Am I being selfish or over-reacting?

[2ndchancerookie]

My fiance and I have been living together for a little more than a month (I moved in the first weekend in June). All of June was very busy with moving/un-packing and getting my house ready for my renter. Anyway, two weeks ago she made plans to go out with some friends of hers on Friday night and asked me if it was okay. Initially, I said it was fine, but I really wasn't okay with it. See, her daughter usually spends the night at a friend's house on Fridays (because of this, Fridays have been sort of special to me) and this was the first Friday after the move where I thought we could have a date night which we haven't had in a long time. The next day I told her how I felt and asked her if she could cancel or reschedule with her friends. She said she could but she already told her friend she would go. So I sucked it up and told her it was fine and to go out with friends.

 

The week after this her mom and 13 year-old nephew were visiting with us for the whole week, so we had no time together as a couple. So fast forward to this week, her daughter went away for 2 weeks with the mom and nephew and I was looking forward to us having a "date night" this Friday. Anyway, she told me last night that she made plans with her work friend to go out to happy hour and then out after that because she doesn't have to worry about her daughter and asked me if it was okay. Again, I reluctantly said it was fine and she sensed my apprehension and asked what was the matter. I told her the same thing I told her the last time this happened and her initial response was that we could have our "date night" Saturday. I said that was okay. She still sensed my unease and said she could maybe reschedule. I told her not to, and assured her it was fine. I didn't want her to think I didn't want her to go out with her friends.

 

I'm upset because I feel as though I'm taking a back seat to what she wants. The first time, I wasn't upset, she didn't know how I felt about not having a "date night" in a while. But this time, being the first Friday where we could go out since that time, she's already made plans. I'm sure she didn't do this on purpose and just forgot how I felt and she is right, we could do it on Saturday. Am I wrong to be upset that she forgot how I felt, am I wrong to feel slighted? I haven't told her how I really feel because I don't want to come across as some controlling jerk who doesn't want her to go out with her friends, its not that at all, and she doesn't go out with her friends a lot. It's just that Fridays are special to me and we haven't been out on a date for a long time. I also didn't give in to her offer to reschedule because I felt as though it was just a concession and not really what she wanted and I don't want to force her to go out with me.

 

I didn't sleep well last night because I was upset. She senses something is wrong but I don't know what to tell her or how to handle this without coming across as some selfish needy jerk. I know this will all blow over after she has her night out but I suck at hiding my feelings and she'll know something is bothering me and I don't want to give her the classic response "nothing", when everyone knows that's not true.

[Geishawhelk]

You only have yourself to blame.

If you say yes and you mean no, then you're really sending completely the wrong message.

If she senses this, then you're not being fair to her because you're putting her on the spot, and giving her a guilt trip.

next time you're going to be alone together, plan something, and tell her you've planned it.

If another time, she books another date with her friends, and you mind, tell her you mind, there and then. Be honest.

If you don't mind, tell her that too, but whatever you say, whatever you do, make it honest, and mean it.

 

Otherwise you'rre going to land you both with control issues and power games.

Over something so trivial?

Yep.

Over something so trivial.

Because trivia leads to Big.

Remember, it's not the bricks that make the house, it's the mortar that holds it all together....

[Kamille]

Another solution is to let go of all the feelings you have about this situation and ask her out on an official date: tell her you want to take her out on her next available Friday to a fancy dinner.

 

I understand why you feel slighted, but if you want a date, you also need to show some initiative in setting it up. Don't assume it's going to happen because that's what usually happens.

 

The way I see it, asking her out officially will boost the romance factor in your couple and help you out of your murky feelings.