LakesideDream Posted July 7, 2008 Share Posted July 7, 2008 Seems to be almost no one who regrets deciding to divorce. I would ask - with hindsight, do you wish you had got divorced earlier? Without question. We had rocky times for the first few years. I wish it would have ended right then and there. Once the children were born the options began to close very rapidly. I couldn't leave my marriage for reasons already mentioned, I was happy to remain "blissfully ignorant". I don't know what I would have done if her infidelity would have surface when the kids were young. Emotionally, I feel that I wasted, or was cheated out of 25 years of my life. I wish I would never have met her, much less failed to divorce her before the children were born. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 7, 2008 Share Posted July 7, 2008 I know I am better off without my ex girlfriend who became a lying and cheating bitch who ditzy ass couldnt make up her mind. I implore you to think if this woman cant be faithful honest and right for you. Why should you stay? Link to post Share on other sites
HotCarl Posted July 7, 2008 Share Posted July 7, 2008 I would ask - with hindsight, do you wish you had got divorced earlier?Yes, about 3 years earlier. I'm not one to blame my ex for my situation in life, but if she had just said the things like "I won't touch you; there's too much baggage between us" and "I don't want to go to counseling, it would be a waste of money" and "I want a divorce" three years sooner when our relationship began its decline, then I would have booted her out the door that much sooner and gotten those three years back. Oh well. Life goes on. I'm still happier now, and that's what matters! Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted July 7, 2008 Share Posted July 7, 2008 He left. But I am much more comfortable being ME now than I was during the marriage. And because I'm much more comfortable, I'm happier. The divorce wasnt what I wanted at all, and I hurt for a very long time, but I learned to make that decision the best decision for me. I would ask - with hindsight, do you wish you had got divorced earlier? YES!! Although I loved my husband deeply, in hindsight, all the memories I see is him destroying my self esteem. Opposite to LSD, I have to think hard to remember the happy memories, whereas the bad memories are so close to the surface. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted July 7, 2008 Share Posted July 7, 2008 with hindsight, do you wish you had got divorced earlier? No. The timing was what it was. I believe that if I change one thing about the when/how of my divorce (or any other major life decision), that affects many other outcomes or, at very least, risks affecting my outcomes. I am HAPPY where I am today...and where I am today is also the result of my exact past experiences coming at precisely the time that they did. Link to post Share on other sites
SingleDad Posted July 7, 2008 Share Posted July 7, 2008 No I am not happier - I am in anguish and lonely that my wife wanted out of our marriage through a 12 mos. legal separation. Yes we had problems in our marriage - but I have learned a lot about her wants and my wants and most importantly the needs of our young daughter. It is just not right that someone who made a committment to love for better or worse can just end a marriage so quickly - especially when they share a young child together. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 7, 2008 Share Posted July 7, 2008 Seems to be almost no one who regrets deciding to divorce. I would ask - with hindsight, do you wish you had got divorced earlier? Here's another one who doesn't regret the divorce! I can't imagine what life would be like had we remained married. Bad emotional mojo to have continued to live without trust, respect or like! No, while in the marriage, I was very happy. Surprisingly, so was he, in his own NPD way. If anything, if it were possible to turn back time, I wouldn't have wasted the years. Since this isn't possible, I can chock it up to an experience of ignoring the red flags when we first met, where I didn't even like him but over time, he "appeared" to be misunderstood. I do know I'll never repeat the experience of ignoring gut instinct, right out the gate. If the alarm bells are going, there's a reason for it! Link to post Share on other sites
bayouboi Posted July 7, 2008 Share Posted July 7, 2008 It is just not right that someone who made a committment to love for better or worse can just end a marriage so quickly - especially when they share a young child together. Yar, this is the part that gnaws at me as well. I think about the times when she was BAD sick in the hospital and I was scared to death to the point that a part of me suggested that I needed to bolt and find someone who was "safer", but the man in me stood up and by her side and helped her get through it. Then she ended up cheating on me. Now I find myself on the verge of my own emergency and noone is there "for better or worse" for me. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 Here's another one who doesn't regret the divorce! I can't imagine what life would be like had we remained married. Bad emotional mojo to have continued to live without trust, respect or like! No, while in the marriage, I was very happy. Surprisingly, so was he, in his own NPD way. If anything, if it were possible to turn back time, I wouldn't have wasted the years. Since this isn't possible, I can chock it up to an experience of ignoring the red flags when we first met, where I didn't even like him but over time, he "appeared" to be misunderstood. I do know I'll never repeat the experience of ignoring gut instinct, right out the gate. If the alarm bells are going, there's a reason for it! I must second that notion. I had a few alarms go off, too. But I was young and didn't fine tune those listening skills. I'm still fine tuning them, actually. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 I just found out today that my very STBeXH is moving out August 1st. Yay! I already feel like I can breathe and that life will be OK. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 I must second that notion. I had a few alarms go off, too. But I was young and didn't fine tune those listening skills. I'm still fine tuning them, actually. Fine tuning is a good way to describe it. My jerkdar was kind of rusty after the divorce but has finally come back online! Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 Fine tuning is a good way to describe it. My jerkdar was kind of rusty after the divorce but has finally come back online! Are you checking out online dating sites? And I'm going to borrow your term, 'jerkdar' from you if that's OK? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 Are you checking out online dating sites? And I'm going to borrow your term, 'jerkdar' from you if that's OK? No way! My most recent dating experiences have been great guys, one, an older brother of a good friend who moved back to town earlier this year, the other, an old neighbor of mine. Through no fault of theirs, since I wasn't relationship focused at the time, we're no longer dating. Let's see what tomorrow night will bring, with a new man. You're welcome to use anything I post! Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 No way! My most recent dating experiences have been great guys, one, an older brother of a good friend who moved back to town earlier this year, the other, an old neighbor of mine. Through no fault of theirs, since I wasn't relationship focused at the time, we're no longer dating. Let's see what tomorrow night will bring, with a new man. You're welcome to use anything I post! Good luck and keep us posted. Dating again scares the heck out of me. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 Good luck and keep us posted. Dating again scares the heck out of me. I'm still not looking for a relationship so everything can only be fun! I like being single. No one to answer to. Don't worry, you'll be fine. Duck to water, y'know? Link to post Share on other sites
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