luvmy2ns Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 ah but said poster is not a FOW is she ? Although that depends who you talk to around here........... The OP isn't the one who called her a tart and a skank. You are. And you labeled her as such because she was chasing a MM. Hence, my confusion. <--- See? Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 his wife knows. Your relationship is not hidden. You are not an ow. please see above.......... this was my situation also.........so no, NOT a former OW and go back and reread your posts I said "tart" YOU said 'skank" LOL I was just agreeing with you Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 The OP isn't the one who called her a tart and a skank. You are. And you labeled her as such because she was chasing a MM. Hence, my confusion. <--- See? and fwiw - I wasn't the one doing the chasing Link to post Share on other sites
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 It's hurtful to read the words of a woman who is hurting appealing to people to think of the harm their actions may cause? The reactions didn't seem like those borne of hurt but rather scorn and anger. Remember what we talked about earlier. It is not about what they do... People are going to do what they want. It is about what you do. You have to be the one to rise when no one else will. DNR Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Let others get the left overs. DNR I LOVE that line. Everyone gets left overs, if you have ever gone out with someone that had a previous relationship before you came along you too are getting left overs, at some point or another a person is dumped and hearbroken and the next person is getting left overs because if they could have it their way they would still be with the person that dumped them. It's such a simplistic view, but whatev, if insulting people is your bag then carry your bag proudly I suppose.... Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 please see above.......... this was my situation also.........so no, NOT a former OW and go back and reread your posts I said "tart" YOU said 'skank" LOL I was just agreeing with you But he went back to his W, so I would consider you a former OW, yes. And I merely said the term you used - tart - insinuated a skanky type of person - YOU agreed with it, thereby solidifying the notion. AND you claimed it so because she was chasing a MM. Hmmm.... Never thought I'd see the day. Anyway..... MUCH to do. Y'all have a nice day, one and all! And please try not to be too PO'd at this woman. She is the one hurting the most here, after all. All the OW responding seem to be quite happy in their positions, so why all this talk about being so unhappy? I agree that she should think long and hard before making a decision regarding her M to him though. It would be a very difficult position, for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Remember what we talked about earlier. It is not about what they do... People are going to do what they want. It is about what you do. You have to be the one to rise when no one else will. DNR Can you set an example of that in the way you conduct yourself on this forum? I see a lot of fancy footwork but you seem to be on the same spot a lot of the time. If I click on your back posts I just don't see a lot of "rising above" anything. Rising above is not taking an "I am high all mighty" attitude, it is actually putting your pride, your insesitivity and your prejudice away to show that you really ARE a superior human being. It is very hard to fully do, and that I can speak from experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Can you set an example of that in the way you conduct yourself on this forum? I see a lot of fancy footwork but you seem to be on the same spot a lot of the time. If I click on your back posts I just don't see a lot of "rising above" anything. Rising above is not taking an "I am high all mighty" attitude, it is actually putting your pride, your insesitivity and your prejudice away to show that you really ARE a superior human being. It is very hard to fully do, and that I can speak from experience. You are so right. You know that. I agree with you. And so, being the superior being as you see me as I will skip your messages from here on out. DNR Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 But he went back to his W, so I would consider you a former OW, yes. And I merely said the term you used - tart - insinuated a skanky type of person - YOU agreed with it, thereby solidifying the notion. AND you claimed it so because she was chasing a MM. Hmmm.... Never thought I'd see the day. Anyway..... MUCH to do. Y'all have a nice day, one and all! And please try not to be too PO'd at this woman. She is the one hurting the most here, after all. All the OW responding seem to be quite happy in their positions, so why all this talk about being so unhappy? I agree that she should think long and hard before making a decision regarding her M to him though. It would be a very difficult position, for sure. No big surprise there.......... some here do, some don't - I don't Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I thought the OPs opener was nice and honest. Unfortunately she was appealing to the *wrong* sisterhood, IMO, as witnessed by the responses from those who count themselves among the group that this forum was started for. And, fwiw, it IS fun to bash people that affect our lives in a negative way - as witnessed in the BW bashes attempted by many of the OW and unreformed FOW on this very forum. OKay, flame away. Link to post Share on other sites
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I thought the OPs opener was nice and honest. Unfortunately she was appealing to the *wrong* sisterhood, IMO, as witnessed by the responses from those who count themselves among the group that this forum was started for. And, fwiw, it IS fun to bash people that affect our lives in a negative way - as witnessed in the BW bashes attempted by many of the OW and unreformed FOW on this very forum. OKay, flame away. I agree with you on that. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I have only read enough of this thread to know that some people aren't happy with what the OP said. Fact is, this is the OW forum and the OP had something to say to OW's. This is the perfect place for her to post her message. Many may not like what she has to say, but it's her opinion and she has as much right to it as anyone else. There are many things that are said here and on the infidelity forum that I don't agree with, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be said. What she is saying is her view and I'm sure there are many people, myself included, who are baffled by the lack of respect for how their actions affect others. But, as we all know, it's not a perfect world, and we can't expect others to act how we want them to. Try to see where she is coming from and maybe you will understand why there is so much conflict on this board. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I have only read enough of this thread to know that some people aren't happy with what the OP said. Fact is, this is the OW forum and the OP had something to say to OW's. This is the perfect place for her to post her message. Many may not like what she has to say, but it's her opinion and she has as much right to it as anyone else. There are many things that are said here and on the infidelity forum that I don't agree with, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be said. What she is saying is her view and I'm sure there are many people, myself included, who are baffled by the lack of respect for how their actions affect others. But, as we all know, it's not a perfect world, and we can't expect others to act how we want them to. Try to see where she is coming from and maybe you will understand why there is so much conflict on this board. And that's all fine and dandy but it is not seeking or offering any type of support , nor is is illiciting a postive exchange of view points like some debating threads tend to do. It is just here to vent and aggrivate so techincally, and given the guidelines of the forum, no it does not belong here. and it most definitely boils down to the tone throughout. She could have said what she felt and her thoughts in a less offensive way. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Does one have to be soliciting advice to post here? Or is that a privilege reserved only for those that are actually in an affair? Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Does one have to be soliciting advice to post here? Or is that a privilege reserved only for those that are actually in an affair? Forget it not worth using sarcasm. Read the forum rules if you don't know what you need to require to post here Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 LOL...didn't we just have a huge long thread where everyone got bent and insisted that it was ok to post whatever they wanted, as it was their OPINION and they were entitled to post it if they wanted to? Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 LOL...didn't we just have a huge long thread where everyone got bent and insisted that it was ok to post whatever they wanted, as it was their OPINION and they were entitled to post it if they wanted to? Owl That was my reason for the question. The title of the thread makes it obvious that the OP wasn't looking for advice but was rather making a statement. Its a shame some people only want to hear what they want to hear and nothing else. The OP has taken much abuse on this thread. Good thing she hasn't come back to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author savethedrama Posted July 10, 2008 Author Share Posted July 10, 2008 I knew I wouldnt be extremely popular with the ow here. But yes, I was only posting to see if some of the cheaters out there ever think about the others involved. In my case, she didn't. Yes, my situation was not the affair of the century but it hurt me tremendously nonetheless. Our marriage was actually pretty great. My H is having a hard time pinpointing what HE thought was missing do make him explore his options. That is why we r in MC. Read myboriginal post on the INF. Thread and you'll see some background. I did put my M first. So it makes it a little scary for me. I wish it WAS that I was refusing sex or something fixable like that. I tried to make it clear that my friend and I were bashing OUR H's OW on the phone with each other. I wasn't bashing OW in general. The only thing that could have been taken that way would be the "shame on u" statement. Everything else was posed as questions and observances. Just a kind of plea to those who might have a conscious and are trying to make decisions that hurt others. Thanks for all your feedback. I am working things out in my marriage and I DO blame my H for the EA more than anyone. I am only human, afterall and it does FEEL good to rant about the ow. It hurts to rant about my H because I happen to adore him. Did this on my I phone so sorry if its full of typos. Computers being jogged by my ten y I today! Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 SavetheDrama Can I just say that I love your name. Its save the drama for your mama, right? LOL. Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 his wife knows. Your relationship is not hidden. You are not an ow. You are an agreeing participant in an open marriage.Hmmm, never thought of it like that, Gee, does this mean I can meet up with her and negociate the weekends???? Now that i think of that, I should put in some more request, Thanks!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 his wife knows. Your relationship is not hidden. You are not an ow. You are an agreeing participant in an open marriage. One more question, So did I stop being the o/w on the first D day, the second, third or fourth??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author savethedrama Posted July 10, 2008 Author Share Posted July 10, 2008 SavetheDrama Can I just say that I love your name. Its save the drama for your mama, right? LOL. Yes, Save the drama for your mama :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 No big surprise there.......... some here do, some don't - I don't Hmm, now i am confussed:rolleyes: If the wife knows but keeps her mouth shut, I am no longer the ow/ but if he leaves and goes back, I am??? HUH???? so do I get to negotiate weekends or not????? I wannna KNOW:lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Cliche Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Could some of the responses on here be more over the top? Really. I truly enjoy the fact that there are varying opinions on here. It is nice to see the variety of perspectives and the various stages of life. And I understand we're not all on the same page, and that, imo, is a benefit of this site and this forum. I think a good 80% of the BS' who post on here are valuable to us OW. But I'm going to be honest, when I read some of the posts by BSs who have some never-ending need to stoke the flames under the OW--and the way they talk about the MM and OW as though are subhuman--I read those posts and think "geez, now I know why their spouse strayed and is looking for something else." The original post here was not looking for sisterhood...she was venting and slapping wrists of OPs because her H was being inappropriate with another woman. Even if the OP was successful in getting 50 women to end their As, that still won't change what her H did or what he may still do in the future. Get it? Her post wasn't doing anything of substance in this forum except whatever it did to make her feel better about herself. So that is why all the OW responses to her. It's not because of latent guilt or lack of character...it is simply because we see why she did what she did and her post simply did not belong here for the intended audience. But I'm glad it made some people feel better about themselves to once again have an opportunity to make women (or men) who are already confused and feeling bad about themselves feel even worse. Round of applause to everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
CallMeCrazy Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 It feels so good to bash the women even tho we know the true betrayal lies with our H. He is the one who broke vows. He is the one who owed US something more. Everyone wants to blame someone.... but you have to read what you wrote here. The bottom line is HE broke your vows. And my guess would be more happened than just texting.... If he is willing to do it now, it's a matter of time until he does it again. ESPECIALLY if you're in your early 30s.... You have serious problems to fix.... When I spoke on the phone with the OW, I asked her why she continued to contact my man when she knew he was a MM....Her answer was "I just thought he was a really cute guy". Seriously? A cute guy? He is someones's father. His daughter is a daddy's girl. His son adores him. HE IS SO MUCH MORE THAN A "CUTE GUY" to his family. He is more than that TO ME. He is the one who held my hand as I gave birth to our children...... As an OW I can gaurantee you I never once thought about his W's labor and delivery. We believe all the BAD things the MM are telling us about you. How you aren't having sex with them, your marriage is in trouble, how they've lost a connection with you and they are seeking something elsewhere.... When you start an affair with a MM you are hurting people who have invested years into a relationship and you have NO RIGHT to be there..... I agree affairs hurt everyone and I've said numerous times that if I had it to do over again I would not have continued a relationship with my MM. However, look at what you're saying! Years of a relationship your H is willing to throw away for a younger woman who must have had something he wasn't getting at home. It's not as great a relationship as you think, huh? I couldn't live with myself knowing I had hurt a whole family full of people who love the man I selfishly stole for myself even tho he didn't belong to me. I'm pretty sure that an OW is not stealing anyone. A willing participant who leaves on his own feel will.....???? That isn't stealing.... Lol.... Good luck to you! I think you have a long road ahead of you and some deep soul searching to do. I'd suggest talking to a therapist as well.... ~CMC Link to post Share on other sites
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