucky with, and say whatever they think the woman wants to hear. Its not brain surgery.

 

How can you have a "true" relationship when you know very well that the man cannot be with you, and wont want to be with you when he ages and you age?

 

How often is sex the first thing that comes up? See if he will want to go on 5 dates in public without sex, then get back to me.

 

And yes, men just love being told what to say and how to say it alpha. It was a joke, Jesus...

[bones1]

Well of course nobody will be honest at this point..

 

But how quickly does sex come into the conversations?

 

And I don't need facts its common sense.

 

If you think younger men have the dream of settling down with a woman for life that is 15 to 20 years older, I worry about your judgment and perception of reality.

[Alpha Female]

Yeah but you aren't basing this on any facts, just on your own preferences. You're generalizing for all guys, you have no clue.

 

 

ha ha. perfect description.

 

There seems to be some very bitter young men on this site. Where does this come from? Too much rejection? Continued lack of success with the ladies? The venom is palpable. So sad that some young men are so damaged so young.

 

But, I guess if they had better outlooks on women, they wouldnt be sitting home on a Friday night giving advice on a love forum.

 

To the non-haters - thank you for your comments. I appreciate your time.

[bones1]

LOL

 

Come on.. A guy makes a joke over the net, a guy whom you never met, and you were "deeply offended". Loosen up.

 

If it offended you that much get his address and go kick his ass alpha female!

[lemony fresh]

I was basically responding to the poster who stated that a 30 year old wouldn't want her anyway, but obviously there was some interest there.

Plus that wasn't really the point of the thread.

[bones1]

I am sure men of all ages are lining up to have and keep an alpha female with that attitude! Yes, I am sure he wanted you to buy him a car, lol.

[imbewildered]

ha ha. perfect description.

 

There seems to be some very bitter young men on this site. Where does this come from? Too much rejection? Continued lack of success with the ladies? The venom is palpable. So sad that some young men are so damaged so young.

 

But, I guess if they had better outlooks on women, they wouldnt be sitting home on a Friday night giving advice on a love forum.

 

To the non-haters - thank you for your comments. I appreciate your time.

 

This is called "The Charge of Irascibility" it is a feminine(and feminist ) shaming tactic aimed at men who are making too much sense in the debate. The target (the man) is accused of having anger ,resentment, undeserved or unresolved negative feelings toward women because of some past experience.

The objective of this tactic is to undermine the debate and divert the energy into a mild person attack on the target in the hope that it will all degenerate into mudlinging at which time AG can claim to be victimised and scoop in the sympathy vote from the other girls.

 

Alpha Goirl has done precisely this in the quoted post above.

[bones1]

Wow bewildered thank you. That hit the nail right on the head and was better than I could ever explain it myself...

[torranceshipman]

I think you really overreacted! It does make you sound jaded...he sounds like he was just kiddin around.

 

I think if yu really wanted to salvage it, email him and say sorry, you caught me at a really bad time, I completely overreacted, etc and see what happens

[Taramere]

Was I wrong in this? Did I overreact? Was I right to think he meant what he said and only backed off once he realized I wasn't a sugar momma?

 

Should I write him back? If so, what do I say? And if I do, would you always wonder if he meant what he said?

 

I think you did over-react, but I also think there's a fair amount of bs being posted in this thread about men = rational, women = insecure and over-reactive. Reverse the roles, say you were a wealthy 42 year old guy having the same conversation with a younger woman, and you'd probably be getting a supportive response from the same people who have criticised you on this thread.

 

Again, yes you over-reacted. From what you're saying, you weren't particularly into this guy. That's enough reason not to date him. You don't need to provide yourself (or him) with all kinds of justification by labelling him as a gold-digger.

 

I'd probably draw a line under this by sending an email saying "I apologise for my reaction to your joke. It's a pity things ended on a sour note. I enjoyed our previous chats and wish you all the best for the future."

 

It would be fair to apologise for making that assumption (ie that he's a predator of wealthy older women) on the basis of a joke he made...but I'd leave it there. No need to go grovelling in an effort to repair something that probably doesn't mean much to either of you. Especially as, for all any of us know, your instincts about him may have been correct.

[KingCrimson]

I think you need to learn what sarcasm is

[bones1]

If I was 42, and a woman really was a predator for my money, I doubt she would

 

1. Make a joke asking for a $80,000 car before we even met. If I volunteered that I had money, and had a housekeeper, the joke would go hand in hand.

 

2. Every single woman does this already, as usually the first question is "What do you do for a living?"

 

3. Men very rarely would choose to marry, or date someone they do not find attractive solely because they are hoping that the woman will buy them things. So I am not sure where the fear comes from anyway.

[Jilly Bean]

but I also think there's a fair amount of bs being posted in this thread about men = rational, women = insecure and over-reactive. Reverse the roles, say you were a wealthy 42 year old guy having the same conversation with a younger woman, and you'd probably be getting a supportive response from the same people who have criticised you on this thread.

 

I totally agree. I think if the story was a 42-year old man, and a 30-year old woman, everyone would be telling the OP that HE was wise to call HER out and dump HER. I am sure everyone would assume a young girl would be a gold-digger to an older man, but I guess with genders reversed, she is somehow made out to be insecure and that no younger man would want her unless she had money.

 

Shameful.

 

Alpha, though I do also agree you over-reacted slightly, I do also think he gave you reason to do so. I am also a highly literal person, and while I understand and appreciate humor, I wouldn't have found his comments too funny either. But, I'm hyper-sensitive like that, and also highly intolerant of guy BS.

 

I think you dodged a bullet, frankly.

[bones1]

Women trying to be inside the mind of a man....

 

Dodged a bullet?

 

You are assuming men and women think in the same manner, and have the same intentions. I believe that is a big mistake.

 

Never have women randomly emailed me, or imed me looking for just sex. From what I hear, this happens to just about any woman on a daily basis that ever joins any dating site. Old, young, short, fat, hot, ugly etc.

 

The young guy was most likely looking for sex. Not her money. Not a relationship. Not a car. Or perhaps nothing at all, as they haven't even met!

 

It was an im conversation between 2 people that never met. Don't you feel that perhaps some people take that a bit too seriously?

 

Often times if I told a woman I was going on a vacation or to the beach , she would respond with "Oh take me!". If I read into that that she is a gold digger, or even serious, and it "deeply offended me" I would have some serious serious issues.

[Shygirl15]

What did you expect after bragging that you had 'help' ?

 

This guy was a keeper and you tossed him back - he had a sense of HUMOR....Secondly, change your login name..

 

We don't know how that issue came up; I hesitate to think she was bragging about it. I mean, if you have a maid, you just have a maid there's nothing to brag about that.

 

In my situation it always comes up when I want to go out on a date with a guy, and because they know I have a son, naturally they would ask what arrangements I have for him when I go out.

[lemony fresh]

Yeah she was not bragging about the maid, HE asked HER if she was cleaning house and she responded "I dont clean my own house" then he kept pushing and asked "Oh do you have maids" and she said "yes" THEN he started to tease her about her money when he was the one who started the conversation.

 

Personally I don't clean house, either, I hire a woman to come in once a week, but I am not what you'd call "rich" I just hate to clean house. I don't tell dates this, though. ha, ha.

 

The way he joked makes me think he might be an unemployed loser at age 30 with not much going for him....

[bones1]

Trust me.

 

Many of you women are so selfish with your own things, no men are getting over on you to use you as a "sugar momma".

 

Even an absurd joke sends your minds into overdrive, perhaps because you spent most of your lives thinking about marrying a rich man, or how to obtain a man's money yourselves. Since women do not need to pay for sex, no matter what they look like, the "sugar momma" idea itself is absurd. So why the paranoia?

 

Men are simple, don't think as much, and are not as nearly as manipulative.

 

Every single women I have ever chatted with asks me within 5 minutes "What do you do for work", as a subtle way to gauge my lifestyle, earning potential, income etc. Should I quickly tell all of them off, as they might think on using me for my money?

 

And to clarify, many women are extremely giving, balanced etc. This is directed at the few on this thread that are calling the guy a loser, gold digger, claim he is seeking a sugar momma etc, for making a joke. I think the guy is pretty funny.