bentnotbroken Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 :rolleyes:EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 My exMM is 15 years older than me. 16, depending on the time of year. Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 after reading all comments it has become really clear to me at least...there is a sort of rottenness in all the tones of the ow ...might be an indicator as to why youre the ones alone on the holidays... Thats funny, i am not alone on holidays... Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 My exMM is 15 years older than me. 16, depending on the time of year. white flower, I am assuming your not a kid under 21, right? Link to post Share on other sites
hot123 Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 Thats funny, i am not alone on holidays... For the love of gawd...I said that was not meant as literally "the holidays" Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 I have to agree with Lizzie, many times we find ourselves as "the OW" because many of us made a mistake when we got M in our 20's (both my MM & I are in our 30's).... only to find out that as we grew up and matured, we grew "apart" from our spouses. The thought of D was devestating, so we held on longer, and longer, eventually postponing "the inevitable". We may have even gone through marriage counceling, seperation, what ever in order to "save our marriages" only to find out, we had just grown apart (or in some cases were more like roommates, than H/W) We then with/or without knowing it, found someone that we had things in common with (most of the time after we had children, jobs, families, & matured). We find that this person also feels they made the same mistake in their 20's, but just weren't at the same point as we were. So we do what we can to be happy. We share our time with these MM, we get to know them on all levels (personal, emotional, physical, and spiritual). Maybe in some STRANGE way we are helping them fullfill what is missing in their M, and yes there is always the chance it will not work out, but the happiness WE have shared together can also never be taken away (no matter how hurt we are, we still tend to remember the "good times" we had). Some of these MM will chose to leave their W, others will do just as MANY of us have before we became the OW, they will try everything to save their marriage, they will lie, they will stay because of the kids, they will put up with being "monitored and controlled", they do this because they feel they HAVE to even if they are trully not happy. Many of these MM find that they don't know who they are "inside" because they have become what their W wanted them to be (father, wage earner, lawn mower, garbage man, etc). I do agree with the OP that it may feel great for her to "BASH the OW", if that's what it takes to make her feel better, then so be it. But PLEASE believe me when I tell you..... that MANY of us OW are not out to hurt you or tear your family apart, nor are we selfish and just think of ourselves...... NO instead we find ourselves worrying about the MM, and caring for him, we think of his children, we even think about YOU, at the same time we are trying to "help him" in a marriage that he must feel there is something missing in, and WE are also the ones that get hurt also. This is not all about you as the MW! You can not control anyones choices, or actions, and no matter how much you try, you CAN NOT do it, if you H wants to reach to another person for love and support, than he will no matter how much stress and "crying" you do. Bottom line is..... it takes 2 to make an "A" happen, we are not the only ones to blame here, so "BASHING us" won't solve anything...... LOOK DEEP INSIDE YOURSELF before you put "blame" on us OW. (***** No offense intended to anyone ******) Remember to hold tight to the words you've spoken here for if you can happen to another woman's marriage then another women can happen to your future marriage should you get that far with your MM. You have already established a built-in empathy for YOUR COMING OW as well as your FUTURE WS so you have no-one to blame and no-one to grieve should you still end up old and alone! Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 For the love of gawd...I said that was not meant as literally "the holidays" well if you did say this: might be an indicator as to why youre the ones alone on the holidays... and metaphorically speaking, I personally am never "alone" I have myself. Even if I want sex, I won't resort to an exboyfriend for sex, and even less one that would have supposedly stabbed me in the back, call me proud.... So I am quite fine with my own company. BUT metaphorically or not, since you assumed we were all "alone" on the hollidays, we can still remind you we are not. Link to post Share on other sites
hot123 Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 well if you did say this: and metaphorically speaking, I personally am never "alone" I have myself. Even if I want sex, I won't resort to an exboyfriend for sex, and even less one that would have supposedly stabbed me in the back, call me proud.... So I am quite fine with my own company. BUT metaphorically or not, since you assumed we were all "alone" on the hollidays, we can still remind you we are not. You are too proud to sleep with an ex boyfriend yet not quite proud enough that you would have no qualms in sharing someones husband? makes perfect sense! Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 Family aside, if the talk of being "alone" refers to not being romantically attached to someone of the opposite sex and spending special time with them, my question would be: How special can they be if they are also spending time romantically or sexually with another person? As long as the cheater is cheating, he is cheating everyone involved including himself, so IMO, there is nothing "special" about that. Assuming that "holiday" is being used as spending those special times together, in reality, those times don't exist. Does that make any sense? I know what I trying to say, I just don't know if I'm making my point in this post. Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 For the love of gawd...I said that was not meant as literally "the holidays"Well I understood Holidays, so i responded , I spent it with mm:p GEEEZZZZZZ Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 You are too proud to sleep with an ex boyfriend yet not quite proud enough that you would have no qualms in sharing someones husband? makes perfect sense! Yup, I am WAY too proud for that. Would rather never have sex again than sleep with an exboyfried, and one that hurt me at that. My exMM was never shared, he seperated to be with me so I had 100% to myself except of course on paper he was still married but there was no stolen moments and then he would sleep in the same bed with his W. Now let me ask you this, you went as far as D a guy that cheated on you but you would contemplate going back to him for sex? Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 Family aside, if the talk of being "alone" refers to not being romantically attached to someone of the opposite sex and spending special time with them, my question would be: How special can they be if they are also spending time romantically or sexually with another person? As long as the cheater is cheating, he is cheating everyone involved including himself, so IMO, there is nothing "special" about that. Assuming that "holiday" is being used as spending those special times together, in reality, those times don't exist. Does that make any sense? I know what I trying to say, I just don't know if I'm making my point in this post. yep that makes perfect sense. We always go in circles with this topic but the bottom line is that neither woman is really getting her optimum from a cheating man. It doesn't matter if he spends his holidays with me and Valentines with you and his morning with me and lunch with you, the bottom line is, if there is a me AND you attached to that man, we both lose. That's why I find it a joke to flaunt "but who does he spend his best times with" or "who does he go on holidays with" or any of that, there really is nothing to flaunt. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 yep that makes perfect sense. We always go in circles with this topic but the bottom line is that neither woman is really getting her optimum from a cheating man. It doesn't matter if he spends his holidays with me and Valentines with you and his morning with me and lunch with you, the bottom line is, if there is a me AND you attached to that man, we both lose. That's why I find it a joke to flaunt "but who does he spend his best times with" or "who does he go on holidays with" or any of that, there really is nothing to flaunt. And here is where I go back to the OP. The problem with the triangle (other than the obvious lying and cheating MM) is that the OW, in most cases, knows the BW exists and can make decisions based on knowledge of all three sides of the triangle. The BW, in most cases, only knows of two sides (the BW and her H) and the third (the OW) is a secret. She doesn't have the option of making an informed decision until a d-day occurs. I think the OP is just asking the OW to look at the other side of the triangle (the BW) and realize that she is a real person and decisions are being made for her without her knowledge. Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 Girls that age are intimitated by men with some age. I think your H may have had a little 'crush"... But given the age of the Girl... I don't think this ever went anywhere or would have gone anywhere,,, girls that age would say eeeeewwwwww!!! By the conversation you had with her, is proof of that, no wonder she is shocked.... I think in this particular instance you are right - the girl probably wasn't really interested - but - not always. My grandmother was 18 my grandfather 36 Woody Allen - older than God - his adopted daughter (ewwwwww) 21?? I've known 2 girls who were 16 who married guys in their late 30's (what oh what do they see in each other???) Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 I think in this particular instance you are right - the girl probably wasn't really interested - but - not always. My grandmother was 18 my grandfather 36 Woody Allen - older than God - his adopted daughter (ewwwwww) 21?? I've known 2 girls who were 16 who married guys in their late 30's (what oh what do they see in each other???) They see Daddy! Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 I think the OP is just asking the OW to look at the other side of the triangle (the BW) and realize that she is a real person and decisions are being made for her without her knowledge. And I think the OP can do that, personally I have not problem with that but I would not recommend opening a statement with "I am probably not going to get away with this" and "I LOVE to BASH OW" those two comments are sure to set the tone for the entire message. And I see this done around here sometimes, I can think of one poster in particular that has this annoying habbit of making statements like "I mean no offense BUT" or "I am not trying to be mean BUT" and they lay it on as thick as they can. Save it! You KNOW you are being disrespectful or mean, otherwise there would be NO reason to preempt your message. So if a person REALLY tries to be reasonable then give a message in a way that is going to engage people to actually want to HEAR the message and not dismiss it. Let's face it the OP wanted to vent here, she said so in the opening statement, there was a message hidden there somewhere but the real mission was to vent. Well mission accomplished. And if we are going to vent then let's vent! Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 And I think the OP can do that, personally I have not problem with that but I would not recommend opening a statement with "I am probably not going to get away with this" and "I LOVE to BASH OW" those two comments are sure to set the tone for the entire message. And I see this done around here sometimes, I can think of one poster in particular that has this annoying habbit of making statements like "I mean no offense BUT" or "I am not trying to be mean BUT" and they lay it on as thick as they can. Save it! You KNOW you are being disrespectful or mean, otherwise there would be NO reason to preempt your message. So if a person REALLY tries to be reasonable then give a message in a way that is going to engage people to actually want to HEAR the message and not dismiss it. Let's face it the OP wanted to vent here, she said so in the opening statement, there was a message hidden there somewhere but the real mission was to vent. Well mission accomplished. And if we are going to vent then let's vent! OK babe, let's get ready to rumble! Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 And if we are going to vent then let's vent! Oh goody!! Let's break out the cans of whipping cream! Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 Oh Let's break out the cans of whipping cream! Please don't tell me this thread is going to turn into a BW vs OW mud wrestling competition. I just got out of the ring with Lizzie and she whipped me but good. I sure know how to deteriorate a thread lately, don't I? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 Please don't tell me this thread is going to turn into a BW vs OW mud wrestling competition. I just got out of the ring with Lizzie and she whipped me but good. I sure know how to deteriorate a thread lately, don't I? I did???? Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 I did???? Yeah, at least the person in your avatar did. Is that not you? Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 OK babe, let's get ready to rumble! Oh goody!! Let's break out the cans of whipping cream! wait so are we doing "whipits" with the cans or are we going to wrestle in whipcream? Because if do whipits we simply can't talk any more crap than we already do. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 wait so are we doing "whipits" with the cans or are we going to wrestle in whipcream? Because if do whipits we simply can't talk any more crap than we already do. I'm not sure I have enough brain cells left after childbirth to do whipits. I can't afford to lose the ones I still retain. KWIM? Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 I'm not sure I have enough brain cells left after childbirth to do whipits. I can't afford to lose the ones I still retain. KWIM? I TOTALLY hear you, I am saving my one brain cell left FOR childbirth, when/if. we are in the same boat but sort of on the reverse. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 I TOTALLY hear you, I am saving my one brain cell left FOR childbirth, when/if. we are in the same boat but sort of on the reverse. Well, I have two, so if you need one I'm taking bids for my spare. I just have to warn you, I am a BW, you never know the kind of conflict that will go on in your brain if you take me up on the offer. I believe in full disclosure and my brain cell will be sold as is. Link to post Share on other sites
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