RaiderFan Posted July 30, 2003 Share Posted July 30, 2003 Well It's been almost two months since she broke up with me. over that period of time, she has called me up to see " how I was doing," and to see how her goddaughter was doing; and just two days ago she called me up for the same reason, but something was wrong--I could tell by the sound of her voice; when she called me up, she seemed sad--like if something wrong happened or she missed me. I ended the conversation very quickly and told her to call me up some other time. Throughout this time, she has been the one initating the contact; but as each day passes, I start losing more respect, or rather "love" for her, and I just want to be her friend but with "benefits." Is this wrong to do? I don't really want to get back with her anymore, I just want occasional sex with her. How do i approach her with this subject? When I talked to her today, I kinda flirted with her so she can get the " I just want sex vibe" and she reciprocated the feeling with giggiling and a bit of laughing. I couldn't tell her right then because she was in school. I was thinking of telling her a cheesy line like "Is there any more room for me in those jeans," but for those of you with experience with these type of feelings, please share some advice. Background on our relationship: -4 1/2 yrs together -we were eachothers first long term relationship -Age: both are 22 yrs -she only had one boyfriend before me and it was "puppy love." It was High school stuff but it only lasted about 6 months on & off -she got pregnant by me (abortion). Thank you for your time --RaiderFan Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted July 30, 2003 Share Posted July 30, 2003 dont do it, move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RaiderFan Posted July 30, 2003 Author Share Posted July 30, 2003 Oh I have been, I have been focusing on myself; I don't really want a relationship right now; I just want a "booty call." Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted July 30, 2003 Share Posted July 30, 2003 you sound selfish. why dont you go pick on another woman? why does it have to be her? geez... there are plenty of sleezy women out there that want a booty call too, go at 'em Link to post Share on other sites
Author RaiderFan Posted July 30, 2003 Author Share Posted July 30, 2003 can someone else share their opinion--Please! Does everyone feel this way? Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted July 30, 2003 Share Posted July 30, 2003 unless you're truly selfish and cruel, find yourself a different ****-buddy. And break off all contact with her so that she can move on, too! good luck, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Mwende Posted July 30, 2003 Share Posted July 30, 2003 If you decide that you're going to try this "friendship with benefits," you MUST be ABSOLUTELY CLEAR with her that it has nothing to do with her as a person. Simply someone you know to be sexually compatible with you. You must be able to tell her to her face that under no circumstances is she to consider your physical intimacy as anything more than a desire to scratch a mutual itch. You have absolutely no intention of treating her as a person and showing concern for her feelings. You must tell her that she must expect never to hear from you again after you have sex, or that you may call again out of the blue and expect her to deliver on command. If you tell her these things, to her face and with full honesty, and she is willing to go forward under these terms, you both deserve what you will get. It won't be pretty, and both of your self-esteems will be bruised by the experience. Frankly, the amount of work it will take for you to recover from this experience is not worth the scratching of a mutual itch. You're agonizing over this decision rather than just rushing right in. That tells me you're a decent guy. Be that decent guy and do the right thing. You already know what that is. Link to post Share on other sites
tawana_odell Posted July 31, 2003 Share Posted July 31, 2003 Was she your first love? If yes is this the reason you want to continue to see her? Link to post Share on other sites
dayfuller Posted August 6, 2003 Share Posted August 6, 2003 Please take Mwende's advice on this. Honesty is the best Policy --- Always. If you really care about this girl ( sounds like you must, 4 and 1/2 yrs is a long time to dedicate to any relationship), there will not be any misunderstandings as to what Both of you are looking for from each other because of clear communication, perhaps initiated by you hopefully. Please do think this through though, if your intentions are as you stated you are definitely playing w/ fire no matter what the outcome, be aware of this. wishful thinking, dayfuller Link to post Share on other sites
turtle Posted August 6, 2003 Share Posted August 6, 2003 ****buddies are supposed to have minimal emotional attachments to each other. 4 1/2 years? Forget it. No matter what you guys agree on, one of you will get emotionally involved with the other and end up hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Thor Posted August 6, 2003 Share Posted August 6, 2003 Jalexy's right on this one. There's plenty of other women out there who can satisfy your needs. Move on and find one of them. This one has emotional distress written all over it. Link to post Share on other sites
serenityprayer Posted August 14, 2003 Share Posted August 14, 2003 My subjective thoughts... It doesn't matter if you were committed to someone for 4 months or 4 years, that has nothing to do with how special that person is/was. People commit to one another for different reasons. The couple that were together for 4 years could have stayed that long because of insecurity reasons. Let me emphasize, duration of relationship doesn't matter. Second, if feelings are mutual, go for it. But if feeling aren't mutual, then don't you dare take advantage of her. Why? Because in doing so, the person you once considered special and loved will get hurt, have emotional baggage, etc. And lastly, in hinting her that you want to have sex, I would personally stay away from saying something like, "Is there room in those jeans?" Be honest, be straight up. Don't assume that her flirting back means she has the same intentions as you. She could interpret your flirting as a sign of wanting to get back into the relationship and give her false hope. Be upfront. Link to post Share on other sites
anndorra Posted August 14, 2003 Share Posted August 14, 2003 i have been in the same situation and ill tell you no matter how you say it she is going to believe you just want an excuse to be with her and keep youre pride or youre change youre mind ect. she can say she understands all she wants but chances are either she will do it just to have you near and be hurt when you decide you no longer want this. or be hurt you even bring this up. wemon do not want to be treated as ass. especially from someone they consider should care about them. Link to post Share on other sites
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