sylviamoca75 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 I have a friend I met 5 years ago.We have been so sexually attracted since day 1. We had an affair for while and we stopped seeing each other. We bumped into each other a week ago and it was passion again. He travelled and bought me sexy lingerie and we played with all this the past Monday. We had passionate sex abd it was amazing!! We were in touch on Tuesday and wrote text messages on Wednesday. We agreed to have another sexual encounter today but he totally disappeared on me and he turned off his cell phone. What is going on? I dont want a relationship with him, and either does he, its just for fun so we did he disappear? Link to post Share on other sites
mishy Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 See the thing is, Im involved in a similar thing. The guys do this just so that you are absolutely aware that its casual and he owes you nothing Link to post Share on other sites
ate_the_paint Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 See the thing is, Im involved in a similar thing. The guys do this just so that you are absolutely aware that its casual and he owes you nothing I don't know. Maybe if the guy is retarded but I for one have never done this. Actually I'm sort of on the receiving end from a girl, so what does that say? Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 That you're the female in the relationship? lol, sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 I have a friend I met 5 years ago.We have been so sexually attracted since day 1. We had an affair for while and we stopped seeing each other. We bumped into each other a week ago and it was passion again. He travelled and bought me sexy lingerie and we played with all this the past Monday. We had passionate sex abd it was amazing!! We were in touch on Tuesday and wrote text messages on Wednesday. We agreed to have another sexual encounter today but he totally disappeared on me and he turned off his cell phone. What is going on? I dont want a relationship with him, and either does he, its just for fun so we did he disappear? He hasn't disappeared he just isn't getting back to you right away because that isn't what your relationship is about. If I were you I would shrug it off and make other plans. If you just want "casual sex" with this guy I wouldn't suggest you start stressing about unreturned phone calls or anything else or you will get hooked. Chances are he is not just having casual sex with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sylviamoca75 Posted July 11, 2008 Author Share Posted July 11, 2008 You guys are right. Neverthelesss, He said he had a secret crush on me since we first met and I feel that he is crazy around me. He could do anything for me like buy me stuff or help me get a job just to please me. Maybe he is scared that he will get his feelings involved and he can't because we were both married before to other people and can't see ourselves into another serious relationship again. At least not for now. He did call me for the next two days after being together intimately but on the day we planned to be together again, he disappered and turned off his cell phone. He was leaving this morning to the Bahamas for a business trip but why turn his cell phone off the day before he left for this trip? He knows I don't want to get involved into a serious relationship, so he doesn't need to worry about commitments. Why disappear and turn off his cell phone so NOBODY will call him and not even return my e- mail message were I simply exposed to him that I want everything to remain just casual? Link to post Share on other sites
AnLandy Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 Why disappear and turn off his cell phone so NOBODY will call him and not even return my e- mail message were I simply exposed to him that I want everything to remain just casual? Calling someone several days in a row, sending e-mails, and redialing just to see of their phone is on does not say "just casual". Your mouth is saying just casual, but your behavior is saying "I want a relationship". The definition of casual can vary, but daily phone calls and e-mail isn't what I would term "casual". You might want to re-explore your feelings on this one and ask yourself if you are just settling for sex with this man when what you really want is love. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 Are you sure he didn't turn his phone off because he is busy with another "casual date"? Link to post Share on other sites
kimba Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 I don't know. Maybe if the guy is retarded but I for one have never done this. Actually I'm sort of on the receiving end from a girl, so what does that say? So what exactly is she doing? I believe in these situations that there is a 'push/pull' scenario going on. I think it can be reversed of you stop doing the pushing, and do more of the 'pulling' away. Cos then they think, hey, where is that person that was always trying to contact me? Link to post Share on other sites
kimba Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 Calling someone several days in a row, sending e-mails, and redialing just to see of their phone is on does not say "just casual". Your mouth is saying just casual, but your behavior is saying "I want a relationship". The definition of casual can vary, but daily phone calls and e-mail isn't what I would term "casual". You might want to re-explore your feelings on this one and ask yourself if you are just settling for sex with this man when what you really want is love. I agree with this. I mean, if you cant handle not being able to get him on his phone for one day, then really you are wanting more from this guy, and probably he senses this anyway. I suggest you start doing some of the pulling away. Link to post Share on other sites
kimba Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 You guys are right. Neverthelesss, He said he had a secret crush on me since we first met and I feel that he is crazy around me. He could do anything for me like buy me stuff or help me get a job just to please me. Maybe he is scared that he will get his feelings involved and he can't because we were both married before to other people and can't see ourselves into another serious relationship again. At least not for now. He did call me for the next two days after being together intimately but on the day we planned to be together again, he disappered and turned off his cell phone. He was leaving this morning to the Bahamas for a business trip but why turn his cell phone off the day before he left for this trip? He knows I don't want to get involved into a serious relationship, so he doesn't need to worry about commitments. Why disappear and turn off his cell phone so NOBODY will call him and not even return my e- mail message were I simply exposed to him that I want everything to remain just casual? it could have been something as simple as his battery was flat. Link to post Share on other sites
cjanee Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 Take it from me. I got into a casual sex thing too. After many disappearing acts and a two month on and four month off for 2 years I am finally realizing that I wasn't being honest with myself. I thought if we just kept it casual that eventually ..... things might change. His coming and going and NC combined with constant texting/phoning/ was crazy making. Instead of it staying casual it turned into where has he gone? and why did he go? Is he seeing someone else? Is he really attracted to me? Did I do something wrong? Its all part of the game.. Its called power and control. If I as a guy disappear without explanation you will obsess about me and therein lies the the HOOK which turns it from casual to crazy making really quickly. Bottom line he has all the control in the relationship. The only way to turn the tables is to stop it and demand monogamy. Link to post Share on other sites
mishy Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 Take it from me. I got into a casual sex thing too. After many disappearing acts and a two month on and four month off for 2 years I am finally realizing that I wasn't being honest with myself. I thought if we just kept it casual that eventually ..... things might change. His coming and going and NC combined with constant texting/phoning/ was crazy making. Instead of it staying casual it turned into where has he gone? and why did he go? Is he seeing someone else? Is he really attracted to me? Did I do something wrong? Its all part of the game.. Its called power and control. If I as a guy disappear without explanation you will obsess about me and therein lies the the HOOK which turns it from casual to crazy making really quickly. Bottom line he has all the control in the relationship. The only way to turn the tables is to stop it and demand monogamy. I think that only way to treat a guy like this is to do exactly the same thing back to him. I saw a thread or someone posted an article on here about how, even in "normal" dating you should take your cues from the guy. Like if he calls you call him back, but dont initiate etc. So if this guy is doing the disappearing act, then i think its about time she did one too. Link to post Share on other sites
porter218 Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 Sounds to me like a previously committed man. Link to post Share on other sites
undertaker79 Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 I bet his "battery" works just fine....just not 4 you....he is also not in the Bahamas Link to post Share on other sites
Author sylviamoca75 Posted July 13, 2008 Author Share Posted July 13, 2008 More news on our disappearing guy. He reappeared yesterday and told me that he was at the hospital for and apendix surgery. At least that is what he said. He just text messaged me. I am not sure its true he is at the hospital and don't want to mess my head with this. I want to know why he called back or made up a storylike this one? What I will do now is disappear from him for a few weeks and see what happens. Like somone said previously, the chemsitry is there and that is what I like after all. If he decides to be with me again and I want it too, we will talk again. I am pretty sure he is with his ex wife and kids or something, he tells me he remains close to his family, which is ok. I am also close with my ex husband. My question is, Why will he lie to me if we are clear on having no commitments? He started it by buying me sexy lingerie and telling me he always had a secret crush on me. I never went out and look for him. I just thought he could be a nice person to have some casual sex every now and then. he could ahve disapperaed for good as well but he rather appear again maybe with a lie, what does this mean? He wants me but doesn't want me at the same time? Link to post Share on other sites
kimba Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 Next time you see him, ask to view the scar. Link to post Share on other sites
kimba Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 I never went out and look for him. I just thought he could be a nice person to have some casual sex every now and then. he could ahve disapperaed for good as well but he rather appear again maybe with a lie, what does this mean? He wants me but doesn't want me at the same time? Its clear that you dont *just* want casual sex "every now and then". You obsiously want much much more. If you just wanted that, this whole thread wouldnt exist, because you wouldnt even notice him disappearing for a few days. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sylviamoca75 Posted July 13, 2008 Author Share Posted July 13, 2008 Oh, yes. Deep down we all want more right? I can't afford having a real relationship with this person. I can't lie to you, I am the romantic type still but that won't take me anywhere with this person. I need to learn how to handle a casual sex relationship. I don't know how. I can't afford all the suffering and dating things that come from a real committed relationship. I rather have it nice and casual, but at least have him there everynow and then. All the romantic turmoil, the dating, the call me and all that is too much for me at this moment. We are both carrying a complicated past and we need to be free but have our encounters. He seems to know how to do this, he is a man and older man. I am very new at this but loving the thrill, you understand? It makes me feel alive and being chased at again. When I am with him I feel beautiful, sexy and alive. I want to feel this way at least for a few hours. i just need to learn how to do this and how to act infront of him so he does not run scared thinking that I want to have something more serious. i want him to find me mysterious and fun to chase. With all I have done till now, I just seem to have scared him. This is why I will disappear and try to stop worrying(which is hard). If I called him later on thsi week after our encounter , it was just to fantacize on our next sexual encounters and for him to help me with this job interview. When he disappered, I sent him a message letting him know that its ok if he can't meet me again that week, that he could be my friend and tell me if he had other things to do instead of being there but I wanted the truth, just that. What bothers me is the lying and hiding, no need for that. Whay would he do all this lying and hiding for? I had a relationship with a divorced guy 2 months ago and he told me all about him and if he was going to go out with someone else, he did so and never hide andything from me. It was hard but he telling me the truth, made it better and ok to me. I also went out with friends and he will know about it. So why does thsi new guy think he needs to lye of hide if this is what he si doing? Link to post Share on other sites
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 1) Sex between most people is hardly casual. Even if we believe it is. There is ALWAYS feelings involved. 2) You said "affair", um, is he married? Are you married? If either is the case, then that might be your answer. DNR I guess sex really wasn't that causal to you since you are concerned as to why he won't talk to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sylviamoca75 Posted July 13, 2008 Author Share Posted July 13, 2008 DNR, You are right, there are always feelings involved. We are both married. The truth is, I met him 5 years ago , he was married and I was single back then , then I got married. I know he cares a lot about me. It shows, its not just wild sex. It use to be 5 years ago but this time it was him being very special, loving, concerned, focused on me and staring at me as we were making love like never before. He told me he cared about me, he had never told me this before and he admitted that 5 years ago, he felt jelous about my former boyfriend back then. So this is confusing. He even told me that he would bring me whatever I needed from his trips and do anything for me because he always had a secret crush on me. I think that him disappearing on me, it might also be because he is scared of getting involved in a relationship and also seeing me getting too much involved as well. He knows I am married and I know he is too and we have dealt with his wife before. Afterwards, he wanted to talk only about sex, about things he will like to try with me and me with him. We even talked about having a threesome. We planned on being together again that same week (last week) on Thursday and never called, turned his phone off. I tried calling from different phones and it was turned off so NOBODY will contact him. On Friday, he text messaged me telling me about his surgery and still talking about how he wished for me to be his private sexy nurse and all that sexy talk. Link to post Share on other sites
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 You might want to talk to someone who will side with you on cheating. I can't support you here. But, I can say that maybe he is focusing on his wife after realizing his marriage was more important. Or maybe he found another woman who is less attached. Remember, you were single at the time, so he had no obligation to you. And he might of do like so many other spouses do... Find a plaything instead of facing his marital issues. DNR Link to post Share on other sites
cjanee Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 Mishy, That sounds delicious..! Boy when the tables are turned they whine like babies!! I did that for three weeks at our work place and wow was he a hoppin and a skippin to my beat... He was ****tin himself.. He didn't like the silent treatment so much. He on the other hand didn't mind doing this to me one bit every single time he pulled the plug on us he would ignore me at work... It was just humiliating! Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 You guys are right. Neverthelesss, He said he had a secret crush on me since we first met and I feel that he is crazy around me. He could do anything for me like buy me stuff or help me get a job just to please me. Maybe he is scared that he will get his feelings involved and he can't because we were both married before to other people and can't see ourselves into another serious relationship again. At least not for now. He did call me for the next two days after being together intimately but on the day we planned to be together again, he disappered and turned off his cell phone. He was leaving this morning to the Bahamas for a business trip but why turn his cell phone off the day before he left for this trip? He knows I don't want to get involved into a serious relationship, so he doesn't need to worry about commitments. Why disappear and turn off his cell phone so NOBODY will call him and not even return my e- mail message were I simply exposed to him that I want everything to remain just casual? I got beat up for saying this before but I'll say it again - there is no such thing as a casual relationship. Ok, maybe there are those rare exceptions but I think you know what I mean. Do you see how this works? You have expectations (understandably), and he doesn't see the need for basic, normal contact. On the other hand, his phone may be turned off because he's having casual sex with someone else. Or he may have been hoping that being with him again would make you want to have a relationship with him and your email about remaining casual hurt him. On the other hand, if it's so doggone casual, why do you have to keep discussing it with him? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 Okay so this guy is married. Of course your relationship is about "casual sex". If he has a wife and kids somewhere why are you surprised that he isn't getting back to you when you want him to. As far as buying you lingerie - it was for him not you. Also, why wouldn't this guy still see you if you are having great sex and not asking for anything in return? Your questions really seem self explanitory to me. As far as him bringing you anything you want from his trips - my boss use to do that for me and there was nothing going on between us. I think he disappeared because he is busy doing other things. I suggest you get your attitude on board with his if you want your emotions for this guy to stay "casual". Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts