Woggle Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 I don't condone the OW or OM for that matter but the ultimate blame lies with the cheater. Nobody put a gun to their head and made them betray the person they promised to love and cherish. The other person is simply a vehicle for them to commit their betrayel. Except for a few people who think they are so liberated because they sleep with married people most OW and OM are getting played the hell ouy and they keep going back for more so they are already punishing themselves while the cheater is getting away scott free. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 So many times I read stories (on other sites mind you because the OW here are too scared to really post their affairs since others are free to weigh in out it outside of the OP mindset) about when the affair attempts to take on a normative state and the OW meets the family members and is afraid that the kids will hate her or have been brainwashed by their mom' date=' or whatever. [/quote'] My MM's family welcomed me with open arms. They were so pleased to see him with a woman worthy of him for a change, rather than his toxic W. They're a close family and have his interests at heart. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 But I hope I have at least reminded you that we ARE all women, after all. We are sisters, mothers, friends, daughters....We are all looking for love in this world. We should stick together and do right by each other. If sisterhood is so important to you, why are you seeking to be so selfish and deny the OW access to your H? After all, we should stick together and do right by each other... Link to post Share on other sites
noforgiveness Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 No begging for forgiveness, she turns her head and does not question. As long as the visa card still works... *shaking my head in utter shock* is that what you really have yourself believing that she doesn't care, that you aren't hurting her family. If she didn't care you would not have had four ddays you would have had one. Your man is a flat out coward who is leading two women along and getting the best of both worlds. Amazing you wear those ddays like a badge of honor. Link to post Share on other sites
noforgiveness Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Mino I am sorry. You have been through a lot. I have read back your story a bit because I can't imagine a wife or an ow allowing four ddays. I sincerely hope you can get some support to leave this guy. Don't you want a future with someone? You have been through a birth of his child, 4 ddays and him moving out and back home twice. How can you even deal with that? That has to be extremely painful to watch him go back home twice. Take your life back. Get away from this man. He is bringing you down and I think you know that. This was honestly said with all sincerity. No one deserves to be treated this way. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 The original post here was not looking for sisterhood...she was venting and slapping wrists of OPs because her H was being inappropriate with another woman. Wow! I wish I had the powers to read people's thoughts like this! How do you know what she was thinking when she posted? You don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Wow! I wish I had the powers to read people's thoughts like this! How do you know what she was thinking when she posted? You don't. Because she has eyes too. You do have those powers, it's the basic power of comprehension. Go back to the original post and read what it says. It's content plus tone and the two combined come off nasty. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 If sisterhood is so important to you, why are you seeking to be so selfish and deny the OW access to your H? After all, we should stick together and do right by each other... :lmao::lmao: exactly "true sisterhood" entails the act of sharing. :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 You are so right. You know that. I agree with you. And so, being the superior being as you see me as I will skip your messages from here on out. DNR NOTE: I don't know what gave you the idea "I" see you as a superior being, but let me make it very clear here so that there is absolutely NO room for misinterpretation, that it's simply NOT TRUE. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Because she has eyes too. Eyes that, apparently, can bore through bone and brain matter and reach to the very cortex and discern actual thought patterns. Many are saying "her intentions were this and that" simply to make her into some sort of demon. But, hey. Whatever makes y'all feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author savethedrama Posted July 10, 2008 Author Share Posted July 10, 2008 If sisterhood is so important to you, why are you seeking to be so selfish and deny the OW access to your H? After all, we should stick together and do right by each other... I know this was meant as a joke. I'm sure many got a chuckle out of it. I would like to remind you all that I called the OW several times before I confonted my H. I wanted to get her side of the stroy first. I was NOT a raving lunatic when I called her. I was calm and sincere. I told her who I was and that I would like to know how long she has been sleeping with my husband. She made it very clear that sex was not part of their relationship. She said, "Oh my god! Like, we never even made out or anything like that!" Sure, I wanted to reach thru the phone and grab her! But I knew it was my H that needed the bitch slapping not her! LOL She was embarrassed that I saw her as the OW and thought they were "just friends" - remember she was 21. She knew about me and my H had even told her that "Our marriage was cool" - as she put it. She seemed truly sorry that their actions had hurt me and that "stupid, bs texting" had almost torn a family apart. But to be honest, she had never thought about it....Never thought about the kids. Never thought his wife would leave him unless sex was involved. I explained to her that just because they hadn't had sex didn't mean that it was hunky dory. I told her that i may never be able to trust him again and that this may very well be the end for us. She was shocked! There was no deep love brewing between these two, there was no deep conversation and yet - because of her decision to carry on with a MM just for the heck of it - I was deeply hurt. I know that some OW and MM fall in love and, while I still think the M realtionship should be ended first, I understand that being in love is a whole other story and this is why I have struck a nerve with some of you. I am sorry for those OW who have been hurt by the A, but it still proves my point that PEOPLE GET HURT when As happen. I was respectful to my Hs OW and I honestly DO blame my H for the relationship he had with her. If he was going thru something where he needed validation from someone other than his wife because of HIS OWN insecurities, then he would have found it form HER or some OTHER her. I know that. But because she seems to really feel bad for her part in all this I thought that maybe I could appeal to other OW out there who may have never heard from W's side of the A. I knew from talking to her that she sincerly did not want to be a home wrecker. I KNOW she will think twice about doing this again and I hope that something I said and the way I treated her will help her think a little bit beyond the end of her nose. I guess I'm corny, but I DO feel a sisterhood with women. I have never been the catty type. YOu can make fun of me if you want but it's who I am. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 I like who you are, savethedrama! I feel you said what you had to say with class and dignity AND without rancour. Many could learn by your example, me included. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 I honestly DO blame my H for the relationship he had with her. If he was going thru something where he needed validation from someone other than his wife because of HIS OWN insecurities, then he would have found it form HER or some OTHER her. I know that. Hi STD, how are things with you and H now? Is he remorseful of what he did? If it's true that they were not physical, then I am glad for you. You are right, it does not make it any better but I reckon, it would have been much more painful to deal with. This is something I've wanted to ask BS - what do you do (those who stayed by their H) to stop this from repeating? It was good of you that you were nice to her over the phone. I don't think any woman wants another one to be disrespectful or rude (unless someone starts it first! ). Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 As for the men who cheat...well, Ill rant about that another night I guess. Be balanced. Start a rant about women that cheat as well please. Link to post Share on other sites
John Who Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Ok let me put my 2 cents in. I think the BS has every right to diss on the OW/OM don't give me that bullsh-t ohhh your putting all the blame on the OW/OM no thats bull. Why do most people think the WS gets away with it just because the BS stays in the M. It takes 2 you go after the WS and you go after the OW/OM the BS has every right to do so. The way I see it if you wanna be laying on your back spreading your legs,or on your knee's getting them dirty with a MM then you better be woman enough to deal with his W after she finds out. If you wanna be laying up on top of another woman rubbing up behind her then you better be man enough to face her H when he finds out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author savethedrama Posted July 10, 2008 Author Share Posted July 10, 2008 This is a copy - and - paste from the infedelity site: I wrote it today after someone told me to leave the lying, cheating, a%%hole. It answers the question as to how we are doing now....... [[ My H did a lot of things wrong here. In counseling he admitted that in the beginning he entertained the idea of having an A. I admit I have thought of it as well. I think most married people have at least entertained the idea. I have the phone bill to prove that there were phone calls in the beginning as well as many Tmsgs. Soon after they met, the phone calls all but stopped and the text msgs dwindled down to a few a day by the time I caught him. I think he had made his decision about the OW by the time I caught him. He said he never felt right talking to her on the phone and somehow tmsg seemed "less personal". I guess he was exploring boundaries and testing the waters a bit. But for whatever reason, in 2 months he didn't pursue anything physical so.... I have been married to this man for 12 years and we were together several years before that. I know him very well and I know what kind of guy he is. Although this has made me question what I thought I knew, I still believe we have a good chance of figuring this out. I want him to look back at this and say, "Wow, I made a huge mistake and she forgave me". There are good ones out there and even the good ones make mistakes. It was HIM who wanted to go to counseling. That in and of itself makes me think that he is sincere intrying to reclaim his marriage. This happened for almost 2 months, but for 12 years he has been an awesome husband and very involved dad. He treats me very well and we are very close. He likes spending time with me and we talk and have lots of fun together. What really made me decide to stay is the fact that for the last 10 years, when he comes home from work and the kids rush to climb on him and greet him, his first words are always the same - "Where's mom?" He comes in the house and the first person he wants to see is me. This says a lot to me and others may not understand but it gives me hope because it means that he still desires me and comes home to see ME. He made a huge mistake that has caused havoc on our marriage. I have made it very clear that he has a long road ahead of him in order to get things right again. But I am not ready to throw away a 12 year marriage and put my kids thru hell because he made one mistake. If sex was involved or if he were claiming to "love" the OW, then I would have kicked him out immediately. He has done alot already to prove to me that he loves me, he loves US and he wants me - not her. His insecurities got the best of him and he was seeking validation elsewhere. The counseling is helping him through his reasons for that. Basically, it comes down to wanting to know "he's still got it" from someone other than his adoring wife. While wrong, I do understand and we need more MC to help us get the closure we need. I will be watching my back, and I am no longer the type of wife I used to be. He lost her when he went "exploring". But I will fight for my man as of right now. Until I see that he is not worth fighting for. We have all made mistakes so I'm gonna give him a chance.]] As to what I can do to prevent this fro happening again? There is nothing I can do to prevent this from happening again. That is up to him. I couldn't prevent it in the first place - right? I was pretty damn good to him and happy in my marriage. I was, to be honest, pretty much the adoring wife. He was a good man to me and helped me out around the house, took me out, was attentive, complimented me a lot. Our sex life was very active as I love sex and never say no to him!! I THOUGHT i was doing everthing to keep my man happy and this happened anyway. I was truly CONVINCED that this is something that would NOT happen to our marrriage!! So there is really nothing ANY of us can do to prevent our Hs from crossing the line. That's why it's called trust, I guess because it is not in our control. I wish I could say that ,"oh I never had sex with him so he was FORCED to look elsewhere" But it's not that easy it isn't something I can change to fix the problem. (I wish it was!) This had to do with him and his own insecurities. MC has helped him with this and I believe he sees things more clearly already. I will be more careful from now on. His phone must be an open book to me and he needs to confide in me if he ever feels the urge to do anything like this again. Our MC gave us both some rules that we are to follow which includes him telling me when he gets hit-on and my response cannot be one of jealousy. If this happens again, well, then I guess I will look like the played fool. It has put a "crack" in the wall of our marriage. If I had a crack in the wall of my house I would try to repair the crack before I just went and tore down the whole house. If the cracks continue to appear and keep getiing worse THEN I would hire the demolition MYSELF.......... Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Please don't cross post - if we're interested we can read it on the original posting board this last post really isn't a 'fit' for this board Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 This is something I've wanted to ask BS - what do you do (those who stayed by their H) to stop this from repeating?. Her answer was in the post she copied into this thread. She simply didn't want to type the same stuff over again. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 This had to do with him and his own insecurities. MC has helped him with this and I believe he sees things more clearly already. I will be more careful from now on. His phone must be an open book to me and he needs to confide in me if he ever feels the urge to do anything like this again. Our MC gave us both some rules that we are to follow which includes him telling me when he gets hit-on and my response cannot be one of jealousy. If this happens again, well, then I guess I will look like the played fool. It has put a "crack" in the wall of our marriage. If I had a crack in the wall of my house I would try to repair the crack before I just went and tore down the whole house. If the cracks continue to appear and keep getiing worse THEN I would hire the demolition MYSELF.......... Thank you for answering my Qs, STD. I hope he will get all he needs from MC to help you both heal. I wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 How is providing background information not a "fit" for this forum??? I'd suggest if you feel that its a violation of TOS, report the post...but telling someone what they can or can't post here probably isn't the best way to go about it. Just my suggestion. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Her answer was in the post she copied into this thread. She simply didn't want to type the same stuff over again. Yeah okay. She copied and pasted here just before you posted. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Yeah okay. She copied and pasted here just before you posted. I was answering the poster who was ripping on her for the copy and paste. I wouldn't want to retype the same stuff either. And Lyssa, you come across as a very nice gal with your posts. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 I was answering the poster who was ripping on her for the copy and paste. I wouldn't want to retype the same stuff either. And Lyssa, you come across as a very nice gal with your posts. Oh okay. Sorry, I thought you were talking to me since you quoted me, Luvmy2ns . And thanks . Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Oh okay. Sorry, I thought you were talking to me since you quoted me, Luvmy2ns . Yeah, I can understand why that would be confusing. Sorry 'bout that. I wanted to make the point that you asked for the provided info. Have a good one! Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 not ripping just stating the "forum rules" : quote - we expect that you post an item only once, in the most appropriate forum. New posts or threads with the same content or general message are considered identical.- end quote unless of course the rules are only for some ? Link to post Share on other sites
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