Whose ex has NOT contacted them?

[mistieyed]

kiz - there are probably more than you realize going through a bad time right now. I can join your ranks as the latest - it has been 2.5 weeks for me and it is the most brutal feeling in the world because I know it is not me and instead his retarded social skills (but I have no plans to contact him either because he ran this one off the road and I deserve better treatment). For him, it was easier to walk away without a word than to explain why he was pulling away. As far as I go and how I feel, I feel like someone punched me in the gut and it won't go away. He whewed me in the beginning to win my heart and in the end, he tossed it out the window of a fast moving train without an explanation (at least as of yet) - stupid me still holds out hope that one day soon I will at least have the closure conversation that will reopen the wound. so, if you ever need someone to chat with, pm me cause I am right there with you.

[ioncebelieved]

It has been 10 days since I last heard from mine. It was a text message on my phone and a few hours later a follow on yahoo IM to see if I got it. She wanted me to let her know I made it home safe after driving several hundred miles. I ignored all of it because why should be let known of my safety!! She does have that right any longer. Kizik, I understand what you are feeling and I guess I feel that way too!!! Since May, I have had little contact with her anyways other than her messing with my emotions and being a coward!!!! I could call her a million names, but what hurts me the most IS THAT SHE HANDLED ME LIKE A FREAKING COWARD!!!!! I WANTED AND NEVER GOT A PROPER GOODBYE!!! Guess my closure will come when I finally move on.

 

KIz, keep your head up man and if you need to talk hit me up on private!! The Northstar and I have been talking back and forth there and it really helps to let it out to even a stranger, but you know what... NOT A STRANGER to the pain!!!! Take care my friend!!!!

[Nevermind]

But how do you deal with it? I have no closure. Yeah, NC is a sign of closure, but is it circumstances that causes him to throw me away or did he care so little for me and I no longer was satisfying his ego boost?

 

I can't say what I am talking about, but my friend has gone NC with me and it just plain hurts. I can't stop crying. Why couldn't he just say good-bye? I know he doesn't want to be part of my life anymore, but to just disappear..... I would have been able to handle him telling me to f-off, better than silence.

 

NC from someone you care deeply about, well it just sucks.

 

If you want a ****-off, then go ahead and contact him. I can tell you that it won't make you feel any better. What is hurtful is the remainder of hope that still lingers that "this can't be it" and the blast your ego suffers from.

 

Circumstances, schmircumstances. If he cared enough, he would have said good-bye. He didn't. Unfortunately, he belongs to the group of people who never had deep feelings to begin with and therefore find it easy to just switch it off.

 

I am sorry for your pain. It will get better. Try not to question the break-up and yourself too much. If it comes up, think of what a ridiculous ass-clown he is.

[LikeCharlotte]

Never once without my initiation and even then I was barely acknowledged. I get nothing but to know that he used me to make himself feel better (and used me for lots of other things too). He lost me because of how he has treated me post break up. He has lost a lot in me and he might not know it now but he will. I wouldn't want to be under that anvil... and it will be at terminal velocity when it falls. OUCH! There is not another woman on earth like me and if there were she'd never give HIM the time of day. He was lucky to have me in any capacity and now he has nothing just like he wanted.

 

(to him) AWESOME WORK DUMBASS! Now NO ONE knows you at all and you lost someone who actually listened and cared about you. You made your bed. Now Lie!

 

Back to LS...I have no idea why but today I'm just mad at him. Probably because EVERYWHERE I went tonight I saw a reminder and instead of me smiling I cringed. I didn't want to feel like that, I was out getting to know someone who has taken an interest. Why does he get to ruin my good memory and my good night? GRrrrrrrrrr. Please don't tell me i have to let it go.. I did.. this was random sneak attack reminders in blinky lights with announcers from every direction - literally. You guys wouldn't believe me if I told you! I'm standing in the middle of the boardwalk and in every possible direction there is a screaming blinking reminder or things that at one time I would have thought were nice or sweet... or at the very least simply nice to remember. Instead I cringed and swiftly walked away. eh.

[PhoenixFromTheFlames]

Not heard anything from mine either in over 3 months. He has someone new, he had her from before the break-up.

 

I had a couple of texts, but they were polite 'thanks for sending my stuff' sort of ones, and one after we ran into eachother saying it was 'nice' to see me again. That was all. I don't count these. He's never asked how I am or anything, never apologise properly, never shown any interest in me.

 

I wonder if he ever thinks of me, but he probably doesn't. Makes me feel like the whole relationship was imagined. He walked, and has never looked back. It appears we were never friends or lovers, he forgot I ever existed.

 

Wish I could arase the last 3 years from my memory so easily. I don't understand how they do it, but they do.

[roghornio]

NC from them is a blessing in disguise. You can move on far quicker... Maybe one day when its all over, or your with someone new cand you want to you can get in touch with them when their reply , or non reply wont phase you.

[kyta]

I havent heard a thing from her, i have seen her but not spoken to her, i dont want to spk to her, i dont even want to see her, she's a sad miserable person who allways put ppl down, jumps in to evryones troubles and **** stirs, so why the hell would i want to hear from her, good riddance to bad rubbish, im better than she is, im a nicer person, i have more in life to give and to live,there is no point in talking, its all in the past now cant change whats been done or said, why worry about it, if we need the contact from them to validate what we had, then we are still holding on to them, i dont need her validation that we had something special, or she may think of me, i know what we had, i dont care what she thinks of me now, and i dont want to hear anything she has to say, not even if she just wanted to say sry for how she treated me, nothing they can say will change what has been, nothing they do can change what they did, so why bother its just wasting time holding on to something that has now gone.

 

Here are a few quotes that mite help you.

 

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.

 

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world - not even our troubles.

 

When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere.

[Peter_pan]

the last time i spoke to my ex, i was nice to her. i still wanted her back. i did let her know it was to painful to speak to her now that i know she has a new bf. she insisted she didnt lie. and i wished her luck and left it at that.

 

in a way when i think bout it, this was closure for her. great . no wonder why she hasnt spoken to me. when she sent the email i should have gone NC.

 

i guess i was in complete denial that SHE could do such a thing ugh

[roghornio]

the last time i spoke to my ex, i was nice to her. i still wanted her back. i did let her know it was to painful to speak to her now that i know she has a new bf. she insisted she didnt lie. and i wished her luck and left it at that.

 

in a way when i think bout it, this was closure for her. great . no wonder why she hasnt spoken to me. when she sent the email i should have gone NC.

 

i guess i was in complete denial that SHE could do such a thing ugh

 

You kept your dignity in check. When she thinks back about you she will remember that.

 

Of course SHE can do such a thing. She is but human, as we all are… one day you might end up doing something similar to someone else! The thing I’ve learnt over the years that everyone is out on their own, their own happiness and feelings are paramount – when you give yours to someone else you are risking a hell of a lot, which is why it hurts so much. You might not believe it but they never mean to hurt you, which is why we get all the crappy excuses and vanishing acts etc. They can’t deal with it, so they try make it easy for them and you.

[Peter_pan]

hey bud, cheers for that ,

 

erm your right. when she looks back i hope she will remember i wasn't a cock about it. i kept my dignity. i was never happy with myself for the entire relationship and so i relied on her making me happy or seeing happiness through her made me happy. i had ocd and was controlling with it i guess. i was under so much stress due to various factors.

 

i sometimes feel like i am doing the wrong thing or have done the wrong thing for not keeping in contact like she wanted.

 

when i spoke to my friend about this he said be careful what you say because even though your angry now you may regret wat you said in the future, if you ever want her back or to be friends. thats why i always stayed nice.

[roghornio]

i sometimes feel like i am doing the wrong thing or have done the wrong thing for not keeping in contact like she wanted.

 

I cant remember but I’m sure you said she was your first girlfriend?

Every time I’ve been dumped (3 times out of 6) I’ve thought things like this.

 

And I think about them 24/7, then one day I meet the next one and you know what I forget the last completely, hell – I don’t even want to speak to them anymore I lose interest. Trust me on that – you meet someone new and exciting and you’ll look back wondering why you wasted so much time worrying about something you can’t change or have no control over!!

 

Stupidly I cant take my own advice obviously LOL as I fall into that trap EVERY time.

 

Unfortunatly what they are up to now your not with them is non of our business. By them not letting us be a part of that life is huge sign... actions defiantly speak louder than words. The hard part is having no control or say over that and being forced to move forward.

[Peter_pan]

i hope your right dude

 

why cant you take your own advise then lol? how old are you if you dont mind me asking

[roghornio]

i hope your right dude

 

why cant you take your own advise then lol? how old are you if you dont mind me asking

 

I always dish out advice but can never seem to take it OR never seem to be able to read/see my own situation.

 

I’m 29… Getting old but still not wise LOL.

[whateverwillbe]

If you want a ****-off, then go ahead and contact him. I can tell you that it won't make you feel any better. What is hurtful is the remainder of hope that still lingers that "this can't be it" and the blast your ego suffers from.

 

Circumstances, schmircumstances. If he cared enough, he would have said good-bye. He didn't. Unfortunately, he belongs to the group of people who never had deep feelings to begin with and therefore find it easy to just switch it off.

 

I am sorry for your pain. It will get better. Try not to question the break-up and yourself too much. If it comes up, think of what a ridiculous ass-clown he is.

 

Thank you. You have just said exactly what I have been thinking. I just don't understand how someone I have known for so long, cared so deeply for and trusted could be in that group of people. I think it is heart-less and cold.

[northstar1]

Thank you. You have just said exactly what I have been thinking. I just don't understand how someone I have known for so long, cared so deeply for and trusted could be in that group of people. I think it is heart-less and cold.

 

It comes down to the fact they are selfish and have no respect.

[whateverwillbe]

It comes down to the fact they are selfish and have no respect.

 

I am glad I came into this thread it is helping. I so wanted to send a nasty e-mail. I have it all drafted up. But I am glad I didn't send. Because, what I am reading here.............it wouldn't matter, anyway. And then I would have to live with the regret of sinking so low, when I really didn't want to be so mean and hurtful.

 

But it still hurts so much for him to just disappear and feel thrown away.

[CandyGirlXO]

My EX from a while ago did the samething to me except for worse! After 2 years of having this great relationship he proposed to me while crying. Then about 2 days later breaks up with me, and NEVER called me I mean NEVER.

 

About 3 years later, I bumped into him. My car was stuck in a snow blizzard and he happened to be driving around helping people get their cars out. He was with his GF that looked EXACTLY like me. We both looked at eachother and I could tell she thought it was wierd.

 

So don't feel bad, I have had it happen to me too. I think he is crazy. I mean who does that? But at the time I thought OMG I am completely forgetable! What is wrong with me?!?!

 

He made me feel like I was just a piece of trash that he just threw away.

[northstar1]

I am glad I came into this thread it is helping. I so wanted to send a nasty e-mail. I have it all drafted up. But I am glad I didn't send. Because, what I am reading here.............it wouldn't matter, anyway. And then I would have to live with the regret of sinking so low, when I really didn't want to be so mean and hurtful.

 

But it still hurts so much for him to just disappear and feel thrown away.

 

You are exactly right. If they have moved on with no regrets and are living new lives - sending the note won't accomplish anything.

They will either ignore it, or if they do respond, it won't be what you want to hear anyways.

[sunshinegirl]

You are exactly right. If they have moved on with no regrets and are living new lives - sending the note won't accomplish anything.

They will either ignore it, or if they do respond, it won't be what you want to hear anyways.

 

I sent a long, strongly worded email after I learned of his cheating. I don't regret it. If he had any doubts beforehand, he now knows what a jerk he was.

[northstar1]

I sent a long, strongly worded email after I learned of his cheating. I don't regret it. If he had any doubts beforehand, he now knows what a jerk he was.

 

Sounds fair - probably made you feel better in that instance. I think what comes back to haunt people, is when they do no have closure and they are holding onto hope, even if they deny it.

[whateverwillbe]

I sent a long, strongly worded email after I learned of his cheating. I don't regret it. If he had any doubts beforehand, he now knows what a jerk he was.

 

Mine had nothing to do with him cheating on me. Otherwise, yep, the letter, I am sure, would have been sent with no regrets.

[tinktt]

but I do chime in on occassion.

 

It has been over 5 months since my last commuication with my ex. He denied my existence when he met a woman from his past, this only hours after he was telling me how much he loved me, wanting me in his life and almost begging me to move in with him. He knew her in high school, thought he would marry her then and now since they are both divorced, he thinks it is destiny that they met again ( at a funeral). It took two tearful hours in person during which I packed up everything in my house that was his and gave them to him and one phone conversation three days later and then I told him to say good bye and I hung up the phone. Not a word since and I will NEVER initiate contact. By the way, he left a message after ward telling me that he loved me and was sorry he upset me. I have not responed to that or to an email asking for things that I missed back ( riduculous things like a pair of khakis and socks) My thinking was if I was so easy to dismiss and replace, then he should have no trouble replacing his socks and pants!!! I told him in the very beginning of our relationship that I don't chase after men. If they don't value me, then they are not worth my time.

 

I am still smarting a bit but let him and his instability go. We travel in different circles and live 30 miles apart so it doubtful I will run into him. There are moments I get all reminiscent and idealize him, but then I remember the pain of that moment when he said he did not tell her about me and the suddeness.

 

I left out some of the details of the denouement but essentially that is it. It all changed in hours. I said what I needed to say to him in that last conversation. In the aftermath, he really wasn't the best for me but my heart broke because I was in love with him.

 

So yes, I hold my head high. I know I had nothing to do with the break up. I don't know if I am the dumper or the dumpee but I do know that eventually somehthing would have arisen and we would have broken up, so different were we.

 

Anyway, I didn't know about NC until I happened upon this site. I just knew that I had to eliminate him from my world if I wanted to move on. Can't say that I am there yet but I am on my way. Been on a few dates but no one thus far has sparked me.

 

For what it is worth, I will be on the list of never hearing from an ex, and that is just how I want it.

[LikeCharlotte]

I havent heard a thing from her, i have seen her but not spoken to her, i dont want to spk to her, i dont even want to see her, she's a sad miserable person who allways put ppl down, jumps in to evryones troubles and **** stirs, so why the hell would i want to hear from her, good riddance to bad rubbish, im better than she is, im a nicer person, i have more in life to give and to live,there is no point in talking, its all in the past now cant change whats been done or said, why worry about it,

To learn, to grow... to become a better person? Maybe? It's not worrying to contemplate and be introspective. You don't like your ex, it is different for people who felt that their loves were also friends to be discarded as garbage.

if we need the contact from them to validate what we had, then we are still holding on to them,

Need and want are two different things. You can't say that what is true for you is true for everyone. I'm sorry but personally I never sought validation from my ex post break up. I just wanted to be treated like a human being.

 

i dont need her validation that we had something special, or she may think of me, i know what we had, i dont care what she thinks of me now, and i dont want to hear anything she has to say, not even if she just wanted to say sry for how she treated me, nothing they can say will change what has been, nothing they do can change what they did, so why bother its just wasting time holding on to something that has now gone.

Again, its not holding on for everyone, some of us just wanted to move forward into an amicable relationship that wasn't cold and cruel unnecessarily.

 

Here are a few quotes that mite help you.

 

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.

 

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world - not even our troubles.

 

When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere.

Those are very nice and valid quotes but you are assuming that everyone who wanted contact is somehow not tranquil or at peace with the relationship ending or is somehow unable to move past the romantic relationship. I'm sorry but i tend to think the opposite is true. I think that people who think their exes are never to be spoken to again just because the romantic relationship didn't work out are kind of narrow and unable to move past it in a healthy way (in some cases not all).

[sunshinegirl]

I think that people who think their exes are never to be spoken to again just because the romantic relationship didn't work out are kind of narrow and unable to move past it in a healthy way (in some cases not all).

 

Are you talking from a dumper's or dumpee's perspective?

[LikeCharlotte]

Are you talking from a dumper's or dumpee's perspective?

It's irrelevant who did what to end the relationship as long as we are not talking about cheating, abuse ect. I mean people who liked one another honestly and really just couldn't make it work for whatever reason. Why not make the best of it instead of turning it into a melodrama with all the bells and whistles? I am also not talking about every situation... I simply mean that it seems like unnecessary anger and pain to be cold and not remain nice to someone you loved. Salt on the wound, you know what I mean?