azurafang Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Hi all I am desperatly seeking advice on what i should do. I have been seeing my current girlfriend for about 6 months and predict that we will be together still at the end of the year. the thing is, next year she will be going away for 3 months on an antipodean(sort of like volunteer work in india in a village) gap year placment. I was keep telling myself that I would like to continue the relationship but i wonder if she will want to after she leaves for 3 months. this wont be the first time apart with time spent apart during mid year break. I was wondering if you think it would be easier to break up before she leaves to give her the freedom to do whatever she wants, or should i try and make it with her and continue the relationship, knowing the possibility that she may loose intrest and that during the time apart she may find someone else? please help i have been thinking this over for a couple of weeks now ever since she made the decision, or if anyone could offer any advice or know of anyone that has had similar experiances? Link to post Share on other sites
stacey101 Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I think if you love her you should try continue the relationship. She feels the need to go there and volunteer, she is doing a job. It doesn't lseem like she wants to go there and be single so she can meet other guys. 3 months isn't that long. Lots of the people posting on this board are apart from their partners for a lot longer. It could be hard to stay in touch from where she is but just try your bests. Also, you should let her broaden her horizons and encourage her to do things like this, it will help her grow as a person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author azurafang Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 thank you, i realise that compared to many members on this forums, 3 months is an insignificant space of time, and i think the thing is, because i love her so much its just sort of hard for me, not to be able to spend any time with her for 3 months, and unfortunatly while she is over ther i wouldnt want to disturb her, because what she is doing is amazing. any other thoughts on the matter anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 The way I look at it is... either way you are spending 3 months away from her. If you choose to break up with her because of it, she would still be going, only you probably would have less contact with her considering there would be no relationship. You are going to miss her for those 3 months no matter if you break up with her or not. So, what's the point unless you expect breaking up with her would change her mind about leaving? Link to post Share on other sites
Author azurafang Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 its not a matter of breaking up would change her mind, its more should we break up and end it or do you think the relationship will be as strong once she returns, or if it would be worth it.. thank you very much anyway Link to post Share on other sites
Graduate Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 its more should we break up and end it or do you think the relationship will be as strong once she returns, or if it would be worth it.. thank you very much anyway I think if you really love her there is no reason for you two to break up. Yes, 3 months is long and you never know what will happen, but it is completely possible that while she is there all she thinks about is you and she will count the days till she can be with you again. Why break up a good thing just because of physical seperation? Especially if you know it is only going to be temporary. My advice to you is to enjoy the relationship you have right now and not worry about something that might happen 6 months from now! You don't know what is going to happen until then, so I'd adopt a state of mind that is: "Let's cross that bridge when we get there!" Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 "its not a matter of breaking up would change her mind, its more should we break up and end it or do you think the relationship will be as strong once she returns, or if it would be worth it.. thank you very much anyway" Good God, dude. Don't you think the best person to ask is HER?? You would really take the advice of an internet message board before you discuss this with your lover????? Link to post Share on other sites
konfuzd Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 She's going away to do volunteer work, it's not like she's going on some spring break sexapalooza trip where she's looking to go hook up with a bunch of random men. (or maybe she is, who am I to say). In any case, what good will breaking up do? Unless you have other doubts in the relationship that you're not telling us about. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 its not a matter of breaking up would change her mind, its more should we break up and end it or do you think the relationship will be as strong once she returns, or if it would be worth it.. thank you very much anyway I really didn't think that was why you were asking, but I thought I'd throw it out there. lol You seem pretty sincere about her and the relationship. I say if it ain't broke, don't break it now. I would just stay together. Link to post Share on other sites
HisLove Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Yeah I think you are trying to issue some sort of ultimatum to her. Ultimatums backfire unless you mean every word you say, they fail miserably as a form of manipulation. She is doing a wonderful thing. For a whole 12 weeks in a lifetime of possibly being with her. She hasn't mentioned breaking off with you or wanting to date others. That's not the reason she's going. To even contemplate ending a relationship over a short of amount of time tells me that this isn't a very close relationship at all. You said it's "sort of" a volunteer placement. Does she have to do this for work or study? I don't know, something just sounds a bit insecure from your side if you think a work/study/volunteer placement will ruin her feelings or interest in you to the extent you want to END the relationship. What gives? Link to post Share on other sites
Author azurafang Posted July 10, 2008 Author Share Posted July 10, 2008 actually if you must know the reason i was considering ending the relationship was to give her the freedom to do whatever she wants over there, after the 3 month volunteer service was over she would be travelling around europe with a group of friends and i would not be able to join her unfortunatly due to financial reasons( and before you say get a job, i am alredy working part time as well as studying). yeah i am a bit insecure i must admit, my previous girlfriend cheated on me once and that ended our relationship. thank you all for the advice btw Link to post Share on other sites
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