noforgiveness Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Exactly it is not "offensive" at all it is just here to generally aggravate and it IS pointless. Now if if someone just wants to vent that is what the Off Topic and General Discussion/Watercooler section of LS is for. This thread was put here to egg people on, she said so hereself she is getting satisfaction out of bashing OW. Enough said really. You specifically called it nasty. What did she say that was nasty? Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 You specifically called it nasty. What did she say that was nasty? everything, because it is pointless to do that here therefore it is nasty. People feel bad enough as it is they don't need others coming here to kick them when they are down. They need understanding. If you can't understand what happens in this forum then you shouldn't be be here, you serve no purpose here therefore your comments will not be welcomed and we need to protect the peace of this place for those that are suffering. It's that simple really. Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 says it all really - you may like to read the pinned post at the top of this board Yes Lf, the reason she likes to bash the ow is because she has no say so at home. I bet she sweeps it all under the carpet and plays the nice little housewife role, then comes to an ow board to make herself FEEEEEEEL better:lmao: Nice...my question is why do so many married couples feel they need to play this role and not be able to be their true self? Is it an attempt to keep the other happy? The funny thing is that if these people really had the "good Marriage that they rave about, they would have no fear of being themselves, they Would have communication within the M. And guess what, hubby wouldnt be looking eleswhere. But I see that is the problem with many, a need to present this fake image to please the other, and losing themselves and their sarcred M in the end...I guess the easier thing to do is suck it up and come to the ow board to bash...FEEEls hmm hmmm good! Link to post Share on other sites
HIS OTHER ONE Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 [ It feels so good to bash the women even tho we know the true betrayal lies with our H. He is the one who broke vows. He is the one who owed US something more. quote] You can blame us, vent, and be angry. But deep inside you know the reality of your situation....... you said it yourself! Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
HIS OTHER ONE Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 [ It feels so good to bash the women even tho we know the true betrayal lies with our H. He is the one who broke vows. He is the one who owed US something more. quote] You can blame us, vent, and be angry. But deep inside you know the reality of your situation....... you said it yourself! Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 What did she say to you that was so mean? What offended you? That she told you you are harming families? What exactly? She did not call you names. She tried to show you that your actions are more far reaching than just yourself. I think you find her thread mean because you don't want to even think about the devastation you are causing. You just want to live in your happy little bubble thinking it is about you and him and his relationship outside of you has nothing to do with you. You general you do not want to face reality. Seriously what specifically offended you? Wow, so now its all the fault of ow/om. Hey the way I see it, I am not causing any devastion. I am single. Reality is the cs is married, its his responsibity to keep his pants zipped. Dont you think? He made the choice to love someone other then his wife. Son if HE CHOOSES to do that, he devistated his family, not ow. He chose to disrepect his wife and forget his vows, so reality is they meant nothing to him. Thats not ow fault. Thats the fault of the two that are married to even let a m get that far. Ow came in after the fact. Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 maybe this forum needs a "BS please vent here" board :lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
noforgiveness Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Mino if you have no qualms at all about what you are doing then why do you hide your relationship? Why not tell everyone you know that your boyfriend is a married man. Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Mino if you have no qualms at all about what you are doing then why do you hide your relationship? Why not tell everyone you know that your boyfriend is a married man. Everyone already knows, even her. We do not hide our R. We go to every company parties together. We go out with friends, we vacation together, hey we even spend some holidays together. We go to local restaurants, I see him everyday, Its out in the open, So I dont know what you mean by" hiding" Link to post Share on other sites
noforgiveness Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Everyone already know, even her. We do not hide our R. We go to every company paries together. We go out with friends, we vacation together, hey we even spend some holidays together. Its out in the open, So I dont know what you mean by" hiding" awww so you have an agreement with her to share her husband then? Good for you. He has an open marriage. That is not being an ow then. That is agreeing to being involved in someones open marriage as their girlfriend. Good for you if that is the lifestyle you choose. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Mino if you have no qualms at all about what you are doing then why do you hide your relationship? Why not tell everyone you know that your boyfriend is a married man. I know this idea that all affairs are lived in secrecy from the world is so far from the truth. The only one that doesn't seem to know in a lot of these case is the BS, while nothing is being hidden from the world. And who is responsible for that? THE WS. Link to post Share on other sites
isavelives2 Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I have to agree with Lizzie, many times we find ourselves as "the OW" because many of us made a mistake when we got M in our 20's (both my MM & I are in our 30's).... only to find out that as we grew up and matured, we grew "apart" from our spouses. The thought of D was devestating, so we held on longer, and longer, eventually postponing "the inevitable". We may have even gone through marriage counceling, seperation, what ever in order to "save our marriages" only to find out, we had just grown apart (or in some cases were more like roommates, than H/W) We then with/or without knowing it, found someone that we had things in common with (most of the time after we had children, jobs, families, & matured). We find that this person also feels they made the same mistake in their 20's, but just weren't at the same point as we were. So we do what we can to be happy. We share our time with these MM, we get to know them on all levels (personal, emotional, physical, and spiritual). Maybe in some STRANGE way we are helping them fullfill what is missing in their M, and yes there is always the chance it will not work out, but the happiness WE have shared together can also never be taken away (no matter how hurt we are, we still tend to remember the "good times" we had). Some of these MM will chose to leave their W, others will do just as MANY of us have before we became the OW, they will try everything to save their marriage, they will lie, they will stay because of the kids, they will put up with being "monitored and controlled", they do this because they feel they HAVE to even if they are trully not happy. Many of these MM find that they don't know who they are "inside" because they have become what their W wanted them to be (father, wage earner, lawn mower, garbage man, etc). I do agree with the OP that it may feel great for her to "BASH the OW", if that's what it takes to make her feel better, then so be it. But PLEASE believe me when I tell you..... that MANY of us OW are not out to hurt you or tear your family apart, nor are we selfish and just think of ourselves...... NO instead we find ourselves worrying about the MM, and caring for him, we think of his children, we even think about YOU, at the same time we are trying to "help him" in a marriage that he must feel there is something missing in, and WE are also the ones that get hurt also. This is not all about you as the MW! You can not control anyones choices, or actions, and no matter how much you try, you CAN NOT do it, if you H wants to reach to another person for love and support, than he will no matter how much stress and "crying" you do. Bottom line is..... it takes 2 to make an "A" happen, we are not the only ones to blame here, so "BASHING us" won't solve anything...... LOOK DEEP INSIDE YOURSELF before you put "blame" on us OW. (***** No offense intended to anyone ******) The truth is 'affairs' will never stop.. no matter how you try to play on our 'sentiments'... it will NEVER stop. and trust me.. when a husband once try to cheat.. he will again... they usually stop to let the dust fall off a bit.. Why is it, from what I read here, that the W IS the only woman her husband will always desire... this is completely unnatural and insane to think that way... what if the M was a mistake in the first place (people usually marry in their 20s.. imagine.. 20-yr old DO NOT know what they want for the rest of their life..geezzz). I have to say that it was well written though... I had to dry a little tear... Link to post Share on other sites
noforgiveness Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I know this idea that all affairs are lived in secrecy from the world is so far from the truth. The only one that doesn't seem to know in a lot of these case is the BS, while nothing is being hidden from the world. And who is responsible for that? THE WS. Well apparently not in Minos case. The wife knows too. hey her mm even had a baby with his wife after being with mino for two years and mino is still hanging in there. I see nothing wrong with an open marriage as long as everyone knows. It's the lies and deceit I have a problem withbut his wife knows so she isn't even an ow she is a willing participant in an open marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I do agree with the OP that it may feel great for her to "BASH the OW", if that's what it takes to make her feel better, then so be it. But PLEASE believe me when I tell you..... that MANY of us OW are not out to hurt you or tear your family apart, nor are we selfish and just think of ourselves...... NO instead we find ourselves worrying about the MM, and caring for him, we think of his children, we even think about YOU, at the same time we are trying to "help him" in a marriage that he must feel there is something missing in, and WE are also the ones that get hurt also. This is not all about you as the MW! You can not control anyones choices, or actions, and no matter how much you try, you CAN NOT do it, if you H wants to reach to another person for love and support, than he will no matter how much stress and "crying" you do. Bottom line is..... it takes 2 to make an "A" happen, we are not the only ones to blame here, so "BASHING us" won't solve anything...... LOOK DEEP INSIDE YOURSELF before you put "blame" on us OW. (***** No offense intended to anyone ******)\ WOW that was so heartfelt and I really wish it fell on the right ears because your entire post was filled with very powerful words. The problem is that a lot of people that don't want to understand the OP stance, simply won't. They will take something as honest as what you posted and twist it around like you are making excuses for yourself, I've seen this happen time and time again and it is really a shame. Of course we cannot force people to understand something nor does anyone HAVE to want to understand it, but if you close yourself off to understand something really you have place in trying to correct it. The original poster here has just had a confrontation with her H who was texting some 21 yr old and he claims it was just done to boost his ego, she also claims their sex life and marriage were perfect in every respect and in no way am I undermining her experience because it is serious and it is real and that should be reckoned with. And while the sentiment of being deceived by some stranger and her H are very much the same, this story and the attitude that happens as a result of what this situation did to her, and the way she expressed it here, really only scratch the surface of the intricacies of what a lot of people who end up in these very complicated relationships are struggling with. To be able to understand this really does open the door to growth. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 You know, I re-read the OP's post, and I didn't see much of anything nasty - just an appeal for people to think of how their actions may hurt others. She mentioned how her and her friends did some bashing during their conversation, but there was really no bashing in the post that I could see. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 ...nor are we selfish and just think of ourselves...... You might speak for yourself with this statement, but I have read many a post by various OW who say they DO only think of themselves and have no qualms in saying so. Really. It's a pervasive thread throughout this forum with many, many people. Link to post Share on other sites
isavelives2 Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I'm not saying she was bashing us here, that was just a general statement to her mentioning how here and her friend did some "bashing during conversation" . (Sorry wasn't clear about that part) You know, I re-read the OP's post, and I didn't see much of anything nasty - just an appeal for people to think of how their actions may hurt others. She mentioned how her and her friends did some bashing during their conversation, but there was really no bashing in the post that I could see. Link to post Share on other sites
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 You know, I re-read the OP's post, and I didn't see much of anything nasty - just an appeal for people to think of how their actions may hurt others. She mentioned how her and her friends did some bashing during their conversation, but there was really no bashing in the post that I could see. Maybe it is just me, but does this seem like a pot calling the kettle black situation? Why aren't the other women on here embracing her in her pain? Is she not hurting too? And now they want to switch the blame to the partner and the wife... Like no one saw that coming. God forbid they accept any responsibility for there own actions. LOL such a bunch of hypocrites are they not? DNR Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Maybe it is just me, but does this seem like a pot calling the kettle black situation? Why aren't the other women on here embracing her in her pain? Is she not hurting too? And now they want to switch the blame to the partner and the wife... Like no one saw that coming. God forbid they accept any responsibility for there own actions. LOL such a bunch of hypocrites are they not? DNR none of us here (I assume) are the little tart that her H was texting........exactly why are we supposed to be accepting responsibility for her pain again ? This is the OW board, if she wants support as the BS then I suggest she post as she did to the infidelity board........ Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 the little tart That's funny! But what, exactly, makes her a "little tart?" That implies a somewhat skankish type of person. Link to post Share on other sites
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Why is it we want everyone to feel our pain and feel none of anyone else's? Why are we so cowardly when coming to say "I did wrong, and I am sorry?" And so like a pack of hyenas and jackels, they descend upon her like rabid, hungry animals. Well, what is to be expected from scavangers? Those too weak and afraid to find food on their own, they go after the scraps of someone else's and are made fat from it. But, hey, how can one expect anyone for them to do any better than what is within their nature? DNR Link to post Share on other sites
Cliche Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Maybe it is just me, but does this seem like a pot calling the kettle black situation? Why aren't the other women on here embracing her in her pain? Is she not hurting too? DNR Because if her marriage is as perfect as she says it is, and her husband is still tempted to stray, venting about OWs to us OWs will do nothing to help her and it sure as h*ll doesn't help us. Again, pointless.... Link to post Share on other sites
isavelives2 Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 DNR-- We have had this type of conversation before, and I will be the 1ST to admit and accept responsibility for MY actions, however I can not and WILL not accept responsibility for the actions of the MM. I have no problems embracing the MW in her pain also, because I'm sure she is hurting..... as many of us OW are also just in different ways, (I know at this point you will tell me that we OW get what we deserve, and that maybe a fair statement), HOWEVER, we are not the only ones who chose to get into the A. My advise to the MW to look deep inside of herself was only to support her in her choice (whether it be to stay with MM or not), only she knows deep inside if she will ever be able to trust him, and get through this. I would never imply that there is anything wrong with the MW. We must look deep inside of ourselves to find our true happiness, and as a FMW, and OW, I know that we can not rely on anyone else to make us happy, we must do it ourselves from the inside out!! Maybe it is just me, but does this seem like a pot calling the kettle black situation? Why aren't the other women on here embracing her in her pain? Is she not hurting too? And now they want to switch the blame to the partner and the wife... Like no one saw that coming. God forbid they accept any responsibility for there own actions. LOL such a bunch of hypocrites are they not? DNR Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 That's funny! But what, exactly, makes her a "little tart?" That implies a somewhat skankish type of person. you don't think it's skankish to be texting a MM of 35 when she's 21 cos "he's a cute guy"? tart implies not too much between the ears........ Link to post Share on other sites
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 She was not telling you to be responsible for what the her husband did. She is telling to look at what is caused because you chose not to take responsibility for yourselves. Which is nothing I haven't been saying from get go. Instead of coming her worried about the married man. It would be nice to see more of the other women who say, "Honey I am not picking after someone else's scraps. If that man has issues in his family he best figure that out for himself than drag me into it." And like I said before, it is apparent yall just don't get it. DNR I personally know I am too good for anyone's scraps. Link to post Share on other sites
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