White Flower Posted July 5, 2008 Share Posted July 5, 2008 I hope this question isn't too personal. When you say this, do mean that your husband had a good technique? I think I would feel to empty if my sex life with my husband was all about technique and no feeling, although sometimes it is that way. Sometimes it is all about the grand finnaly(sp?) and there is no connection during the act. My husband is perfectly satisfied with this (at least that's the vibe I get from him). I do, for the most part, prefer for there to be some emotional connection.It's not too personal. Yes, he was very good with technique with most positions, technically speaking. But this man is not an emotional one and I believe he is an island all to himself. It is too bad for him because I don't see him finding love or at least a deep and meaningful love in the future. ExMM was very good with eye contact and gave an overall feeling of adoration that no woman could ignore. That was his gift, I'm sure, to all that knew him. One day I will find someone who is only for me and can give me the best of both worlds. Heck, all worlds. Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 ExMM was very good with eye contact and gave an overall feeling of adoration that no woman could ignore. That was his gift, I'm sure, to all that knew him.. It sounds like he was a charmer. The problem with charmers, in my experience, it is that they like to charm most everyone, and when they tire of you, they move on to the next thing. Again, this is just my experience. This is why I chose to be with someone who was pretty blunt and brutally honest about things and rarely turns on the charm. Still, it would be nice if he could be a little more adoring, at least here and there. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 It sounds like he was a charmer. The problem with charmers, in my experience, it is that they like to charm most everyone, and when they tire of you, they move on to the next thing. Again, this is just my experience. This is why I chose to be with someone who was pretty blunt and brutally honest about things and rarely turns on the charm. Still, it would be nice if he could be a little more adoring, at least here and there. Exactly right on all counts. Why can't we find the intimate charmer who is glad to be faithful to only one? I feel for his W. Is she enjoying his charms when deep down she probably knows of his carryings on? Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 Why can't we find the intimate charmer who is glad to be faithful to only one? You can. It just might take some time, however. As Richard Bach wrote in his book, Illusions, "Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they're yours." Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 No I don't think marriage kills passion.. it kills itself... Emotional suicide.. No matter how hard you work at your relationship... passion will eventually fades.. Even if people say they are still passionate for each other after 10+ years... I just think it's bull crap... it's like saying that our physical energy never slow down... Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 Exactly right on all counts. Why can't we find the intimate charmer who is glad to be faithful to only one? I feel for his W. Is she enjoying his charms when deep down she probably knows of his carryings on? The thing with charmers, IMO, is that once they really have you (once they know that you're with them permanently) they quit bieng so charming to you and channel their energy to people that are new to them or people that they are not sure they "have" so to speak. When me and my husband got together, he did turn a bit more and did do a good amount of sweet talking. Then, after we were together a while, he said, "Now that I have you, I don't have to sweet talk you as much". Well, this is what I get for marrying a very honest man. I see the truth in it, but I think that every woman and man needs to be charmed by their partner at times so they know they aren't bieng taken for granted. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 You can. It just might take some time, however. As Richard Bach wrote in his book, Illusions, "Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they're yours." Ask, believe, receive... Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 You can. It just might take some time, however. As Richard Bach wrote in his book, Illusions, "Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they're yours." I think I understand this quote, but could you explain it further? My brain isn't working to well right now. Is it something like you get what you ask for? Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 The thing with charmers, IMO, is that once they really have you (once they know that you're with them permanently) they quit bieng so charming to you and channel their energy to people that are new to them or people that they are not sure they "have" so to speak. When me and my husband got together, he did turn a bit more and did do a good amount of sweet talking. Then, after we were together a while, he said, "Now that I have you, I don't have to sweet talk you as much". Well, this is what I get for marrying a very honest man. I see the truth in it, but I think that every woman and man needs to be charmed by their partner at times so they know they aren't bieng taken for granted. Did you ever read Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus? I think you should buy the book, read it, underline all the things you would like your H to do for you and give it to him to read. Believe me, Dr. John Gray has figured out the differences between men and women and what they desire from each other. Oftentimes men do make the mistake your husband is making by thinking he's got you in the bag so he doesn't need to impress you anymore. While it is good that he is honest, he is discounting that which drew you to him in the first place. You never signed up for him to stop doing what you thought you were always going to get. Just like men who get upset that their wives libido goes down after having babies or they gain weight because they think they've got their husband in the bag. Fact is, we all need to continue behaving in the way we did during courting because THAT is what we fell in love with. Yes, people grow and change but we must remember to keep that joyful part of us that drew in the other person. Link to post Share on other sites
Tripper Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 Hmm. Do you have a waiting list, Tripper? Ah.. dear lady, while I must confess many women find me intriguing.. after all cooking an elegant meal nourishes not only the body but also the soul.. I my heart is committed to one. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 Ah.. dear lady, while I must confess many women find me intriguing.. after all cooking an elegant meal nourishes not only the body but also the soul.. I my heart is committed to one. I know, dear sweet prince, but does the knight in shining armour have a waiting list for the future, should your fair lady parish any time soon? (God forbid, of course). There aren't enough gentleman like you around is all this lady is saying. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 When me and my husband got together, he did turn a bit more and did do a good amount of sweet talking. Then, after we were together a while, he said, "Now that I have you, I don't have to sweet talk you as much". Well, this is what I get for marrying a very honest man. I see the truth in it, but I think that every woman and man needs to be charmed by their partner at times so they know they aren't bieng taken for granted. And it is the very nature of marriage ("owning" each other, "you're mine now, honey, and under my control") that causes this taking each other for granted. It's the reason why men get married!! They think they're choosing the easy road. So my take on the thread topic is YES, absolutely, marriage kills passion. You had better be getting married for other reasons - security, children, companionship, etc. - because passion cannot survive the marital bonds. Those who claim otherwise have simply changed their definition of "passion." And that's perfectly fine!! Nothing wrong with that at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Tripper Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 I know, dear sweet prince, but does the knight in shining armour have a waiting list for the future, should your fair lady parish any time soon? (God forbid, of course). There aren't enough gentleman like you around is all this lady is saying. Madam, you do flatter me. Who knows what the future will hold? And should I find myself alone, I'm not sure I would ever find anyone else like my partner. In the meantime, we both live each day to the fullest for life is truly to short. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 Madam, you do flatter me. Who knows what the future will hold? And should I find myself alone, I'm not sure I would ever find anyone else like my partner. In the meantime, we both live each day to the fullest for life is truly to short. Then enjoy it to the fullest my good man. Indeed, life is too short. Link to post Share on other sites
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 Neither marriage NOR day-to-day living kills passion...Like another poster said, its LAZY PEOPLE. The lazy people who put everything else in front of their spouse (bills, work, kids, pets, solo activities, finances). These already puts stress into our lives, but just like a person needs to find ways to combat the onset of depression in their lives, so much they for their sex lives. They need to ACTIVELY find ways to keep the romance and passion aside. Set aside some money for your dates and evenings out. Hire a babysitter and get a hotel room for some steamy intimacy. When you clock out from work...STAY CLOCKED OUT! If you have to bring work home or work late, better make equal or more time to reconnect with your spouse once the overload is done. Etc, etc., etc. Just because your married does not mean the romance and efforts end, no it just started. DNR Link to post Share on other sites
Tripper Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 Then enjoy it to the fullest my good man. Indeed, life is too short. Must dash.. I'm preparing for a small dinner party this evening.. At the risk of threadjacking and ust to tickle your senses and imagination here is my menu and wine pairings.. [COLOR=#660066][FONT=Arial]Grilled Sea Scallops on Two Purees; [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#660066][FONT=Arial]Sweet Garden Pea and Roasted Butternut Squash;[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#660066][FONT=Arial]Pancetta Crisp and Truffle Oil[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#660066][FONT="]Nottage Hill Chardonnay[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#660066][FONT=Arial][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#660066][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#660066][FONT=Arial]ÓÔ[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#660066][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#660066][FONT=Arial]Chilled Thai Melon Soup[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#660066][FONT="]Willm Riesling Alsace[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#660066][FONT=Arial][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#660066][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#660066][FONT=Arial]ÓÔ[/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=#660066][FONT=Arial][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#660066][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#660066][FONT=Arial]Grilled Tenderloin of Beef Crusted in Peppercorns with [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#660066][FONT=Arial]Port Wine and Shallot Essence[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#660066][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#660066][FONT=Arial]Selection of Early Summer Vegetables[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#660066][FONT=Arial]Roasted Fingerling Potatoes[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#660066][FONT="]Gran Feudo Reserva[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#660066][FONT="] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#660066][FONT="]Blackstone Merlot[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#660066][FONT=Arial][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#660066][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#660066][FONT=Arial]ÓÔ[/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=#660066][FONT=Arial][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#660066][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [FONT=Arial] A Salad of Baby Lettuces, Pear, Blue Cheese Crumble and[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Sugared Pecans; Herb Vinaigrette[/FONT] [COLOR=#660066][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#660066][FONT=Arial]ÓÔ[/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=#660066][FONT=Arial][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#660066][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [FONT=Arial] Dessert Piadina with Vanilla Ice Cream and Grilled Pineapple; Chipotle Caramel Rum Sauce[/FONT] [COLOR=#660066][FONT="]Banrock Station Sparkling Shiraz[/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=#660066][FONT="][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#660066][FONT="]D'Arenberg Fortified Shiraz[/FONT][/COLOR] Link to post Share on other sites
Tripper Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 Then enjoy it to the fullest my good man. Indeed, life is too short. Must dash.. I'm preparing for a small dinner party this evening.. At the risk of threadjacking and ust to tickle your senses and imagination here is my menu and wine pairings.. Grilled Sea Scallops on Two Purees; Sweet Garden Pea and Roasted Butternut Squash; Pancetta Crisp and Truffle Oil Nottage Hill Chardonnay ÓÔ Chilled Thai Melon Soup Willm Riesling Alsace ÓÔ Grilled Tenderloin of Beef Crusted in Peppercorns with Port Wine and Shallot Essence Selection of Early Summer Vegetables Roasted Fingerling Potatoes Gran Feudo Reserva Blackstone Merlot ÓÔ A Salad of Baby Lettuces, Pear, Blue Cheese Crumble and Sugared Pecans; Herb Vinaigrette ÓÔ Dessert Piadina with Vanilla Ice Cream and Grilled Pineapple; Chipotle Caramel Rum Sauce Banrock Station Sparkling Shiraz D'Arenberg Fortified Shiraz Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 OK, Tripper, rub it in! Really, have a wonderful time. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 Wow there are some very difficult standards being set in this thread ladies (and Tripper). I have always believed that if the heart was happy the rest would follow. Now I admit my belief hasn't served me particularly well. I think I will "re-think" the above. This "charmer" thing has me intrigued. I don't have much talent in that area. I'll have to work on that. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 Wow there are some very difficult standards being set in this thread ladies (and Tripper). I have always believed that if the heart was happy the rest would follow. Now I admit my belief hasn't served me particularly well. I think I will "re-think" the above. This "charmer" thing has me intrigued. I don't have much talent in that area. I'll have to work on that. Hmm. You work on the charm and the cooking and I'll bring the bottle of wine. Sound fair? What is charming about you LsD, is your honesty and self-introspection. No man on LS is willing to observe himself more than you for self-improvement. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 Neither marriage NOR day-to-day living kills passion...Like another poster said, its LAZY PEOPLE. The lazy people who put everything else in front of their spouse (bills, work, kids, pets, solo activities, finances). These already puts stress into our lives, but just like a person needs to find ways to combat the onset of depression in their lives, so much they for their sex lives. They need to ACTIVELY find ways to keep the romance and passion aside. Set aside some money for your dates and evenings out. Hire a babysitter and get a hotel room for some steamy intimacy. When you clock out from work...STAY CLOCKED OUT! If you have to bring work home or work late, better make equal or more time to reconnect with your spouse once the overload is done. Etc, etc., etc. Just because your married does not mean the romance and efforts end, no it just started. DNR Have you ever been married, DNR? Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 I think I understand this quote, but could you explain it further? My brain isn't working to well right now. Is it something like you get what you ask for? To a degree. But more than that it aregues against being self-limiting. If you don't believe it can happen, you can do it, you deserve it, none of it will happen or come to you. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 I would say it depends on how much passion was there in the beginning. Some couples are just sexually charged by each other no matter what is going on. I think every day routine, familiarity and especially kids can kill passion in a marriage. It's sad to say it but it's so true!!! Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 And as far as being "too lazy" to bring passion back. I don't know that you can work to bring that feeling back. It is either there or it isn't. My ex husband tried vacations, gifts and everything he could to restore our passion and I still didn't feel anything at all. It just wasn't there anymore. It is like buying love. It just can't be bought. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 I would say it depends on how much passion was there in the beginning. Some couples are just sexually charged by each other no matter what is going on. I think every day routine, familiarity and especially kids can kill passion in a marriage. It's sad to say it but it's so true!!! This is something I hear so often from my married friends with kids. I've never been married, let alone have kids so I can't really have a say in this matter but I know that when I get married, the last thing I want is for the passion to die off - hopefully, if both are on the same page and want to make it work - that (passion and such) won't happen. Link to post Share on other sites
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