Miss Stress Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 I'm so distraught. I sent my best friend/lover an email last week and he has been very quiet since. Not in a punishing way ... just in a maybe I hurt him sort of way. I'm so confused. He has never told me that he loves me. But he has treated me better than any friend or boyfriend that I've ever had. We've been friends/dating 2.5 years. He is always looking for ways to "DO" something for me, to help me in any way that he can. And he is the most considerate, selfless and amazing lover. But he has never (sober) "SAID" that he loves me. His actions speak loudly. But he has a girlfriend. I found out last fall. But instead of tear us apart, we became closer. For years I fought and played games trying to win a title, trying to win the words I wanted to hear. But then I realized I have it so much better than any relationship I've ever been in. I've heard the "words" so many times, I love you, your the only one for me, I want to have kids w/u. Blah blah blah. But their actions hurt. He has never done anything to hurt me. No, he isn't faithful to me but he never offered me exclusivity. No one has brought me so much joy and happiness. So I told him something last wk I thought was a compliment. I said that it is so sad when I'm on a date and the guy is looking at me thinking, "Wow! She is so happy, she is glowing ... I'm going to get laid!" When little do they know, I just got one of his goofy text messgs and I'm try'g not to bust out laughing. I also said that "if they knew what they were up against, my phone would never ring." I thought this was a compliment. But I could feel the hurt in the silence. How was I to know? So I asked and reminded him that last we spoke he told me he only wanted to be friends and I told him I needed to find someone to love. That I loved him as a friend but would never get in the way of him having whatever it is in life that makes him happy. Normally, he tm's me all the time, send me dozens of em's, calls me several times a day and takes me out at least twice a week. It has been very quiet since. He's only called once and hasn't asked me out since. (1) I'm dying inside thinking that I may have hurt him and (2) I'm dying inside worried that I destroyed the most beautiful thing I've ever had. So I'm wondering ... is it possible for a man to love a woman and NOT tell her!????? WHY?????? I've begged him to make me his own. I've begged. I can't stand dating other people. I just do it for distraction, to keep my mind off the one I love and my eyes open to new possibilities. So worried and upset, Miss Stress Link to post Share on other sites
audrey_1 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Wow. Sounds similar to my situation. Except we are casual, and he doesn't have a girlfriend that I know of. His best guy friend calls me his "girl," which my friend doesn't acknowledge. But he's there for me in most ways withought giving me an ounce of emotional validation. I got a text message from him FIRST two Friday nights ago, and another text from him woke me up that Saturday morning. I told him that I was surprised to hear from him, that he rarely texts me first, and it threw me off. Well, after that, it's been really dry. Maybe when we call attention to things, they actually realize they're doing it, maybe when they didn't before. They either step back to analyze, or don't want to do it again if it is noticeable. That they may actually care. I hope he comes around. Link to post Share on other sites
audrey_1 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 So I'm wondering ... is it possible for a man to love a woman and NOT tell her!????? WHY?????? I've begged him to make me his own. I've begged. I can't stand dating other people. I just do it for distraction, to keep my mind off the one I love and my eyes open to new possibilities. But I do think there are men who can't say the words, and it's also possible there are guy friends who love us, but not in a romantic way. But with me, I do the same, I'm crazy about him, but do other things as a distraction, and to make sure that my life continues regardless of what happens with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Miss Stress Posted July 10, 2008 Author Share Posted July 10, 2008 thanks exactly ... on the dating other peo ... what sucks so bad is that the other guys I'm dating are really incredible guys. But every time I go out w/them they make him look even better than he did before. They are hot, intelligent, successful, ambitious and have nice homes and cars. Some of them make 3 times the money. But he is 100 times the man. He's just that big of a catch. That's why I'm so honest. I figure he can have any woman he wants so I don't assume he has any feelings for me. But the last time I told him I was on a date he went cold for about 3 wks. I guess I should have figured something out then. It's just hard. You don't want to assume. It's disrespectful. Soooooo frustrating. Hope u hear from ur guy as well. Link to post Share on other sites
gd26 Posted August 8, 2008 Share Posted August 8, 2008 Wow, it seems like you both are with men who really uncaring. You shouldn't have to beg to be with someone. If he has a girlfriend, then obviously he doesn't value you very highly. Hold yourself to high standards, and someday you'll probably find someone who adores you (and only you) and can make you #1 in his life. Why are you settling for so little? Link to post Share on other sites
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