Need some input on what I should do

[sweetbutcheeky]

My Mum for some reason took in my sister's cat when she moved. I love all animals but hate his cat and the stress it puts on my Mum. In the last 8 months my sister moved into the town house next door and we counted down the days until she moved in so that she could take back the cat. She moved in and her roommate has a crazy cat and dog and my mum didn't want to put the cat into a house with them. I keep saying to her why is the cat's comfort more important than ours?

 

The problem with the cat. He uses the litter box, not then decides no to and poos on the wood floor in front of it. Let's say that it's not solid, because the cat has internal issues. He leaves poo marks on everything he lays on and prefers the couch and my Mum's bed. He is 25 pounds plus and every time you walk into the kitchen he is howling for food and you have to watch him while the other cat and dog eat or else he will eat their food as well.

 

My Mum for some reason won't confront my sister to take her cat back, she says it's because of the other animals but for some reason my mum never confronts her with anything she doesn't like or has a problem with. It has been that way since my parents divorced, this is when my Dad gave her the cat (my mum blames my dad for the cat problems not my sister). They did everything she wanted so that she wouldn't go live with the other parent.

 

The reason that I am writing. This cat has but a lot of stress on her daily life and mine too. And I have been thinking about talking to my sister, but my mum doesn't want me to. Wed we got back from a vacation and the night we got back we found out my Grandmother has cancer (her mother). The stress factor is even higher and when we are home we need to relax. So I think that it's even more important for my sister to take the cat back.

 

Do I tell my sister this and explain what I just said? Ask her to not tell our mum that I mentioned it (risking that she might and cause more stress). While we were away my sister saw first hand what he cat is like because she looked after the animals and had to clean up the mess her cat left. So I am thinking I could use that and ask her to tell mum that she didn't know how bad the cat was and that she didn't want her to have to deal with that and should take the cat back.

 

Appreciate any input and advise.

[Ronni_W]

While we were away my sister saw first hand what he cat is like ... so I am thinking I could use that

Yep...that might well have offered you the opening that you need. Maybe from the perspective of, "You saw how the cat is and you know mom's got this new stress about grandma -- do you want to take the cat back or should I start looking for a new home for it?"

 

Facts, no blame or guilt-trips, and consequences if she doesn't take HER cat back. Hopefully that'll be enough for her to realize her adult responsibilities for her own pets.

 

Alternatively, leave mom with the cat and find a new home for yourself -- at the end of the day and regardless of how many stresses she has, your mom is a grown-up who must stand up for what she doesn't want, and must be allowed to make her own choices and decisions about what stress she is willing to accept from what source.

[sweetbutcheeky]

Yep...that might well have offered you the opening that you need. Maybe from the perspective of, "You saw how the cat is and you know mom's got this new stress about grandma -- do you want to take the cat back or should I start looking for a new home for it?"

 

Facts, no blame or guilt-trips, and consequences if she doesn't take HER cat back. Hopefully that'll be enough for her to realize her adult responsibilities for her own pets.

 

Alternatively, leave mom with the cat and find a new home for yourself -- at the end of the day and regardless of how many stresses she has, your mom is a grown-up who must stand up for what she doesn't want, and must be allowed to make her own choices and decisions about what stress she is willing to accept from what source.

 

I think that is what I will do and has to be within the week so that too much time hasn't past since we got back (last wed). I am hoping that is enough for her to realize her responsibilities for her own pets as well. I am worried she will go back to our mother and tell her though. Since for whatever reason my mum asked me not to say anything and will add more stress.

 

That is the plan to move out again (ended up back here because of one of those life things that come up). I know she is an adult and should tell her herself, but I feel sometimes like I have to for her because she won't. I know it's best and so does she but I don't understand why she doesn't do anything about it. Since I am here it does effect me as well, I have to clean up the mess, effected my the stress it puts my mum under.

 

Thank you for responding and giving your view.

[Desperado620]

My two cents: there are lots of websites with helpful advice on intigrating animals in a home. You may try printing some of this info and giving it to your mother and sister. This will give your mom a hint she should give your sister the cat and give your sister a hint that mom doesn't want the cat anymore!

 

You're absolutely right, the cat's comfort should not come above yours. If your sister won't take it and it's too much stress for your mom, it's gotta go somewhere. Maybe consider making it an outside cat. Or, maybe, give it back to Dad. Mwahahahah!

 

Hope this helps!

[Ronni_W]

Well, that's exactly right. The cat is driving YOU insane. THAT is why you are talking with your sister. There is no reason to hide it from your mom, that you will be talking with sis. By the sound of things, your mom just has no interest in it being put across as if SHE wants to get rid of the cat. She has already said she's fine with it. (But I understand that's cos YOU are bearing the brunt of inconvenience & responsibility for it.)

 

So, as it comes across, your desire to get rid of the cat is about you. It is not (just) about wanting to get rid of the cat for your mom's sake. In your shoes, I would emphasize my OWN needs and stress, rather than trying to make it about mom...especially because mom is saying it's NOT about her.

 

Maybe it feels that sis would be more inclined to do something about her own cat, if she could be made to feel guilty about what Cat is doing to Mom? Honestly, I think that would have happened already, if it was going to happen. I don't see her taking responsibility unless your mom puts it back on her (directly, not through you.)

 

So...you also need your mom on board, if this cat is ever leaving -- she needs to want to alleviate YOUR stress; she needs to fully understand YOUR level of stress and burden about the cat.

 

Which possibly sounds more like, "Mom, the cat is driving ME insane. I am constantly doing this, this and that because of the cat. I am going to ask Sis to do something about it for my own sake. Can I please count on your support?"

 

Best of luck - I know how frustrating it is to have to live with the consequences of a sibling's lack of responsibility and sense of entitlement.

[sweetbutcheeky]

Well, that's exactly right. The cat is driving YOU insane. THAT is why you are talking with your sister. There is no reason to hide it from your mom, that you will be talking with sis. By the sound of things, your mom just has no interest in it being put across as if SHE wants to get rid of the cat. She has already said she's fine with it. (But I understand that's cos YOU are bearing the brunt of inconvenience & responsibility for it.)

 

So, as it comes across, your desire to get rid of the cat is about you. It is not (just) about wanting to get rid of the cat for your mom's sake. In your shoes, I would emphasize my OWN needs and stress, rather than trying to make it about mom...especially because mom is saying it's NOT about her.

 

Maybe it feels that sis would be more inclined to do something about her own cat, if she could be made to feel guilty about what Cat is doing to Mom? Honestly, I think that would have happened already, if it was going to happen. I don't see her taking responsibility unless your mom puts it back on her (directly, not through you.)

 

So...you also need your mom on board, if this cat is ever leaving -- she needs to want to alleviate YOUR stress; she needs to fully understand YOUR level of stress and burden about the cat.

 

Which possibly sounds more like, "Mom, the cat is driving ME insane. I am constantly doing this, this and that because of the cat. I am going to ask Sis to do something about it for my own sake. Can I please count on your support?"

 

Best of luck - I know how frustrating it is to have to live with the consequences of a sibling's lack of responsibility and sense of entitlement.

 

Yes the cat is driving me insane as well with the addition of hearing my mum complain and her stress building. Double the fun!

 

Even though I am contacting my sister mainly for her, but effects me as well she doesn't seem to want to change the situation even when I express to her that we can't live this way anymore, how she can't sleep in a bed that is always getting marked and so on. She just says if there was a way to change things she would but there is nothing she can do. Then I say there is something you can do, tell her to take the cat back. She says she can't because of the room mates animals.

 

I need to hide it because for some reason which I don't know or understand she doesn't want me to talk to her about it. Told me not to, obviously I don't have to listen but have so far because the sh*t so to speak will hit the fan and avoiding that.

 

It is for her as well though and mainly for her. For example we get home from getting groceries and the house smells cause the cat pooed on the floor (hardwood) while we were out. She noticed he left a mark on the couch cushion and says she would like to have them professionally cleaned but doesn't want to do it for nothing, if they are going to get marked again.

I know it's her own fault if she won't do anything about getting the cat out of the house but I don't want her to live like that.

 

I didn't even mention a $3,000 operation my mum paid for, for the stupid cat when he had a bowl obstruction (was dripping where ever he went) and my sister was supposed to pay her back. Of course hasn't. The operation was supposed to fix the problem, though now poos on the floor randomly and leaves marks where he lays. (I sware his life is on the line if he lays on my bed or goes in my room for that matter)

[sweetbutcheeky]

My two cents: there are lots of websites with helpful advice on intigrating animals in a home. You may try printing some of this info and giving it to your mother and sister. This will give your mom a hint she should give your sister the cat and give your sister a hint that mom doesn't want the cat anymore!

 

You're absolutely right, the cat's comfort should not come above yours. If your sister won't take it and it's too much stress for your mom, it's gotta go somewhere. Maybe consider making it an outside cat. Or, maybe, give it back to Dad. Mwahahahah!

 

Hope this helps!

 

I forgot to mention that my parents were divorced but maybe that was understood. She would rather blame my dad then tell my sister what she is thinking.

 

Thank you for agreeing that our living conditions should come before the cat's. She said she agrees, but does nothing. Ya it's gotta go somewhere and when it does it's at me because I am here. Never at what the stress is about.

 

Thanks for the 2 cents

[sweetbutcheeky]

I send my sister an email telling her I have to talk to her about something but need to know it's between us and it won't get back to mum.

[sweetbutcheeky]

So she tells me she talked to our mum and mum said that the cat hasn't been bad latley and isn't causing too much stress. Though that being said, afterwards Mum and I went grocery shopping and got back and there was poop on the floor. (she as pissed off and swore at the cat) Then found marks on the couch as well, she said she would like to have it professionally cleaned but would just happen again.

 

I told my sister that if asked she won't say yes because of the not wanting to tell you that it's bothering her. I don't understand why, since the parents divorced she baby's her and won't tell her things to make her mad, upset her and so on.

 

Then she emails me (sister) and says,

"If she was that stressed, she wouldn't have a problem telling me about it. She's never had a problem saying it before. I offered her a few options on how I could help out with Grandma, Archie and Jack. She took me up on some of them, but declined the Jack one even after I pushed for it. She doesn't seem all that angry or stressed about it, and I kept asking her repeatedly. Is it you that wants Jack out?"

 

Sick of dealing with both of their bs. She continues to tell me things I should do to help my mum, which aren't any of her business and 99% of them I do anyway. This isn't about me since I can control what I do, and can do what I can to help out here. But I can't stop the stupid cat, make my sister take responsibility or make my mum smarten up.

[sweetbutcheeky]

How would you know if there are things she won't bring up to you? There are times when she won't talk to you about things because she doesn't want to upset you, stress you or get you mad. So she will avoid it. Which she is doing now.

 

It's really up to you though. If you want mum to put in any more money and bs into that cat. She pays $40 plus on food per case which I am guessing you didn't know because of our comment. "Why can't we just feed cats regular grocery store food these days?" Lives with poo on her new wood floor, which she says are ruining them. Poo on her bedspread which she says will need to be replaced. Poo on the couch, never mind the smell.

 

If you want mum to deal with all that and not take back the responsibility for your cat then that is up you.

 

You ask if it's me who wants him out. I am talking it about it for mum, her money, her floors, her couch, her bed and her stress. Do I like picking of ****, walking into a house that smells like ****, sitting on ****? What do you think? Never mind seeing mum sleep in **** and being here first hand when she reacts to it all.

 

That was rude. I do everything I can and wasn't asking for advise. I know that Jack is a big issue and since he is your's that's why I brought it up, I can't do anything about. I give her money when ever I can, regularly when I have money coming in. She has told me to keep it at times when she knew I needed it more. I have offered to pay for the internet and she hasn't taken me up on it. And no that's not your business. I could get into money issues with you too but I won't because it's not my business.