She is with someone else

[replicator]

She is with someone else.. I found out. I think she met him before we broke up.

 

I don't know how to deal with this. I really didn't think it was possible, but I have evidence now. I'm in shock. I don't know how I will ever recover.. Ten years, I gave her unconditional love. How could she do this to me? I'm going to be seriously damaged goods now. I don't know how I will function tomorrow, I have have to call in sick.

[northstar1]

She is with someone else.. I found out. I think she met him before we broke up.

 

I don't know how to deal with this. I really didn't think it was possible, but I have evidence now. I'm in shock. I don't know how I will ever recover.. Ten years, I gave her unconditional love. How could she do this to me? I'm going to be seriously damaged goods now. I don't know how I will function tomorrow, I have have to call in sick.

 

Deep breaths man.

Do you have any friends you can call or go hang out with tomorrow?

[kizik]

Breathe.

 

She's with someone else b/c she doesn't know who she is without the attention of a man. She's with someone b/c it was easy for her to meet someone b/c she is pretty and all that.

 

Her being with someone else does not need to devastate you in the way you feel now. If she's with someone else already, you can guarantee that she hasn't taken the time to reflect on her R with you. She is jumping into something else irresponsibly.

 

With the kind of girl you had, it's easy for her to get with someone else. Quickly. What that says about her is that she's superficial and needy. You should be glad you're not with someone like that.

 

She's free to do what she wants. You needn't worry yourself with this info. It's not a betrayal to you; it's a betrayal to herself b/c she hasn't learned to be by herself. She's basically a grown child, dependent on the approval and caretaking of others.

 

And she probably never will learn how to be happy alone.

 

Rep, don't worry about other people right now. Including her. So she's with someone else? Great. They can go f*ck off. Do what you need to for you - relax, enjoy your freedom, see friends. Stop thinking about her, and don't make this into a dramatic thing in which you "don't know how you can go on."

[replicator]

Thanks guys.. I've been crying for about a good hour. I don't know. I just trusted her so much. Imagining her with another man is devastating, and my heart is pounding. I don't know how I'm going to look back at my twenties, when it was all spent with her, that lying cheating b*tch.

 

I don't know what I should be doing. What I can do. I'm just in pain.

[foxh1234]

I'm so sorry man. The same thing happened to me, I know how you are feeling. You have to fight through this, it will feel like you are dying, but you HAVE TO FIGHT!!! Do not contact her, let it go man. I feel so bad knowing you are feeling what I felt 4 months ago, I thought I would never feel good again. I was wrong though, I do feel good now. Keep your mind off of her, I know it seems impossible tonight, but do your best. In my opinion, you need your friends and family more now then ever. Talk to them, get it all out and then start to accept it because there is nothing else you can do. I really do feel for you, take care of yourself.

[foolednm]

I just saw my ex with the new guy and it hurts. I wanted to confront them and beat them both. But I didn't. She is a freakin whore now and he is a freaking idiot. But hey, they're both getting laid now. Screw them!!! I hate her and I can't believe I gave her as much as I did without really seeing who she was. I hate her for her, and I hate what she is doing with someone else. Fuc*ing bitch!!! Whore!!! Why do we care so much about people that have hurt us so much over years and years?

I am so hurt and disappointed. Fu*king bitch, whore, slut!!!

[kizik]

Once again Rep, I think you need someone to tell you So What. Of course I feel for you, like Fox, but feeling pain is a choice of how long we choose to remain in the pain state.

 

So What that she and some guy who doesn't have half the heart you do are together. So What that she's with someone when she's so obviously not ready. So What that you're without a partner while she has one already; you're going to benefit in the end, b/c you've taken the time to reflect.

 

So What. People are not under our control. You do not need to let this affect you as much as you are. I would be a bold-faced liar if I told you that I'd be 100% if I found out my ex was dating again. But when I do find this out, I will shrug. Because I know that I offered her more than he ever could. And she will end up hurting him in the same ways she hurt me.

 

So, So What. Let go. It's not your problem and that is no longer your life. I always hesitate to say these things for fear of sounding insensitive, but the fact is that crying and dwelling over things long dead and done does no one any good, ever.

[replicator]

He is just the type I knew would make her parents happy.

 

All the things I couldn't do for her. Why did I let her do this to me. I don't know. I know you're saying rational things Kizik.. But there is no voice of reason in my head, I just feel so betrayed. I can hate her now.. Finally.

[kizik]

He is just the type I knew would make her parents happy.

 

Don't worry, my ex will end up with the lawyer or doctor just like I thought. And her parents will all be ecstatic. And then they can all go out to dinner to that yuppie restaurant that I used to hate. And he can hang out in that house with that stupid Beagle. Beagles are the dumbest f*cking dogs, and this one would lick the leather couch, and they would let him. Why are you letting your dog lick the couch? Are you retarded? God, I hate that dog.

[johan]

I've had that happen to me so many times. Holy smokes.

 

My first girlfriend had some guy lined up before we even broke up. That really got to me. She dated him for a long time. Now, coincidentally, she's married to a guy who works where I do, and guess what I get to see on his desk? Wedding pictures and baby pictures. I don't pine for her, but do I really need to see that??

 

My second girlfriend was married within a year after we broke up. I was so crushed.

 

I heard of another one getting married, and the jealousy welled up again. But I thought whatever guy married her suffered all the way to the altar and all the way back.

 

My most recent ex just spent the whole holiday weekend with some other guy, and you know what I have to tell you? After you've gone through it a few times, it gets a LOT easier. No girl is irreplaceable.

 

Hang in there.

[D-Lish]

He is just the type I knew would make her parents happy.

 

All the things I couldn't do for her. Why did I let her do this to me. I don't know. I know you're saying rational things Kizik.. But there is no voice of reason in my head, I just feel so betrayed. I can hate her now.. Finally.

 

Well, first of all... it doesn't matter how much rational advice you get with regard to a situation like this- I am sure you have told yourself all these rational, truthful things... but that doesn't negate the pain you feel over this.

 

Feelings aren't always going to be rational. You can't choose how you feel, you can only choose how you react to those feelings.

 

I don't advise staying home from work- I think it's pretty important to keep up with your routine in a time like this. What will you do if you stay home.... Lament?? Get a distraction going- work can provide that.

 

All I can offer you is my own experience... when I found out my ex husband knocked up another woman after 9 years of being together... I never thought my life would be the same again... I never thought I would get over that pain. I did. You will too. It's been 6 years for me- and there will come a time when this pain doesn't permeate every facet of your life.

 

I don't think it's a good idea to isolate yourself and cave alone with your misery... stick to a routine- both with work and hobbies... it's important.

 

Control the things you can control for now, it will keep your sanity about you.

[replicator]

I feel so damn worthless. As if my self-esteem wasn't low enough.

 

All the things I couldn't provide to her. This guy has in spades. Love wasn't enough I guess.

[johan]

I don't think it's a good idea to isolate yourself and cave alone with your misery... stick to a routine- both with work and hobbies... it's important.

 

Control the things you can control for now, it will keep your sanity about you.

 

D-Lish has it exactly right. Don't isolate yourself and wallow in your pain. If you're like me, however, that's exactly what you'll do. For my part it was as much because I didn't feel like being around people as it was that they didn't really want to be around me. I can't blame them for that.

 

But still, if you can find things to do with other people, DO THEM.

[kizik]

Rep,

 

you must have found this info out somehow. I strongly advise you to tell whoever informed you about this: "Keep me in the dark. I don't want to know. Don't mention her to me again."

 

One of the reasons I'm not gonna go through this 'new guy' thing for a long time is that I will avoid info about her like the f*cking plague.

[northstar1]

Rep,

 

you must have found this info out somehow. I strongly advise you to tell whoever informed you about this: "Keep me in the dark. I don't want to know. Don't mention her to me again."

 

One of the reasons I'm not gonna go through this 'new guy' thing for a long time is that I will avoid info about her like the f*cking plague.

 

Very true.

You have to erase all points of info/contact about the ex. Myspace, facebook, yahoo contacts etc.

Tell any mutual friends you don't want to hear anything about her.

You need to basically take a virtual eraser and wipe her out of your existence

 

I know I don't want to know when/if my ex is with someone else, regardless if it's just a 'rebound' or not.

[johan]

Well, first of all... it doesn't matter how much rational advice you get with regard to a situation like this- I am sure you have told yourself all these rational, truthful things... but that doesn't negate the pain you feel over this.

 

Feelings aren't always going to be rational. You can't choose how you feel, you can only choose how you react to those feelings.

 

I don't advise staying home from work- I think it's pretty important to keep up with your routine in a time like this. What will you do if you stay home.... Lament?? Get a distraction going- work can provide that.

 

All I can offer you is my own experience... when I found out my ex husband knocked up another woman after 9 years of being together... I never thought my life would be the same again... I never thought I would get over that pain. I did. You will too. It's been 6 years for me- and there will come a time when this pain doesn't permeate every facet of your life.

 

I don't think it's a good idea to isolate yourself and cave alone with your misery... stick to a routine- both with work and hobbies... it's important.

 

Control the things you can control for now, it will keep your sanity about you.

 

By the way, this was a brilliant post, I think. Your charm and intellect are hard to miss!

[D-Lish]

By the way, this was a brilliant post, I think. Your charm and intellect are hard to miss!

 

I love you J.... I know you could break me!

[orangehose]

She is with someone else.. I found out. I think she met him before we broke up.

 

I don't know how to deal with this. I really didn't think it was possible, but I have evidence now. I'm in shock. I don't know how I will ever recover.. Ten years, I gave her unconditional love. How could she do this to me? I'm going to be seriously damaged goods now. I don't know how I will function tomorrow, I have have to call in sick.

 

I am SOOOOO furious at your ex on your behalf. Omygosh, I want to call her up and give her a piece of my mind. And I don't even know her.

 

It is definitely sickening when people just hop from relationship to relationship with scarcely a week in between. It is terribly sickening. But you know what? She is cowardly. She is too cowardly to face being alone, and so she just has to jump immediately to the next guy.

 

But seriously, you know what the good thing is about this? You now have just cause to be angry at her. I'm not advocating anger in general, but I think a certain amount of anger is useful (even necessary) in the breakup process, and it was clear from your prior posts that you had yet to experience it.

 

She is not the perfect princess you thought her to be. She was superficial enough to throw away an incredibly loyal guy for the external trappings of 'success' that her parents might approve of.

 

I know you may now be looking at the last ten years as a total mistake, but remember that people change. Maybe she wasn't as deserving of your love at the end as she was in the beginning.

 

The other thing, rep, is remember you are a great guy! A lot of women would kill for a guy as loyal as you.

 

And yes, while it's not 'rational' to care about this bit of news, it is totally understandable and human to feel whatever you're feeling. You can't just snap your fingers and no longer care about someone you've been with for 10 years. I think this is understandably traumatic and it'll take time to get over. Allow yourself emotional expression... but also keep up the distractions during this acute phase... stay healthy... know that whatever you're feeling now will pass eventually, and as hard as it is to imagine, happiness (and love) await you in the future...

[orangehose]

I feel so damn worthless. As if my self-esteem wasn't low enough.

 

All the things I couldn't provide to her. This guy has in spades. Love wasn't enough I guess.

 

Okay, another thought: you know those guys with status that girls hunger over, the doctors and lawyers and such? Those guys can be seriously arrogant self-satisfied faithless ****wads, because they know girls think they're hot stuff, and they can just upgrade to younger models over time, because they always have young women drooling over them and their wealth and status. I speak from experience here. Don't necessarily assume your ex is destined for perfect happiness just because her new dude has the external trappings of success.

[johan]

I love you J.... I know you could break me!

 

Just bend.

[kizik]

Orange,

 

I love your posts, and thanks for being so articulate. I'm going thru "doctor-lawyer" envy too, thanks for keeping it real.

[D-Lish]

Orange,

 

I love your posts, and thanks for being so articulate. I'm going thru "doctor-lawyer" envy too, thanks for keeping it real.

 

Seriously guys- what is envious about being a doctor?

I have plenty of doctors and lawyers and engineers in the family. Some of them suck... some of them don't. The hottest, most available guy in my extended family is my cousin Mark... the Mechanic.

[FauxVowel]

She is with someone else...

 

She is with someone else...

 

Yes, my brother, I'm sorry, it happens to the best of us...

 

****ING BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111111

 

**** HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111 NEVER ****ING SPEAK TO HER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111

 

I ****ING HATE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111111111111

 

****ING BITCHES!!!!!!!11111111111 SUCK IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111

[replicator]

I appreciate all your support. I feel like I'm struggling with so much loss at one time. I'm going through lots of things right now, and it just adds to my distress. It is overbearing sometimes, physically I feel ill. I barely make it through the week, then just crash on the weekends.

 

I know it sounds very extreme, but I was in love with this girl, because she was so good to me. I just never saw this as a possibility. Never imagined she could just jump right into another relationship.

 

I can't help but feel jealous, because she left me for this new guy. She really f*cked me up emotionally. How can people be so damned selfish.

 

All I can do is take deep breaths, and hope that I will make it through the week.

[justine4]

Rep, you've been hurt in the worst way possible. Take the time to be angry. You've been betrayed, and whats possibly worse, your memories of what the two of you had, how much you meant to her etc have been put into question.

 

The pain you're going through is completely understandable.

 

I started to go out with someone immediately after I ended a 4yr relationship to my then fiance. I was only 20 at the time and I knew the feelings had started to fade and this new guy was the added 'incentive' I needed to end the relationship.

 

The guys on here are correct. Its more to do with her, and her insecurities as to why she is with this other guy. Its a novelty right now being with the new guy.

 

Most rebound relationships though don't work out. I know in my case for the first couple of weeks it was great. Just because the new relationship was fresh and exciting, whereas the one with my fiance had grown 'comfortable' (rather like an old slipper - you enjoy the comfort but it can be rather mundane too).

 

It only took a few weeks in my case to realise the extent of what I'd lost. Only then, for me, it was too late.

 

You've every right to be hurt right now. Don't let the memories you've shared be tainted though, that really would be like saying you've wasted the last 10 years of your life. Hold onto the things you did together, the experiences you've had, the laughs you've shared. All these things are positives to take away with you.

 

Who knows how things will turn out. Maybe, as in my case, she'll come to realise how much you mean to her? You can't walk out of someones life after so long and just move onto the next person. You'll still be in her thoughts and this guy is a distraction most probably.

 

I really feel for you rep. You give such good advice on here. You will get through it, even though physically and emotionally you feel empty at present. I wish I had a magic recipe to make things better (I'd be a millionaire if I did!) but theres really nothing other than time that will ease the pain of what you're going through at present.