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A note to all the OW's out there:


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savethedrama

I am new around here. I may not get away with this. I have a post on the infedelity thread.... Basically my husband was texting some young "thing" and I found out. I guess you could say that I am one of the lucky ones who caught it before anyone fell in (or out of) love and my husband and I are making things work. (I will live the rest of my marriage wondering how far it would have gone had I not found out...nice huh?)

 

Ironically, I spoke with a friend of mine tonight who just found out her husband was having a PA with an OW. WOW. I think men are going thru MLCrisis earlier and earlier nowadays.... (We r in our early 30's)

 

Boy did we have a OW bashing conversation!! It feels so good to bash the women even tho we know the true betrayal lies with our H. He is the one who broke vows. He is the one who owed US something more.

 

But I just wish I could shake these women (who actively OR passively pursue MM) by the shoulders and say "WHAT'S UP SISTER?" Don't you care? Especially those who are mothers yourselves....YOU ARE HURTING SOMEONE'S CHILDREN!! Shame on you! You know, my husband is a very attractive man. When I spoke on the phone with the OW, I asked her why she continued to contact my man when she knew he was a MM....Her answer was "I just thought he was a really cute guy". Seriously? A cute guy? He is someones's father. His daughter is a daddy's girl. His son adores him. HE IS SO MUCH MORE THAN A "CUTE GUY" to his family. He is more than that TO ME. He is the one who held my hand as I gave birth to our children. He is the one that I love even tho he is losing his hair and even the time I had to drive SO SLOW because his hemmroid was flaring up!!! We have a history. We are trying our DAMNEST to raise our family in a safe, secure, healthy home.

 

When you start an affair with a MM you are hurting people who have invested years into a relationship and you have NO RIGHT to be there. Because of some OW, my friend's sweet little girls will spend Christmas away from the daddy that they adored. They will live the rest of their lives in a broken home because some OW thought that SHE would be better for him. Because of her own selfishness and lack of concern for others she has contributed to changing everything about that family and she has changed WHO THOSE CHILDREN ARE. Their marriage was not perfect, no. But it there was just a small crack. It could have been repaired easily. Now it's like a tornado has ripped the roof right off. There is no hope. In my case, my H and the OW have changed me and WHO I AM now. My children, thank God, were spared the hurt because they know nothing of my situation. Don't forget, there are other family members too. Parents of the MM and the W, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, pets.

 

I couldn't live with myself knowing I had hurt a whole family full of people who love the man I selfishly stole for myself even tho he didn't belong to me. I know it is naive for me to think that women can love and respect EACH OTHER enough to hold pinky-fingers and swear to never betray a marriage again by persuing or allowing an affair with a MM. But I hope I have at least reminded you that we ARE all women, after all. We are sisters, mothers, friends, daughters....We are all looking for love in this world. We should stick together and do right by each other.

 

As for the men who cheat...well, Ill rant about that another night I guess.

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Dark-N-Romantic

I totally agree. Actually I was just thinking about something... If I were a cheated on spouse, I would do something like what Aphrodite's husband, don't ask me to spell his name, but in myth he is the god of blacksmiths, caught her and Ares together. He bond them together in one of their less dignified moments and paraded them before all of Olympus that booed and berated the adulterous pair.

 

While that can't be done for legal reasons (and obviously the above is based on what we believe is myth), but one can do this (especially if one can get a face-to-face with the other person) or invite the pair for a "sit down to talk about thing". If you have children, show the pictures of your kids smiling faces, their security and perfect image of their parents. And then yell "SURPRISE! EVERYONE COME ON OUT!" as you bring out a few close relatives of her and your friends and family (if you can or do it over the phone) and introduce the pair. And then show the faces of said name friends and family and ask their opinion about the rightness of such activities.

 

Sure it my be humiliating and embarrassing to some people, but you know what for most it sure does the trick to getting these people to wake up and get with the pictures about their being a right way and a wrong way to do things. So, if you are one of those cheated on spouses or even if its just a boyfriend or girlfriend, and you have the guts to stomach such an action. There are lots of ways to show these the adulterous pair that your not some invisible person or without feelings. Remind them that the vows and the weddings aren't mystic incantation people say "just to get married" but that they have a life and a meaning and though they might not believe it, that does not make it so.

 

This is one of the things my mother and aunty taught me about marriage. Know who to put into that circle of trust. Put in those who have the best in mind and heart for both you and your partner. These are the same people you are going to have to turn to for help in times darkness that comes in all relationships. They are going to be the ones who are usual open, honest, and bold to both of you. And they are going to give you some good food for thought. These friends won't insert themselves into the problem, but they well sure be good referees.

 

Marriage is never about just the husband and the wife, but all the friends and family members and associates that comes along with the pair. Use them (of course in a good why) for that advantage. And watch out for those who are around your family and be where of the signs of adultery. There are a lot of good books and websites to familiarize one's self with so they can be fore warned and fore armed.

 

More and more offended spouses need to talk up and speak their hearts and mind with those all parties involved in an affair. To see that just like many of the cases are the same presented here, there have to be those wronged spouse who can tell them, guess what, my husband or wife or my ex said the same things to his or her lover, and turned around and told me lies. And that their situation is not unique or new (only the faces and names are), but a running gag that has existed from time knows when between cheaters.

 

 

DNR

True love starts from within one's self and then radiates out to others around you.

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You go girl! At some point, it does come down to the "do unto others..." concept, doesn't it? At least for those who have the ability to think outside of the circumference of their own skull.

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SerenityX2
You go girl! At some point, it does come down to the "do unto others..." concept, doesn't it? At least for those who have the ability to think outside of the circumference of their own skull.

 

Couldn't have said it better! But since it really comes down to selfishness, it falls on deaf ears many times. It will be justified that their situation is different. *yawn*

 

OP I really hope you stick around! As the board wakes up, you may have to come back and defend the "why he strayed in the first place." And it's always interesting to get different perspectives.

 

This forum is different in that there's a ecclectic group that post...yes it's supposed to be an OW forum I suppose, but there's many BS as well as single M and W and even happily married(which is me and those of us that are, sometimes have to explain if we're so happy why are we here?..I think we do that nicely ;)) ...(how I stumbled on this forum is back in the beg. of my posts...but it can be interesting here so I pop in for now)

 

I completely get what you are saying. I had to leave my prev M but I know there are some here that stayed and worked through it and made their M even stronger. It breaks my heart to read the details of what you wrote.

 

That's so often the "head in the sand" mentality of some OW. They'll even admit they block certain things out (like thinking about the MM having sex with the W) There is excellent advice given OWL and WWIU I single them out not b/c others don't have valued input, b/c there are many posters I think are cool, but on the "watch before you leap" side...they both have a patience and a knack for giving a different view without being offensive...I'm with you! I want to shake them b/c they're creating unnecessary drama.

 

If you stay you'll learn that unlike other boards where msgs that don't fit the theme are deleted, unless you are downright disrespectful to another poster...pretty much anything is debated, I think that's unique and actually beneficial to the some OW that do want out of the situation and their eyes are opened. There's also a few OW whose situations are unique and have worked out. So it's quite an interesting mix.

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Shame on you!

 

how can there be shame involved when what they feel is honest and true? These lovers often aren't the perpetrators in an affair, but the married lover usually is. Someone who ought to know better ... yet doesn't care, because personal gratification comes first. So the lover's behavior becomes justified because the betrayed spouse is an awful person who refuses sex and flat-out doesn't understand the cheating spouse.

 

see? It's all built on a foundation of lies so that the cheater is getting the best of both worlds while the spouse and the lover are getting half a man/woman.

 

the shame primarily belongs to the cheater for creating that web of lies and attempting to get away with it; the spouse and the lover are fools for allowing him to do so ...

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I think you should save all these thoughts for your husbands they owe you everything they promised you, random people on a website owe you nothing. You expect nothing from those you are not sure you can trust you will never be disappointed, you expect the same from the people that you CAN trust and you will be disappointed.

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Is it a feeling of moral superiority that makes one come onto a message board and scold women she does not know for mistakes her husband makes?

 

Really, why bother?

 

I am sorry for what your husband has done to you and your family. But my situation as an OW has little bearing on your life. *I* have done right by *you.* And I truly wish you all the best. If your marriage is worth something, try to get past what he did and stop driving yourself crazy wondering what could have been because it wasn't done. Don't waste your energy.

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Is it a feeling of moral superiority that makes one come onto a message board and scold women she does not know for mistakes her husband makes?

 

Really, why bother?

 

I am sorry for what your husband has done to you and your family. But my situation as an OW has little bearing on your life. *I* have done right by *you.* And I truly wish you all the best. If your marriage is worth something, try to get past what he did and stop driving yourself crazy wondering what could have been because it wasn't done. Don't waste your energy.

 

 

I agree. we just need to keep reporting these threads and hopefully we can send them to LS heaven.;)

 

There is aboslutely NO point to this.

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Lookingforward
It feels so good to bash the women even tho we know the true betrayal lies with our H.

 

says it all really - you may like to read the pinned post at the top of this board

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Lookingforward
Is it a feeling of moral superiority that makes one come onto a message board and scold women she does not know for mistakes her husband makes?

 

Really, why bother?

 

I am sorry for what your husband has done to you and your family. But my situation as an OW has little bearing on your life. *I* have done right by *you.* And I truly wish you all the best. If your marriage is worth something, try to get past what he did and stop driving yourself crazy wondering what could have been because it wasn't done. Don't waste your energy.

 

It was a month's worth of texting by someone barely out her teens - hardly the "A of the century" - someone isn't very aptly named........

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maybe you should be questioning where the void was in your marriage that allowed your husband to consider an outsider?

 

a deficiency somewhere that needs to be addressed.

 

this is where the energy should be placed - trying to make an effort for repair perhaps.

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Lookingforward

I was going to add that this thread was started for the sole expressed purpose of OW bashing - I can imagine the hue and cry should similar appear on the Infidelity board.

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It would have been better if you wrote a note on how to make things better in your M or how your H can - seeing that he was the one that betrayed your trust.

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noforgiveness

You ow's are really cold. I guess that is why you are capable of doing what you do.

This woman was trying to appeal to your compassion for fellow human beings and make you see a little of the devastation you cause in others lives and how far reaching it is. Of course she could not accomplish that. You are cold with selfish blinders on.

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You ow's are really cold. I guess that is why you are capable of doing what you do.

This woman was trying to appeal to your compassion for fellow human beings and make you see a little of the devastation you cause in others lives and how far reaching it is. Of course she could not accomplish that. You are cold with selfish blinders on.

 

 

WOW if you think this is appealing to anyone's compassion you have some nerve saying WE are cold! :rolleyes:

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WOW if you think this is appealing to anyone's compassion you have some nerve saying WE are cold! :rolleyes:

 

I didn't know the other posters here were/are OW!!

 

:rolleyes::p

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Furthermore, the OP should have taken this into consideration herself:

 

But I hope I have at least reminded you that we ARE all women, after all. We are sisters, mothers, friends, daughters....We are all looking for love in this world. We should stick together and do right by each other.

 

before she posted this nasty thread.

 

And if you start off a thread with "I will probably not get away this but.." then rest assured you are not doing something cool or worthy of positive attention.

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The truth is 'affairs' will never stop.. no matter how you try to play on our 'sentiments'... it will NEVER stop.

 

and trust me.. when a husband once try to cheat.. he will again... they usually stop to let the dust fall off a bit..

 

Why is it, from what I read here, that the W IS the only woman her husband will always desire... this is completely unnatural and insane to think that way... what if the M was a mistake in the first place (people usually marry in their 20s.. imagine.. 20-yr old DO NOT know what they want for the rest of their life..geezzz).

 

I have to say that it was well written though... I had to dry a little tear... :D

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noforgiveness

What did she say to you that was so mean? What offended you? That she told you you are harming families? What exactly? She did not call you names. She tried to show you that your actions are more far reaching than just yourself.

 

I think you find her thread mean because you don't want to even think about the devastation you are causing. You just want to live in your happy little bubble thinking it is about you and him and his relationship outside of you has nothing to do with you. You general you do not want to face reality.

 

Seriously what specifically offended you?

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What did she say to you that was so mean? What offended you? That she told you you are harming families? What exactly? She did not call you names. She tried to show you that your actions are more far reaching than just yourself.

 

I think you find her thread mean because you don't want to even think about the devastation you are causing. You just want to live in your happy little bubble thinking it is about you and him and his relationship outside of you has nothing to do with you. You general you do not want to face reality.

 

Seriously what specifically offended you?

 

Really. If you're not guilty of anything, then what's to be offended at?

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What did she say to you that was so mean? What offended you? That she told you you are harming families? What exactly? She did not call you names. She tried to show you that your actions are more far reaching than just yourself.

 

I think you find her thread mean because you don't want to even think about the devastation you are causing. You just want to live in your happy little bubble thinking it is about you and him and his relationship outside of you has nothing to do with you. You general you do not want to face reality.

 

Seriously what specifically offended you?

 

I don't know who you are asking, but I didn't find her post offensive, I found it pointless.

 

Well, no, the point was probably to vent in an effort to make herself feel better, but then the post is better placed on the infidelity board and y'all can have a group vent in the proper forum.

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I don't know who you are asking, but I didn't find her post offensive, I found it pointless.

 

Well, no, the point was probably to vent in an effort to make herself feel better, but then the post is better placed on the infidelity board and y'all can have a group vent in the proper forum.

 

 

Exactly it is not "offensive" at all it is just here to generally aggravate and it IS pointless.

Now if if someone just wants to vent that is what the Off Topic and General Discussion/Watercooler section of LS is for.

 

This thread was put here to egg people on, she said so hereself she is getting satisfaction out of bashing OW. Enough said really.

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I think you find her thread mean because you don't want to even think about the devastation you are causing. You just want to live in your happy little bubble thinking it is about you and him and his relationship outside of you has nothing to do with you. You general you do not want to face reality.

 

 

 

Quite frankly, when I came to LS and I was torn up with pain NO, not at all, I did not need to be thinking about what others were going through.

 

 

How is that for reality?

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