male perspective on first love

[tawana_odell]

I would like to know how men feel about their first loves. Are you feelings similiar to women, as far as thinking about your first love even after marriage. Do you always love your first love? Would you meet and consider a relationship if you found your first love after 20 years? please let me know i am so curious to know.

[Tony T]

1. "Do you always love your first love?"

 

No, just like you don't always love your second, third, fourth, etc. loves. You may think about them in a sentimental way but as times passes and life changes for each person, those feelings have to wane if one is to progress into other productive relationships. Oh, you may have some level of love for them, yes, but it's probably more a love of the memory than for the person.

 

2. "Would you meet and consider a relationship if you found your first love after 20 years?"

 

So many things can happen in 20 years, I think most people would be very disappointed if they tried to start something up with their first love after that amount of time. As people grow and mature, major changes take place. I can tell you first hand that my first love (we feel in love in the eight grade, she sat next to me, and she was giving me two nickles for a dime) didn't even remember me a few years later. I guess most people fall in love at a later age.

 

If I met any of my former loves now, it would be nice but I'm not sure I'd even want to have lunch with them. It's done, over and in the past. I hate movies I've already seen...unless they are damn good.

 

DISCLAIMER: The above post consists solely of my own personal opinions and are not based on any research.

[snydersi]

Tony -

 

I'm not trying to attack anyone, including you, but by browsing this forum over the past couple of nights, I have realized that anytime I see your user name, I skip right on over it to the next post.

 

Life isn't so black and white. Every situation has its own idosyncrasies and particular traits that make it unique, especially to the person who is writing in and asking for help.

 

All you have to say is, "Move on." Life doesn't happen that way, at least for imperfect people. There's more advice to give than justifying why there is no chance for any relationship because two people have decided to break up, and once you've made the decision, then "people break up for a reason." The reason may only be a temporary one that can be fixed.

 

People change. Some move on and, based upon personal experience, some actually realize what they've lost and change for the better because they don't want to lose again. Many people who have broken up do end up reconciling for the long haul.

 

This is just my opinion, but I would definitely recommend that you look at things from other sides of the situation.

 

No offense, just a suggestion.

[moimeme]

In fact, I have heard quite a few stories of people re-acquainting with lost loves and living their lives out together happily.

 

Sometimes young lovers break up for the wrong reasons; they think they will find someone else, they don't think they can sustain long-distance relationships; their parents force them apart - any number of reasons. Just because they broke up once doesn't necessarily mean they were not suited. I think it's great when those stories end with happy-ever-afters years later.

[aquaria127]

I'm not a man but here's a story about the boy I thought was my first true love.

 

We met in high school and had this "relationship" if you can call it that for 4 years. talking, not talking. kissing, sex, etc. writing letters. But after about 5 years of no contact, I got his phone number from his mom. Found out many things about each other in a few months. It was good to talk after so long. I found out that there was a job opening up where he was living, the town where I grew up..

 

When I got there, I found out that he was hanging with 18 year-old kids and some younger, who basically used his house to crash when they wanted to leave home, and that his 2 year-old daughter actually lived at his mom's house, and that he wanted to do more than just be friends. He told me that he still loved me.

I didn't want to be part of that. We haven't talked in a year.

 

So, my story is not a "happy-ever-after" one. there's many, many fond memories. when we kissed, it only reminded me of the guy I left when I took my current job. I learned that you can't go back, because life is about growing and changing.

[Tony T]

I take no offense whatsoever to your suggestions. However, I stand quite firm in the advice I give. People who come here get a variety of options. For you or anyone else to tell me how to skew my advice other than the way I feel would be a compromise I cannot make.

 

I will grant you that many are not ready to take the advice I give. My advice can also be poor or even bad and they will know that instantly. It's very much OK for me to be wrong, although it's not something I strive for I am by no means perfect. But I am confident when writing my posts. I have been at many stages of life and there was a time when I hung in there for dear life when the odds of something working were zero. I understand where you're coming from perfectly.

 

Please understand that people are free to skip/ignore the advice I give. However, I will say that 99.9 percent of the people who have responded to my posts in the last three years have done so in a positive way. Some who criticized me initially came back months later to tell me I was spot on.

 

For me to give disproportionate weight to those who dislike what I write is not something I will do. There have only been a handful of those in more than 10,000 posts over more than three years here. I must keep my crooked scorekeeper at bay. While I may find them annoying, they do have their place in the fauna and flora of the Internet.

 

Again, thank you for the suggestions and I will continue to give the best information I can based on my experience and education. Furthermore, if drafted I will fight for your right to skip my posts always. That's a choice you make for yourself and I have no problem with it. I skip a lot of posts without answering them myself.

 

By the way, I never hold a gun to anybody's head and force them to move on. While I may strongly feel that's what they should do, I give each person credit enough to act based on their own free will and ultimate decisions for themselves.

 

Good luck to you.

[2SidestoStories]

First loves. I guess I must be one unusual woman! I have some sentimental feelings in regards to him, but I'm thoroughly glad that he is doing well in his own life. I happen to agree with Tony. Done = Done. Maybe that's just a "safety" approach to things, but I figure and have faith in the fact that things happen for a reason. People break up for a reason. And I humbly accept this and move on with my life. Or try...

 

Sentimentality among women certainly seems a great deal stronger than in the male population, but there are exceptions to every rule. Who's to say that the one you loved first loved YOU first?

 

Hrm. Variety is the spice of life. Don't know why I felt inclined to offer that up, but there you have it, folks!