What's going on?

[mauragh]

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 months now and am pretty happy. Since we first got together I've known that his best girl friend, and one of his best friends in the world, is his ex-girlfriend of 1 year (they broke up a year ago and he had been single since their breakup).

 

He talks about her a fair bit, but swears that all romantic feelings are long gone. I've always been a bit suss about the reason he told me for thier breakup - that he returned from a long trip and just "didn't feel the same" about her.

 

A few days ago, his email inbox was open in front of me on his laptop while he left the room. I coudl see an email from her using a nickname and smiley faces in the subject and pretty much felt compelled to quickly take a look - was she still keen on him?

 

What I found was different to what I feared but still has me really confused - she wrote that she was so glad he'd fallen in love.

 

BUT! My boyfriend hasnt said "I love you" to me yet and mentioned a while ago that he wasn't sure he could mean it yet. I haven't said it either because I'm scared to now, even though I do love him in my heart. I know caution is good and honest but why would he tell her that he was in love with me (I'm guessing he used the word love) - to make her jealous?

 

ALso, it has been a while and I'm not sure I want to stay with this girl as his best friend making me a little insecure about his feelings towards me versus her. I realise that could be my issue to just get on over

 

Just feeling slightly vulnerable. I don't know whether we should both move on an call it quits if we can't open up (both of us) to expressing love..and for me, to find someone it's easier to tell, that doesn't make me feel so insecure. There are also professional issues with our relationship in that he's where I want to be professionally, and while he offers me help with many things I can only accept it in small doses as I want to make my own way there. He sees me as an amateur but that's okay - sometimes I think that it would be easier if he were out of the picture however.

 

But, love's never easy.. Any advice would be really welcome.

[torranceshipman]

One of my best male friends is an ex, but to be fair we know we still have a little crush on eachother and if we were both single maybe there'd be a bit of naughtiness goin on (partly cause of the familiarity and friendship too). But point is, I am with someone now who I am CRAZY about and also my ex loves to see me happy with this new guy (if not slightly jealous, but only in a safe crush from afar kinda way) and I'd love more than anything to see him happy with a wonderful girl...at the end of the day we're exes, meaning, we couldnt make it work relationship wise and exes are exes for a reason...if me and my ex tried dating again we'd probably split up in 5 mins, haha!....and we know that. We're much better off and happier as friends. Plus, your man and this ex dont sound flirty or anythin, they just sound close and she sounds happy that he's found you, so its all good! I think you don't have anything at all to worry about, but I think its natural to wonder about the ex and feel a little insecure-I think all girl'd feel that way about exes! In fact, it might even be a good sign that he's capable of keeping a good friendship with an ex.

[cjanee]

I would confront him on it. You have no choice but to have an honest open discussion about it. Otherwise this is the beginning of more to come and you driving yourself nuts with more questions.