In between!

[yagottahelp]

Right now I am inbetween with an ex. We broke up a few months ago instead of being adults and talking the problem out. It basically dealt with balancing us time and friend time at school, without either one feeling neglected. Well in the end it kind of ended up being as lets work it out this summer on a fresh slate, and see what happens.......

 

Well we both have feelings for each other, and frankly, other than intimate things, we act like we're together. I went along with it for a few months, being ok with it, but I know she'll never get the full effect of not having me unless she doesn't have me. I finally put my foot down a week ago, I was visiting her (she moved this summer but still goes to my school) and if she asked for a massage, I said no, if she asked me to lay with her watching a movie, i instead sat on the floor, doing exactly what a friend would do, by the second day she was beside herself crying. I told her I was just doing what she wanted (I would like to become more, she's worried about what will happen when we go back to school and doesn't know what she wants).

 

So I gave in a little towards the end of the trip, but I wanted her to know I was about done with her being on the fence. We go to school in about 2 weeks, I know she is going to do her share of growing up the first few months (I did my freshman year because I was away and definately tested my limits, I believe since this is her first year away since she transferred, she too has the urge to test her boundaries-I can not be upset, it's what I did too-) I love her dearly, and don't want anyone else-although I have created my own life, I sure miss her, but I'm able to pretty much keep it out of my head most of the time. I know she still loves me and is attracted to me-I know she has to have that time to satsify her urge to grow up a little in college, I just hope in the end she still loves me.

 

Do you think I should continue to let her know what me being just a friend is? I don't want to make her cry and be upset, although I know tough love is sometimes the best love. Thank you very much.

[Jonna]

Sounds like she needs to find out who she really is and what she really wants. Everyone needs to go out and explore, and I think that's what she needs to do. You should continue to be her friend, and most importanly- reassure her with what you want to do about the realtionship. If you really want to remain friends then let her know that your gunna be there for her as a friend. But it definetley should stay like that for a while- or atleast until she knows what she wants

[babygirltamara]

Sounds just like me. Me and my ex broke up on june 22 becasue he wanted to test his bondaries. We both love eachother and we stil acted like we are together and it been that we since we broke up. That is untill yesturday. Now we are not talking. I have also come to the conculsion that I am just going to be a friend to him and nothing more. Hopefully in the end he will still love me and find out there is no one else out there that is better. I know I want to be with this person for the rest of my life. But I have to let go and I don't think he understands that. I think he thinks I will call like I always do but I refuse. Un till he relizes that he is going to loose me and htat I am not always going to be there untill he figures out what he wants.

[yagottahelp]

That's how I feel, other than a few stupid things we've done to each other since we'v been growing up and maturing-asking for a break or whatever else, I have no reason at all to believe I didn't take care of her. I'm only human, sure i've screwed up, she has too-but in the end, I know I took care of her and did everything I could to make her happy.

 

She is testing her boundaries also I believe, I know she still loves me, or she wouldn't be upset with me and other girls-but she also doesn't want to be with me-we too acted like we were together, although I drew the line at physical interaction, until I said hey, what the heck is up? I pulled away, and she did what was supposed to happen, she contacted me, she'd call, i wouldn't call her like it was my turn, she'd call again, and again.......she got very bothered when I wasn't initiatiing contact. So that's great that it happens, but it's like she's holding stuff over my head for the last few years. I know in my head she's the one, and she knows it too.......I know what I want, who I want it with, and I'm at that point in life where I want a relationship, i did the single thing, it stinks.

 

So I'm hoping also that if I continue this method, and just being a friend-(hopefully being the first one to help out or for her to run to) she will see why she fell for me in the first place and that I'm for real, not just gonna breakup with her in a month for someone else........In my case we go to college together, so at least we are there with each other-it's a lot better scenario then never seeing her again.

[babygirltamara]

That how it is with me and my ex. Only thing is that i would call him or he woudl call me. We still acted like friends on the phone but even on the phone at times we acted like we were together. It's so funyn becuase we took a break so he can test his bondaries and he hasn't meet anyone and I have mett three guys but I am not intrested and I tell them that I am not looking for guys and that my heart already belongs to someone. He hates it when I meet another guy. he startes giving 20 questions. He kinda has that right since we still kiss and hug and get close like we do so he has a small right to want to know if i hooked up with someone else. of course I havn't and the one time when he was going to ask me back out another guy kissed me. No i didn't give no signals the guy ended up being drunk and had no reason for kissing me. So my ex gto so hurt that he didn't ask me out. I am the first one my ex ones to becuase his grnadpa died and he cmae to my house and missed saying by to his dad on the plan. Hek now I will be there but at the same time I am not going to be like a stray puppy sog following him every begging.

I hate how they want to do what they want bubt don't want you to see. It's not even that matter if you meet someone becuase you are not going to sit there and be with that person unless you really connect and start something new but you know just liek I know that are ex's are the one. My ex know I am it for him to and that scared him becuase we are only 17 years old. Even his mom has said and mine too. I say that me and you just keep leaving at friends but here is osme advice from a girl..Do call her once in awile to see how she is becuase if you don't that going to make her freak out and she will think you don't care anymore. So call maybe once in a couple of weeks and just say I wanted to see how you've been and what you have been up to. By this you indacate that you care but you still let her know that you intend to being a friend. Dont' bring up subjects that involve your relationship. Just talk her as you would a good friend. This will help ease her insucrities and won't make her so frantic that you will find someone else so soon. It will I think also help you guys from fighting to much more.