Does anyone speak guy?

[audrey_1]

So I had an FWB. Same guy I've blogged about in the past. Childhood friend re-connected, who is still waiting for that financial breakthrough that will change his life and set him free. For the holiday weekend, we watched movies, played tennis, watched fireworks, had breakfast, lunch, dinner, in between my family time. And I stayed with him each night. His mom even called him one afternoon, and he was using the same voice I use when I'm talking to my mom about him--a hushed voice with vague answers. Guess we let our mothers ask all the questions.

 

The first night, he gave me my own blanket and said we should each have our own so we don't have to fight over it. Odd. I didn't think we had a blanket sharing problem. His head usually hits the pillow and he's asleep. Instantly. That is, if there's no funny business. But each of these three nights together, with our separate blankets, he tossed and turned a lot, when he's usually still. We didn't show any affection the entire weekend. No kiss. No hug. No nothing. But we did smile and laugh a lot and have great conversations, and be playful involving touch. And some comfortable silences. I suppose I have been more aggressive when it comes to sex, but we have had much less of it lately. And I will admit that I want it.

 

We talked a lot about work, life, different casual topics, kept it light. We finish each other's thoughts sometimes and share a lot of opinions, but we're different enough to keep things interesting.

 

Before I saw him, we'd had an exchange over email about where we are...or aren't. He told me he "really enjoyed spending time with me, but that he still wasn't looking for a serious relationship with anyone right now," probably brought on by my removing him from my Facebook account because he and his ex keep in touch that way, and she's all over his page! It's kind of ridiculous. Not a unique situation, but he accused me of showing "signals" of wanting more. I assured him that, though I do feel things for him, that I am still trying to figure out why I broke off my engagement a year ago, that I believe I have commitment issues, and I hope to pinpoint whether it's lifelong or situational, so I don't hurt someone again. That I know a relationship is the last thing he wants, so why would I try to trap him, when I'm not even ready? He thinks he's being a friend, says he likes being nice to his exes, but she is clearly not over him, and if he doesn't have feelings for her, he's making it harder for her to move on. She's younger than us, and still in college, living with her parents. I feel for her at the same time it makes me uncomfortable. His ex before her sent him a wedding invitation, so maybe what he says is true.

 

So anyway, he said he still wanted to hang out for the holiday weekend, so we did. Platonically. The last morning, I got under his blanket and linked my leg through his. He didn't move for a few minutes. I got back under my blanket and turned my back to him. He got up and took a shower.

 

But later that morning when I have my stuff in my car, ready to leave, I casually walk out and say goodbye, and sit in my car. He leans his head in, right in front of my face, and puckers up like he wants a kiss. I just look at him, and then he sticks his tongue out, licks my cheek, and sticks his tongue in my mouth like we're 12. He kissed me, asked me if I was going straight home, which was a two hour drive, other chitchat, and then I left.

 

Why did he do that? We'd kept it platonic the entire time. Why couldn't he just leave it??

 

It was awkward. Here I am, fighting my urges, and it seems so is he, and I'm resigned to just being a "friend," no benefits, and he kisses me when I leave getting me all hot and bothered. Did he do it because he knew that would happen? Or did he genuinely feel compelled to kiss me, but had to be funny about it?

 

So weird.

[taylor]

Yeah, sounds wierd. Perhaps he's conflicted.

 

Not a good sign if you HAD a FWB relationship and now he has backed off into the "just friends" mode.

 

If I had to make a wild guess..and my sense on this one just isn't very strong...I'd say he is in the midst of replacing you. He has someone else on his mind in terms of romance/relationship/another FWB. You won't know for sure until he makes his move toward this other person.

 

The kiss at the end. I think it was just something he expected you wanted - a goodbye kiss - so he did it..well..sort of.

 

I hate FWB relationships. They don't ever "feel" right, because, over time, sex without love damages a person's emotional well-being. It's especially damaging for women because most get emotionally attached after they have sex and want more, while most men can walk away when sexual urges pull them in another direction.

[audrey_1]

Thanks for the response.

 

Wow, replacing me? He is admittedly inexperienced in dating, and says that he has to work on the fact that he thinks all women want to jump in relationships for marriage, babies, etc. that they can't be independent and stand on their own. I am trying to convince him otherwise. I don't need him, but choose to spend time with him, I guess even if we're just friends. I don't want him to kiss me if he thinks it's just appeasing. If we've hung out platonically for three days, why bother? It just confuses things when they had been pretty clear all along.

 

If he's interested in someone else, I suppose I will find out sooner or later. We're long distance. I have a good idea of how he spends his free time, but can't account for every minute...

 

Yes, this has been my first and only FWB. It has been a learning experience, but not something I'd want to repeat. I don't really think it's fair for anyone involved, even if they think they're equipped to handle it.

 

Since he's a childhood friend, and one I always held in high regard, I'm sorry that we leaped into the sack before we were properly reacquainted. Perhaps if we had waited, we might have a better prognosis for our future. I'm trying to build up the walls.

[ate_the_paint]

Weird...I'm a guy but I can't speak this guy's language!

 

The most I can figure out is that there's a lack of communication. Are you able to just come out and ask him WTF?

[audrey_1]

Weird...I'm a guy but I can't speak this guy's language!

 

The most I can figure out is that there's a lack of communication. Are you able to just come out and ask him WTF?

 

That's what my other guy friends are saying ... WTF?

 

I agree with a previous poster that he could be conflicted, and may be "replacing" me, but I don't think it would be with another person, per se, but with a job opportunity. Or I could be totally wrong.

 

We've talked about his lack of affection, but then I backed off in asking for it, and he has stepped up. Last time we had a "talk," I mentioned that I was prepared for our relationship to fizzle and for us to slip away from each other's lives, that I'd been intimate with him because of my attraction for him, and that I trusted him. But that didn't mean we were in a relationship.

 

He's a bit traditional in his thinking, so maybe this was a little too emancipated for him...lol. I am NOT a feminist, but I don't want him to think I'm waiting for him to pick up the tab, either.

 

So with the tossing and turning when he's usually calm, does that indicate a fighting of urges?

[ate_the_paint]

That's what my other guy friends are saying ... WTF?

 

So with the tossing and turning when he's usually calm, does that indicate a fighting of urges?

 

Who knows? Fighting urges? Fighting demons? Fighting sore back muscles? The whole seperate blanket thing is weird, and then the licking your cheek...how old is this guy, 12?

 

I would suggest either getting some straight answers or just backing off completely. Obviously this is conflicting you so take care of yourself first. He'll come around.

 

I'm kinda having (somewhat) similar situation and need to start taking my own advice!

[audrey_1]

Who knows? Fighting urges? Fighting demons? Fighting sore back muscles? The whole seperate blanket thing is weird, and then the licking your cheek...how old is this guy, 12?

 

I would suggest either getting some straight answers or just backing off completely. Obviously this is conflicting you so take care of yourself first. He'll come around.

 

I'm kinda having (somewhat) similar situation and need to start taking my own advice!

 

He is usually VERY still and asleep quickly. I've noticed this over the past year. But now we're using separate blankets and he's tossing and turning.

 

I know, I wondered about the maturity level with that face licking, tongue down the throat thing. There was some road repair happening on his street, and he said, "They'll just have to mind their own business" while he was doing it, which was odd, because he's definitely not one to show public displays, so that just added to the confusion.

 

I am going to step back. Not sure what else to do. I know if I ask, he will dodge and give me his stock answer, that he's not looking for a serious relationship with anyone right now.

[taylor]

Audrey,

 

You sound very intelligent. I would listen to one thing this guy said because in this one instance I think he spoke the truth: I am not interested in a serious relationship right now.

 

He couldn't be any clearer. If he were interested, you would know it.

 

There are plenty of other guys out there who are ready and willing to have a real relationship...ones that won't cram their tongue down your throat and ones that would be willing to share a blanket with you.

[audrey_1]

Audrey,

 

You sound very intelligent. I would listen to one thing this guy said because in this one instance I think he spoke the truth: I am not interested in a serious relationship right now.

 

He couldn't be any clearer. If he were interested, you would know it.

 

There are plenty of other guys out there who are ready and willing to have a real relationship...ones that won't cram their tongue down your throat and ones that would be willing to share a blanket with you.

 

Thanks, Taylor.

 

Yes, I believe you're right. No relationship "at the moment," which is what he always says. But I'm not sure why he wants to keep mentioning it, because I have not been overly eager, and I keep reminding him that there's no pressure coming from me. He just says it's what he's used to, with people he's dated in the past, but that doesn't apply to me. I'm the only one who has truly been independent. So really not fair to lump me in with the rest of the pack, IMO.

 

The common denominator in all these "needy" relationships was HIM.

 

He also reminds me of how he thought I was "inaccessible" when we were kids. He was very shy and barely spoke two words, and when we're around other people, he still fades into the background, though when we're alone, he's fairly open and sharing.

 

I would prefer someone I'm sleeping in a bed with not want to use a separate blanket like I have "cooties."

 

I suppose we're in the friend zone now.