My GF gave her number to a guy at a club...

[bish]

Thanks to everyone for all of the wonderful feedback. By GF is 23.

 

We met and had a long talk yesterday and I basically said to her that because of this my trust for her has taken a big hit and that I can't see us continuing like this as I would be constantly wondering if she's interested in and/or talking to this guy behind my back and that I dont need or deserve to go through this.

 

Good for you. Best thing for you.

 

She started crying and pleading with me that it was nothing and that she only gave him the number so that he would leave her alone.

 

Don't believe that line. If she wanted him to leave her alone she would have told him to leave her alone. That or bring you along, point him out to you and YOU could tell him to leave her alone.

 

She is feeding you a line of bull with that one.

 

 

I explained to her that this could all had been avoided if she just told him she had BF in the first place.

 

EXACTLY!!!!

 

 

She says that she did but he kept asking anyway. She then calls the guy on speaker phone and tells him everything she should have told him from the beginning ("giving him the number was mistake.... i'm happily involved..... please dont call or text").

 

I tell her thanks for lunch and that i'd call her later. She's sent several text begging and pleading for me to forgive her and that she was wrong. I plan on giving her another chance but not without making her earn it.

 

Oh no. Well how is she going to earn it? Quit going to bars without you? That would be one of the only ways I can think of.

[bish]

As I suspected, she's innocent my friend.

 

she isn't innocent. She gave the guy her number and didn't tell him she had a bf. Sure she then says she did tell him that once he scared the crap out of her in the form of possibly leaving her.

 

She may have taken steps to rectify what she did, but she aint innocent of what she did. She DID give a guy her # rather than telling him to leave her alone if she TRULY didn't want anything to do with him.

 

 

Don't play with her emotions like that though, it's unhealthy.

 

Play with her emotions how? The only person I see playing with emotions is her. She was the one that gave her # to another guy....how is he playing with her emotions by telling her the trust is broken?

 

 

If you plan to take her back, do so immediately and move on from this. Don't bring it up, don't use it as leverage in an argument. Just put the problem in the past and be happy with you're relationship.

 

Uh no. She needs consequences to her actions. He doesn't need to throw it back in her face, but she needs to realize that he doesn't trust her any longer and she needs to make up for that.

[bish]

Hello,

 

Something still does not make sense to me. She told you that she gave him her number just to get rid of him. Why in the hell if that is true did she not simply give him a wrong number. Why would she gave him her right number? It simply does not make sense.

 

that and why didn't she tell him from the get go she has a boyfriend?

 

Answer: because she wanted the guy to have her number.

[porter218]

she isn't innocent. She gave the guy her number and didn't tell him she had a bf. Sure she then says she did tell him that once he scared the crap out of her in the form of possibly leaving her.

 

She may have taken steps to rectify what she did, but she aint innocent of what she did. She DID give a guy her # rather than telling him to leave her alone if she TRULY didn't want anything to do with him.

 

 

 

It wasn't exactly right of her to do this, but I wouldn't go branding her guilty. I know a lot of women who just don't have the balls to openly reject a persistent guy. This doesn't mean that they want anything to do with the guy they just hope that this pest disappears eventually. I am polar opposite of these type of women, but I have seen it all too often. It was an innocent mistake of a young girl, happens a lot. Tell her to grow a back bone and reject more freely. And equip her with that # I referred to earlier.

[megnog]

Okay, so this may sound terrible but I've done that same thing. And it wasn't because I was interested, its a mixture of things. It's not a good thing, thats for sure, but it was completely innocent. I was complimented and thats half the reason. The other half if my problem saying no to such requests. It is still something I need to work on and something your girlfriend does too. It sounds like she was just flattered and couldn't say no. Does that mean they are going to keep in touch?? If so, I'd worry. But ... for now... I don't think its as big of a threat as everyone is saying.

[Javelin]

she isn't innocent. She gave the guy her number and didn't tell him she had a bf. Sure she then says she did tell him that once he scared the crap out of her in the form of possibly leaving her.

 

Innocent in terms of her motives for giving this guy her number.

 

She may have taken steps to rectify what she did, but she aint innocent of what she did. She DID give a guy her # rather than telling him to leave her alone if she TRULY didn't want anything to do with him.

 

Yes, but after she understood her mistake and corrected it, she called this guy and told him not to call and giving him the number wasn't right.

 

 

Play with her emotions how? The only person I see playing with emotions is her. She was the one that gave her # to another guy....how is he playing with her emotions by telling her the trust is broken?

 

This type of broken trust can be mended within a short period of time. She did not cheat on her boyfriend. This kind of mistake is forgivable and in a sense, very small if the person's intentions weren't to hurt in the first place.

 

 

Uh no. She needs consequences to her actions. He doesn't need to throw it back in her face, but she needs to realize that he doesn't trust her any longer and she needs to make up for that.

 

She already received her consequence, the relationship ended. There is no need to beat a dead horse if she has shown that she understands her mistake and what would happen if she made a similar.

 

Two wrongs do not make a right, Bish.

[bish]

Innocent in terms of her motives for giving this guy her number.

 

Don't think so. If I am somewhere and a woman wants my number and I have a SO, first thing out of my mouth is, "sorry, I don't think my girlfriend would want me to give you that" and I can say it pleasantly.

 

If she doesn't get the hint, then I'd have to get a little mean about it.

 

She gave him her # and didn't tell him she had a bf. The motive is she liked the guy. If not, she would have told him she had a bf and she doesn't give out her #.

 

 

This type of broken trust can be mended within a short period of time.

 

True, but he is not playing with her emotions by telling her that the trust is broken. That is telling her the truth. The trust can be regained, but by telling her she broke his trust, he is letting her know how he feels. That isn't playing with his emotions. It is called being up front and letting her know that everything isn't simply fine and dandy.

 

 

She did not cheat on her boyfriend.

 

Thats a matter of opinion. You do NOT give out your phone # to other people that have designs on you if you are in a committed relationship.

 

Cheating? maybe not, disrespect and some form of betrayal, I believe so.

 

 

She already received her consequence, the relationship ended. There is no need to beat a dead horse if she has shown that she understands her mistake and what would happen if she made a similar.

 

Two wrongs do not make a right, Bish.

 

What is the 2nd wrong? The relationship ending? That is not a wrong. That is a choice to not be with someone you don't trust and for obvious reasons. Nothing wrong with that at all.

[bish]

It wasn't exactly right of her to do this, but I wouldn't go branding her guilty. .

 

It doesn't take "balls" to tell a guy, "i have a boyfriend, sorry".

[Spectre]

Your first mistake is saying you want to believe her because she was upfront about this. I've said it before: people don't get bonus points for being honest. In a relationship it should be expected. Also keep in mind, some people will be truthful, to a point. Reason? Exactly what you said, they are being honest about something, so they think it will influence you to believe other things they may have not been so honest about.

 

As to the post, she had no reason to give her number out. Her friend also should of told this dude she had a bf when he was asking her about ur gf, why didn't she? It seems fishy. If her and this girl are friends, I have to assume this friend would of let her know of this guy's interest, and seeing she didn't tell her friend to tell this guy to buzz or, nor did she tell him that herself and then the guy pops up at a party your gf is at.. the bottom line is you shouldn't trust your gf.

[porter218]

It doesn't take "balls" to tell a guy, "i have a boyfriend, sorry".

She probably did say she had a boyfriend...do you realize how many men just skip over that statement like it doesn't matter. I know so many women who just give their # to shut the man up not thinking about the fact that this only solves in the short term not the long term. Sometimes you really have to be borderline rude to get a man to leave you alone...and some women don't have the nerve to do that.

[bish]

She probably did say she had a boyfriend

 

If she did, then it was a case of, "I have a bf, but here is my number....give me a call sometime"...

 

 

 

...do you realize how many men just skip over that statement like it doesn't matter.

 

Doesn't matter if a guy chose not to hear it. You don't give your number to someone to get them off your back. You give your number to someone because you EXPECT them to use it. How is it getting a guy off her back by making sure he can now get ahold of you by phone too?

 

 

I know so many women who just give their # to shut the man up not thinking about the fact that this only solves in the short term not the long term. Sometimes you really have to be borderline rude to get a man to leave you alone...and some women don't have the nerve to do that.

 

If my SO didn't have the guts to be rude and gave out her # to another guy, sorry, that excuse wouldn't fly with me.

 

Rej did the right thing. She broke his trust and he told her so and will probably end it.

[porter218]

 

 

Doesn't matter if a guy chose not to hear it. You don't give your number to someone to get them off your back. You give your number to someone because you EXPECT them to use it. How is it getting a guy off her back by making sure he can now get ahold of you by phone too?

 

.

 

I agree with you, but my point is that there really are lots of women who do this hoping they will never call or lose the #. I have actually witnessed this happen...this is when I step in and tell my friends the loser hotline # so they can use it instead of their own. Still it is dumb, but lots of women give out their # to get a man off their back. Right or wrong ...they do it without bad intentions. I think the thought process is that the men leave them alone for the rest of the evening once they get the #.

[ItalianLove59]

if shes not telling you everything, and she even gave her number to another guy which is a BIG no, no if your in a relationship..

[bish]

I agree with you, but my point is that there really are lots of women who do this hoping they will never call or lose the #.

 

Or that is the excuse so as to hide their true motives.

 

If you believe that Rej's SO did so to get rid of him...thats fine.

But I don't buy it.

[sandrawg]

Can I please pipe in, speaking as a woman in a committed relationship?

 

I NEVER give my phone number out to men in clubs/bars who talk to me.

 

NEVER.

 

I ALWAYS say I have a boyfriend.

 

There's no ifs ands or buts about it. There is no excuse for this behavior. No "I was chicken" "I did it to get him off my back" or "I was hoping he wouldn't call."

 

You give a guy your number...you're encouraging his attention.

 

If I were Rej, I would tell her this is not acceptable behavior and if she does it again, she's history. I believe in giving second chances, but he needs to stick to his word about what he considers respectful behavior.

 

Now, that said, I am dealign with a similar situation, but the opposite, kind of.

 

My boyfriend and I have been together a year but there were 2 months we were broken up in between. Right before we broke up, he got a girl's phone number when he was out with his friends, at a club to see a band.

 

I only found out about it last weekend, cuz he showed me some text message "joke" she sent him, and it had an x-rated image.

 

NOT COOL.

 

I am still bothered by this, even tho it happened months ago, and even though he swears to me that she does promotion for the band and he only wanted to contact her about the band.

 

There have been other issues, too. He had a pesky ex he refused to get rid of, who crossed boundaries, and he wasn't honest with me about her.

 

I'm at the end of my rope, basically. I can't take lies and going behind my back. You men out there...I am sure you don't go getting girl's phone numbers, for any reason, when you have a girlfriend. Right??

[sandrawg]

She probably did say she had a boyfriend...do you realize how many men just skip over that statement like it doesn't matter. I know so many women who just give their # to shut the man up not thinking about the fact that this only solves in the short term not the long term. Sometimes you really have to be borderline rude to get a man to leave you alone...and some women don't have the nerve to do that.

 

Give the guy a fake number then!

 

I'm sorry, but see my previous post. If you want to shut the guy up, just say I'm not interested in you. Giving him the number only makes him think you are. Then what? He calls you and you just ignore the calls? Then he gets mad cuz you're ignoring his calls. See? It just perpetuates the contact.

 

The only way to get rid of unwanted attention is no contact. None.