hi_baby039 Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 I know, I know, he's with me now, they're exes for a reason, etc... But I've always been very insecure and I've never had that much male attention. I was heavier before (even when I started dating him) and I still have some pounds to lose. And I'm not hairy where it matters, i.e. my scalp. I have shiny hair, but I have very little quantity, and I'm not sure here's a matter of quality versus quantity... quantity matters! Well, thing is we've talked about my past because he asked and he knows some of the guys I was with (not ex bfs, just guys I made out with). So he felt it was only fair to talk about his. Wish he hadn't! Now I know that he was with some real cuties! One of them wasn't really pretty face-wise but had a knock out body (she's the sister of one of my sister's friend). Another one was picked the one with the best body and the most beautiful of his high school class (saw his yearbook), and the other one... well in my eyes she's really gorgeous! He knows how I feel. And he tries to tell me that I'm physically the prettiest but it's hard to believe. I'm very average. Well one of them was picked the hottest/most beautiful in the class (she moved away for college so it didn't work out). The other has always had lots of guys drooling after her because she's the kind of extremely smart/hot girl, but she has a bf now. And the other one cheated on him, but she's very pretty and had lots of guys drooling over her even when they dated... and she gets a lot of comments from guys on myspace. He always tries to tell me that "This girl was flat, the other one had an ugly nose, this one was too short, etc". But still... if I'm so gorgeous then why don't I get that much comments on myspace? Why don't I have guys drooling over me? Why haven't I EVER had guys drooling over me? Can't help but feeling jealous and uglier... I know I have other good qualities going on for myself, but still... I wonder what he thinks when we have sex... or when they send the odd email or myspace/facebook message to catch up... Wonder if he'd rather I was pettier... and I also wonder what things he thinks are ugly about me (like he talked about those girls' chest, nose, height...) Link to post Share on other sites
Potatocakes Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 I know exactly how you feel I consider myself one of the less pretty girls my boyfriend has been with(although not the worst I dont have horrible self esteem) but he tells me I'm the prettiest with everything. I ask if they had nicer bodies, eyes, etc. I don't believe when he tells me they werent prettier but I know for a fact(I know the majority of his ex's) that I have a better personality then them and thats all that matters. You mentioned one of them cheating on him and it doesnt matter how good looking the girl is, any guy would rather have a woman who's faithful. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 This is why going into details about ex's, especially the looks, boobs, etc, is a huge mistake. You need to trust and have faith in him, and you need to love YOU and feel beautiful with or without a man. Until you believe this about yourself, he can tell you 10000x that he thinks you're pretty, sexy, it won't do any good. Link to post Share on other sites
lolobear Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 While a little reassurance from your boyfriend would help, the situation can only be remedied internally. You need to think about what is making you feel this way and try to resolve it best you can (maybe you might seek some help). Try not to fix this involving your boyfriend, there's not much he can do it and it'll put a strain on your relationship. I know that this isn't a quick fix, but try to remind yourself that he picked you and he wants to be with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Carmen87 Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 And this is why it is best to keep exes out of the conversation. It is one thing to know how many relationships they have had, but other than that the only thing I need to know is that he is clean. When I first got with my bf, I never asked about exes and I loved it that way. But then, my bf's roommates's gf started telling me all about his ex gf and the 3 other girls he slept with (which was a one time deal). I was suddenly jealous, and just kept needling him with questions imagining these gorgeous girls. I saw all of the girls, and none of them are more than average. You just have to realize that if your bf calls you beautiful, believe him and move on. Stop asking about the other girls, and do not look at pics of them whether it be on facebook or myspace. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 I know, I know, he's with me now, they're exes for a reason, etc... But I've always been very insecure and I've never had that much male attention. I was heavier before (even when I started dating him) and I still have some pounds to lose. And I'm not hairy where it matters, i.e. my scalp. I have shiny hair, but I have very little quantity, and I'm not sure here's a matter of quality versus quantity... quantity matters! Well, thing is we've talked about my past because he asked and he knows some of the guys I was with (not ex bfs, just guys I made out with). So he felt it was only fair to talk about his. Wish he hadn't! Now I know that he was with some real cuties! One of them wasn't really pretty face-wise but had a knock out body (she's the sister of one of my sister's friend). Another one was picked the one with the best body and the most beautiful of his high school class (saw his yearbook), and the other one... well in my eyes she's really gorgeous! He knows how I feel. And he tries to tell me that I'm physically the prettiest but it's hard to believe. I'm very average. Well one of them was picked the hottest/most beautiful in the class (she moved away for college so it didn't work out). The other has always had lots of guys drooling after her because she's the kind of extremely smart/hot girl, but she has a bf now. And the other one cheated on him, but she's very pretty and had lots of guys drooling over her even when they dated... and she gets a lot of comments from guys on myspace. He always tries to tell me that "This girl was flat, the other one had an ugly nose, this one was too short, etc". But still... if I'm so gorgeous then why don't I get that much comments on myspace? Why don't I have guys drooling over me? Why haven't I EVER had guys drooling over me? Can't help but feeling jealous and uglier... I know I have other good qualities going on for myself, but still... I wonder what he thinks when we have sex... or when they send the odd email or myspace/facebook message to catch up... Wonder if he'd rather I was pettier... and I also wonder what things he thinks are ugly about me (like he talked about those girls' chest, nose, height...) Everyone has preferences and "type" they like. You might not think you are cute, but obviously your BF does. I was pretty stunned to discover that I wasn't my first love's preference. He likes women much thicker than I am. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 I saw my H's exgf when we first started dating, and she's gorgeous. She really put effort into looking good, and it showed. I'm a lot like how you said you feel... I'm plain. Don't usually have guys drooling, or looking. When i had a myspace page, guys didn't flirt or make comments about my appearance. My friend on the other hand, always has guys flirting and making comments, and they drool over her in person. However, she's really not that pretty. She's okay, but not model material by any means. But her personality type attracts attention. She's in your face, flirty by nature, and acts in ways that attracts attention from men. I don't. That's why she gets a great deal of attention and I don't. If all your bf wanted was a body and face, then you probably wouldn't want him. You might not see yourself as someone who's as good looking as others, but I guarantee you're judging yourself far harsher then you should. And just because most guys aren't flirting, making comments, or drooling doesn't mean you aren't drool worthy. It just means you project a more reserved manner. Maybe that makes men a little more hesitant to make comments, etc. Anyway... I think I'm plain. I was homecoming queen in highschool. Its all in the eye of the beholder, and you definitely caught your bf's eye. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 I've had the opposite problem. I'm a "big guy" and was married to a "girlfriend cute" lifetime "genetic" size 4. She could eat the whole fridge every day.. still a size 4. If I let the woman I date know that, or if they see a picture they get jealous.. and think that I can't possibly be attracted to them! I'm an old geezer... and I've long since figured out that ladies are attractive for who they are.. not their dress size. Link to post Share on other sites
Glory Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 First things first - if you keep acting like this (asking inane questions, convincing him to bash his ex-girlfriends, being all around ridiculous) he will break up with you. Most guys can't or won't put up with their girlfriend constantly asking them why they are with her. It gets annoying really fast. Second, if he didn't find some qualities in you attractive he wouldn't be dating you. Period. There is something about you that attracts him and as a result he is dating you. Keep it up with the questions and he'll want to bail. Third, he probably doesn't go around telling all of his friends that you have ugly hair or that you can lose a few. The reason he is bashing his ex-girlfriend is because you are making him. He is trying to make you more secure in the only way he knows hows and instead it is backfiring on him. Give him credit for trying to boost your self-esteem. Finally, a lot of people have a type. However, that type is not always who you end up with. Before me, my boyfriend dated tall, thin, blondes. I am neither of those things and 7 years later he is still with me - a short, chubby, brunette. My type was tall, dark, and round. My BF is tall (1 of 3!), fair skinned, and muscular. Looks like people don't always end up with their "types". Now, you have a choice. You can keep up with the insecure actions and questions and drive your BF away. Or you can pull your head up and remind yourself that he wouldn't be with you if he didn't want to be. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
endlesstrains Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 I feel insecure too sometimes because I know I am not the best looking girl... I am not ugly, but I'm pretty average when there are a lot of hot women out there. I have seen a couple pictures of my BF's last ex and from what I can see she was more attractive than me, but according to what he's said her personality was completely abhorrent. I think it's really the whole package that seals the deal. My BF is not objectively the cutest guy in the world but he sure is to me! When I am in a room with him and other guys who may technically be "more attractive" I still find him the best looking because of who he is and what he means to me. I guess it is the same for him, though I sometimes feel bad when there are much more attractive girls talking to him (female friends, or friends of friends, sisters of friends, etc) and I think to myself "does he ever wish he could have THAT instead of THIS?" Last night, we were at a going away party for a friend and there were a lot of girls there, some prettier than me, some not. One girl especially (the sister of the guy going away) is very attractive and was newly single. However, she was drunk off her ass and falling over all the guys and trying to give lapdances (!) to guys who had girlfriends, etc. It really turned everyone off and her physical beauty meant nothing. MY BF told me that night (totally unprompted) that I was the prettiest girl in the bar... it was very sweet Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 My boyfriend's most recent ex was physically very attractive, but he tells me they never had any chemistry and it was a dull relationship. She was pretty, but he says she was also materialistic, irresponsible, shallow, and boring in bed. I sometimes worry because he's very attractive and I know he has a lot of women hitting on him. But I have never felt threatened by his exes -- I know he broke up with them because they did not have the qualities he was looking for. They may have been very attractive, but just that wasn't enough. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Beauty/prettiness and sexiness are two different things. You might not be a 10 out of 10 on pure looks like his ex prom queen, but he may very well find you more sexually attractive just because you're his type. It's a bit like those guys who prefer fat women - many men would be put off but those guys *love* really big girls and don't find skinny ones all that sexy. As long as he gives you plenty of physical attention, and you have a healthy sex life, I would assume that he does find you attractive and sexy. Link to post Share on other sites
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