AnLandy Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 My best friend of 13 years called last night and asked to borrow $15,000. He has never asked me for money before, despite some ongoing financial problems, and I have never offered to loan him any. He was evasive when I asked why he needed it, and didn't want to go into details. I have the money, though it would be a huge hit to my portfolio to give it to him, and withdrawing the money would trigger capital gains taxes. When I told him that, he was very understanding of the situation, and he told me to forget that he asked. He said he didn't want the money if it would be a huge burden to me. My issue isn't with the fact that he asked. I'm more concerned about why he needs the money. He has been very open with me in the past about financial problems (student loans, his father's medical bills, credit card debt), so I am concerned about the current problem driving the need for the money. How can I ask him? Should I just let him tell me in him own time? If he's in trouble or in the middle of some crisis, I would like to know. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 I wouldn't bother. You may wind up in an illegal situation that would destroy you..... Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 Yes, you should wait for him to tell you in good time. If he's evasive, it might be funds to purchase some kind speculative investment or gambling debt, since he's been very open with you in the past. Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 Well, it's a ' best friend' of 13 yrs, so i would care why they were in trouble and would sit down and simply say " Hey, I care about you, what's up ?' Even if the guy wanted to start a hookers and crack empire, OP is still in the clear if he/she doesn't fund it ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnLandy Posted July 8, 2008 Author Share Posted July 8, 2008 Well, it's a ' best friend' of 13 yrs, so i would care why they were in trouble and would sit down and simply say " Hey, I care about you, what's up ?' I tried this approach, and he got very evasive. I know this man, and I know when he is under stress. The classic signs are all there. Also, I know that he will not volunteer any information that he doesn't want me to know. If I push, he will shut down. Also, we have an incredibly supportive and non-judgemental relationship. Whatever embarassing behavior he has admitted to in the past (having a threeway with his ex-girlfriend and her current husband, lying to his sister to guilt her into helping out more with their sick father, taking a weekend DJ job in a strip club to pay off debt, giving his ex money for an abortion when she found out she was pregnant a month after they broke up, lying on his resume to get a better job, hiding money from his mother to make sure there is enough cash to pay her bills at the end of the month), he has disclosed with a surprising lack of shame. Given that he has been so open, my gut tells me that this is something pretty serious and pretty awful. Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 Well, it's a ' best friend' of 13 yrs, so i would care why they were in trouble and would sit down and simply say " Hey, I care about you, what's up ?' I tried this approach, and he got very evasive. I know this man, and I know when he is under stress. The classic signs are all there. Also, I know that he will not volunteer any information that he doesn't want me to know. If I push, he will shut down. Also, we have an incredibly supportive and non-judgemental relationship. Whatever embarassing behavior he has admitted to in the past (having a threeway with his ex-girlfriend and her current husband, lying to his sister to guilt her into helping out more with their sick father, taking a weekend DJ job in a strip club to pay off debt, giving his ex money for an abortion when she found out she was pregnant a month after they broke up, lying on his resume to get a better job, hiding money from his mother to make sure there is enough cash to pay her bills at the end of the month), he has disclosed with a surprising lack of shame. Given that he has been so open, my gut tells me that this is something pretty serious and pretty awful. Well, i have few friends, on PURPOSE, and the ones i do have, we would help each other hide bodies. I would be concerned as hell, and i WOULD get it out of them. even if i had to invite them over, get them drunk and sit on their lap until they confessed ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnLandy Posted July 8, 2008 Author Share Posted July 8, 2008 Well, i have few friends, on PURPOSE, and the ones i do have, we would help each other hide bodies. I would be concerned as hell, and i WOULD get it out of them. even if i had to invite them over, get them drunk and sit on their lap until they confessed ! This would be one approach. Unfortunately, he lives 1,200 miles away. Also, he is well over six feet and has about a hundred pounds on me. My five foot three inch, size eight frame really wouldn't be sufficient to hold him down if he didn't want to be. I've considered calling his parents, but I'm not sure that would help. His father has been seriously ill for the past two years, and I don't want to put extra stress on the family. Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 Nah, don't call the parents. Any other mutual friends ? Oh, and i never said you wer'e going to torture the info out of him,lol, i'm only 5ft, 100 lbs, just said that they have a harder time evading when you are in their space like that ! Just CALL, tell him you LOVE him, and that he needs to give you a clue, because now it's affecting YOUR life because you are worried about your beloved friend ! IME, when somone brings something up, they WANT it to be dragged out of them ! good luck ! Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 My best friend of 13 years ... has never asked me for money before, despite some ongoing financial problems ... If he's in trouble or in the middle of some crisis, I would like to know. It is a good guess that he is in trouble or the middle of a crisis -- your gut is probably already telling you that. The thing to know is, what will you do if that guess is confirmed accurate? Or perhaps, what CAN you do, given the 1200 miles that separate you. If all you really have is the money that he believes will get him out of the jam, and you are not prepared to loan it to him, then the depth and details of his trouble really ought not to be of significance. I agree with those who say to not contact his parents (or any other 3rd parties, actually.) You could be divulging your friend's secrets and/or breaking his confidence. He has asked for what he needs, and you have responded. There is nothing to feel guilty about, on either part. Link to post Share on other sites
mohamed Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 if you have the ability to give him money but provided even know why your position or Mtvhmc yawning gap Gaiza needed on the subject of embarrassing In both cases, I do not know any say Lake wishes Maak Link to post Share on other sites
mohamed Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 I'm sorry for the language because I do not speak English usage strong but I wanted to I join other peoples ideas and opinions Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 I think if a friend of mine needed that much money, a condition of me lending it to them would be that I would want to know WHY they needed it. Not to judge, but maybe to have some reassurance or peace of mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 My first thought is gambling or drug debt, or worse. I have student loans up the wazoo and other financial obligations having to do with my grammy's needs that sometimes make my finances a little tricky or worrisome, but it's not so bad that I'd be hitting up friends for cash - not even $10. If he wants to volunteer the information re: why he needs it and it sounds reasonable to you, I'd consider giving him the money. But if he doesn't tell you what it is, or remains evasive, I'd keep my wallet shut. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 It sounds like money problems follow him around like a dark cloud. That's sad for him but it's not your problem. if you give him the money, don't ever expect to see it again. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 There's no reason to call his family, that's not your place - Unless you think he's in some sort of trouble and his life could be in danger. He should get a bank loan. 15 grand is too much money to lend out, even to your bestfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Shygirl15 Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 It sounds like money problems follow him around like a dark cloud. That's sad for him but it's not your problem. if you give him the money, don't ever expect to see it again. That's what I thought. 13 years of friendship or not, $15,000 is not a small amount at all. Looks like he has too many problems surrounding him right now, and as much as you may be in a position to loan him the money, he may not be in a position to pay you back. Link to post Share on other sites
oasis Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 Stay out of it and let him handle it in his own way. He is not a child. If you weakend and loan him the money, you will NEVER recoup all of it (I know that type). He seems to have poor money management skills. Link to post Share on other sites
Virgo822 Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 Let's see, Never asked for money before Evasive about reason why Lives 1200 miles away. If you want to keep your best friend, keep your money. If you loan the money, you'll lose both the friend and the money. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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