Trialbyfire Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I am new around here. I may not get away with this. I have a post on the infedelity thread.... Basically my husband was texting some young "thing" and I found out. I guess you could say that I am one of the lucky ones who caught it before anyone fell in (or out of) love and my husband and I are making things work. (I will live the rest of my marriage wondering how far it would have gone had I not found out...nice huh?) Ironically, I spoke with a friend of mine tonight who just found out her husband was having a PA with an OW. WOW. I think men are going thru MLCrisis earlier and earlier nowadays.... (We r in our early 30's) Boy did we have a OW bashing conversation!! It feels so good to bash the women even tho we know the true betrayal lies with our H. He is the one who broke vows. He is the one who owed US something more. But I just wish I could shake these women (who actively OR passively pursue MM) by the shoulders and say "WHAT'S UP SISTER?" Don't you care? Especially those who are mothers yourselves....YOU ARE HURTING SOMEONE'S CHILDREN!! Shame on you! You know, my husband is a very attractive man. When I spoke on the phone with the OW, I asked her why she continued to contact my man when she knew he was a MM....Her answer was "I just thought he was a really cute guy". Seriously? A cute guy? He is someones's father. His daughter is a daddy's girl. His son adores him. HE IS SO MUCH MORE THAN A "CUTE GUY" to his family. He is more than that TO ME. He is the one who held my hand as I gave birth to our children. He is the one that I love even tho he is losing his hair and even the time I had to drive SO SLOW because his hemmroid was flaring up!!! We have a history. We are trying our DAMNEST to raise our family in a safe, secure, healthy home. When you start an affair with a MM you are hurting people who have invested years into a relationship and you have NO RIGHT to be there. Because of some OW, my friend's sweet little girls will spend Christmas away from the daddy that they adored. They will live the rest of their lives in a broken home because some OW thought that SHE would be better for him. Because of her own selfishness and lack of concern for others she has contributed to changing everything about that family and she has changed WHO THOSE CHILDREN ARE. Their marriage was not perfect, no. But it there was just a small crack. It could have been repaired easily. Now it's like a tornado has ripped the roof right off. There is no hope. In my case, my H and the OW have changed me and WHO I AM now. My children, thank God, were spared the hurt because they know nothing of my situation. Don't forget, there are other family members too. Parents of the MM and the W, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, pets. I couldn't live with myself knowing I had hurt a whole family full of people who love the man I selfishly stole for myself even tho he didn't belong to me. I know it is naive for me to think that women can love and respect EACH OTHER enough to hold pinky-fingers and swear to never betray a marriage again by persuing or allowing an affair with a MM. But I hope I have at least reminded you that we ARE all women, after all. We are sisters, mothers, friends, daughters....We are all looking for love in this world. We should stick together and do right by each other. As for the men who cheat...well, Ill rant about that another night I guess. Look, here's how it works from the perspective of an ex-BW. OW/OMs don't care about you or your family. If they did, they wouldn't have gotten involved in the first place. People care about themselves and their own needs. They don't think about you or your family. If anything, you're nothing but an obstacle to what they want, which is the lying, cowardly cheater. So please tell me why you want this lying, cowardly cheater? Ditch the jerk and find someone who will treat you better, a real man with some morals, honour and integrity. The man you once knew is gone or never existed in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Well apparently not in Minos case. The wife knows too. hey her mm even had a baby with his wife after being with mino for two years and mino is still hanging in there. I see nothing wrong with an open marriage as long as everyone knows. It's the lies and deceit I have a problem withbut his wife knows so she isn't even an ow she is a willing participant in an open marriage. She got pregnant in our first year, we were not in a love relationship at that time. I actually split with him on the news...Few months later is when we got back together, falling in love. Yes the wknow, Im sure she not happy about it, but she is looking the other way, ignoring him plus the A Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 you don't think it's skankish to be texting a MM of 35 when she's 21 cos "he's a cute guy"? tart implies not too much between the ears........ She's going after a MM. Apparently there's nothing wrong with that, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Maybe it is just me, but does this seem like a pot calling the kettle black situation? Why aren't the other women on here embracing her in her pain? Is she not hurting too? And now they want to switch the blame to the partner and the wife... Like no one saw that coming. God forbid they accept any responsibility for there own actions. LOL such a bunch of hypocrites are they not? DNR Because a lot of the people that are here are looking to be embraced or a shoulder to cry on for THEIR own pain. If you are looking to be mebraced for your pain go to a forum that WILL EMBRACE IT. An OP would not go and post in the Infidelity forum hoping to have people embrace her pain, sure some will and but that is UNREALISTIC to have someone embrace you there. There aren't many places an OP can turn to and here is a place that supposedly provides that people have to sit here and worry about how the BS is feeling and we are to allow any BS to come here and vent in anger or insults because it will make THEM feel better? I don't think so. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 She's going after a MM. Apparently there's nothing wrong with that, right? I won't dignify that with a fitting response.......... Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 So please tell me why you want this lying, cowardly cheater? Ditch the jerk and find someone who will treat you better, a real man with some morals, honour and integrity. The man you once knew is gone or never existed in the first place. That is for each individual to work out on their own, can you respect personal choice? Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I won't dignify that with a fitting response.......... That's what I thought. See how that works? Maybe she thinks this MM is her "soul mate" like so many here keep saying about their MM. They just "couldn't help falling in loooooooovvvvvve." Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 That is for each individual to work out on their own, can you respect personal choice?Advice is freely given and to be accepted by the OP, just like yours... Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 That's what I thought. See how that works? Maybe she thinks this MM is her "soul mate" like so many here keep saying about their MM. They just "couldn't help falling in loooooooovvvvvve." Maybe it all depends what the man in question felt for her and showed her then yes quite possibly they could have fallen in love. In order for two people to fall in love it has to be reciprocated, so if a MP is out giving his time his emotions, fulfilling the OPs needs, his affection, and devotion to someone else how can two people NOT fall in love? Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Advice is freely given and to be accepted by the OP, just like yours... Nowhere in this thread did I see anyone ask "should I stay with my MM?" so not sure who that advice was for? but sure carry on... Link to post Share on other sites
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 And this is what I don't really get from people who willing stay involved with their married lover... Emotions aside, why would you want scraps? Are you not better than that? Don't you deserve better than that? DNR Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Red Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Funny where is the support we so want others to provide here? Maybe it is just me, but does this seem like a pot calling the kettle black situation? Why aren't the other women on here embracing her in her pain? Is she not hurting too? And now they want to switch the blame to the partner and the wife... Like no one saw that coming. God forbid they accept any responsibility for there own actions. LOL such a bunch of hypocrites are they not? 1: The forum description is: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner. 2: She can't verbally smack OW & make it very obvious she is just trolling to deliberately post a provocative message to the wrong message board with the intention of causing maximum disruption and argument & accept OW to pat her on her head & feel sorry for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Nowhere in this thread did I see anyone ask "should I stay with my MM?" so not sure who that advice was for? but sure carry on... Most definitely I'll continue carrying on! I had no idea you were deemed the thread police by LS! OP, do get out of a negative situation. Daily exposure to a lying, cheating coward will erode on your self-esteem and self-respect greatly. Take yourself back and far, far away from two very selfish individuals! Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Maybe it all depends what the man in question felt for her and showed her then yes quite possibly they could have fallen in love. In order for two people to fall in love it has to be reciprocated, so if a MP is out giving his time his emotions, fulfilling the OPs needs, his affection, and devotion to someone else how can two people NOT fall in love? I guess I just found it to be quite a glaring oxymoron for a former OW to label a gal a tart (and in answer to my question about that, a skank even) just because she was chasing after a MM. Link to post Share on other sites
noforgiveness Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 She got pregnant in our first year, we were not in a love relationship at that time. I actually split with him on the news...Few months later is when we got back together, falling in love. Yes the wknow, Im sure she not happy about it, but she is looking the other way, ignoring him plus the A his wife knows. Your relationship is not hidden. You are not an ow. You are an agreeing participant in an open marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 1: The forum description is: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner. 2: She can't verbally smack OW & make it very obvious she is just trolling to deliberately post a provocative message to the wrong message board with the intention of causing maximum disruption and argument & accept OW to pat her on her head & feel sorry for her. It wasn't a verbal smack but, rather, an appeal. They can certainly ignore the appeal all they want. It's not like this forum is a room where OW are strapped to a table, arms pinned to their sides, and forced to listen to anti-OW rhetoric. They certainly do NOT have to open a post they may find objectionable, nor continue having discussion in something they don't like. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Most definitely I'll continue carrying on! I had no idea you were deemed the thread police by LS! OP, do get out of a negative situation. Daily exposure to a lying, cheating coward will erode on your self-esteem and self-respect greatly. Take yourself back and far, far away from two very selfish individuals! Oh wait!! maybe I misunderstood what you meant, sorry, are you telling the OP to leave her H or are you under the impression she is an OW? I thought the latter which is why I said what I did. Then of course if you meant that as advice to her to get out of her marriage then yes I have absolutely not place commenting on your advice and I apologise for my comment. Peace. It was a misunderstanding. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Oh wait!! maybe I misunderstood what you meant, sorry, are you telling the OP to leave her H or are you under the impression she is an OW? I thought the latter which is why I said what I did. Then of course if you meant that as advice to her to get out of her marriage then yes I have absolutely not place commenting on your advice and I apologise for my comment. Peace. It was a misunderstanding. I'm responding as if the OP is a BW! Peace. Link to post Share on other sites
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 1: The forum description is: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner. 2: She can't verbally smack OW & make it very obvious she is just trolling to deliberately post a provocative message to the wrong message board with the intention of causing maximum disruption and argument & accept OW to pat her on her head & feel sorry for her. Then, would a better thing to do than resort to childish mud sling is say... "This is not the place for this." or "There are other places where you can put this?" I mean if it is such an obvious trap, why are so many jumping into it? DNR Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 It wasn't a verbal smack but, rather, an appeal. They can certainly ignore the appeal all they want. It's not like this forum is a room where OW are strapped to a table, arms pinned to their sides, and forced to listen to anti-OW rhetoric. They certainly do NOT have to open a post they may find objectionable, nor continue having discussion in something they don't like. C'mon Luvmytunes that is ridiculous. With that attittude then it's not like a BS is strapped to a spouse let the spouse and the OP be... who cares if they are hurtting the BS? We are talking about hurful behaviour that is not welcomed here, can you understand that? And spare me on the irony of and OP claiming to stop hurting them when they do that to others, this is a support forum not a debate one. IF it was about debating then we are all emotionally healthy human beings having a good social debate but people are hurting here why can't others respect that? Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I'm responding as if the OP is a BW! Peace. I am so sorry I totally misunderstood. (taste of foot in mouth is not so good...) Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I guess I just found it to be quite a glaring oxymoron for a former OW to label a gal a tart (and in answer to my question about that, a skank even) just because she was chasing after a MM. ah but said poster is not a FOW is she ? Although that depends who you talk to around here........... Link to post Share on other sites
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 OP... You hear all these people. You now see why your husband went for them. And why they stay with him. Don't be fooled anymore, let him go, there are better men out there. Men who will love you for you. Let others get the left overs. DNR Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 It's hurtful to read the words of a woman who is hurting appealing to people to think of the harm their actions may cause? The reactions didn't seem like those borne of hurt but rather scorn and anger. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Then, would a better thing to do than resort to childish mud sling is say... "This is not the place for this." or "There are other places where you can put this?" I mean if it is such an obvious trap, why are so many jumping into it? DNR I believe many HAVE said just that.............. Link to post Share on other sites
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