Lookingforward Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 the quote is heavily bolded on those words on my screen (fwiw) nm - saw the other post but too late to edit Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Loving and screwing are two vastly different things. I do believe that's what the other poster was trying to say, really. Two people screwing does not a relationship make. And when the screwing ends in unhappiness for the OW, how is that "getting the best?" and from reading over on the M boards - M doesn't involve "screwing" either in a lot of cases (just sayin') Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 and from reading over on the M boards - M doesn't involve "screwing" either in a lot of cases (just sayin') It certainly does in MY little corner of the world. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Whatev, if you think it is just as ok that your man is off "screwing" someone else but spends the holidays with you and that is what you settle for and can actually come on here and flaunt "yeah I may be cheated on but who does he spend the hollidays with?" I just don't see how you can brag about that with a serious face. Holiday schmoliday, does it really matter who he spends it with? When a MM is having an affire, he isn't "with" either woman. Neither the BW or the OW can claim that they are getting the best of him because there is no best of him to get. He has a problem and as long as he is having an affair and not dealing with that problem, he is no good to any woman. JMO Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Holiday schmoliday, does it really matter who he spends it with? When a MM is having an affire, he isn't "with" either woman. Neither the BW or the OW can claim that they are getting the best of him because there is no best of him to get. He has a problem and as long as he is having an affair and not dealing with that problem, he is no good to any woman. JMO And yet another gem of wisdom from HN. And like I was just sayin'. Link to post Share on other sites
jj2007 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Please don't cross post - if we're interested we can read it on the original posting board this last post really isn't a 'fit' for this board Since when did you become a mod? Who are you to say what is "fit" for this board? OP: I am coming to this thread late but I just wanted to say hang in there. ((Hugs)). I know the pain you are going through all too well, being a BS myself. I hope that you and your H can work through this together and be happy. Just ignore the catty, immature remarks of others. Some people are selfish and only see what they want to see. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Kewl shades, man! And no, of course it wouldn't be okay for MY man to be off screwing around. But every OW does NOT get "the best" of the MM. And neither does the W. Holiday schmoliday, does it really matter who he spends it with? When a MM is having an affire, he isn't "with" either woman. Neither the BW or the OW can claim that they are getting the best of him because there is no best of him to get. He has a problem and as long as he is having an affair and not dealing with that problem, he is no good to any woman. JMO I agree ladies, but you might want to tell Hot123 that since she seems to think that spending the hollidays with her WS is worth bragging about here. after reading all comments it has become really clear to me at least...there is a sort of rottenness in all the tones of the ow ...might be an indicator as to why youre the ones alone on the holidays... Besides, who is alone on the hollidays? Personally I have a big family so I am NEVER alone for the hollidays. My ex and his exW however were like two lone dogs they would often go travelling around that time since it was too depressing for them to stay here and they would just end up fighting or getting on each other's nerves on their holliday so..... All his family lived abroad and half of hers does and the other half that lives here she doesn't even get along with so.....I actually felt sorry for them on the hollidays because without each other they would be VERY alone. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 I come from a very large family as well, so always have many people for the holidays. My first year in my new house, I had 24 people for Thanksgiving! Here's a little scene I can paint a picture of for you guys to get a good laugh at my expense: I'm super busy, right? There are family members with kids and the dogs all scurring about the house. It's after dinner and we're getting ready for the obligatory feasting on pie. So I get my stand mixer going with some whipped cream. Well, that stuff whipped up faster than I expected. I turned my back for what seemed like a SECOND, and I hear my mom make this noise and turn around. That whipped cream was flyin' all over my kitchen! There was plenty enough left in the bowl for pie though, and the dogs loved my little screw up, to say the least! Okay. Sorry 'bout that little TJ. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Since when did you become a mod? Who are you to say what is "fit" for this board? OP: I am coming to this thread late but I just wanted to say hang in there. ((Hugs)). I know the pain you are going through all too well, being a BS myself. I hope that you and your H can work through this together and be happy. Just ignore the catty, immature remarks of others. Some people are selfish and only see what they want to see. they're not MY rules......... read the TOS Link to post Share on other sites
hot123 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 "Alone" on the holidays? :lmao: What is a "holiday" of charades at home when the OW gets the best of the man the other 364 days of the year? The spouse gets the angry distant and often completely disinterested WS all the days they are home, so if some marry for one fake Christmas eve with their mate while they are off giving their best to another person, and that is enough to call it a marriage, then to each their own really... yes...you sound happy(please note sarcasm) Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 I come from a very large family as well, so always have many people for the holidays. My first year in my new house, I had 24 people for Thanksgiving! Here's a little scene I can paint a picture of for you guys to get a good laugh at my expense: I'm super busy, right? There are family members with kids and the dogs all scurring about the house. It's after dinner and we're getting ready for the obligatory feasting on pie. So I get my stand mixer going with some whipped cream. Well, that stuff whipped up faster than I expected. I turned my back for what seemed like a SECOND, and I hear my mom make this noise and turn around. That whipped cream was flyin' all over my kitchen! There was plenty enough left in the bowl for pie though, and the dogs loved my little screw up, to say the least! Okay. Sorry 'bout that little TJ. :lmao: Hahaha I can totally picutre the chaos, that was a good story!! "It's beginning to look a lot like Christ-masssss......" in Luvmy's kitchen that is....:lmao: It sounds a lot like when we get together, kids, pets, women in the kitchen trying to get it all fired men helping out.... I love the orderly chaos of my family get togethers, it is a lot of fun! Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 yes...you sound happy(please note sarcasm) I am happy. You still sound hurt, please note the lack of sarcasm. I wish you well and a fast recovery. Link to post Share on other sites
hot123 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 I agree ladies, but you might want to tell Hot123 that since she seems to think that spending the hollidays with her WS is worth bragging about here. Besides, who is alone on the hollidays? Personally I have a big family so I am NEVER alone for the hollidays. My ex and his exW however were like two lone dogs they would often go travelling around that time since it was too depressing for them to stay here and they would just end up fighting or getting on each other's nerves on their holliday so..... All his family lived abroad and half of hers does and the other half that lives here she doesn't even get along with so.....I actually felt sorry for them on the hollidays because without each other they would be VERY alone.By holidays I meant that figuratively dear... Link to post Share on other sites
hot123 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 I am happy. You still sound hurt, please note the lack of sarcasm. I wish you well and a fast recovery. As a matter of fact im quite over it all thanks...my ex husband on the other hand has realized his mistake and says its the biggest one hes ever made and the ow is left out in the cold used and thrown away...im thinkin shes the one that needs your well wishing ...pretty standard scenario Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Since when did you become a mod? Who are you to say what is "fit" for this board? OP: I am coming to this thread late but I just wanted to say hang in there. ((Hugs)). I know the pain you are going through all too well, being a BS myself. I hope that you and your H can work through this together and be happy. Just ignore the catty, immature remarks of others. Some people are selfish and only see what they want to see. and I didn't say it wasn't "fit" - I said it wasn't A "fit" - if you're going to quote at least get it right Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 As a matter of fact im quite over it all thanks... Could have fooled me. But, if you say so I'll take your word for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 my ex husband on the other hand has realized his mistake and says its the biggest one hes ever made and the ow is left out in the cold used and thrown away...im thinkin shes the one that needs your well wishing ...pretty standard scenario Well I am sure you must feel the same way about how he used and threw away your marriage too, all standard emotions indeed. Link to post Share on other sites
hot123 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Could have fooled me. But, if you say so I'll take your word for it. thats fabulous...because otherwise i wouldve been all bunged up inside had you not taken my word for it...run along now... Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 run along now... are you going to chase me? I do run faster as my signature states so better be in tip top shape! :laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
hot123 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Well I am sure you must feel the same way about how he used and threw away your marriage too, all standard emotions indeed. its also alot easier to have a physical relationship...you can do it with any random piece of !#@# planning a life and getting caught up in stupidity is an entirely different thing...how many ow become the serious anything? not many...they usually move on to the next one or realize how good they truly had it to begin with...its usually lose/lose for the ow...good thing ill never be that to anyone elses hubby Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 its also alot easier to have a physical relationship...you can do it with any random piece of !#@# planning a life and getting caught up in stupidity is an entirely different thing...how many ow become the serious anything? not many...they usually move on to the next one or realize how good they truly had it to begin with...its usually lose/lose for the ow...good thing ill never be that to anyone elses hubby Did he seek therapy and come to the conclusion that he had it all with you afterall through therapy? PS you are smart to never be that it really isn't worth all the pain and hassle in the name of love. But you live you learn. Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 I know this was meant as a joke. I'm sure many got a chuckle out of it. I would like to remind you all that I called the OW several times before I confonted my H. I wanted to get her side of the stroy first. I was NOT a raving lunatic when I called her. I was calm and sincere. I told her who I was and that I would like to know how long she has been sleeping with my husband. She made it very clear that sex was not part of their relationship. She said, "Oh my god! Like, we never even made out or anything like that!" Sure, I wanted to reach thru the phone and grab her! But I knew it was my H that needed the bitch slapping not her! LOL She was embarrassed that I saw her as the OW and thought they were "just friends" - remember she was 21. She knew about me and my H had even told her that "Our marriage was cool" - as she put it. She seemed truly sorry that their actions had hurt me and that "stupid, bs texting" had almost torn a family apart. But to be honest, she had never thought about it....Never thought about the kids. Never thought his wife would leave him unless sex was involved. I explained to her that just because they hadn't had sex didn't mean that it was hunky dory. I told her that i may never be able to trust him again and that this may very well be the end for us. She was shocked! There was no deep love brewing between these two, there was no deep conversation and yet - because of her decision to carry on with a MM just for the heck of it - I was deeply hurt. I know that some OW and MM fall in love and, while I still think the M realtionship should be ended first, I understand that being in love is a whole other story and this is why I have struck a nerve with some of you. I am sorry for those OW who have been hurt by the A, but it still proves my point that PEOPLE GET HURT when As happen. I was respectful to my Hs OW and I honestly DO blame my H for the relationship he had with her. If he was going thru something where he needed validation from someone other than his wife because of HIS OWN insecurities, then he would have found it form HER or some OTHER her. I know that. But because she seems to really feel bad for her part in all this I thought that maybe I could appeal to other OW out there who may have never heard from W's side of the A. I knew from talking to her that she sincerly did not want to be a home wrecker. I KNOW she will think twice about doing this again and I hope that something I said and the way I treated her will help her think a little bit beyond the end of her nose. I guess I'm corny, but I DO feel a sisterhood with women. I have never been the catty type. YOu can make fun of me if you want but it's who I am. Hi Save the drama, I have a daughter that age, so i can speak for this age group of girls.. Its very very hard for me to imagine this girl as an ow. She is still a KID!! She maight have thought your H was a cool dude. He may have acted like a love sick kid, gave her compliments and tried to be a younger guy, talked to her about her age group interests... Thats what i assume how the text messaging got started. But I very seriously doubt that she ever looked at him in any other way... Girls that age are intimitated by men with some age. I think your H may have had a little 'crush"... But given the age of the Girl... I don't think this ever went anywhere or would have gone anywhere,,, girls that age would say eeeeewwwwww!!! By the conversation you had with her, is proof of that, no wonder she is shocked.... Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 I would worry about the H, looking at girls that are really still kids...Sounds kind of dangerous to me. Would not want him around my child... Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Hi Save the drama, I have a daughter that age, so i can speak for this age group of girls.. Its very very hard for me to imagine this girl as an ow. She is still a KID!! She maight have thought your H was a cool dude. He may have acted like a love sick kid, gave her compliments and tried to be a younger guy, talked to her about her age group interests... Thats what i assume how the text messaging got started. But I very seriously doubt that she ever looked at him in any other way... Girls that age are intimitated by men with some age. I think your H may have had a little 'crush"... But given the age of the Girl... I don't think this ever went anywhere or would have gone anywhere,,, girls that age would say eeeeewwwwww!!! By the conversation you had with her, is proof of that, no wonder she is shocked.... LOL mino - you hit it on the head - my daughter is 21 and her reaction to interest from any 35 year old would be (and is) ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww:sick: Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Hi Save the drama, I have a daughter that age, so i can speak for this age group of girls.. Its very very hard for me to imagine this girl as an ow. She is still a KID!! She maight have thought your H was a cool dude. He may have acted like a love sick kid, gave her compliments and tried to be a younger guy, talked to her about her age group interests... Thats what i assume how the text messaging got started. But I very seriously doubt that she ever looked at him in any other way... Girls that age are intimitated by men with some age. I think your H may have had a little 'crush"... But given the age of the Girl... I don't think this ever went anywhere or would have gone anywhere,,, girls that age would say eeeeewwwwww!!! By the conversation you had with her, is proof of that, no wonder she is shocked.... Huh. Well, you're free to call my exH any names you like but he cheated on me with a 22 year old when he was 35. The affair last nearly (at least? who knows) a year, and continued for a little while longer after I divorced him. It was absolutely sexual and she wasn't the least bit intimidated by his age. On the other hand, he was her boss. Again, feel free to say "ew." I did. But, she didn't. So I wouldn't make a lump statement about the age thing. Simply not true. Link to post Share on other sites
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