Narf Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 Sorry i need to vent otherwise ill just give in and message and then ill rip into myself about how weak i am and how it isnt his fault it is mine ... He starts the game but i play along... So He told me he didnt want to date anymore that he was to young and didnt want anything serious... I accepted this only cause i had no other choice... It was lose him all together or hang around as friends and see what happens. We got closer as friends and whenever he needed me i was there.. He is the type that doesnt need anyone and that men dont show weakness or feelings.. But to me he did . He said a couple of times "You are the only person i can talk to about this stuff" That made me feel good and close to him... I still didnt expect to get together but i wanted to be there for him cause i just felt something for him.. Im not sure it was love but it was strong feelings.. Anyways he started to cross the friends line with more personal txt... Everytime i would warn him you are crossing the line.. We are friends you dont want to date me so keep it friends... He would keep testing the waters this went on for about 2 months then he wanted to "talk" So we did... He said he has feelings for me but he isnt ready for anything serious can we just hangout and basically be bed buddies.. I said no i cant because i would get more attached and want more from him that he doesnt want to give... He said ok he understands and will stick to friends At this stage i started saying i think we need to go into No Contact because he cant stick to the friends line and i dont want to be lead on and start to fall for him... He said no he wont leave me alone he will be just a friend and he will respect what i have asked for...This lasted 2 weeks when he decided he would drunk txt that he thinks about me a lot and that he should ask me out again... That sent me into anger... I know he doesnt want that but why say it?! He crossed the line again and is trying to string me along... I cant get it out of my head what i should do... What needs to happen... How can i stop the drama and stress this is creating...I decide i have to see him face to face and either he gives us a go or he leaves me alone... This happened last night and he says i dont want to date you... So i will leave you alone if that is what you want.. I say ok that is how it has to be im sorry. He starts joking around and says "i told you all my exs want me back" Ohh i lost control then cause it finally dawned on me he must play this game with all of them!!! I told him you do it!! you lead them on you buy them presents you say things they want to hear and make them think your changing you mind and want them back!!! Leave me alone your words are empty and lies! He didnt disagree and we left it there.... He has txted already saying he is sorry and that he isnt good with words... Why is he doing this! What am i doing that is so appealing that he wont leave me alone after he dumped me?? Im not sleeping with him .. He is buying me presents... Im saying leave me alone!! I need him to leave me im not good at staying upset im not good and holding on to anger... I forgive to easy.. Any advice?? Even if it is you a stupid!! Is what im doing right?? or have i gone about it the wrong way? Any thoughts? I need reassurance that no contact is what i need and that He is just messing with me...Im great at make excuses for others and i dont want to this time i want to stay strong and do what is best for me!!but my strengh is weakening and im tempted to reply Link to post Share on other sites
taylor Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Narf, Sounds like this guy has you wrapped around his little finger and he knows it. He is very full of himself and very selfish. He is stringing you along hoping you will cave in to your feelings with him and have sex with him. You sound like a very smart girl with alot of insight. But you also have a big, soft heart. You need to protect it. If you give in to him, he will break your heart in a million pieces and you will kick yourself because your head is telling you the right thing to do to protect yourself. Listen to your head. Go NC. Show him, unlike his OTHER exes, YOU do not want him back. He is only thinking of his own interests, needs, and wants. He would stay NC with you if he were thinking of your feelings. He knows he can't reciprocate..he can't give you what he needs...he's too young and immature. You need to look out for you...your needs..what is in your best interests. He isn't the one. Someone will come along who is ready and willing to have a meaningful relationship with you. He will not make you feel stupid or put you on an emotional roller coaster. His maturity level will match yours. He will be able to give you what you want and need. Don't settle for less. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Narf Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 Thank you!!! It is really hard when emotions and head clash... It drives me crazy... What i cant understand is how confident he is that he has me wrapped around his finger.. That drives me nuts!! Yes he has certain control but it isnt like im under his thumb and will do what he wants me too...Plus at times my frustration at him comes out and im not even nice to him... but still he thinks he has me?!? Nice doesnt = weak.. He has issues and im a helper.. i find myself attached to the ones that need help and i will do what i can to be there for them.. Yes it may at times seem like im a doormat but i just pick my fights and bid my time till i know what im doing is right for me... but damn! He has always gone after me... He has wasted his time and money on me... I dont see how he can be so cocky and confident when it is he who has to do the chasing all the time... Do you think he had any feelings at all? or was it all just a game to him? I am just annoyed i got him so wrong... I knew he was selfish (but not to what extent) and i knew he was imature my friend and i would joke that he is like a little kid playing with Mummies shoes when he tried to be all adult and mature... I could see some of the faults but i honestly thought he did have feelings and that he would realise sigh!! Im a sucker!!! :/ oh well *gameover* ill continue no contact and see what happens for me in the future Link to post Share on other sites
taylor Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Thank you!!! It is really hard when emotions and head clash... It drives me crazy... What i cant understand is how confident he is that he has me wrapped around his finger.. That drives me nuts!! Yes he has certain control but it isnt like im under his thumb and will do what he wants me too...Plus at times my frustration at him comes out and im not even nice to him... but still he thinks he has me?!? Nice doesnt = weak.. He has issues and im a helper.. i find myself attached to the ones that need help and i will do what i can to be there for them.. Yes it may at times seem like im a doormat but i just pick my fights and bid my time till i know what im doing is right for me... but damn! He has always gone after me... He has wasted his time and money on me... I dont see how he can be so cocky and confident when it is he who has to do the chasing all the time... He's cocky and confident because you and other girls have let him get away with his selfish, disrespectful, immature behavior and "love" him just the same. He has learned from the females in his life that he can treat them like crap and still be loved. He thinks he has you because you are EMOTIONALLY REACTIVE to his every action. He knows you care. He knows he means something to you. If you didn't care and if he meant nothing to you, what he did wouldn't bother you one bit. You would be indifferent to it. The minute you start acting indifferent, he will feel you slipping from his fingers. If you continue to act like a doormat...forgiving and making excuses for his behavior...giving without expecting anything in return...he will never learn to respect or appreciate you. Start respecting and appreciating yourself more..that will make others respect and appreciate you in return. Don't settle for less from anyone..especially a cocky, immature, selfish guy. Do you think he had any feelings at all? or was it all just a game to him? I think he is young and is attracted to you. That is why he wants to bed you. Feelings? I think he is too young and immature to have the kind of feelings a man has for a woman he wants to be in a real relationship with. He has alot to learn. Until he can learn the value of unselfish love, it will continue to be a game to him. i honestly thought he did have feelings and that he would realise sigh!! Im a sucker!!! :/ oh well *gameover* ill continue no contact and see what happens for me in the future No, you are not a sucker. You are a nice girl with a giving heart. Nothing wrong with that. It will serve you well when you meet the right guy who also has a giving heart. Yes. Stay NC with this guy. YOU let HIM know the game is over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Narf Posted July 10, 2008 Author Share Posted July 10, 2008 Wow... You are good!! Thank you so much... You are spot on... One of his ex's still hangs around and they have been broken up 2 years... I just niavely thought that i was different... When he was mean i called him on it when i thought he was crossing the line i called him on it... When he stopped talking to me..i didnt chase i let him come back if he wanted too... I warned him he is pushing me away with his game playing... Now i have to stand my ground... Yes i can see how me being emotionally reactive can be seen as he has me, but it isnt the case... I know im an emotional person but im an honest one too... I try to speak up and let ppl know what im thinking and feeling... If they dont listen im forced to end it It just sucks... With this guy i thought we had something.. I knew he wasnt ready for anything serious and neither was i.. but there was a connection i was his goto person (i thought) and he started to become mine... Anything challenging came up in his life he would talk to me about it... Then he would say your the only person i can discuss this with... i wasnt exactly the same cause im a talker and have a few close friends that i tell everything but i knew he wasnt like that.. and opening up to me was hard for him but he was coming around.. That is why i cared, it wasnt that i was fooled by love... I was fooled by his words... Anyways thanks alot again you have put words to what i already knew but didnt want to admitt Link to post Share on other sites
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