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I cant find a man


Dannielle2004

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Dannielle2004

Ok I really need some help with this one.........

I have a hard time trying to find guys, so my friends try and help me and when they do I say I dont want them. I am a very picky young lady. I try and trive for the best but my friends say I am too picky what should I do should I just lower my standards. I also have this other problem I am too shy to try and talk to guys so I dont know what to so about that either.

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girl every one is different if you are picky about your guys then oh well. Your friends shouldn't help you find a guy anyway , and maybe the reason why you are picky is because you don't want another stupid guy.

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Nothing wrong with being picky, it just means that you know what you want - and that's good!

 

Better than dating some guy you're not really interested in just so you won't be single...best to wait until a guy who DOES fit your standards comes along.

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don't ever lower your standards or sell yourself short, Dannielle! let someone else go that route ...

 

you don't say if you're in high school or college, but I'm guessing you're a high school student. Right now, you choices seem limited because you really don't know a whole lot of people, but if you concentrate on meeting people in places that you're involved (band, church youth groups, etc.), you'll have a larger pool to draw from. College/post-graduation is better, because you'll come into more contact with people and have more opportunities to meet someone to your liking WITHOUT possibly having to lower your standards.

 

this reminds me of a popular saying when I was a kid: Why mingle with turkeys when you can soar with the eagles? In other words, don't lower your standards.

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longlegzs80

There are so many people on this site, I feel that I can definitly relate to as far as problems and concerns go, but as I read your thread, I was thinking that you and I have the same problem. I too am shy and I find it very hard to find a guy. Anyways, your best bet is to go out and meet the men. Join something like a sports team, go to a coffee shop, whatever it is. You will meet people that way. I guess I should take my own advice, but for you. You need to get out. Go out with friends, go to clubs, enjoy whatever is in your area that is going on.

 

AS far as shyness goes. You need to get involved. Meeting people, hanging out with friends and just enjoy your life. You will definitly meet someone if you get involved. Well, hope this helps. I can't really give helpful advice as to what to do to get a guy to notice you because I am struggling with that too.

 

Oh another thing. I find myself very picky. Don't lower your standards for anyone. You deserve the best and lowering your standards will just make you settle for just anyone. Don;t do that. It will take some time, but you need to get out amongest the public and speak to guys that your interested in. What you need is a ladies night. All your single lady friends should get together and go have some fun. Men will then soon be flowing your way.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I was rather shy too. Here are some suggestions for you. First, get used to going out by yourself - leave your friends and venture out on your own. You don't need to "pick-up" a guy, but make it a point, before you get to your destination, to initiate a conversation with a guy, any guy, and go from there. Worst thing that could happen is that you get toung tied, or "sound stupid", but if you can't stand the embarasment, turn around and leave - go somewhere else.

 

I think you will discover alot about yourself if you do this, and you will evolve into someone who is not affraid of talking to guys - actually youwill find that most guys will be very receptive to your expression of interest. That's a different problem. Your problem for right now is how your friends will preceive you for hanging out with one guy or another - ditch the friends, set your personal goals before going out - pick a place that your friends don't go to. If you are in your teens/twenties - go to a bar or club where there are older men - 30's + by yourself. You will discover a whole new side to yourself, and mature in a way that your shyness won't matter anymore. And, believe it or not, the excitement of venturing out without your friends and meeting new people can be a lot of fun.

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I don't know about this 'lowering standards' thing. I think sometimes people's standards are impossibly high. They want a man who is everything perfect and that just won't happen.

 

I think before I'd accept advice on not lowering standards I'd check with my pals to see if maybe my standards are in the realm of unrealistic. If you want a really handsome, mature, secure, wealthy, funny, well-dressed guy who cooks, pilots an airplane, and runs several banks, for instance, you might well find it difficult to locate one!

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learning to speak freely with strangers is liberating!

 

don't forget about safety & don't do it anywhere but in public places though, and don't accept their invitations anywhere.

 

and yeah, many guys will take the chance if given to them - by striking up a conversation, you're not losing anything, and giving the guy room to go after you. if he does, cool, see if you like him; if not - oh well, next!

 

-yes

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