Seperation Anxiety? Is it possible for a 20 yr old?

[Tabatha]

I heard babies can have seperation anxiety from their mothers for a few months after theyre birthed.

 

but I was wondering, can an adult have it too??

 

My guy is going away for the weekend for one of his friends family reunion, and wont be back until Monday. I know we said, when he gets back we are going to spend sometime together. I already spent the 3rd to the 9th with him over at his sisters house while he was house/pet sitting when they were on Vacation. So i get to spend alot of time with him. But like yesterday, i didn't see him, and I felt as though i was withdrawing from a drug. I panic, miss him, and I get anxious.

 

Now he's going to be in North Georgia, about an hour and a half from me in the mountains. He may not have any signal to call me. 3 days to me seems like a week to me. It seems like time is going slow. He hasn't left yet to go up there, and I am really missing him even though I ran an errand with him about an hour and a half ago. I can't go a handleful times a day without speaking on the phone with him.

 

I told him this, and he said I need to get used to not always being around people. Not just him. He said people go away for days at a time.

 

And I still plan on moving to Montana. If I can't handle 3 little days, how am I going to handle 3 or more months at a time of not seeing him?

 

Have I grown so attached to my boyfriend (not really titled relationship, but even though...) so much that I get anxiety whenever he's not around???

 

help! How can I make it stop??

[Tabatha]

And to top it all off, he is not getting great service on his cell phone.

I was trying to talk to him tonight, and we kept getting cut off by dropped calls.

 

Oh, and he thinks it's wierd that I looked up on the internet if the place he is going to tomorrow has great reception, earlier. I was just checking for him, to see, so I can call him in the evening time around 11pm or midnight to see how his day went.

[whichwayisup]

What is it that makes you feel anxious? When you start having the thoughts, feelings and then you react -Stop and write it down. Write exactly what you're feeling and why. Ask yourself is it realistic? Do you have fears, like what if something awful happens to him? Or is it just that you truly miss him and need to see him everyday or talk to him everyday.

 

Some separation anxiety is normal, but if it's making you feel anxious most of the day, then that's not a good thing. Maybe you're relying on him too much..You can still feel attached to him, miss him and need him, but with a different frame of mind where it won't set you off into anxiety hell.

[Tabatha]

What is it that makes you feel anxious? When you start having the thoughts, feelings and then you react -Stop and write it down. Write exactly what you're feeling and why. Ask yourself is it realistic? Do you have fears, like what if something awful happens to him? Or is it just that you truly miss him and need to see him everyday or talk to him everyday.

 

Some separation anxiety is normal, but if it's making you feel anxious most of the day, then that's not a good thing. Maybe you're relying on him too much..You can still feel attached to him, miss him and need him, but with a different frame of mind where it won't set you off into anxiety hell.

 

I have fears of not being able to get ahold of him, when I need him.

I'm afraid to be vulnerable without him. He lives 15 minutes from me, and months ago when I needed to just get away because I feel threatened by a family member, he would always come to my rescue and get me out of the house for a while. So sometimes, I don't feel safe, knowing he's not across town.

 

I'm also worried for his safety. I mean he's 25, drinks occassionally but I'm always scared something is going to happen to him, and I won't ever know it because I won't be able to get through the dropped calls.

 

I feel alone without him. I feel he's the only one who understands me. I feel as though he's my rock, he's my security blanket.

 

I do miss him alot. I miss him everyday. It's just ever since the last break up in April, I don't feel as though I fully have him back even though he's there infront of me. Maybe I'm scared it could all happen again, if I take a miss step.

 

I feel panicky, and I cry alot. I burst into tears, sometimes bad enough to hyper ventilate.

 

I just miss being held by him. I miss being around him. I miss seeing his face. Even though I saw him today I never feel like its enough.

 

What am I doing?? Is it because I fear I'm going to lose him forever???

[Tabatha]

I mean I do fear that I'm going to lose him forever.

 

 

We've gone back and forward on what we are.

One minute we are friends, and that's ALL he wants to be. (Usually after a fight over the phone).

But then we spend time together and we fall back into couple mode.

We are not Boyfriend and Girlfriend, since we decided on no "labels".

 

So I don't have that firm foundation of being in a Relationship. It's shaky sometimes, and I get scared that I'm going to mess it up for good one time, and he'll cut all ties--losing him.

 

I try to do what's right. But I always mess it up. I get too emotional, and it gets in the way of me calling him everyday, not letting him get off the phone, (but that's usually when he says something that makes me cry and I don't want to let go). Things go good, he rethinks our "situation", maybe deciding we make a good couple and could be more than friends (with a title) and I go and ruin it by one bad phone call.

 

He says I'm annoying sometimes.

But I feel, when he gets angry with me and puts me down, that's when I feel the need to call him and work things out, making it up. I don't like to end things badly on the phone so I try to fix it, and he doesn't like that. He always tells me, when he gets angry like that, just let him go and let him cool down for a few hours.

 

I can't let go....

[whichwayisup]

I have fears of not being able to get ahold of him, when I need him.

Do your think your fears rational? It's good to have someone to rely on, but to HAVE to NEED them isn't healthy and it's making you too dependant on him.

 

I'm afraid to be vulnerable without him. He lives 15 minutes from me, and months ago when I needed to just get away because I feel threatened by a family member, he would always come to my rescue and get me out of the house for a while. So sometimes, I don't feel safe, knowing he's not across town.

 

What about other friends? Again, relying on him, making him your safety net isn't a good thing for you in the long run. You're going to lose your independance, let alone self esteem along the way..

 

I'm also worried for his safety. I mean he's 25, drinks occassionally but I'm always scared something is going to happen to him, and I won't ever know it because I won't be able to get through the dropped calls.

 

This is the anxiety talking. You're letting fears and worry make you think the absolute worst case senario. Sadly too, you can't control the future, let alone his choices when he's not with you..You need to just trust and live in the moment. ANYTHING can happen to anyone at any time. Sept 11th proved that..

 

I feel alone without him. I feel he's the only one who understands me. I feel as though he's my rock, he's my security blanket.

 

I understand what you're saying, but putting all your energy into ONE person and neglecting yourself isn't good. That puts ALOT of pressure on him too, which makes the relationship very unbalanced.

 

I do miss him alot. I miss him everyday. It's just ever since the last break up in April, I don't feel as though I fully have him back even though he's there infront of me. Maybe I'm scared it could all happen again, if I take a miss step.

 

You need to trust again and let it be. If you hang on too tight, he's going to run the other way. It's good to have some time apart, to let you both miss eachother in a healthy way. Spending too much time focussing on this stuff WILL drive you into more anxiety attacks.

 

I feel panicky, and I cry alot. I burst into tears, sometimes bad enough to hyper ventilate.

 

Have you thought about seeking therapy for your anxiety so you can learn to control it, the thoughts, the fears? Google Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. I suffered from an anxiety disorder, and doing CBT helped me alot.

 

I just miss being held by him. I miss being around him. I miss seeing his face. Even though I saw him today I never feel like its enough.

 

You need to keep busy, see other friends, focus on other stuff. Don't put all your eggs in one basket because that's not a safe bet. You need hobbies, things you love to do on your own..Again relying on him for everything isn't making you grow and go forward in life, if anything, it'll hold you back and make your world smaller and smaller.

 

What am I doing?? Is it because I fear I'm going to lose him forever???

 

I'm not sure of your history with him,why you broke up, how long you two were together before you broke up etc..

 

Anyway, you need to get this anxiety under control, so please consider seeking CBT therapy to help you cope.

[whichwayisup]

I mean I do fear that I'm going to lose him forever.

 

 

We've gone back and forward on what we are.

One minute we are friends, and that's ALL he wants to be. (Usually after a fight over the phone).

But then we spend time together and we fall back into couple mode.

We are not Boyfriend and Girlfriend, since we decided on no "labels".

 

So I don't have that firm foundation of being in a Relationship. It's shaky sometimes, and I get scared that I'm going to mess it up for good one time, and he'll cut all ties--losing him.

 

I try to do what's right. But I always mess it up. I get too emotional, and it gets in the way of me calling him everyday, not letting him get off the phone, (but that's usually when he says something that makes me cry and I don't want to let go). Things go good, he rethinks our "situation", maybe deciding we make a good couple and could be more than friends (with a title) and I go and ruin it by one bad phone call.

 

He says I'm annoying sometimes.

But I feel, when he gets angry with me and puts me down, that's when I feel the need to call him and work things out, making it up. I don't like to end things badly on the phone so I try to fix it, and he doesn't like that. He always tells me, when he gets angry like that, just let him go and let him cool down for a few hours.

 

I can't let go....

 

It sounds like you're suffociating him and he is really feeling pressured by you, not only physically but emotionally as well.

 

Working on you, your issues, understanding your own anxiety, fears within - The talk therapy WILL resolve and push you past this state you're in now which in the long run will make you a stronger more secure woman and it'll show in how you react to stuff with him, your relationship. You two CAN grow together as a couple, in a healthy way..But not right now because the anxiety, your fears and worries have taken over.

[Tabatha]

yea, I don't mean to do it. I don't like smothering him.

 

I just don't like my situation at home and he's my escape from it all. I know he can't save me from this place and get me out of here, but I know he can help by getting me away for the day.

 

I get restless at home. I'm stuck here because I don't have a vehicle or job. I'm waiting for the employer at the bar to call me back so i can go back and serve, but I don't know when that will be. Georgia is a right to work state and all employers take advantage of it.

 

I haven't made any friends in GA since I've been here (a little over a year and a half now). All I do is hang out with him and his friends. Maybe if I had a job and other friends, it will be alot easier to get over it. mostly I would hang around family when I first got here, but that all went south when I hooked up with my "boyfriend" and they felt as though I was betraying them, dating him. So, no one in my family wants anything to do with me. That's why I feel alone without him.

[whichwayisup]

So, it sounds like you need to get out there and make some women friends. Relying on him and all his friends isn't right. They are his friends first - Your family is forever. Remember that, so please, try to reconnect with your family again. If you lose your boyfriend, you're going to feel so alone..Which is why you need to make your own set of friends.

 

Will you consider seeking counselling for your anxiety issues? If you don't, they're only going to get worse.

[Tabatha]

So, it sounds like you need to get out there and make some women friends. Relying on him and all his friends isn't right. They are his friends first - Your family is forever. Remember that, so please, try to reconnect with your family again. If you lose your boyfriend, you're going to feel so alone..Which is why you need to make your own set of friends.

 

Will you consider seeking counselling for your anxiety issues? If you don't, they're only going to get worse.

 

 

Yes, I will consider it. Plus, I will do some research online about it.

I will try to make amends with my family, it won't be easy though. It's hard for them to accept my apologies.

 

I know unless a miracle happens, he and I won't be together forever. I've thought about that more these days.

 

When I was in high school, I thought life was so easy. I thought being in love would be so easy. Come to find out when you are there, it takes alot of work, to make things stay in balance.

 

Thank you WhichWayIsUp, for all your helpful advice!!