Suicidal tendencies

[PG Love]

Has anyone dealt with this with the W/H of the MM/MW?

 

MM's W is currently in the hospital, she tried taking pills to kill herself yesterday. This is the second time she has threatened suicide. I don't take her seriously because to me it just seems like a cry for help or her way of keeping him from me. She knows that he doesn't want that on his consience so he'll be there to help her. His son called yesterday to let him know what was going on and he went to babysit her for the day. I told him that if she was going to do it, she would have already. Like I said this is the 2nd time in 3 weeks, so he told her it won't happen again (him coming to her resue). He's just worried his son won't talk to him again if she really does it. How do you deal with it? I don't want to be cold hearted, but I don't want him to keep running to babysit her when she does this over an over again. I know that he needs to come to that decision on his own and he's getting there. I told him that I don't want to be in the middle of that, where he may come back on me later if I forced him not to be there. Anyway I know that I am rambling, but if you've been through this please give me some support.

[Dark-N-Romantic]

Well if she is doing it for show, then she deserves what she gets. There is one thing fighting for your spouse, but then there is another thing using under handed tricks to acquire the love of someone who obviously doesn't want to be with you. Such people are sad and stupid. I am serious, that is a show of a lack of dignity and self-respect on their part. I personally don't think any woman not willing to be with me of her own choice, is worth a second thought. And the married man is getting what he deserves. Again its stupid on her part, but he in return is reaping his rewards for his infidelity and lies. No sympathy for him either.

 

Now I guess I am going to get cursed out because I don't sympathize with people who use stupid tricks to get things that aren't really worth it.

 

 

DNR

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. - A quote I picked up from the Marine Corps.

[Owl]

I've been through it.

 

I absolutely considered suicide the first few days after d-day. Had I not had a responsibility for taking care of my kids, I almost certainly would have followed through with it.

 

You have no idea of the damage, the devestation done to the BS when they find out about the affair. Its completely and totally overwhelming for most. Hurt, anger, pain, total loss of self-esteem, blaming yourself, blaming her, blaming him...it all kaleidescopes through you over and over and over and over...

 

Take it seriously...it very probably isn't just a "cry for help" if she's actually attempted it. She needs treatment for depression and anxiety.

 

Sorry if this isn't much 'support'. Just reality...

[Lookingforward]

Has anyone dealt with this with the W/H of the MM/MW?

 

MM's W is currently in the hospital, she tried taking pills to kill herself yesterday. This is the second time she has threatened suicide. I don't take her seriously because to me it just seems like a cry for help or her way of keeping him from me. She knows that he doesn't want that on his consience so he'll be there to help her. His son called yesterday to let him know what was going on and he went to babysit her for the day. I told him that if she was going to do it, she would have already. Like I said this is the 2nd time in 3 weeks, so he told her it won't happen again (him coming to her resue). He's just worried his son won't talk to him again if she really does it. How do you deal with it? I don't want to be cold hearted, but I don't want him to keep running to babysit her when she does this over an over again. I know that he needs to come to that decision on his own and he's getting there. I told him that I don't want to be in the middle of that, where he may come back on me later if I forced him not to be there. Anyway I know that I am rambling, but if you've been through this please give me some support.

 

How old is his son, PG? Is he old enough to understand that it's HER decision whether she goes through with it or not, and no-one else's?

 

To be honest, if your guy gives in to her manipulation, it is just reinforcing her behaviour and I personally wouldn't let it slide after 2 times already in 3 weeks.

 

Then again, if she keeps up the "attempts" she may find the authorities taking an interest and it won't be up to any of you what happens.

[Dark-N-Romantic]

Sorry to hear you had gone through that Owl. But, what do you think about those people who use it as a tool to do harm to others or in the hopes of winning something not worth winning?

 

And I am glad you realized that you had more to offer this world and definitely you owned it to your children to be around. Too many suicides are done over some of the most silliest of things. Granted I know it might not seem silly to the person suffering from it, but if they could look back on this world without them, what would the see? Would they see people mourning them everyday? Or would they see friends and family moving and living their lives? Will they see some happy and smiling, will they see others achieving their dreams? Will the see some of the issues of their self-destruction (like spouses or sos) moved on and are having the lives you felt could never be yours?

 

Suicide is such a waste. And I am glad you know that and that you have that strength and courage to carry on. Do you share your experiences with others who might be in the same situation?

 

 

DNR

[Lookingforward]

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.......... and the stupidest reason to suicide is to hurt someone else (not that there are any GOOD reasons per se)

[PG Love]

Lookingforward~ Their son is 23, so old enough to know that it's her decision. He did tell MM that he wouldn't forgive him if she did it though, but later kind of recanted and said that what she does is her decision.

 

I look at things from a different perspective, much like DNR because my dad used this to keep my mom from leaving a sorry marriage (no infidelity). He threatened to shoot himself if she left, so she never did. I have told every partner that I have ever been with that if they threatened me in this way that I would walk away an not look back.

 

Owl~ I am sorry for the things you have gone through and I take your perspective on things since you have been there.

 

I have talked to several people that have taken pills though and they said they know how to manipulate it enough to either go to the hospital for the attention or throw them up durring the attempt, which is what she did last night. She decided to go to the hospital because of her suicidal tendencies and I don't know how long she will be staying yet. She did threaten that when she gets her self straight that she is coming after MM and me. She said she may hire someone to beat and rape me, so I don't take that lightly! MM is done with the manipulation, just talked to him and he said he won't be going back no matter what the cry may be. If she does it then he'll deal with the outcome.

[silktricks]

Someone who threatens suicide as a manipulating tool is about as low as one can get.

 

But, that said, the feelings of utter despair that follow betrayal are not to be taken lightly. I also contemplated suicide and in fact attempted it twice. My husband for a period of time did not leave me alone at all and quickly got me into counseling. And no, I was not manipulating him. The ONLY reason my attempts were unsuccessful was because he suspected what was going on and intervened soon enough.

 

Yes, it is a permanent solution for a temporary problem. At the time the problem does not feel temporary. I don't know if anyone would ever actually commit suicide to hurt someone else - attempt it maybe - but then you're back into manipulation.

[Lookingforward]

Lookingforward~ Their son is 23, so old enough to know that it's her decision. He did tell MM that he wouldn't forgive him if she did it though, but later kind of recanted and said that what she does is her decision.

 

I look at things from a different perspective, much like DNR because my dad used this to keep my mom from leaving a sorry marriage (no infidelity). He threatened to shoot himself if she left, so she never did. I have told every partner that I have ever been with that if they threatened me in this way that I would walk away an not look back.

 

Owl~ I am sorry for the things you have gone through and I take your perspective on things since you have been there.

 

I have talked to several people that have taken pills though and they said they know how to manipulate it enough to either go to the hospital for the attention or throw them up durring the attempt, which is what she did last night. She decided to go to the hospital because of her suicidal tendencies and I don't know how long she will be staying yet. She did threaten that when she gets her self straight that she is coming after MM and me. She said she may hire someone to beat and rape me, so I don't take that lightly! MM is done with the manipulation, just talked to him and he said he won't be going back no matter what the cry may be. If she does it then he'll deal with the outcome.

 

For your own safety, try to get that on tape or something if she starts the threats again.

 

Yes, it's sad for her that her M ended, but all this theatrics is just so manipulative. She needs some serious counselling to get her through this, perhaps the hospital will arrange some.

 

I'm glad your MM has said he's done with it.

[Lookingforward]

Someone who threatens suicide as a manipulating tool is about as low as one can get.

 

But, that said, the feelings of utter despair that follow betrayal are not to be taken lightly. I also contemplated suicide and in fact attempted it twice. My husband for a period of time did not leave me alone at all and quickly got me into counseling. And no, I was not manipulating him. The ONLY reason my attempts were unsuccessful was because he suspected what was going on and intervened soon enough.

 

Yes, it is a permanent solution for a temporary problem. At the time the problem does not feel temporary. I don't know if anyone would ever actually commit suicide to hurt someone else - attempt it maybe - but then you're back into manipulation.

 

From my understanding the mindset is "when I'm dead they'll be sorry" - the thought doesn't follow through to it's logical conclusion, that you won't be around to know.

 

I do understand that it can seem like a solution - an end to pain.

[PG Love]

I am hoping that she will get some counseling while she is in the hospital and continue well after. In all of this I am hoping it will curve her anger towards me, if just enough not to actually act on bodily harm. She can be dangerous, she did stab MM twice early in their marriage.

 

I do need to see if I can get her on tape making the threats, but easier said than done.

 

I was never so glad to hear MM tell me that he is done with trying to protect her from herself!

[Owl]

Sorry to hear you had gone through that Owl. But, what do you think about those people who use it as a tool to do harm to others or in the hopes of winning something not worth winning?

 

I've known people like this myself. They do exist. But...for most of us there's really no way to KNOW which kind of person for sure you're dealing with...which is why ANY attempt at suicide should be treated as a serious attempt.

 

I think 'faking it' to get sympathy is low...but its also a symptom of something that needs to be treated.

 

And I am glad you realized that you had more to offer this world and definitely you owned it to your children to be around. Too many suicides are done over some of the most silliest of things. Granted I know it might not seem silly to the person suffering from it, but if they could look back on this world without them, what would the see? Would they see people mourning them everyday? Or would they see friends and family moving and living their lives? Will they see some happy and smiling, will they see others achieving their dreams? Will the see some of the issues of their self-destruction (like spouses or sos) moved on and are having the lives you felt could never be yours?

 

The only reason I didn't do it at the time was because there would have been no one left to take care of my kids. And there was no way I was going to let my kids find me afterwards as well. But it was almost impossible for me at the time to look past my own pain to see what damage it would have done to everyone else. At the time, the ONLY reason I considered it was to end the pain. Not to manipulate or coerce or as revenge...simply as the only way I could see (at the time) to end the pain I was in.

 

Suicide is such a waste. And I am glad you know that and that you have that strength and courage to carry on. Do you share your experiences with others who might be in the same situation?

 

What do you think I've been trying to do for the last four years on LS, DNR?

[silktricks]

From my understanding the mindset is "when I'm dead they'll be sorry" - the thought doesn't follow through to it's logical conclusion, that you won't be around to know.

 

I do understand that it can seem like a solution - an end to pain.

 

Speaking only from my own experience, the very real depression that leads to suicide has NOTHING to do with "when I'm dead they'll be sorry". It has to do with "I cannot live in this pain for another second and would rather be dead. Death will end it." And at the time it seems that ONLY death will end it.

 

I just have a really hard time believing that the idea of hurting someone else would lead to actual suicide (as opposed to the threatened/fake attempt that is the manipulation DNR and PGL were talking about). But I do think that any threat should be taken seriously - by mental health professionals at the very least.

 

I also don't think that someone should automatically do what a suicide threatening person wants, as everyone does have their own choices to make in life - including when to check out.

[Tomcat33]

My ex's exW (W at the time) did this, we were at his place hanging out one night and she called in hysterics begging to see him and threatening that she would take her own life if he didn't come back home. He didn't want to take the calls and she was wailing and screaming and he felt it was not his responsibility to comfort her but I pushed him to go, she obviously sounded not well and though I agree it is not his responsibility she was in a very dark place and should not be alone. He called her sister to go and take care of her and but her response was not in these exact words but close in sentiment "she will be fine"

 

Anyway later he found out he was being manipulated by her in more than one way.

 

People manipulate out of desperation and will beg and act in undignified ways when faced with the loss of their love, I've done some undignified things myself, but never suicide attempts nor would I ever think to do that.

[Tomcat33]

Speaking only from my own experience, the very real depression that leads to suicide has NOTHING to do with "when I'm dead they'll be sorry". It has to do with "I cannot live in this pain for another second and would rather be dead. Death will end it." And at the time it seems that ONLY death will end it.

 

I just have a really hard time believing that the idea of hurting someone else would lead to actual suicide (as opposed to the threatened/fake attempt that is the manipulation DNR and PGL were talking about). But I do think that any threat should be taken seriously - by mental health professionals at the very least.

 

I also don't think that someone should automatically do what a suicide threatening person wants, as everyone does have their own choices to make in life - including when to check out.

 

You are well misinformed about suicide and the different thought processes that happen to each individual when contemplating suicide.

 

I have worked with suicidal teens before and the ideas and thoughts that lead up to the decision run the gamut. There is no hard and fast rule, while some want to unburden others or want to punish others with their own deaths, others do indeed just want a way out of the pain, some just want the attention, others are simply screaming out "please pay attention to me".

[silktricks]

she called in hysterics begging to see him and threatening that she would take her own life if he didn't come back home.

 

This is not the same as the decision to suicide. You feel utterly calm. No hysteria, no "if you don't do this I'm going to kill myself"... that's just plain manipulation (as you said). If you've actually made the decision you don't feel hysterical you feel calm and somewhat settled. It's also not usually an "attempt". Usually - unless someone figures out what you are doing - it's successful.

[Tomcat33]

This is not the same as the decision to suicide. You feel utterly calm. No hysteria, no "if you don't do this I'm going to kill myself"... that's just plain manipulation (as you said). If you've actually made the decision you don't feel hysterical you feel calm and somewhat settled. It's also not usually an "attempt". Usually - unless someone figures out what you are doing - it's successful.

 

 

Again, you are making a HUGE overstatement of how suicide happens. While what you described is certainly true it is NOT exclusive.

[Owl]

Here's the thing...it doesn't matter if she's considering doing it to "make him sorry" or to "end the pain".

 

Either way, she needs help.

 

And from the outside, there's no real way to distinguish between an empty threat/attempted manipulation and a real intent to take her life. Even a half-hearted attempt that she doesn't THINK would succeed COULD.

 

Her motives are irrelevent at this point. Nor should they truly matter to the OP either...at the end of the day, WHY she's doing it doesn't change where things are at right now.

 

What needs to happen is that she needs to get help, her kids (if any) need to be safegaurded, and the situation defused (I do NOT mean for him to go back to his W...I mean that she needs to be treated and monitored to ensure that the treatment takes...and I don't mean that her H has to do that).

[Lookingforward]

Speaking only from my own experience, the very real depression that leads to suicide has NOTHING to do with "when I'm dead they'll be sorry". It has to do with "I cannot live in this pain for another second and would rather be dead. Death will end it." And at the time it seems that ONLY death will end it.

 

I just have a really hard time believing that the idea of hurting someone else would lead to actual suicide (as opposed to the threatened/fake attempt that is the manipulation DNR and PGL were talking about). But I do think that any threat should be taken seriously - by mental health professionals at the very least.

 

I also don't think that someone should automatically do what a suicide threatening person wants, as everyone does have their own choices to make in life - including when to check out.

 

no, sorry for any confusion, that mindset refers to the "attempts" (they never really think that they may succeed, but some do).

 

Then again suicide is an act of the mentally unstable (even if only temporarily) anyway, so expecting logic is a bit much I suppose.

[Tomcat33]

Here's the thing...it doesn't matter if she's considering doing it to "make him sorry" or to "end the pain".

 

Either way, she needs help.

 

And from the outside, there's no real way to distinguish between an empty threat/attempted manipulation and a real intent to take her life. Even a half-hearted attempt that she doesn't THINK would succeed COULD.

 

Her motives are irrelevent at this point. Nor should they truly matter to the OP either...at the end of the day, WHY she's doing it doesn't change where things are at right now.

 

What needs to happen is that she needs to get help, her kids (if any) need to be safegaurded, and the situation defused (I do NOT mean for him to go back to his W...I mean that she needs to be treated and monitored to ensure that the treatment takes...and I don't mean that her H has to do that).

 

 

EXACTLY!!

 

Manipulation that stems out of a pain in the form of a suicide attempt is common actually but that does not mean manipulation in general is not a horrible habbit. But when you are tampering with taking your own life to get some attention it really is the most alarming of all manipulation. Regardless suicide threats should never be taken lightly because they are essentially a form of asking for help.

[Owl]

Someone please mark down the date and time...TC and I have AGREED with each other!!! LOL! :)

[Ms. Red]

The only reason I didn't do it at the time was because there would have been no one left to take care of my kids. And there was no way I was going to let my kids find me afterwards as well. But it was almost impossible for me at the time to look past my own pain to see what damage it would have done to everyone else. At the time, the ONLY reason I considered it was to end the pain. Not to manipulate or coerce or as revenge...simply as the only way I could see (at the time) to end the pain I was in.

 

I've been there just like you Owl. However, I actually attempted. It was just to end the pain that I felt at the time was unbearable. The boyfriends never found out because I wasn't looking for attention. Now, much older & a mother I have experienced the feelings but know there is no way on Gods earth I would be so selfish as to take myself away from my son. But when one is wrapped up inside their own personal pain the thought patterns are "whacked", is the only word I can think of. I've actually felt pissed off that I don't have that as an option. I look back later & realize how selfish THAT feeling is.

 

PG....

 

I had a couple of boyfriends that attempted for my attention. First one was a years long relationship where he had been physically abusive. When I finally broke away for the final time, he OD'd on pills & landed in the hospital. He refused to talk to anyone & would just lie there calling my name. His family was begging me to talk to him. I refused. He recovered & went on to have a good life in another state. His family still considers me part of them & I'm still in contact with them on a regular bases.

 

The 2nd boyfriend was verbally abusive and at times spent hours lecturing me on how worthless, uncaring, unworthy I was. When I got up the nerve & left him, he called me one night stating he was going to kill himself. My parents came home & found me crying on the phone & a friend that was over told them what was going on. My father grabbed the phone & told "John Doe" that he had a shot gun he could use if he wanted. He just kept saying that over & over & laughing at him. XBF hung up & he also went on to marry & have kids & do well as far as I hear.

 

PG, Sorry to write a novel. What I'm trying to say is that in my opinion, the people that make it known what they are doing are just doing it for attention. If someone is serious about it they don't make it known, they JUST DO IT!. (I know there are exceptions though) I was fortunate enough to be ignorant on a lethal dose of pills for my attempts & just puked them all up & was sick in bed for a while. The other time my mother found me as I was cutting my wrist & stopped me.

 

I agree it's good your man is not going to let his STBX manipulate him. She is just screaming for attention the wrong way. I hope she finds the help she needs to accept things the way they are & be able to better handle the fact that her world as she knew it will never be the same.

 

Take care & I wish you well PG. =^-^=

[PG Love]

Thanks for the support guys!

 

Owl~ Does your wife know about your suicide thoughts?

[Tomcat33]

Someone please mark down the date and time...TC and I have AGREED with each other!!! LOL! :)

 

 

Oh c'mon it's becoming habbit now, if we keep marking it then how can we tell when our anniversary is?

[Ms. Red]

I can't even fig out who to quote for this. I'm tweaked from lack of sleep for 3 days due to a major heatwave & no AC so bear with me.

 

Speaking of if suicide is just to hurt someone else & think, "I'll show them & they will feel like $hit when I'm gone." When I was a teen, there was a girl (friend of a friend) who had broken up with her BF & he was devastated. She refused to go back to him. He planned his suicide in the following way. He had a bouquet of red roses delivered to her house. When she opened the door for the delivery, she saw him on her lawn. He whipped out a gun & shot himself in the head. The note he attached to the roses stated, I hope your happy now!