Kimmy Posted July 30, 2003 Share Posted July 30, 2003 Please help....I am 32 going on 33 and my boyfriend of a little over a year has just told me that he may not want anymore children. He has been married twice and has two children. He has had some problems with his oldest boy recently and has had to go to court because of visitation issues. He says he does not know if he feels this way because of what he has been going thru or not. I really don't think he will ever want more kids. I on the other had, have always wanted to be a mom and have a child of my own. I want this before I am 35. Now I really don't know what to do. I love him and his kids with all of my heart and cannot imagine leaving him. The question I keep asking myself is can I stay and sacrifice the chance of ever being a mom? Even if I were to leave, who is to say I will find someone that I am happy with in two years. Then I may regret ever leaving. I really don't know what to do. It is like I have part of my dream of the happily ever after, but it is missing a piece. I feel like I an being punished, I have always wanted to wait til I was married and have a family. Now I have the love of my life but he does not want a child with me. He has a lot of problems with his two ex-wives and I think he is afraid. I don't know if I left if he would wake up and realize what he has lost or if I would end up regreting it. I guess I cannot force him to want a child but what do I do? I also have issues with my career right now. I think I have always assumed that I would one day be a stay at home mom and I have never really found a career that I am truely happy with. I feel like if I do make the decision to not have children then I need to find a career that is satisfying. Will I ever be satisfied if I am not a mom? Please help! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 30, 2003 Share Posted July 30, 2003 These are all gambles you and only you can decide on. One thing is for sure, you stay with this guy and you will have no children unless you trick him...and I DON'T recommend that. If you leave him, you are correct that you may not find someone compatible who could and would want to be a father. You could lose your current guy's love forever. What you have to decide is just what price are you willing to pay for the possibility of being a mother. I personally think that if you don't go for motherhood, if that's what you have always dreamed of, you will regret it all your life. It's an experience that many (and I'm not certain just what the percentage is) women look forward to all their lives. Why didn't you get this straight before you got so far in this relationship? Dump this guy and go find someone who wants kids. I think you have a fairly good chance of doing that. This may be one of the most difficult decisions you ever make and I'm very sorry you're in such a position to have to make it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kimmy Posted July 31, 2003 Author Share Posted July 31, 2003 Thanks for responding Tony! I really need all the advice I can get right now. We did discuss this earlier in our relationship but he always said he was not sure if he ever wanted anymore kids or not. He is still not totally saying no to the idea, but right now he does not think he will want anymore. I personally feel that more than likely he will not want any. I don't think I mentioned either that he is 40 years old. I know there are plenty of men out there that have kids after 40 but I think that is also a factor. He has a lot of problems with his ex-wives, they are Bitches and they use the kids as pawns in there stupid games, so I guess I couldn't blame him if he never decides to have anymore kids. He keeps saying what happens if we have a child and end up divorced. It is almost like all he can see in his future is divorce, and not happiness. He is really a great guy and he treats me so good. This is the only problem we have had in the year we have been together but, I know it is a big one! I just cannot see leaving him right now, it kills me to even think about it. I don't know, I feel like finding someone that you truly love is a gift and does not come along that often. That makes this really hard. I am going to start taking some college classes to have a career in the future that I enjoy. I think that is one reason I have been so unhappy lately. You know, you really start examining your life after 30 especially if you are not married with children yet and I think that my life needs some direction. If I decide not to be a mom I would really like to have a career I enjoy. You are right about regrets. He keeps telling me he does not want to hold me back from any dreams. He does not want me to resent him in the future if I decide to stay. Well, you have given me a lot to think about. Thanks again for the advice! Link to post Share on other sites
hot_baby 269 Posted August 1, 2003 Share Posted August 1, 2003 have you sat him down and told him all this and if you have and the answer is still no than wait a few after all the troble with the older boy is over and than bring it back up and tell him how you feel and what you want and see if it works good luck and my best wishes to you Link to post Share on other sites
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