Maggs Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Hey everyone! I'm back from a visit with my BF. Went too short, as always! Well I nearly posted here a couple of days ago but good thing I didn't because it would have been all pretty pointless in what I was asking as things have changed so drastically in the last few days! So here I go...basically a couple of days ago, my BF and I decided I would try to move back to the UK for 3-4 months to live there with him. To just see how we got along, etc. I was there for 2 yrs previously (1 yr in a relationship with him) but we never lived together permanently. Doing this however would have meant me quitting my job, becoming entirely financially dependent on him for those months then moving back here for another undetermined amount of time. I was having issues with it but seeing as how my Mom was preferring me to move out of their house and move to an apartment and a more permanent job then I thought I could do this in between. So tonight my BF and I were talking about it. Really good chat actually. Very calm and mature. And basically he just answered what I've thought along. The big one. The fear of the 'M' word! Yup!! Don't know whether to laugh or cry, but at least can say I'm not shocked. I can understand where he's coming from. Previous relationship disaster re: his son's Mother pulling a very dirty thing on him, so no doubt he's hesistant. But is it a step forward that he's actually calmly admitting to it now?...I don't know!? So basically I said to him...listen, there is nothing I can do to change your mind. This is something you have to do entirely on your own. So I then said, is there really any point in me coming in at this point in time (December) to live there for a few months if it will not help you further in making that decision. I suggested maybe waiting. But I've left that up to him to decide. So looks like 3 options really (well 4, but 4th being a bit too far off to decide): 1) I go over for a few months in December, giving up my job. To see if that helps things. 2) I continue living my own life here and we continue on with a long distance relationship to see what the future brings. 3) We take a mutual break...a couple of months. For him to think long and hard about things. Or like I said 4 just ending things now, which don't really want to think about at this moment. Sooooo folks! You can see my predicament. What do I do? What do we do? Is there anything I can do that will help this...I think it's really entirely up to him. Whether it'll be 6 months or 6 yrs down the road, I don't have a clue. And neither does he for that matter. And the ultimate question--will this ever work? Do men with a fear of commitment ever change? Is it worth waiting? Any and all suggestions/comments/questions welcome for those who have been brave enough to read all of this! Will post also on 'Dating' board as well I think. Thank you all! Link to post Share on other sites
SaraLovesHerAndy Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 Hmmmm that is a tough thing hun!! I could see good aspects from all of you options. If you go there for a few months i think it could really help him start to think about where he could see you and him in the future. Option 2 depends on whether you two think you can carry on having a realtionship like this or if you think its just something you couldnt carry on with and option 3 even though seems the worst at the start it could be the best, i split up with my boyfriend and after about 2 weeks i think it was i realised how much i really loved him and needed him in my life. I think maybe you two should carry on talking to eachother about it and not rush into a decision too quickly, maybe think of pro's and cons for each option and see if you both agree. Hope this helped a little xxx Link to post Share on other sites
Author Maggs Posted July 15, 2008 Author Share Posted July 15, 2008 Thank you for your reply! We've been tossing around the idea for the last few days. There's been a lot of talking. Basically just worried about going over there for 3 months and putting everything on hold, then he still doesn't know at the end of it! But I think we're leaning towards doing that. And I'm hoping maybe you're right--it'll make him realize more how he wants to be with me. I know he eventually wants to get married but he doesn't know when and says not right now. So I'm hoping 'not right now' doesn't mean 'never'! But it'll be another 5 months away. So we'll what happens between now and the next 5 months. Link to post Share on other sites
SaraLovesHerAndy Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 aww i hope everything works for ya and have to tell us soon xxxxx Link to post Share on other sites
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