sweetbutcheeky Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 No matter how much I help her, when my mother is stressed to her limit she will blow up and take it all out on me. Has done it for years and I escaped for while when I lived on my own, then with an ex. But had to move back again and tonight she did it again. I understand why she is under stress (some her own fault) and finding out in a little over a week ago that my Grandmother has cancer has added to it. (her mother) Though I am under more than I can take on my own and she doesn't seem to think that and blows up and me and it hurts so much. I try and help her in so many ways every day and I feel like she stabs me in the heart. I know I need to move asap and leave her be. But I can't right now and it hurts. She will probably be fine tomorrow as usual because she has vented and gotten it off her chest. Meanwhile I am bleeding internally so to speak. Can anyone relate and have any advise on how to deal? I know and try and tell myself that it's her problems and that her words aren't what she is really mad at. It's just that I am there. But doesn't help after she attacks me. Link to post Share on other sites
Arise_Serpentor Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 I think you just have to realize that that is how she is and not to take it personal! have you tried talking to your mother about how she makes you feel and the whole situation? I mean really really tried? maybe you just have to avoid conversation with her other than essential! i think its time to move out and live your own life! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted July 12, 2008 Author Share Posted July 12, 2008 I think you just have to realize that that is how she is and not to take it personal! have you tried talking to your mother about how she makes you feel and the whole situation? I mean really really tried? maybe you just have to avoid conversation with her other than essential! i think its time to move out and live your own life! Was never a choice to live here, was living with my then fiance and when he walked out one day (3 weeks before the wedding) I didn't have anywhere else do go but here. So getting my feet back on the ground and trying to get a better job than the one now, so that I can pay rent. I have realized it for a long time now that it's the way she is but when she attacks me and and says things personally it's harder. I try and tell myself that, but it cuts deep. I thought about talking to her, but she would just get defensive and just make things worse. So I do the second and avoid conversation with her other than essential. Though periods go by when she seems fine so I let my guard down and try and act normal around her. Never really know when but always happens again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted July 15, 2008 Author Share Posted July 15, 2008 As usual she take her stress out on me, then goes on with her life like nothing happened. No apology and is happy again. Meanwhile I am still hurt and haven't forgotten it happened. I don't plan on talking with or doing anything with her like it didn't happen but also don't want to get her angry again (she will get mad if I am mad or not talking). Any advise? Besides move out with I am working on (but involves new job first). Link to post Share on other sites
Desperado620 Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Besides move out, I'd say steer clear. If she tries to vent on you, have her call a friend. Tell her your'e not interested in hearing her worries if she can only do it in an abusive manner. Go to your room, close and lock the door, and turn on some music. If you do want to listen but don't want to get the fury, tell her you'll only listen to her if she can be calm and discuss things with you like an adult. I would also tell her you feel like she owes you an apology, make sure she knows how much it hurts you to be talked to like that! Hope this helps, much luck. Link to post Share on other sites
suzyq83 Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 I think it is important to identify to your Mom that what is happening is that her Mom is ill and may die from cancer and that altho you know your Mom is scared and upset right now, the best chances for your Gram are to be supported and loved right now more than anything. Parents dying, is a life changing event. Makes ppl face their own mortality as well. If your Grandma dies, you can expect your Mom to be off the wall for a couple of years, frankly. It is all a very intense and sad process. Ppl come thru it in their own time. If I were you, every time my Mom went off on me, I would tell her, listen, I know you are scared and very sad about Gram, but we have to go help Gram instead of all this uproar happening, Mom. I love you, I don't know how to help, I don't blame you for being really upset with Gram's cancer, but we have to help maintain and support quality of life for Gram, not for things to fall all apart. I think I would suggest a support group. And for her to talk with other relatives, as she goes thru your Gram's illness. I am sorry your Gram is sick and I hope that she makes it. My blessings ~ Link to post Share on other sites
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